kim jongseob x fem! reader || wc 2.8k
⋆˚꩜。 synopsis : just when it seems like jongseob might be finally removing the caution tape you have wrapped yourself in , a small encounter with someone from your past has you falling back into a corner of uncertainty and confusion.
warnings/ disclaimers: angst, comfort , mature language , mentions of self doubt , mentions of past toxic relationship, fluff at the end. also I'm proof reading this at 4:05am so if there are still any errors, pls forget.
❥ inspired by fall in love again & people watching UGH
i hope this is good okay ? this is my first time writing for jongseob and idk how I feel about this I've lwk been down lately😣 — anyway thank you ily- enjoy!!!
You and Jongseob have been in this will they-wont they situation for a while now. The thing that made it all so much harder was you both knew individually you wanted to take that step, but you were just so scared of opening yourself completely up to someone again.
It’s not like you didn’t trust him, because you did, more than anyone, but it’s like there's this voice in the back of your head constantly telling you to be careful, that he’ll somehow break your heart or ruin the trust that’s built. You wanted to ignore it so badly but sometimes it was just so loud.
What made you feel like the worst person alive was how understanding Jongseob was, and how he always reassured you that it was okay that you weren’t ready.
You had been friends with Jongseob for so many years, and he’s seen every version of you; he is one of your closest friends. He was there when that awful person stole the light right from your eyes, and he’s been determined to restore it however he could since then.
Somewhere overtime it seemed that the line between friends and something more started to blur between you two.
It started with stolen glances and cheeks turning red in dimly lit rooms, to fingers brushing when you’d both sit next to each other on the couch or underneath tables at gatherings.
Then hand holding when he’d walk you home late at night... your head on his arm, safe and comforting.
There were so many moments when you were sure that you were ready, but then those thoughts would creep in and you’d pull away.
You knew he was good for you, perfect even and it was eating at you that a part of yourself wouldn’t allow you to enjoy it completely.
You’d go with Jongseob and your other friends to parties, seeing them with their partners- affectionate and in love and feel a twinge of guilt when you realized you maybe couldn’t give that to him.
Jongseob wouldn’t say that it necessarily bothered him a lot. He knew how much you had been through in the past. He was there to pick you up when you fell apart, so he understood.
But it hurt to sometimes think that the girl he loved couldn’t trust her heart in his hands.
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You and your friends were sat tucked into a small corner of a cafe enjoying your drinks and catching up on the events of the week from each other. It became a small tradition to meet there every Sunday and just catch up. You were sitting on a small love seat with Jongseob, your legs thrown across his lap, his arms wrapping around them out of habit.
This was completely natural for the two of you recently.
Intak had said something funny enough to have you laughing so hard, turning your face into Jongseob’s chest to muffle your laugh and him letting you do so.
He wraps his arm around you, and you feel that sudden wave of safety and comfort you always do with him.
It was moments like this where you felt so safe with him, that had you slowly letting him take the reins to your heart. You felt like maybe you could finally allow yourself to believe you deserve to have moments like this forever.
But of course, your life is so fucking unfair, and things can never just be okay.
As the laughter dies down and you guys' ease into another conversation, you catch from the corner of your eye how Keeho has his attention elsewhere, and he looks almost worried.
You tilt your head at him in confusion. He finally makes eye contact and the expression that shows is one of almost pity.
You mouth ‘what’ to him, but he just shook his head, his eyes wander back to where he was looking before, this time you follow his gaze.
There, standing at the cafe counter was your ex, and his gaze was solely focused on you and how close you were to Jongseob.
His jaw tightened, fist clenched and eyes dark. Suddenly feeling a wave of nausea wash over you, you detach yourself from seob, excuse yourself from the group and make your way to the washroom.
In deep conversation with Soul, Jongseob is completely oblivious to the situation at hand and lets you go without another thought to it.
That was until he also saw Keeho get up and make his way towards the washroom after you.
Keeho catches you before you can enter through the door, his hand catches yours, and he turns you around. Concern is etched all over his face, and he can clearly see how bothered you are.
His hands find your shoulders, and he speaks softly, “yn talk to me, okay? We can leave, you don't have to look at him another second, we would all understand you wanting to go, especially me, you that”
Keeho was your closest and longest friend out of the group and when shit blew up with your ex, he was there for you in a heartbeat; you trusted him with your life.
“I don't want to be an inconvenience to you all, I hate that he can still have so much of an effect on me after so long, I'm sick of it” you say, voice catching.
“I hate him, I hate that because of him I feel like I can’t allow myself to be with Jongseob, I like him so so much and feel like I'm going to lose him because my heart wont trust. He fucking ruined me, seob doesn't deserve this. He’s too good for me” you cry out, tears pooling in your eyes.
“No, don't say that. That boy is practically in love with you yn and I know you feel the same, he understands why it's so hard for you to open up, he was there to see why. Going through what you went through is something nobody should ever have to do” Keeho reassures you, rubbing his hands up and down your arms.
“I just feel like I'm taking so long and when I'm ready, he won't want me” you admit out loud, falling into Keeho and wrapping your arms around him. He welcomes you into his arms and hugs you tightly.
From across the cafe Jongseob sees this and is immediately worried; he excuses himself and makes his way towards you both. “I don't think that boy could ever not want you” Keeho chuckles. Leaving a small kiss on your head he pulls you back to look you in the eyes “ you deserved to be loved and I know seob can give you that, he would never hurt you, I know you know that and I know you're trying and its hard. Just know that he will wait for you, okay? Now go in there and wash up, I'll tell the others that we should go, hm?” You smile at him and nod, turning to enter the washroom.
Keeho turns back to walk towards the group and almost runs into Jongseob, hands placing themselves onto his shoulders to stop him from colliding.
“what's wrong with her what happened?” Jongseob worriedly asks, looking past Keeho to the door you were behind.
“Her ex is here” he nods his head towards a table in the cafe your ex has now made himself comfortable at.
Jongseob’s expression turns from worry to absolutely enraged at the sight of him. How could he sit there all smug when you were falling apart just because of his presence. It made him sick.
He snaps out of it quickly at the thought of how you must be feeling. “What should I do?” He asks Keeho. “Talk to her when she’s out and ready to talk, but for now let’s gather her stuff. We’re all leaving,” he says, making his way towards the group. Jongseob nods his head and hesitantly follows him back to their seating area, not without giving the door to the washroom one more glance.
As they go to gather everything to leave the cafe, you exit the washroom, and lo and behold your ex is leaning against the wall, cocky smile written across his face.
For a split second you were stunned, but the annoyance at his audacity was enough to have you scoff and push past him.
Unfortunately, you weren’t quick enough, his hand grabs your wrist, you try to wiggle your way out, but his grip is tight.
“Please, just let me go, I don't know what you want from me, I don’t owe you anything” you say still trying to tug your way out.
He pulls you in by your arm, almost colliding into him and whispers down in your face “I want you to quit acting like you don’t want me back. All cozied up with that guy over there, you’re a fool if you think anyone will ever love you the way I did”.
Your eyes well up with tears again for the second time this hour. This time not from sadness, but frustration. You were sick of letting him run all over you.
With all your strength you use your other hand to rip his hands grip from your wrist and push him back. His stumbling back catches the attention of a few people, including your friends.
Jongseob makes a move to make his way towards you, but when Keeho sees the look on your face he puts a hand on his shoulder, holding him back, “wait, let her handle this, I think she needs to do this”.
You point a finger into your ex's face; you’re completely overtaken with so many emotions you just break.
“I am SICK of feeling like I'm not enough or do not deserve to be loved all because you weren’t man enough to fucking give me what I needed and instead screwed me over. You never loved me. You get to live your damn life the way you’ve wanted feeling no regret while I try to make myself believe I'm worth something and having me second guess myself and I'm over it. I’m over you and the toll you have on me. I’m not your fucking puppet, after tonight I am free of you, and I wish I could be the bigger person and say have a great life, but I genuinely wish you the opposite, I hope you feel what you put me through and it hurts way worse. You made me feel like I was unlovable, fuck you, actually fuck you. Never contact me again and stay out of mine and my friends' lives” and with that you turned on your heel and exited the cafe, itching to be rid of his presence.
The sun has set by now, making the air chilly. You realized not only did you leave your things inside but also your friends. You lean against the wall and take a deep breath, trying to process the events that unfolded when you hear the cafe's front door chime go off.
Out step your friends, looks of worry evident on their faces. As they approach with soothing rubs on your arm or shoulders asking if you were okay you just smile and shake your head, “you guys don’t have to worry anymore, I'm so done with that man and feeling sad about what he did, I got my closure tonight, I promise it’s all good” you say matter of fact, “let's just go, okay?”. Your friends nod and the group starts the walk down the sidewalk.
Jongseob stays back from the group, letting them walk ahead of you both. He places your coat on your shoulders but keeps your bag on his shoulder despite your protests of being able to carry it. Both of you fall into step with each other, the silence comforting and not awkward.
You walk a couple blocks, shoulders occasionally brushing, the sounds of city traffic, and your friends laughs from up ahead fill your ears. You let out a sigh.
From your left, Jongseob looks at you, tilting his head he asks, “what’s going on in that beautiful brain of yours, hm?” you chuckle softly at that, warmth blooming within your chest before replying with a simple “you”.
That stops him dead in his tracks; you walk a couple steps before you realize and turn to him with a small laugh.
No words seem like the right ones to speak at the moment for him. Thoughts of the past year with you, those small moments that meant so much to him, the incident just now at the cafe, and the way you were now standing right in front of him looking up with the prettiest eyes he’s ever seen. It’s all swarming his mind.
“Okay now what’s going in your beautiful head?” you ask, reaching out for his hand. The contact breaks him out of the small trance he was in.
He grabs your hand with both of his and holds it tightly, close to his heart. He gathers up all the confidence he could and finally musters up the strength to speak.
“I'm pretty sure I love you, and that I have for a while,” he rambles out “I'm in love with you. I know that’s scary and I'm sure it's not the right time to say this given what just happened, but I needed you to know. We’ve been stuck in some kind of relationship limbo because I know you’re scared to let yourself fall, but I want you to know that I got you. Yn I truly would never do anything to hurt you, I want to be here for you, with you, to love and hold you when things get hard, not as your friend, not as something in between. As yours. I just need you to know that, and if you’re still not ready, I can wait, because I know you’re worth it all.”
You didn’t even know what to say, or do, all you knew was that he was looking into your eyes waiting for you to say something and you were frozen. All you could manage to say was a whispered sorry. Jongseob’s heart feels like it stops before you continue.
“I’m sorry that for long you’ve proven to me over and over again that you would never hurt me the way he did. He fucked me over so badly he made me believe I was unworthy of being loved. Because of that I've been so cautious with my heart because I don't want to feel that way again, but I've always known you’d never do that me, I just couldn't allow myself to believe it.” you say, breath shaking and eyes teary.
“I’m so tired of watching people fall in love around me and making myself believe that I couldn’t have that. I'm so especially sorry for keeping you waiting for so long because I think I've known for a while that I love you too. I’m not going to let that man dictate anymore of my future. Whatever caution tape I had on my heart it’s off, it’s gone, you took it. you've taken my heart... please take me to be yours still if you’re willing, I'm so sorry for it all” you sob the last bit out.
He engulfs you into a hug, peppering kisses to the top of your head, reassuring you “baby, you have nothing to be sorry about okay” he pulls away and holds your head in the palms of his hands, thumbs wiping stray tears, he softly says “I was on your time, and of course I want you as mine, nothing could ever change that” he says leaning in to plant a kiss on your forehead. “I love you, so much, and I'll spend every waking moment that you allow me to have with you proving that I do. We can go as slow as you need to, just tell me you’ll be mine, for real this time.” your eyes dart between his before you reach up to grab his face and smash your lips against his.
He lets out a small noise of surprise but melts into it without another seconds thought, but the kiss is broken by you pulling away, butterflies in your stomach and warmth coating your cheeks despite the chilly night air you say “ yes, of course I'll be yours” pecking him quickly on the lips you add on “be my boyfriend, yeah?” laughing at how silly it sounds.
Jongseob laughs with you, “you don't even have to ask, I've always been yours”. With that, he pulls you back in for a kiss.
In that moment, with his arms around you, the city alive and moving, and your friends 2 blocks ahead watching you both in silent celebration, as you finally share a kiss that was long overdue, you’ve never felt more loved, safe, and comfortable in your life.
☆ - hi hello if you made it here to the end i’d like to thank you all for all the love on my recent post fool , i’ve never gotten that many notes and second to my p1ecebugs for the love and support as of late and being my motivation , i love you down <3
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