#kerryangel

[pulverization]

i take back everything ive ever said abt the toxic kerryv dynamic of him using v for johnny. well not really i dont take it back fully. it still happens to an extent. but i cant get over how obnoxiously kerry is in genuine love with v after so little time. like his sincerity during and after boat drinks is sickening. v is a lifechanger for him johnny be damned . HOWEVER the toxic yaoi is still real to me

thoughts thinking

angel only meets kerry through johnny so its inevitable that the relationship starts off strained and weird. incredibly Awkward. i mean, kerry finds out his best friend (lover, situationship, etc) is back from the dead after 50 years. Of Course he wants to talk to him and be with him and spend whatever time with him that he can. not spend time with v. hes irrelevant hes just the body carrying johnny. when kerry calls him and immediately opens with "hey johnny?" and v has to explain no, thats not how it works, and he sounds Genuinely annoyed by it. like theres an immediate strain to their dynamic there. i think angel just feels Strange every time hes talking to kerry bc he can tell that kerry doesnt know how to talk to him. he knows how to talk to johnny but not this random guy.

it definitely builds an inherent distrust within angel. hed be hesitant whenever kerry calls because he just naturally assumes its to speak to johnny, why wouldnt it be? they share a lifetime of a relationship that angel couldnt even begin to understand, before he was even born, of course kerry wants to take every opportunity he can to be with johnny. even when kerry starts texting him, calling him for no reason, asks him out for coffee and pries into his life--angel doesnt believe it for a while. i think theyd get into a genuine blowout over it and actually fight it out bc kerry is sincere in wanting to get to know angel and form a friendship and angel just Does Not believe it.

they do in fact reach mutual ground on it and start being friends. kerry mentions johnny less and less when spending time with v, unless its necessary or v mentions him first

HOWEVER also thinking about johnny getting mad about it. crying. not only having to let v go but kerry too, and with EACH OTHER? without HIM? johnny loves angel. he wont say it (yet) but he does, its obvious, and angel loves johnny, they both know whats happening and how they feel about each other. but johnny isnt there. hes not tangible. kerry is. angel likes kerry and kerry likes angel and johnny is on the backburner. the inevitable arguments and fights with johnny because of it. the eventual breaking point where angel has to explain the mess to kerry and figure it all out, probably have another fight until it becomes pointless because johnny isnt there so what are they even talking about, its just such classic johnny to ruin something and sabotage a good thing and this time he isnt even there

endgame trio polyamory agreement but im still working on The Canon Ending for angel so who knows how they get there. also "theres no happy endings in night city" well for ME i want them to be happy despite it all okay . okay

[pulverization]

phantom liberty taking place post-boat drinks for angel bc he meets kerry and finds a newfound determination to figure out a solution to the relic, to Live. waugh

like i think pre-kerry he was kind of settled on their inevitable outcome. that it wasnt going to be good, either way, that either he or johnny had to go and both of those were difficult but thats all the info they have and thats what everyones told them. still, putting off that meet with hanako because he just doesnt want it to become real yet, theres still time, and sure hes coughing up blood and hes passing out more frequently and he thinks hes having a heart attack sometimes, but theres still time to exist. with johnny. it doesnt have to end yet (it has to end eventually but at this stage, i dont think angel would ever choose an end without johnny. its both of them or nothing)

which, trying to make the most of his remaining time with johnny, is when he meets kerry. and it gets serious fast. hes never had someone like this before, someone so important (someone real), and he thinks oh my god i have to live as long as i can, for kerry, and he Also thinks oh my god i have to save johnny, for kerry. he remembers that call from so mi, agrees to meet her, and Then during pl when hes cut off from johnny he realises that not only could this be the solution, that this is real and tangible and she actually knows the relic this could work, but he also realises that the silence is killing him more than anything else and that emptiness isnt okay and he cant be without johnny

it all cements for him that he needs to survive, for johnny and kerry if nothing else, hes not gone through all of this bullshit to give up and he Has to find a solution for this. which there will b a solution but as for what it is i still havent got that far yet . i have to make it up i know the game wont give me happy ending <3