i stare down the sun, i part every sea.
Summary: For years, Jaehwan has been a medical mystery. He’s had thousands of needles prick him and cotton swabs touch his tongue. The reason for this is because of one boy: Jung Taekwoon.
Pairing: Jaehwan/Taekwoon
Word Count: 7.6K
Also on AO3!
A/N: I wrote this completely at work because my computer decided to stop working lol. Inspiration just struck and I had to. But now the computer has returned from the dead and I can post this and edit it! Hope you enjoy!
Jaehwan has always took life with a grain of salt. Everyone says life is hard, that it’ll eventually get tough and unbearable. Jaehwan takes this ideal and flips it upside down a few times, making sure to have as much fun as possible, even when he is upset or going through hard times.
This idea he’s had since he was a child is still going strong. Though it’s dwindling as every year passes with no answer.
You see, Jaehwan is a medical mystery. Ever since he was a boy, he got sick often. In first grade, he got frequent hives and often had to go to the doctor to get them treated. They never went away. As the years went by, his symptoms gradually got better, but that only came in middle school. He still got sick often, but the hives were gone forever.
Eventually, it led him to just having occasional sneezes and coughing bits. He times them. They’re one every half an hour. And why is that?
Jaehwan has played detective on himself for the past 10 years and deduced that he is definitely allergic to something. Well, that’s what the Google searches he did at 3 AM told him.
All his symptoms lined up with one key event: meeting Jung Taekwoon. He was allergic to his friend.
Jaehwan knows it sounds crazy, and that’s exactly what his other friends said when they found out, but he has this gut feeling that it could be a definite possibility.
He recalls the first time he got symptoms. He was six.
The playground is so big these days since they added a new swingset and jungle gym. Jaehwan is ecstatic. He knows he’ll be able to impress the other kids with his climbing skills. He’s practically a monkey.
The one kid he wants to impress, though, looks uninterested. Come to think of it, Jaehwan doesn’t even think he knows this kid’s name. He really wants to be his friend.
He’s one of the quieter ones, and never speaks unless spoken to. Jaehwan likes that he’s kind of mysterious, and he wants to gather clues that he’s a really cool person. Maybe he should be a detective when he grows up!
He wanders over towards the boy swinging his legs back and forth on the blue bench. Jaehwan hates that he’s all alone every day. All the other kids avoid him. Maybe because his eyes are kind of scary and blank all the time. But Jaehwan can get past it. He’s positive this boy is really nice. He just has a good feeling about him.
The boy’s black hair flops in his face the same way Jaehwan’s does, and his eyes point at the ground as he attempts to kick the gravel over to the other side of the playground. Unfortunately, his feet dangle from the bench and he isn’t able to touch one pebble. Jaehwan knows the feeling. Hopefully he’ll get taller in the future.
Jaehwan plops next to him and gives him a smile that would rival the sun’s rays. The boy looks back at him, those feline eyes boring into Jaehwan’s own. His aura screams boredom and part anger, which Jaehwan doesn’t pick up.
“I hate seeing you here all alone every day. Don’t you want someone to play with?”
The boy shakes his head no, looking back down at the ground. Jaehwan thinks the gesture is the saddest thing he’s ever seen.
He scoots closer to the boy and keeps smiling as he grabs his hand. The boy’s eyes widen as he helplessly looks at Jaehwan, almost as if he’d been burned.
“I’m Jaehwan. I want to be your friend. Will you let me?”
The boy thinks it over for a while before sheepishly nodding. “My name is Taekwoon. I’m in third grade.”
Jaehwan opens his mouth, widening his smile. There are some missing teeth, leaving gaps in his mouth. He only has one adult tooth coming in. It’s one of the bottom ones. Jaehwan thinks he’ll look better if the whole tooth grew in already. It’s only a tiny white sliver at the bottom of his mouth.
“I’m in first! That’s so cool, I have an older kid as a friend! Yay!”
Taekwoon is about to reply when he looks down at the hand entwined with his own. He feels it grow hot all of a sudden. When he looks down, he sees Jaehwan’s skin erupt in flaming red, almost like someone dumped a bucket of paint on his arms. He immediately lets go of the boy, running to go grab a teacher.
Jaehwan doesn’t know what’s going on until the stinging starts and the tears roll down his cheeks.
Jaehwan recalls this went on until he got to third grade, and he was constantly tingling and hurting in class. The doctors did everything they could to find out the cause and try to treat it, but it was no use.
It wasn’t until Jaehwan had met Hakyeon that his symptoms started going away.
Right now, it’s reading time, and Jaehwan picked the perfect book to assert his dominance as The Smart One™. He’s picked out a fifth grade reading level book, and he’s currently studying the seventh page like his life depends on it. He totally knows what the word ‘clairsentience’ means. Yep. 100%.
He doesn’t notice a pair of blue and white sneakers stomp up to him until his book is being plucked from his hand and a head is thrust in his face. “Whatcha reading!!?!?” The face says.
Jaehwan stumbles backwards and is fearful. Turns out, it’s a kid from one of the upper grades. Jaehwan thinks he’s in fifth grade like Taekwoon. He hasn’t seen much of Taekwoon, lately. He never really does. But come to think of it, doesn’t he see Taekwoon with this kid!?
Jaehwan’s little eight year old heart swells with jealousy. How could Taekwoon ignore him and hang out with this kid!?
Said kid pops his gum as he studies which book Jaehwan was reading. He rolls his eyes.
“You do know this book was upside-down, right?”
Jaehwan scoffs, snatching the book out of the older boy’s hands. “Of course I did. I’m not stupid!”
The boy nods and pops his gum again. “Riiight,” he says sarcastically.
“Anyways, Taekwoon says he knows you, and you looked pretty pouty over here. Do you wanna hang out with us!? It’ll be so fun! We could be like the three musketeers!!”
“Three Musketeers?” Jaehwan asks as he tilts his head.
The older boy sighs. “Listen, I just really wanna be your friend since Taekwoon says you’re so nice. I’m Hakyeon. What’s your name?”
“I’m Jaehwan,” Jaehwan says, sticking out his hand for a handshake and smiling brightly.
Hakyeon returns the handshake, albeit hesitantly, along with a smile. He holds onto Jaehwan’s hand as he drags him over towards where Taekwoon is sitting. Jaehwan thinks it’s been years since he’s properly seen him up close. He changed his hair. It’s longer now, but it still flops in front as it did when they first met.
Jaehwan’s smile grows as he sits in the library chair in front of Taekwoon. The older boy is reading a book right side up. It’s called Holes.
The last thing Jaehwan sees before he passes out is Taekwoon looking up at him with interest.
———————————————————-
It turns out, that day was when he got too lightheaded from a bad cold.
From then on, doctors took this more seriously, and tried to get Jaehwan to think of things that could cause something like this. They start to think of it as an allergic reaction, and asked some pretty interesting questions on one of Jaehwan’s more crazy visits.
On the first day of fourth grade, Jaehwan is pretty sad. He just came back from a sleepover at Taekwoon’s house, and he made a new friend. Well, he was pretty much introduced to one of Taekwoon’s friends on accident because they had both made plans with the boy and he could not refuse both of them. His name is Wonsik and he’s a boy from the third grade. He’s the youngest in their friend group.
Jaehwan’s colds got more manageable and less frequent, but unfortunately, he was sick when he met Wonsik, and he was very worried he would get him sick. Also, he really wanted to hang out with him again. He was really funny. He also got Taekwoon to laugh for the first time since they’ve been friends!
But now, he’s sitting on this uncomfortable bed with weird paper on it, waiting for tons of test results to come back. They’d swabbed his mouth, stuck a wooden stick down his throat, checked his ears, squeezed the life out of his arm with the air pumping thingy, and the rest of the normal doctor things he got done to him, including the stethoscope thingy. Yeah, he knows what that is. His teacher talked about it last week.
But now, his actual doctor walks in instead of the really nice nurse lady. He hopes he can go home soon.
Instead of flipping through his papers like he usually does when he comes in, the doctor disregards the clipboard on the counter in favor of sitting in his spinny chair and rolling right over to Jaehwan. He gives him a warm smile.
“Say, Jaehwan, do you have any friends?”
At the mention of his friends, Jaehwan starts talking a mile a minute with a wide smile on his face. “Oh yeah, Mr. Doctor! I have a lot of friends, but I hang out with Hakyeon and Taekwoon most often! I made a new friend yesterday! Wanna hear about him?”
The doctor laughs and shakes his head. “That’s nice you’re making new friends, but can you tell me about Hakyeon and Taekwoon? What are they like?”
If it was even possible, Jaehwan lights up even more. He’s like a lightbulb that never goes out. “Hakyeon is a little mean, but he likes to tease everyone, so I’m kinda used to it. He’s really funny, though! Taekwoon is super nice, but he doesn’t like to show it. He doesn’t talk much, either. When I met him, he didn’t talk to anyone!”
The doctor raises his eyebrows, sending Jaehwan a signal with his eyes to keep going on. He doesn’t pick it up, so he asks instead. “When did you meet Taekwoon, Jaehwan?”
Jaehwan thinks about it, putting his index finger on his chin. “Mmmm….when I was in the first grade! Oh yeah! He was in third. I remember I really wanted to talk to him because he had no friends and he never played with anyone. I really wanted to be his friend back then. And I still do! He’s so nice!”
The doctor looks over at Jaehwan’s mother and purses his lips. He looks back to Jaehwan and nods, sending him another smile. “Well, does your friend have any pets?”
Jaehwan nods his head frantically. “Yeah, yeah, yeah! He has a really cute cat named Butterscotch! I love her!”
“I see. Well, thank you for waiting so patiently. If you go outside and see Nurse Soyeon, she’s got a surprise for you.”
“Oh boy, is it a sucker!?!??!”
“It might be,” the doctor promises with a tilt of his head. At this, Jaehwan hops off the bed and practically runs out the door, trying to locate his favorite nurse.
The doctor gets out of his chair, and looks straight at Jaehwan’s mother. “The thing we talked about might still be a possibility, but I’d go take him to an animal shelter and see if he has any reactions, so we can rule out the allergy possibility.”
Jaehwan’s mother nods and takes her and her son’s coat outside, where she finds him enthusiastically licking a lollipop like his life depended on it.
She smiles.
Shortly after that visit, Jaehwan’s mother took him to the animal shelter, disguised as “just a visit to make sure you know about the animals in need.”
However, as time went on, the things the doctors were concerned about voicing went away. Eventually his colds got better as he started high school and now he was here, at the end of his sophomore year. That previous little quartet is now a sextet.
In Jaehwan’s freshman year, he met a friendly boy with dimples by the name of Hongbin. It’s safe to say he’s the most sane in their friend group and Jaehwan is lucky to have him. They have nice, intellectual conversations, something he and someone like Hakyeon wouldn’t be able to have.
Hakyeon’s grown into being the most self-absorbant twink that Jaehwan has ever seen. He bats his eyelashes at any cute guy that passes, and it’s only kind of disgusting and pathetic. Jaehwan rolls his eyes whenever something like that happened at lunch or in a class they shared, but that was never too often.
In the beginning of Jaehwan’s sophomore year, he met a timid freshman by the name of Han Sanghyuk. At the start, he was quite cute and took life with uncertainty, watching what he said in front of elders because he was the youngest in their friend group. Eventually, though, the sweet baby angel he started out as turned into a bad apple.
As he started to hang out with Hakyeon more, he became more fearless and violent. But maybe the violence was learned from Taekwoon. Those two are really the bad influential parents they’re made out to be.
They took on the parenting role early on because they’re same age friends. It all started back in the fifth grade, when Hakyeon offered his hand to Jaehwan back then. Ever since, the two have been inseperable best friends. Jaehwan’s only kind of jealous, because that’s really all he’s ever known since a young age, but since he’s matured, he realizes that’s all he wanted with Taekwoon.
Or so he thought.
Recently, it’s been really tough to think of Taekwoon as only a friend.
Jaehwan isn’t even sure when it started, but he’s been thinking about what it’d be like to be Taekwoon’s boyfriend.
He knows he sounds crazy, but isn’t there a time in every teenage boy’s life where he has to fawn over someone? For Jaehwan, who’s sworn he’s liked girls for forever, it’s kind of tough to imagine.
People say, well, at least girls say, there’s always a time where you question the platonic boundaries. He hears that from his friend Wendy all the time, who shockingly reminds him so much of Hakyeon for the fact that they both have fixations with candy in their mouths. Hakyeon with gum and Wendy with her cherry suckers.
He’s currently staring at the back of Taekwoon’s head in chemistry class, and Wendy is heard scoffing at him to his left.
The teacher is lecturing in the front, and Wendy pulls away from her love affair with her lollipop to whisper in Jaehwan’s ear. She can do so because of the tables. They’re lab partners.
“So, like, why don’t you just ask him out?”
Sneeze. Jaehwan wipes his nose. He’s used to it. “Even though we’re close, I can’t just go 'hey Taekwoon hyung, you’re really cute, do you wanna make out’?”
Wendy shrugs. “Worked for me.”
“That’s because your boyfriend is a loser, no offense.”
“Oppa, that’s mean. Junmyeon is nice!”
“And also too old for you,” Jaehwan says as he purses his lips. “What’s he doing, you think? Applying for some old man job?”
“Who, Junmyeon or your man?”
Wendy laughs and Jaehwan rolls his eyes. She /really/ reminds him of Hakyeon. They’d both be going at him if Hakyeon knew.
The thing is, Jaehwan is way too scared to tell any of his other friends. All of them are shady and not to be trusted. Especially Sanghyuk. He is the biggest blabbermouth there is. But he’d probably find some solace in Hongbin, maybe. But he can’t.
Because he’s scared of this too. Ever since he researched what he was going through all these years, he’d be afraid that he would actually die if he was around Taekwoon 24/7. Because he’s allergic somehow.
Jaehwan had no idea you could be allergic to a person, but it was possible and it’s crazy to him.
Since they’ve grown close, though, the crazy hives and colds have gone away. He usually sneezes in intervals and coughs a bit, and that’s it. Speaking of coughs, here they come. Always in sets of five. Everyone’s used to it by now.
Not Taekwoon. He always has this concerned look in his eye, like Jaehwan is made of glass and he could shatter each breath he took, each cough he let out.
It was crazy, really. He hated seeing Taekwoon worried about him.
But it also flattered him, because he never saw that look directed at anyone else. He felt special.
Whenever Sanghyuk was sick, the others would coo at him and bring him gifts and wait for him to get better like doting mothers. With Jaehwan, they were used to it, so they never took the time to treat him the same. Except for Taekwoon. Wonderful Taekwoon.
The same glint that was in that third grader’s eyes are still there to this day. When he saw Jaehwan break out in sweltering hives, he was really concerned and scared. He thought he wasn’t going to make it if he didn’t do something. It’s great that he hasn’t changed.
Another thing that hasn’t changed is his ability to articulate the feelings into words. Jaehwan has no idea what he’s thinking about 90% of the time, and when he does, it has nothing to do with him, but with cats, babies, or coffee. That boy sure does love his coffee. Especially lattes.
Jaehwan is a very affectionate and skinshippy person, and he especially wants to hear what the other is thinking. Maybe that’s why he feels the closest to Wonsik or Hongbin, because they take the time to do that. Sanghyuk is the Hulk and will actually kill you if you so much as look at him the wrong way these days, and once you start skinship with Hakyeon, you’ll never be able to stop. He’s the touchiest in the world.
But Taekwoon is a nice middle ground. He lets Jaehwan place playful touches every now and then, but he tells Jaehwan when it’s enough. They know the ins and outs of each other, almost like best friends. All six of them are best friends, but Jaehwan feels somewhat distant from Taekwoon more than the others.
He’s too scared to say anything, scared to shatter the illusion that everything is fine and that nothing needs to be fixed. It’s always been that way. Always joking, always teasing. He doesn’t want to be the one that ruins it.
But at the same time, he has to say something, right? Nothing’s gonna change if no one takes the initiative.
But Taekwoon really isn’t making it easy to stay away from him.
He’s just so ethereal, so beautiful, that Jaehwan cannot take his eyes off of him. Puberty has treated that boy right.
Back in the day, Taekwoon would never take striped shirts off. Now, he wouldn’t be caught dead with any of those things on.
He’s like a fashion god without even trying. When Jaehwan told him this, he blushed and fanned himself. He doesn’t take compliments too well. He’s getting better, though. Steadily.
He’s trying to express himself more, Jaehwan sees, but he laughs and smiles more, which Jaehwan is grateful for. Most of it is from his jokes, after all.
Taekwoon is gorgeous when he smiles. His whole face lights up and Jaehwan can never take his eyes away, or adopt the smile. It’s contagious.
Even when he laughs, Jaehwan has to laugh along too. He’s just such a pure human being, too selfless for his own good. Even though sometimes he gets taken advantage of, he likes to see the good in people.
Jaehwan doesn’t realize how much he’s fallen until he actually thinks about it just now.
It’s over. Game set.
Wendy looks over at Jaehwan as he fawns. The teacher is turned around again.
She pulls away from her candy confection and whispers to him again. “What are you waiting for, though? For him to make the first move?”
Jaehwan shakes his head, somber. “I don’t even know if he likes me back. Or likes dudes, for that matter.”
Wendy snickers, taking a lick before speaking again. Her tongue is always permanently stained red. “You’re kidding, right? He always hangs around Hakyeon. They’re practically glued at the hip. He’s gotta be at least a little gay up in that noggin of his.”
Jaehwan laughs at this, which gains the teacher’s attention. He gives Jaehwan a look and Jaehwan smiles sheepishly back at the teacher. With a shake of his head, he continues. But the whole class looked at Jaehwan when the teacher stopped. Including Taekwoon. Jaehwan would have been safe if he hadn’t met his eyes and furiously blushed, looking down like Taekwoon looks down after he’s been complimented.
Taekwoon turns around and Wendy coos and snickers. “Aww, you embarrassed baby,” she says, pinching his cheek. Jaehwan gives her a blank stare, but it’s of pure annoyance via eye communication. He briefly wonders if Taekwoon can communicate like he and Wendy do. Oh god, did he notice!?
Jaehwan doesn’t speak for a good ten minutes. He’s just thinking. He blurts out something in the quietest voice he can manage whilst leaning over towards his younger friend.
“I’m also afraid that if I kiss him, I’ll die. You know, like how when kids eat peanuts and then their throat closes up? What if I kiss him and my throat closes up!?”
Wendy laughs again. It’s almost like Jaehwan is a stand up comedian by this point to her, but he’s actually genuinely worried.
“You know that story about the kid that always wanted to try a Reese’s peanut butter cup, so he ate it and then stabbed himself with an epipen? I mean, you don’t have a Taekwoon epipen, but what I’m trying to say is that you gotta take a risk. If he’s gotta take you to the hospital for a liplock, so be it. If not, be happy. And be even happier if he returns it,” she ends with a smirk.
Jaehwan purses his lips and looks on to the rest of the lesson with sadness in his heart. He had no idea what to say to Wendy’s story, because he exactly knows the feeling. But there’s always that what if, and that is what Jaehwan is deathly afraid of.
At the lunch table, it seems like drama is ensuing when Jaehwan walks up with his tray of lukewarm rice and chicken. Hakyeon is yelling at Sanghyuk as he picks at his cubicle of green beans on his tray. Jaehwan walks up slowly and sits in the middle, next to Hongbin and Taekwoon.
“What the fuck is going on?” Jaehwan half-whispers to Hongbin. It’s really loud in the lunchroom, so that’s about as quiet as Jaehwan is gonna get.
Hongbin rolls his eyes at his question. “It’s really stupid. Something about Hakyeon being able to romance everyone at the table. Sanghyuk doesn’t believe it.”
“Shit, I wouldn’t either.” Jaehwan stops whispering and spoons a mouthful of chicken and rice into his mouth as he thrusts his fist in the air. “I’m rooting for you, Sanghyuk! Fighting!”
Sanghyuk sends Jaehwan a wink and a thumbs up, and Hakyeon scoffs dramatically.
“I cannot believe this. The blatant betrayal. Have I not raised you kids right!?!?”
Taekwoon ignores them. He’s used to the quarrelling. Jaehwan doesn’t know how he does it; that is, eating his peas in silence. Jaehwan could never do this. He’s too much of a loudmouth. A contrast to Taekwoon’s nature. Add that to the list of cons to confessing.
“What’s this about you being the god of flirting or something?”
Wonsik spits out his milk and Hakyeon scolds him with his eyes. Seems like other people can have communication via eyes, too.
“Yeah, I could make anyone at this table fall in love with me, no problem.”
“Okay hotshot, try me,” Jaehwan challenges. Taekwoon flashes him a look. Jaehwan doesn’t know how to decipher it.
Jaehwan thinks it won’t be a problem to deny Hakyeon’s advances at all. After all, he’s had his eyes on only one person these days.
“Fine, I will,” Hakyeon declares, kicking Hongbin out of his spot and switching to sit over by Sanghyuk. He doesn’t seem angry. Looks like Hongbin and Sanghyuk are having fun together these days. They mimic Hakyeon and Taekwoon.
When Hakyeon takes his seat, he tries to do The Eyes™ on Jaehwan, but Jaehwan knows where he’s seen this look before. He’s gotten it, but he’s also watched it being done from the sidelines. More often than not, he’s trying to do this look at Taekwoon, to get him to crack. Taekwoon never fell for it. Jaehwan never understood why, since they seemed the most compatible back in the day until now.
Jaehwan chuckles. It has no affect on him.
“Did it make your,” pause for dramatic effect and cheesy head turn, “heart flutter?” Bats of the eyelashes. These are Hakyeon’s oldest tricks in the book.
“As if. You can’t make someone fall in love with you if they’re already in love with someone else, Hakyeon hyung.”
And then Jaehwan realizes what he said, and he and Wonsik cover their mouths in sync. He word vomits his way into denying it once Hakyeon starts smirking.
“N-No, that’s not what I meant, I-”
“So who is it, Jaehwan!? It’s me, isn’t it. I can just tell when people have the hots for me.” Dramatic hair flip.
“As if. You’re too twink for me, honey,” Jaehwan jokes, mimicking Hakyeon’s hand gestures. The eldest boy flares his nostrils in annoyance.
Hakyeon puts his hand under his chin and stares at Jaehwan. Jaehwan feels like this is an interrogation. Is this what it feels like to be questioned when you’ve stabbed eleven people!!?
“Fine. Is it someone at this table, then?” The whole circle exchanges glances. Taekwoon has been interested since the whole Hakyeon and Hongbin switcheroo. His head hasn’t gone down since.
Jaehwan burns bright red. He can’t escape the natural bodily response of knowing something the others don’t. Hakyeon picks up on it even before Jaehwan says no.
“Knew it. Go ahead, confess. One of us might like you, whoever it is. Wanna play guessing game?”
“I’d rather not,” Jaehwan says. It’s probably the most nervous his voice has ever come across at. He feels like he’s trapped in a box and he can’t escape unless he confesses. He wasn’t even ready for this.
Just then, someone slams down their utensils, and by a glance, Jaehwan can see it’s Taekwoon. He’s alarmed.
“If he doesn’t want to tell you, don’t force him. Okay? Sometimes you can be so annoying…” Taekwoon then picks back up his spork and picks at the beef piling on his plate. Sanghyuk sneaks his spork in there to steal the pieces since Taekwoon doesn’t seem to want to eat at all. Looks like he doesn’t mind.
Jaehwan is flattered that Taekwoon stood up for him. His heart skips a beat when they meet eyes after Hakyeon is at a loss for words. Hakyeon is never at a loss for words.
Hakyeon and Hongbin silently communicate to switch back, and the atmosphere is tense. Jaehwan doesn’t want it to be this way. This was the very thing he was afraid of.
“I’m sorry,” he blurts out. The whole group looks up at him.
“That’s what Hakyeon should say, not you,” Taekwoon says. He sounds angry, and when he says it, he looks at the black haired boy out of the corner of his eye with a mean glint.
Hakyeon sighs. “I feel bad. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that, but y'know, I just want you to be happy.”
Jaehwan nods. “I’m just not ready,” he peeps before sneezing twice and coughing about seven times. He gets that look from Taekwoon again.
The rest of the lunch goes smoothly, and by smoothly, it means Sanghyuk and Hakyeon getting back into their argument, Jaehwan and Wonsik chatting about whatever with Hongbin chipping in, and Taekwoon staying silent. But Taekwoon’s eyes never left Jaehwan the rest of the lunch.
After school, Jaehwan plans on plopping on his couch with his one true love, a bag of cheese puffs, before he is unexpectedly grabbed by someone and dragged around to a secluded spot. Jaehwan knows this grip. It’s Taekwoon.
“Yes, hyung? What is it? Something important?”
Taekwoon nods. “I guess you could say that. Do you want to hang out after school, like a sleepover or something like old times?”
Funny, Jaehwan hasn’t slept over Taekwoon’s house since the Fiasco of Seventh Grade when Jaehwan, Hakyeon and Wonsik almost not-so accidentally concocted something they called The Gloop and spilled it all over the basement’s carpets. Jaehwan bets it still stinks like perfume and vomit. He’s gonna check it out when he gets there.
At the same time, though, it’s the first time he’s slept over whilst having these weird feelings. He started to question the border between wanting to touch one of your best friends innocently and not-so innocently on the brink of eighth grade. Wow. Hard to believe it’s been three years already, almost. Not that Jaehwan’s counting the exact day. Not at all.
Jaehwan adjusts his backpack strap nervously, unfortunately a nervous habit Taekwoon knows about. What doesn’t this kid know about Jaehwan, though?
“Yeah, is Hakyeon and the others coming? Why did your mom even say yes, honestly? Does she not remember what we did last time!?” Jaehwan doubles over in laughter, but Taekwoon does not laugh along.
“No, they’re not. Hakyeon said he was busy, but I don’t know what for. Wonsik is locking himself up again, and Hongbin and Sanghyuk are going out. So it’s just going to be you and me.”
That’s probably the most Jaehwan’s heard Taekwoon talk all week. It’s crazy, though. Him and Taekwoon. Alone. In the back of Jaehwan’s mind, it’s screaming in turmoil and excitement all at once.
“Sounds good,” he says, despite his growing tendril of nervousness wedging itself in his stomach. “I’ll come by around 4 ish if that’s okay with you?”
Taekwoon nods and waves as he walks away. Oh, brother. This is gonna be fun. And not the good kind.
Later on, when Taekwoon’s house looms in front of Jaehwan’s very eyes, he really understands the meaning of the phrase 'their legs were like jelly.’ Because that’s how he felt. Like one step closer would make him collapse onto a plate and be served at family gatherings and stuck in fridges. Made him cringe on the outside just thinking about it.
He gulps quite dramatically, even though there’s no one there to see. He’s long gone being scared of Taekwoon’s family and breaking everything in the house, because Taekwoon’s family is super nice and they know his clumsiness is part of the 'ol Lee Jaehwan package when it comes to getting to know him.
He steps up to the porch and knocks, even though Taekwoon has told him many times he can just walk in. Usually it’s Mrs. Jung that opens the door, but this time, it’s just Taekwoon himself, in the same long-sleeved shirt he saw him in at school today. Only he’s wearing shorts. Why are his legs so long and graceful!?
“I never thought 4 ish would mean almost 5 o'clock, Jaehwan.”
His tone is stern, but also playful sounding. It makes Jaehwan’s stomach fill with butterflies as he shrugs, walking inside and plopping his backpack on the couch.
“I thought I could get some last minute studying here, if you don’t mind?” Jaehwan asks, whilst turning around to gauge Taekwoon’s expression.
“Sure, it’s fine. But I do want to talk to you for a little bit when you’re done. Just let me know,” Taekwoon says, backing away from the door after he locked it.
Jaehwan flashed him a smile and watched the boy retreat to the kitchen to go and find Butterscotch and drinks for the both of them.
He finally exhales loudly and stretches. This whole crush thing puts stress on him. Maybe he should go see a massage therapist to work out these kinks in his back.
Really, though, Jaehwan? Studying????
He really did have to study, but usually he would study with Hongbin, because when it came to the math test that was next week, he was the only saving grace to go to. Science was Sanghyuk’s game, and that test was this Friday, so he prioritized that as well. But since both of them have gone onto the magic fairy land that is hanging out together, they’ve left Jaehwan in the dust with the most gorgeous male he’s ever seen. (Not an exaggeration, all of Jaehwan’s previous crushes have been lackluster compared to Taekwoon in the looks and personality departments)
Nevertheless, he’s never studied with Taekwoon before, and it looks like the older boy wasn’t planning on doing so as he waggled his finger at Butterscotch. That cat is pretty old. Jaehwan wonders when she’ll kick the bucket, but she never does.
Taekwoon then unexpectedly scares Jaehwan out of his nail-biting thinking episode with a bottle of water. He waves it in Jaehwan’s face. “Want it?”
“Yeah,” Jaehwan says, taking the water gingerly from Taekwoon’s hand. Their fingers touch together. Is it just Jaehwan, or were there some spooky tingly sensations going on there!?
Jaehwan pulls his hand away quick and opens the cap like he’s been dehydrated for a day or two and gulps down as much water as he can before the word vomit threatens to come out.
As soon as he stops drinking, he sneezes. Coughs a few times. Always on the agenda, never going away. Always a reminder that pursuing whatever kind of infatuation this is, is totally a bad idea.
Taekwoon usually sits next to Jaehwan, a few inches apart, but this time, he sits really close, almost sufficatingly so. It doesn’t bother Jaehwan, but it does make him wonder what’s on Taekwoon’s mind.
“Can we just talk now? I have everything in my head and I don’t want to forget.”
Jaehwan nods slowly, putting his water down on the ground. “W-What are we talking about, exactly?”
Taekwoon brushes away the bangs from his face and raises his eyebrows. He puffs out, rattling the fringe once more. It looks like he’s….nervous? Anxious? Something in between?
“I want to talk about what happened at lunch today. About Hakyeon, I’m sorry he asked you those invasive questions. It wasn’t the time or place to do something like that. I’ll hit him more than usual if you want,” Taekwoon says with a shrug.
Jaehwan waves his hands rapidly in protest. “No, no, it was okay! I….was just really nervous being put on the spot. Just….confess? Just like that? In front of all of your closest friends, so you can be made fun of, or even worse, be rejected.”
Taekwoon laughs then, and it’s the sweetest sound Jaehwan has heard today. It kind of lifts his spirits and makes him feel less nervous and jittery around the other.
“I doubt whoever the person is, they won’t reject you. That’s another part of what I wanted to talk about. If you don’t mind me asking, do you like any of the younger ones? Like Hongbin or Sanghyuk?”
Jaehwan makes a gagging sound and laughs. “Oh my god, no way! Hongbin’s a really good friend, I would never. Also, Sanghyuk is a brat. No way I’d date that.”
Taekwoon sighs in relief. “Good. Because they both like each other, and I’m planning on setting them up.” A small smile appears on his face.
Jaehwan’s eyes nearly pop out of his skull. Hongbin and Sanghyuk? Angel and Devil? Math Nerd and Science Nerd? No way in hell.
“You’re joking, aren’t you!?”
Taekwoon shakes his head. “Nope. They do like each other and I want them to be happy. I made them go out with each other alone today to just….I don’t know. Kindle some sort of romantic moment. Get the fire going.”
“I swear I’ve never heard you talk so much in my entire life,” Jaehwan says incredulously. “And I’ve pretty much known you for most of my life!”
Taekwoon laughs at that too, and Jaehwan’s brain is screeching. He’s really glad that people cannot pick up on that at all.
“I’ve never been good with words, but I rehearsed what I was gonna say. I thought a lot about the main topic, but this was just one hour’s worth of thinking.”
“Yes, son, father is proud of you,” Jaehwan jokes, patting Taekwoon’s head. Taekwoon’s laugh grows louder and that smile that makes his nose crinkle up appears. It’s so cute.
“Anyway….this part is kind of serious. And I’m only asking because I’m kind of selfish.”
Jaehwan’s jaw drops to the floor. “You? Selfish? That’s really funny, Taekwoon hyung. You got me going there for a second…”
In reality, that statement was partly anxiety and partly word vomit. It formed such a nervous sounding jumble of words. He’s not even sure if Taekwoon understood what he was trying to say since he stumbled through the whole sentence.
“But it is selfish….” Taekwoon sighs. He thinks something over in his head, but then decides to get on with the conversation.
He looks dead into Jaehwan’s eyes and says something in the most sinister tone of voice in the world. “You don’t like Wonsik, do you?”
Jaehwan isn’t sure how he’s supposed to take a question like that, but it sounds laced with…jealousy? Oh, god, does Taekwoon like Wonsik!? Is that why he’s asking!? Or….no way, he couldn’t be jealous if Jaehwan liked Wonsik, could he? Crap, what should I do!? Jaehwan thinks.
Instead of answering, Jaehwan is silent, thinking that the dead skin in between the nail of his thumb in the cuticle is more interesting than a boy sitting in front of him who could easily be a human Adonis.
“Please answer me, Jaehwan. This is really important to me,” Taekwoon pleads. He looks up and stares into Taekwoon’s eyes. He’s really worried for some reason. Jaehwan’s always known how to read Taekwoon’s emotions….it’s strange.
Sneeze. Coughs. An answer.
“N-No….I don’t…” Not exactly the confession Jaehwan was planning to make, but now it’s out there. Yup. He’s gonna be flayed alive by the rest of the group if Taekwoon tells them.
Taekwoon sighs, a little happy noise coming out. Wait, what does that mean!?
“Thank god. I probably should have said something, then, shouldn’t I?”
“What do you mean, Taekwoon hyung?” Sneeze.
Taekwoon hides his face with his forearm. He’s burning red. Whatever he’s about to say must be very hard for him.
“I really, really like you, Jaehwan. Like a lot. I’m just….I can barely talk around all five of you at once. It took me a year to come talk to you about this alone..”
It was Jaehwan’s turn to burn scarlet and be embarrassed. He looks down at the rip in his kneecap from his jeans. He wonders if he should get new ones. He thinks they’re fashionable, though.
“I….uh….I really like you a lot too. For a long time. Since seventh grade,” Jaehwan says.
Taekwoon’s eyes widen. “Shit, now I feel bad. I started liking you last year….thinking about it a year before.”
Jaehwan laughs then, timidly taking Taekwoon’s hand and smiling widely. “It doesn’t matter when. I’m just….I’m just so happy you like me back, that’s all…”
Taekwoon laughs, running his thumb over the top of Jaehwan’s hand. The touch is calming and everything Jaehwan needed to calm his nerves right now. He feels grateful that the universe aligned the stars for him.
“You’re so cute,” Taekwoon peeps. It’s barely above a whisper, but Jaehwan can still hear it. He laughs and thunks his forehead against Taekwoon’s.
“I don’t know why, but my heart feels like it’s a bird high in the sky. You know, soaring! Like…everything is complete and everything feels right. Oh, I know! I feel like a completed puzzle. The feeling when you finish it!”
“Me too,” Taekwoon says. He looks up into Jaehwan’s eyes, and the younger follows suit. Immediately, all the nerves and fear come rushing back into Jaehwan’s bloodstream like pouring molten lead. It’s suffocating. “Can I kiss you?”
Jaehwan’s eyes widen and he pulls away from every touch. He shakes his head furiously. Taekwoon’s eyebrows furrow together. He looks….hurt.
“Why not? You said you liked me, right? Or was I hearing things?”
“I do, it’s just….I think I’m allergic to you.”
Taekwoon is blank-faced one moment, and then the next, he’s laughing so hard he’s clutching his stomach, crying, and having a hard time breathing. He stops after a sneeze comes from Jaehwan and he snaps his head up.
“You’ve had that sneeze since….high school or something. And before that, the colds, and the hives….”
Taekwoon thinks for a moment, thinks of all the moments he’s had to be Jaehwan’s knight in shining armor when he got sick or painted red. He then drags Jaehwan over to the computer and types things in so fast Jaehwan can’t even keep up.
He clicks on several articles and reads them faster than any human Jaehwan has encountered. Maybe Taekwoon’s an alien. Maybe this is all a prank and Ashton Kutcher will pop out from behind Mrs. Jung’s armchair and yell insults at Jaehwan. Yeah, or maybe he’s dreaming!
“SS, or Soulmate Syndrome,” Taekwoon reads from the computer, “happens when the infected meets their soulmate. They develop symptoms regarding their state of relationship at the time. It starts with hives when they first meet, and further advances positively as both of them grow closer platonically and romantically. If the uninfected soulmate pushes the other away forever, they will die. But symptoms will go away forever if the uninfected soulmate kisses the infected. This is passed on through genetics.”
That is the longest paragraph Taekwoon has ever read, and they’ve been in classes together plenty of times. And Jaehwan thinks it’s bullshit.
“You….really don’t think I have that, do you?”
“It’s worth a shot to find out, isn’t it? That we’re soulmates? Like we’re the puzzle analogy?”
Crap. Jaehwan did say that.
Nevertheless, Jaehwan is still scared out of his mind. He tries to back away like the girl in the horror movie who found out her husband turned into a sickly creature, and only gets so far as the back wall before he’s trapped. Caged in by the beautiful monster.
Taekwoon boxes Jaehwan in with both of his arms, and Jaehwan tries to duck under, but comes up unsuccessful when Taekwoon locks his wrists against the wall with his hands. He then leans in, their lips connecting almost perfectly, like they were molded to be together.
Tingles spread across Jaehwan’s entire body as he melts into the kiss, Taekwoon letting go of his wrists. Jaehwan immediately wraps his arms around Taekwoon’s neck and tries to memorize the feeling of Taekwoon’s lips against his own like death is upon him soon. It feels so right. Why didn’t he do this sooner?
What does he do? He doesn’t have an epipen.
Taekwoon pulls away. “If you do die, I’ll be your Romeo and go with you,” Taekwoon says earnestly, resting his forehead against Jaehwan’s. Every touch brings an electric feeling from head to toe, and it makes Jaehwan feel invincible.
Jaehwan doesn’t die a dramatic death. He stays planted on the ground along with Taekwoon, his arms still around the other’s neck and smiling brightly, almost as if he were the Sun.
“Crazy to think that your lips were the poison I drank, supposedly. Juliet here, feels fine. I can’t believe it. Y-You’re my soulmate.”
“I think I’ve always felt it. When you approached me that day. I knew you were really special. Couldn’t expect this, though,” Taekwoon says, chuckling and pecking the corner of Jaehwan’s mouth.
“God, what is Hakyeon gonna think?” Taekwoon then says, with panic evident in his voice.
“Who cares?” Jaehwan daringly asks, dipping in for another kiss. “We’re soulmates. Fuck him.”
EPILOGUE
Hakyeon spits his juice all over the table at lunchtime. Good thing Taekwoon isn’t sitting across from him today. Most of it lands on a pissed off Sanghyuk.
“You wanna run that by me again!?”
“We’re soulmates, and also, we’re dating,” Jaehwan chirps up, smiling ear to ear and poking Taekwoon’s cheek. The older boy seems annoyed at the gesture, but allows Jaehwan to do it anyways.
Hakyeon sighs dramatically, placing his index and middle fingers on his temples. “This is so disgraceful. You and Taekwoon, Hongbin and Sanghyuk, all dating! Now I’m just left with Wonsik! What a pitiful fate...” Cue the fake tears.
Wonsik’s eyes widen and he points his chicken finger covered in barbecue sauce at the eldest boy. “Hey, being single is fun, too, Hakyeon hyung. Once you’re done fucking everything that moves, you’ll find the right guy!”
Hakyeon pulls away from his fake crying spell and cradles Wonsik’s free hand in between his own. “Y-You really think so, Wonsik?”
Wonsik looks at Hakyeon, then at their hands. “I know so. But that right guy is not gonna be me. I’m married to my music.”
Hakyeon scoffs, ripping away his hand and turning his head away. “Yeah, okay, Mozart.”
The rest of the group laughs and Jaehwan sticks his tongue out at Hakyeon. Taekwoon kisses his cheek.
Life sure is good.