#june trash

[alistonjdrake]

Husband just described two of my characters having sex as slapping lasagna noodles together and it is so disturbing to me that I’m tempted to delete the wip

[alistonjdrake]

I could never understand why the “unfortunately I’m attracted to men” type jokes bother me but then I realized it’s the sexuality version of white people going “sorry I’m white!” And I never cared for those either

[alistonjdrake]

I’ve been reading more this year since I started alternating between reading a fiction book and then a nonfiction but I really really really wish I’d started some sort of journal to keep track of what I’m reading and maybe what movies I’m watching.

I know there are sites and platforms to log this info but I don’t want to use them.

[alistonjdrake]

at the unfortunate point in my life where being too hot wakes me up and I have to watch shitty movies until I fall back asleep

[alistonjdrake]

stress hit me so hard I had a brain fart and am now almost done with a random novella about a butch nun and a princess she has to take care of I hope I can force people to read it

[alistonjdrake]

attractiveness being attached to morality and public opinion is something I tried to touch on in awoni but it's something I'd have to look at again to consider keeping (or actually using).

The general idea being the more "in favor" the characters are the more likely the contemporary sources describe them in a good light (the most obvious example being Mathilde being described as pretty or "graceful in her first introductions but ungainly and brutish during her later appearances among her peers).

I do wonder if it's worth it to cast further confusion as to what these characters look like but then there's supposed to be so few surviving physical descriptions and art depictions of them anyway so does it matter?

[alistonjdrake]

I’m not over it I’m sorry I know one person ONE PERSON in the whole world who has ever claimed to know the assigned gender of an author because of how they start chapter one.

[alistonjdrake]

I have been turbo stressed out lately and it’s been getting in the way of my writing. Not like anything truly horrible is happening in my life. My mom has started calling again. There was a several month-long period where she left me alone and her number is blocked so I just get voicemails but it still bothers me.

Above that though, my sister-in-law is moving close by soon and I am. Not looking forward to it. My husband isn’t either. She’s having a lot of issues that she’s used as an excuse to lash out at everyone around her. She stresses me out. She STOLE one of my books and then annotated it so I wouldn’t ask for it back (I am petty, yes) but she also thinks we’re besties and the only thing keeping the peace is our current distance.

Selfishly she also really wants to read awoni for whatever reason even tho I’ve told her the subject would actually really upset her. But for my own benefit she often mixes up “author writes about a bad thing” and “author endorses a bad thing” and I don’t want that on my plate. Furthermore I once let her read a book by an author I’ve met personally a few times so I really recommended it and thought she’d like it because it does not explore dark themes and is fantasy sapphic romance but she read ONE PAGE and said “this is clearly written by a man” and would not elaborate further. The author is a trans woman. I told her that. She told me I did not tell her that and that the first page must not have been written by her then because the writing was too manly??? I’m stressing myself out just thinking about her being here oh my god!!!!! I do not want her in my house