Hisoka Dirty Alphabet
OK so that’s my first contribution and obviously it has to be a thirsty post about Hisoka. I love that man and it says a lot about me.
also English isn’t my first language so if you see some horrible mistakes in my writing please let me know .
A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)
I feel it can go either way. Either he would stays and let you cuddle while he plays with your hair and tease you about the faces and sounds you made earlier or he could just straigt up leave once he's done depending on his mood. If it does stay and spend the night you better bet that he'd be ready for another round in the morning.
B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
Hisoka definitly knows he's eye candy, this man loves every inch of himself head to toe but he likes to attract attention on his arms and hips suggestively, you think he's just making weird pose ? It's not, it's a mating stance. I don't see him as a man who'd be too picky apparence wise for a partner. He can appreciate conventional beauty but as long as his interest is caught and he thinks he can have some good time he would go for it, he's a sucker for nice full lips though.
C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)
Be prepared to have cum litteraly everywhere, even the walls are not safe with the trash clown. Hisoka's cum is opaque, very sticky and slighty sweet like you would expect for someone who calls his Hatsu "Bungee Gum : Elastic Love" and while it's nice when he finishes in your mouth it will drive you crazy when he'd aim for your hair. Just imagine washing honey, you'd need at least 3 shampoo to get everything off and he knows that perfectly, he finds this funny for some reason. As much as he likes to finish inside, when he knows that you both have all night he'd make it a game to cum in a different place each time to see how much of your body he could cover. He won't let you shower inbetween, he likes to make you dirty.
D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
He have no shame period. He will tell you everything even if you don't ask for it. Wether it makes you wet or cringe he doesn't care, he just wants to see your reaction.
E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)
He had too many partner to even count, this man needs standards (and Jesus) . Everything he didn't already experienced or heard about he'll think of it on his own. He's smart and have a lot of imagination as we saw during his battle so it's only natural that he'd use his mind in bed. He would be very attentive to everything you say, your movements, gasps etc he'd find your button really fast whithout you having to guide him at all. Like everything else in his eyes, sex is a battle and he wants to win, his goal's to break you with pleasure until you're a drooling, half conscious mess.
F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)
Everything that let him have a good look at your face when you cum. He loves the physical pleasure of sex there's no doubt about it but what he aches for is contemplating the result of his caress and thrust when you come undone under him. He get an enormous satisfaction knowing he's the one doing that to you, like I said that's his win. I can see him asking you to look at him in the eyes when he senses you're close and his climax won't be long after yours.
G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)
Depends on his mood too. He would be pretty playful most of the times, driving you mad with his shitty grin of his but I can also see him not fooling around when his need is too strong. In the latter situation he wouldn't be up for foreplays either he'd just want to be inside you fast, like yesterday fast. He won't force you but he'd be a lot more agressive than his usual flirty self when he'd tease you so much that you'd be the one begging to finally getting him to fuck you. When he's impatient he'd just finger you and grind himself on you to relieve the need a bit until you're ready to accomodate his cock, once he's inside he would pound you like there's no tomorrow but still intend to make you come too either with his hand or, if you didn't finish before him, with his mouth afterward.
H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)
I see a lot of headcanon of people thinking the carpet match the drapes. I don't . Hisoka is all for surprise and I can imagine having his pubes the same color as his hair being boring for him. He would make stupid shape and dye his pubes in a color that complement his hair, no fashion faux-pas like Yellow and Orange.
I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)
Well ... he can fake it. It would be one of his games to tease you on how much you like it when he's sweet to you, and that maybe you like him and shit like that, I can't see him being genuine. He would like it if you're overly sweet to him sometimes though, he have time when he likes being pamper a bit and won't tease you *too much* about it.
J= Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)
Yeah he jerk off a lot too. When he got times he'd go all out with lube, toy and getting in a room where he'd be in front of a mirror (i did say he really LOVES his body). This guy doesn't just jack off, he treats himself to a full course of pleasure. He would go slow and taking time to give attention to every of his sweet spots before even touching his dick. Hisoka would tease himself like he would for his partner, always delaying just a bit more the moment when he'd start pumping himself. I can see him being pretty rough when he gets going, gripping his cock with way too much force to be comfortable. If you're available he'd call you when he's near his end so he'd come to the sound of your voice and because he's an oversharing slut.
K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)
Blood play, bondage, asphyxiation, edging, outdoor... you name it he loves it.
L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)
He loves thrill, he loves to embarrass you so semi public is the way to go. He'd fuck you particularly hard and fast to make you as loud as possible, don't even try to stay silent that'd encourage him to try harder and in the end he will win anyway. Bonus point if you're as shameless as he is and don't give a shit if someone sees you, he'd get out of his way to pick locations with the riskiest chance to get caught. He wouldn't go full public though he like the thought of being surprise in the act not giving a show to a crowd.
M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)
If you breath he's already hard. Don't you know the man is a hoe ?
N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
I can only think of things that would gross him out, lack of hygienes, poop or pee, things like that being a big NO. I headcanon Hisoka as a very clean man, sure he likes to get you and him dirty but in the *right* way. Eveything else he would consider a boring fuck if it wasn't for his taste but he would sure as hell finish before leaving and never come back.
O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)
Both. He will eat you out any chances he gets, he's great at oral and he'd uses it to tease you relentlessly, stopping just when you're about to come to kiss and lick your thigs with his shit eating grin glued on his face. He would do that a few time until you start threatening to kill him if he doesn't let you finish. Seing you grabing his hair, feeling your legs shaking would delight him beyond words. Please look at him when he goes down on you, he's happy when he gets your full attention. He loves attention to his dick too, any kind, so he's pretty enthusiastic if you blow him, he would moan loudly and sing your praise in a way where you wouldn't really know if it's bullying or genuine compliment. Be careful though, if you want him to finish in your mouth he WILL fuck your face.
P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)
Whatever makes you lose your mind. That doesn't mean he's a selfless lover just that like I said he wants to win, he'd be sure that if anyone ask you "who's your best fuck?" his face pop immediately in your head. He's pretty good at manipulating people, even if you don't share his tastes at first he'd make at least some of his kinks yours by slowly incorporating them into your sex life and merging them with things he knows you like until you get some pleasure out of it. You're his toy and he wants to play with his rules. However when he chases his own orgasm he's very rough and if you weren't already into that it would be the moment when he'd bruise you with his gripe and leave bite mark on you. He would apologize after if it bothers you. He's not sorry at all.
Q= Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)
He loves quickies but more like something punctual than an habit, he'd prefer to take his time to have you needy and begging, he does love his mind game. Sometimes he would like to take you in a more animalistic way, right here and right now, it's usually when he's in his "no bullshit just fuck" mood, after a particularly exciting fight for exemple, in this case he would just straight up says that he wants you now and it's even better for him if you're outdoor so he can still indulge in his kink. If you accept he'd take you into the nearest hidden location and wouldn't lose any time to get started. It would be one of the time when he'd like to take you for behind and only focus on his sensation.
R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)
Hisoka isn't even careful with his life he wouldn't be careful with his dick. Do your worst to him there's a high chance he'd like it.
S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)
You'd be spent waaaay before him, there's no question about that. He can go for days and his only limit is your staminia. You'd be raw and sore in the morning every time but hey you knew it would be like that ! That's why you chose to fuck the trash clown in the first place.
T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)
He uses them on him or his partner sometimes, it's more an once in a while fun. He likes the different sensations that toys can offer but he'd still prefere to go natural when he's with you, it's an ego thing. When he's doing his all "jerking like a diva" routine that's when he uses them the most.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Very very very unfair, that's his main turn on. Either with words or actions he would tease you all the time, coupled with the fact that's this man couldn't shut his mouth to save his life, be prepared to have a comment for everything you do to him and every reaction he'd fish out of you. With edging being one of his kink too don't expect him to let you come anytime soon, he'd be teasing you until you whimper in frustration and even then it wouldn't be the end of his torture. When he's going down on you or pleasing you with his finger he'd make you say eveything you'd want him to do to you, and then how, where, what rythm. You'd need to spell eveything out for him to let you finally come. It doesn't seems that hard but in the state you'd be in, just articulate a word would be harder than solving an advanced math problem. The good news is that he likes being teased too so feel free to make him pay.
V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)
So loud, you can't even compete. He's shameless and he'd make every sound an human mouth can make. He has no restrain at all.
W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)
Hisoka nipples are extremely sensistive, you can make him come just playing with them. That's the spot to go when you want to have him going boneless under your touch and that's the spot to go when you're feeling mean and want some vengeance after all his teasing.
X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)
Thicc. Hisoka's cock is around 16cm, very grithy and curbing a bit to the right. The skin is pale like the rest of his body but in a redder shade, his head get very red when he's aroused and precum, so much precum.
Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)
If he didn't like fighting that much he would be fucking all the time, that's how high is sex drive is.
Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Depends if he's sleeping alone or not. If you excuse yourself out after you're done with him (because you're a smart girl and you know that all of this was a mistake) he'd go doing something else, I don't think the sex would have tire him so much that he'd need to sleep right away. He would probably take a shower first, maybe bother Illumi with some texts or keeping track on some of his fruit. If you do decide to stay and he's in the mood to let you sleep with him he'd sleep close to you and cuddle a bit if he's satisfied, he'd fall asleep not long after you and skip the shower so you could both take one in the morning together (and do the do once again).
