Horray for bullies!
As I'm leaving the theater on Shattuck a little after 2 in the morning, having seen a midnight showing, I walk outside and see a group of people around my bike. Four dudes, two chicks...one of which is mounted on my bike. I walk up and stand there beside some of the guys and watch the show, seemingly unnoticed, for probably a solid minute (which felt like eternity). I hear the girl say how easily she could steal my bike if she "wanted to" and how fast she could get away. I slyly smile, knowing she's full of it...
I'm not worried because I've locked my bike up with a Kryptonite Mini, combined with a cable, using a modified Sheldon Brown method. I run the u-lock through my rear wheel, around the rear triangle of my frame and around a bike rack. I run the cable through the front wheel and secure it to the u-lock. Sure, the cable can be cut with the right tool, so it's mainly there as a deterrent. If a thief really wants my front wheel, there gonna take it--I'm okay with that, because if they only take one thing then I'd rather it be the front wheel (the cheapest to replace) and not the frame or back wheel. As the topic stays on bicycles but diverts away from my bicycle, I step in with my u-lock key and say, "Excuse me, mind if I grab my bike?" The group erupts in laughter.
"I was just saying how the guy who owns this was gonna walk out and wonder what you were doing!" one says.
"Dude, sweet bike! I'll pay you $20 for it!" another says.
"Yeah man, it looks fast!" someone else says.
The girl putting on a show joined in with the group in wanting to shake my hand, except instead of bike praise she started, "I'm sorr--wait." She looked at her friends and an evil grin appeared on her face. "I don't apologize for nothin! hahaha" I took her still-outreached hand and shook it, only I didn't walk away like I should have. I was offended. (Is it so much to ask of people to have some common decency? Just apologize and be done with it. I won't think you're weak--I'll think you're pretty classy and just walk away.) "No, you really should apologize. And I accept," was my comeback. Keep in mind I somehow did all of this cool as a cucumber. But my adrenaline was pumping, so I guess the malicious intent of my words had been received. A guy in an A's cap (way to rep Oakland, buddy) stepped up and seemed really upset, like it was his girl I'd just spoken to. "Hey, that's my bike." "Haha Funny," I said in a mocking manner. "Hey, that's my bike. I stopped and confronted him, like I had the bravery of some super hero. "You know there's security cameras right here, right? Just walk away," I said bluffing--I had no clue if there were cameras. "How about you get off my bike!?" At this point I've mounted my bike and I'm trying to gracefully ride off, ignoring him. I hear him start to run after me and I try to punch it, only I'm in a high gear and I'm basically going no where at this point. As I hear him right on my tail, I swerve to dodge an innocent bystander and run into a storefront window. So clutch. So graceful. I land on my feet and look back. He's walking away laughing, with a gangster swagger he didn't seem to have before, probably thinking he'd scared me into wrecking. I stand there smiling at him, as two other girls walk up and say: "You handled that better than most. Don't worry about him." I stand there straddling my bike a little longer and laugh at what just occurred. "It's sad, really," I tell them. "Yeah, it is. Just get out of here." The group starts to call me names, because they're effectively 12 years old, and I just laugh some more. I finally leave, turning at the corner and deciding to go home the back way. I see two police cars creeping down the street without their headlights on and one cop is on foot. I think about it for half a second and decide to pull over and tell the foot patrol what just happened. "If I see the guy, I'll talk to him," was his response. Just a few minutes late from witnessing it themselves and the quick brush-off. Classic police. I guess I'll be driving to the midnight showings from now on!