#just-another-clumsy-one

[just-another-clumsy-one]

one time in sixth grade I was  being bullied really badly, and this whole circle of people gathered around me and the girl that was bullying me, and she smirked and went ‘You dumb rich bitch.’ And everyone was like OOOOOOH and I stood there for a second before pulling out 20 dollars out of my wallet, placed it in her hand, and said “Buy some better insults.” And I swear the entire lunchroom rioted. 

[just-another-clumsy-one]

one time in high school i was waiting to talk to the Vice Principal and this other kid came in and sat next to me. He said "What are you in for?" And I said "Oh, they just wanted to know if it's cool if I miss my classes tomorrow to run sound and lights for a presentation in the auditorium. What are you in for?" and he said that he stabbed a kid with a screwdriver. I told him that we led very different lives and we agreed.

[just-another-clumsy-one]

Your mom’s mood is your home’s mood.

[just-another-clumsy-one]

Pulling out an earbud when someone enters the room is the 21st century’s ultimate sign of respect. 

[just-another-clumsy-one]

I'm writing a condolence card. Gregory (5) asks what I'm doing. "I'm writing a note to say how sorry I am that my friend's mother died," I say. He pauses for a VERY fraught moment and then asks, oh so tentatively "...that's just to be kind right? You're not the one who did it?"

[just-another-clumsy-one]

a plateau is the highest form of flattery.

[just-another-clumsy-one]

a straw has only one hole.

[just-another-clumsy-one]

isn't it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "idk how to hold a pencil"