Goddd sometimes I hate being in the weird gray area of what people consider "disabled enough."
Academically, I was excellent bc I had terrible anxiety from failing bc I was being hyped up as the "smart kid" since my hyperfixation abt facts helped me sound smart so I didn't look "troubled enough" to get any help when I asked for an ADHD psyche referral from my school counselor until I got into senior high school and was struggling with grade anxiety so bad bc I forgot something that would doom my grade that I had a public incident forcing the school to recognize my problems.
Physically, people with knee subluxation or knee instability could look pretty abled if they don't run, jump, or rush on the stairs so PE teachers gave me shit for even submitting a medical certificate requesting for exemptions from strenuous activities when in fact I even begged my doctor to allow me to do PE when he was giving a no to my med cert request and I could never make it to dean's list bc of the ceiling cap they made for disabled students who couldn't do the physical work and had to do paperwork instead.
I hate having the need to prove I'm disabled enough to give myself breaks and considerations since people keep thinking "you look pretty abled to me!" and my brain just keeps parroting that in my head and it really feeds into the imposter syndrome I've been working so hard to fight against. The fact that it has gotten so bad that I've also feel like I'm not disabled enough to get disability benefits bc of this is just even more frustrating. "You don't need that! You handled yourself since you were a kid, so why would you need it now?"
I understand how incredibly luckier I am for the most part compared to other people but it's still frustrating when things such as accommodations or considerations are questioned bc I'm not "disabled enough."
I don't know, I'm rambling at this point I think.
