JuneBro: Balatro
Balatro: The Game That Should Have Won Game Of The Year Because It Is Ten Times Better Than The Bullshit That Got The Award
alright, welcome back to another belated and severely late installment of this review thing i do, called JuneBro. real quick, i wanna apologize to the bros (albeit small in number) who saw the last review as that shit was NOT in character and was just written in a way I hated. gonna work on keeping it brotastic here and making sure im actually writing like a cool person instead of some dumb homo tool (homo as in homo sapiens, i respect the gays).
anyways, so lets talk about this card game. when i first heard of balatro honestly i kinda thought it was just gonna be another "flavor-of-the-week" game ala Lethal Company or Content Warning (both are great games but its also like DAMN did those games fall off holy SHIT). i decided impulsively at some point that i was gonna try it since im an apple one subscriber and got the game for free due to apple arcade. so this game is sitting on my phone now and im like, so this is about poker or some noise? im not that into card games, ive played a round of rummy or two in my time (as a bro typically does) but ive barely played poker and i wasnt expecting much to be honest. from what ive seen online a lot of cats seem hella pumped about it, and so i start the game and for some reason, it hooks me in. i dont know how, something about seeing the funny blue and red number go up just awakens something in a motherfucker. but i very quickly realize that the vanilla experience for this game is okay, but when do you get to BREAK some shit? like while youre playin cards or whatever, wheres the satisfaction of knowing youre greatly exploiting the game to your fucking will? wheres the satisfaction of having joker combos that you had a hand in manipulating? when do you get to shove the chips and mult system over the railing and just go to town? how do you get all the luck? all very important and thought provoking questions. were doing so much goddamn thinking over here were turning into the fucking thinker.
so thats when i decide to get it on PC and install a like, FUCK ton of mods. im talking at least 20. and honestly? yeah, i know that some bros are gonna look at me and say "well youre doing it the cowards way, you should finish vanilla balatro before you mod it" and you know what? i dont give a fuck honestly. i dont care that i feel like i need stuff like incremental jokers that give times mult. sometimes you gotta just rig shit in your favor because if it works for politicians and fucking lawmakers then it works for me. back to the review, when you install the right mods on this thing, man you can turn the whole game into a particle accelerator and really fuck some shit up. i wanna eventually get into modding the game with my own mods. i wanna add homestuck jokers, valve jokers, all the fucking jokers. theres gonna be so many goddamn jokers that hollywoods gonna have to make a jokerverse movie because theres that many fucking jokers.
anywho, i decided to give this game a 4.75/5 shades to keep it real.
