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My mother in law finished my first book in the trilogy I’m writing and I’m dead because she loves it skjndjkdhidj she read the last hundred fifty pages in nearly one sitting and said it’s the strongest part of the book but that it’s well worth how “slow” the beginning is because by the time shit starts going down you really know the characters well I’m dead. she’s weird as hell about books and it’s not her genre but I live with her and I know she wouldn’t be able to fake liking it she can be mean as hell pfpflkjf

#baby’s first fucking booooook fkjfbkfjhf #it still needs a lot of work but blehhhh #I’m 60 pages in to the second and I’m so excited to at least get the solid first draft done of the trilogy lol #the second is going to be the longest but I finished the first in less than a year amazingly so maybe I can actually do this shit before I #fucking die fppflkfjf #140000 word first book #probably 300000 word second #I’m thinking unless I can fill the plot out way more the second will be about as long as the first #I don’t know #the only reason I think the second is gonna be much longer is because it’s over 16 years #unless I figure out a better ending point #which I don’t think will work because I need to save a pov for after something happens #for the third book #it’s just gonna have the most #big shrug #I meant the say the third will be about as long as the first fuck #ki rambling #ki writing

*clears throat* BEEN THINKING about how i worry that the . ~romance~ in my story is too. uh. good. like? well of couuurse its the most obvious shit in the world they would feel this way or whaaaat the fuck ever like its too. i dont know how to describe what im thinking. cliche somehow? bitch what. how is it cliche. there are a Fuck Ton of relationship dynamics out there. the only reason my brain thinks it must be too *something* is because its what my brain in particular is fixated on. its by far not everyones ideal. THE REASON IT SEEMS SOMEHOW OVERLY FAMILIAR TO ME IS BECAUSE *MY* BRAIN THINKS ABOUT IT A LOT. bitch fuckfhfkfk i dont exactly know how to describe my problem here but im just trying to convince myself that im motherfucking fine pfpfpfpfpf

#im slightly drunk pfpfpfpfpf #ki rambling #ki writing #ki ocs #fenriel and atreyu murder me every day pfpfpfpfplf

I still don’t know what genre this shit is pffkfjh literary style fantasy horror ?/?? big shrug. my sense for what constitutes horror is kind of weird like yeah psychological/cosmic horror okay but then I hear people argue about what they think horror is and I get so confused. As far as fantasy I’m not bothering with a ~unique magic system~ it’s pretty simple lmao because it’s all just a backdrop for the character shit which is why I say literary but I also know that’s more a style not a genre unless you’re talking about “commercial” which is so fucking weird to me. because like I know robin hobb is this character heavy but that’s just considered fantasy but her world building is way more complex lmao

like I guessssssss there’s tension of the horror aspect sprinkled in and the end I suppose would be fully considered a type of horror lmao but listen. Horror no longer scares me and rarely shocks me when I read it like Ever so I’m like. ?? I guess it is fkjhfjkfh and what trigger warnings does this shit need cause I think it might be a good amount. I mean horror or not (which it does have it) it deals more with the same kind of themes good horror does, soooo

#dunno lolll #do not really care though #ki writing #ki rambling

im about to have to write the worst scene in the first book and im not happy lol

#i mean its exciting and fun in a horrible way but mmhhhhhh #ki rambling #ki writing

Atreyu is trans and I’m still trying to figure out the way I want to do a reveal of that and it’s been difficult to even think about because it makes me dysphoric as shit y’all dkjndkjndkjndkjhdkjdh

#I did this to myself!!!#ki rambling #ki writing #ki ocs

its so funny cause i didnt fully realize i was using my experience of like. being (lol for some reason my autofill wanted me to put half-drow there dpfpfjflg my experience of like. being half-drow. you know.) ANYWAYS. my experience of whenever i was living only with my brother and going like a month between doing cons and he started literally never coming home and i would go for weeks without seeing or talking or hearing another human being kgkgk so i would get so desperate for any sort of social whatever i would go sit in coffee shops just to be around people to hear voices and whatever. like that shit is fully profoundly *something* even if youre terrified and arent actually interacting with anyone if youre fuckin lonely and isolated enough pfpfpfppf the first time i realized i could do that i fucking cried in the bathroom LOLLLLLLLLLLLLL

#trauma boiiiissssss #ki rambling #ki writing

some random motherfucker was actually nice to atreyu in a tavern when he finally goes in one after being fully isolated for over a month and i was like. oh maybe he's the one who gets killed in this specific planned circumstance lollllllllll i cant let my son . my child . have a single nice thing kdjgkgkfkfk

#pflfmsbdkgk #ki rambling #ki writing #atreyu #lol #ki ocs

writing is so hard oh my god jgjgjg I'm definitely getting to a point in the story where im suffering immensely from not properly getting around to worldbuilding shit. and having a motherfucking map lolllllllll

#ITS OKAY. ROUGH DRAFT BABY ROU GH D #ki rambling #ki writing

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