His hand was resting against his belt on the inside of his long duster; it was particularly cold, but he felt nothing at the moment. The loud barking of the dogs alarmed the owner of the small place, waiting by the door for it to open. He wasn’t disappointed, he indeed open the door and they both stood in silence for a few short moments. He looked good. The years have been kind on him, kinder than they did to him, despite what he had heard of Miller’s life. He knew that he had a daughter now, but he was living alone; it didn’t surprise him, he could never see men like them settling down. It did make him wonder how Miller even thought of doing such thing, and felt insulted in a way that he couldn’t quite explain. Despite the metal arm, his exposed, scarred body looked better than it did back in their late Diamond Dogs days, and for a moment he forgot the real purpose of this visit. Not that he had to say it out loud, Miller was a clever man; he knew the moment that they both talked about decades ago finally came.
And just like that, he was invited inside. There was wine offered, the fireplace was keeping them warm, he even removed the duster, remaining in that navy blue waistcoat, talking about every little thing that they have been doing in the last few years. The fiery passion that consumed Miller when talking about David and his achievements didn’t go unnoticed, making him flinch in annoyance. He succeeded in raising and training Solid Snake, bringing down John, but he wasn’t about to take it away from him, inform him that there was a plan to revive a dead man once more. If that was the only thing giving him any kind of satisfaction, he was going to let him have it. He was a dead man anyway, and they both knew it. He wasn’t going to fight, Ocelot was sure of that, but he didn’t know if this was going to make things easier or not.
They talked and talked, the sun was rising, but they showed no signs of stopping or even rushing this act. Not that Ocelot wanted to do so; the more he talked, the more he found himself speaking freely. He couldn’t help but think of so many promises given to Miller during their nine years together, so many things left unsaid, finally admitting them out loud. It felt good, all because in a matter of hours, it wouldn’t matter anymore.
And yet, before he knew it, he was holding on him, crimson coloured gloves removing the sunglasses that he still wore to this day. He took a few moments to observe his damaged eyes, wondering if he could even see him properly anymore; maybe it was for the best, maybe it was better for Miller to remember him as he did years ago, back when they had nothing but each other, and the secret hope that John would wake up. Or rather, a desire for him not to do so, the fear of an uncertain future without him, the thrill of such an uncertain future. Caressing the scruffy cheeks he couldn’t help but let the memories flood back inside his head, as vivid as they were so long ago. They were never forgotten and he could tell that the feeling was ever so mutual as he placed his lips against Miller’s. He didn’t expect to be met with rejection, and he indeed didn’t. It was a kiss much like, if not, identical to the one that they shared when Miller expressed his fear in losing John forever. The same desperation was felt now, but for entirely different reasons, and Ocelot knew what Miller wanted from him. He was going to give it to him, but it didn’t mean that it wasn’t going to shake him too.
Deep breaths were heard as soon as they pulled away, aged foreheads touching, eyes deeply shut for a few moments. When Ocelot opened his eyes, he could see Miller’s tired, almost lifeless eyes on him, lacking the same passion and fire that they did once.
“Do it for me.”
He knew what he was asking for; Miller never took the easy way out, perhaps he was waiting for this moment, a promise that Ocelot kept despite the years passing by and the events that unfolded being so unpredictable. The Phantom was gone, John was gone, the son that Miller trained turned out to be better than the son Ocelot did. They were playing their parts to the very last moment, but time was running out. Still, this didn’t feel like a goodbye, more like a bittersweet promise that they both held on.
“If anyone is to gun down the legendary Kazuhira Miller, it has to be me, right?”, he asked with a fond smile, unable to keep his hands off him. There was no reason to conceal anything anymore, no mask to wear if Miller would be gone. John saw the real Adamska so early on, but Miller had the privilege to do so now as well, when their roles were fulfilled. “You see, this was one promise that I kept. Something tells me that you held on it very, very dearly”, he continued, eyes softened as he took in his features.
“Do you remember what I said before? That I didn’t stay with the Diamond Dogs against my will?”, he asked him, knowing for well that he was not going to stop himself from finally saying those words out loud. “I stayed because of you. I needed you there with me, to help me bring back John. But do you remember now, when I said that I didn’t know what I would do if he never woke up? That was a lie, as you might have guessed. I knew that having you by my side would make us an unstoppable force to be reckoned, and I know that you knew that too. You felt it, ever since our first meeting, didn’t you? But it remained a fantasy, and would always stay one, as long as John breathed. My life is still his, despite everything, but I’m not depriving you of your shining moment, some knowledge before you die.”
He pressed his forehead against him harder, the revolver on his hand that came out quietly pressed against Miller’s back.
“я любил тебя. You know what it means by now, don’t you?“
He knew that he did. “I loved you. That wasn’t meant to happen”, he smiled, using his free hand to run his thumb against his cheek. “But it did and it’s making this moment feel so..special.”
Saying it out loud made him feel..free, more liberated than he felt in years. It was said and done, and there was only one thing left to do, one last nail into a coffin that he was carving and preparing for years, ever since their talk about the Phantom’s and the sons’ futures.
He couldn’t help but steal one more selfish kiss before pulling away; he wasn’t going to shoot a man, this man, on the back, he deserved better than that.
“Goodbye, Kazuhira Miller. I will never forget you.”
There was a smile across his face, a gentle one, a look of pure adoration, and if Miller could still make a decent use of his eyesight, he would spot the tear that escaped Ocelot’s eye.
A smile, a tear, a gunshot, the dogs barking.
And a former ally, partner and enemy dead on the ground.
Revolver Ocelot finally alone and free. Free to continue fulfilling Big Boss’ dream. Free from the inconvenience of someone that cared about him. Free from a promise he had held on for years.
here she came, timeless moon, singular hand placed to thy left shoulder then. ( just to be closer to the heart of thine ) “you look sick, kazuhira. have you rested enough?” /@kintsuggi
“Don’t ever doubt that I could make your life a living hell.”
Threats [starter sentences] pt 2 @kintsuggi
Oh, so he was going to be feisty. “That’s the fun part.” there was nothing more enticing than someone willing to fight him. Which would probably work against the blond in the end. “I could send you more interesting places than hell.”
He wakes up in a cold sweat, with trembling palms & nightmares coiled around him in perpetuous darkness. He sees nothing, nothing but obscurity that binds him blind, struggling to breath, struggling to— " Boss, what... " It comes as a bruised whisper, upon instinct. But then, remembrance. " ...Ocelot? " A pause, a fear that builds. " Ocelot?! "
This was to be expected; he was well aware of how the Russians operated, exactly what kind of torture Miller went through during his capture. But what annoyed him the most, angered him even, was how the job wasn’t done by any professional, it was so bad and it caused more trauma to Miller than he would ever admit. He could see past his angry and prideful demeanor, and it took a while after his return to allow Ocelot to share his bed once more, much like they did in silent agreement prior to all the recent involvements and Venom’s appearance.
He’s a light sleeper himself, staying awake more often that he wanted to admit to observe Miller. This wasn’t the first time that he had woken up like this, but it was the first time that he called for him, actually requested his presence, despite being there. From what the medics had told him, his vision was not going to get any better soon, or even, ever. Sitting up from his little spot on the bed, he grabbed Kaz’s cheeks, holding them between his naked palms, pressing his forehead against his in an attempt to calm him down.
“I’m here, Miller. Calm down, it was just a bad dream.”
A bad dream that without a doubt felt real, that he felt the need to call for the Boss to comfort him. Ocelot wasn’t mad; John’s codename escaped his own lips more than often and loomed over his thoughts, even when being intimate and around Miller. It couldn’t be shaken off and he neither wished to do so, but for now, he genuinely did want to make sure that Miller was comforted. He wouldn’t allow himself to show such weakness and need to be reassured if this wasn’t serious, and Ocelot would have been considerate never to bring it up during their time awake unless Miller did.
“There’s nothing here to harm you, I’m here.”
They both knew how dangerous they could be towards each other, but those past nine years created that false sense of comfort that they both needed, considering John’s state. Venom was but a mere phantom, and his appearance could not shake off the bond they had developed, even if it was threatening to do so.
“Take deep breaths, Miller. Take your time, take as long as you need”, he encouraged him, his voice resembling that false, sweet tone he reserved for his interrogations, but they both knew that it was more genuine that he let show. His touch so gentle, encouraged by the darkness around them. If Miller couldn’t see the concern in his face, the better it would be for the both of them.
Leans in to kiss his -big- nose. ( gimme the cute u coward )
He didn’t exactly know how Miller agreed to his suggestion of helping him with shaving; it had been weeks since his return to the Motherbase, and his beard was only getting worse, so out of hand. Ocelot knew that recruits, especially the ones that had been there a long time, were discussing Miller’s appearance and how it changed so dramatically once he had returned from Afghanistan.
Still, as he let the blade gently graze his exposed skin he couldn’t help but focus on his glassy eyes, shut now after the initial protest to remove them, Ocelot insisting that they got in the way. It was heartbreaking to see the fire in them gone, not that the rest of his appearance was missing the passion and fire that once resided in them. Everything else about him, his eyebrows furrowing, the way his voice sounded so cold, angry, the way he stumbled around was more than convincing that the man was filled with the same passion and lust for revenge he once had.
“There”, he said as he pulled back, drying Miller’s cheeks and neck, his beard not gone, as he requested, but tamed down and trimmed significantly. He didn’t receive a reply from him, and looking at the discarded sunglasses, he picked them up, placing them at their rightful place, with Miller finally reacting and facing the mirror Ocelot held up in front of him. “Isn’t this much better? Was it so hard to ask for this?”, he asked him, what followed really catching him off guard.
Tired, full lips, slightly chapped, placed a kiss against his nose, on the perfect height level due to him bending down slightly with Miller sat on the chair, fighting the urge to visibly blink at the gesture. When Miller pulled away, he stared for a few moments, leaving the mirror behind and tracing his nose with a gloved hand.
“I’ll take this as a thank you. And you better ask for a shave next time, I did a mighty fine job here”, he smirked, his expression softening, before giving his freshly shaved cheek a light pat. “Now, that’s a good look on you.”
I cry because I told you so many times about how I compliment your Kaz constantly <3 And you loving Ocelot so much and giving your approval means so much
