“I didn’t meant to say that…”
justanotherhandler
❝But you did,❞ she answered with a sigh, lowering her head for a moment. It was getting to clouded, too heavy. How many more times could she stand him telling her to leave? ❝You did say it. And I don't know how much more I'll be able to keep telling myself that you don't mean it. At some point...❞ she took in a breath, as if the next words would magically come true just because she'd say them. ❝It becomes clear that at least a part of you does mean it.❞
Looking up at him, she thought back to all the times he's done it. Every time he said something that was meant to scare her off, to drive her away. Sometimes it was clear to see how anguished he was when he did that, even if he tried to hide it by appearing angry. Other times... his anger struck her as more genuine than even he might have realised.
❝I meant what I said when I told you I would stay, regardless of what the future holds for us,❞ she began, in a quiet tone. All this time, she was the one who fought to stay in his life, to fight off the demons that plagued his soul. Even if it meant humiliating herself time and time again, begging him to let her in. And even though she usually took all of that without a words, sometimes doubts lingered... ❝But that's because I believed that you wanted me to stay. When you keep saying things like that... It's getting harder and harder to believe that you do.❞
