#kyeomshua

[seoksoonwoo]

puppies

[animeniacss]

Seventeen Ship Fics Masterlist

Here will be any ship-based fanfiction I write. If this is your cup of tea, I hope you enjoy what I have to offer!

If not, please feel free to check out my SVT Reader Fics here and here

Key: ✔️- Completed ✏️- Work in Progress 1️⃣-One Shot 📗-Multi Chapter 💕-Romance 💢-Depictions of Violence 💍- Established Relationship 🍭- Fluff 💔 - Angst 🔞- Explicit

GyuHao - I Have Another One - ✔️💕🍭1️⃣

Synopsis: Minghao is stuck listening to the random pick-up lines of bored Mingyu as the last one in the cafe. However, despite his best efforts, he can't help but find them adorable.

Genre: Coffee!Shop AU, Barista!Gyu, Tsundere!Hao, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Flirting, Implied Relationship

Length: approx. 3.3k words

Read Here

Seoksoo/Kyeomshua - (im)perfect - Part 1 ✔️💕📗🍭💔

Synopsis: Lee Seokmin likes a lot of things: karaoke, stuffed animals, his friends, his family (when they're not at each other's throats), and when things go according to plan. It's perfect that way. That is...until Joshua Hong, the Education Department TA, stumbles into his view one day and suddenly Seokmin has to start facing the fact that maybe not everything in life will be perfect...but with Joshua, that might just be ok.

Tags: College!AU, ActingMajor!Seokmin, Teacher!Joshua, Romance, Angst, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Side GyuCheol, Side JunHao, Side Verkwan, Other Idol appearances, Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Domestic Violence (not between the main couple), Joshua is a dork 90% of the time, (More Tags will be Added as needed)

Length: approx. 130k

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20; Bonus

Seoksoo/Kyeomshua - An (im)perfect Christmas Special - ✔️💕📗🍭💔💍

Summary: Joshua is now invited to the Lee Christmas weekend, and while Seokmin is happy to spend the holiday with his new boyfriend, that also means his new boyfriend will have to spend the holiday with his family.

Tags: College!AU, ActingMajor!Seokmin, Teacher!Joshua, Romance, Angst, Fluff, Mutual Pining, , Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Joshua is a dork 90% of the time, Established Relationship, Christmas Special, Dysfunctional Family Drama

Length: approx. 16k words

Chapter 1; Chapter 2

Gyushua - Fortunate Change 📗✏🔞💔

Summary: Mingyu finally gets the chance to enjoy himself and somehow stumbles into the arms of his boss’s very impulsive, very rebellious, very stunning son, Hong Jisoo. "It doesn't matter as long as the intentions were pure, right?"

Tags: Explicit Sexual Content, Implied Sexual Content, Security Guard!Mingyu, Heir!Joshua, Dysfunctional Family Dynamics, Forbidden Relationship, Co-Worker Relationship, Grief *Explicit Version found on ao3 only*

Length: approx. 182k words

Prologue; Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5; Chapter 6; Chapter 7; Chapter 8; Chapter 9; Chapter 10; Chapter 11; Chapter 12; Chapter 13; Chapter 14; Chapter 15; Chapter 16; Chapter 17; Chapter 18; Chapter 19; Chapter 20; Chapter 21; Chapter 22; Epilogue

[zoaime]

Joshua Hong & Lee Seokmin

[moncheriwonu]

Hong Jisoo did that.

[animeniacss]

Seoksoo - (im)perfect Part 1 - Chapter 1

Synopsis: Lee Seokmin likes a lot of things: karaoke, stuffed animals, his friends, his family (when they're not at each other's throats), and when things go according to plan. It's perfect that way. That is...until Joshua Hong, the Education Department TA, stumbles into his view one day and suddenly Seokmin has to start facing the fact that maybe not everything in life will be perfect...but with Joshua, that might just be ok.

Tags: College!AU, ActingMajor!Seokmin, Teacher!Joshua, Romance, Angst, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Side GyuCheol, Side JunHao, Side Verkwan, Other Idol appearances, Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Domestic Violence (not between the main couple), Joshua is a dork 90% of the time, (More Tags will be Added as needed)

Length: approx. 5k words

Chapter 1

Most people have a balance of things they like or don’t. Not Seokmin. Seokmin likes a lot of things. Seokmin likes going to karaoke after a long week of testing at school. Seokmin likes singing his lungs out to whatever power ballad he comes across within the confined and padded room, performing for the three or four friends he got to tag along with as if he were making his singing debut. Seokmin liked watching television, cartoons, and funny anime that made him laugh until his sides felt they would burst open. Seokmin likes seeing his friends laugh along with him even if the jokes aren’t that funny. Yes, Seokmin likes a lot of things.

         Seokmin likes the feeling of the cool breeze at the tail end of fall, hence why he found himself parked right on the first bench he saw as he strolled out of the last class of the day. With his backpack beside him, Seokmin leaned back and watched as the rest of the campus moved on around him. He liked people watching too; liked seeing people find comfort in the bubble of their friends or lovers, giggling as they strolled through the familiar paths of the university. He liked hearing the monotonous whoosh of the building doors opening and closing in a familiar routine. He liked it because it was familiar; he could plan for the familiar. 

         Seokmin leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees as he flipped his phone from his back pocket and into his hands. It was just barely 3:30, he had the entire afternoon and evening to himself. What should he do? There were many things he wanted to do. Unlocking his phone enabled him to see all of his apps, neatly placed in boxes depending on their use. ‘Entertainment’, ‘Social Media’, ‘School Work’, and ‘Finances’ all of it was organized. All of it was familiar, and that was what Seokmin liked. Lazy fingers scrolled through the options. His Twitter icon held onto a bright red bubble with ‘13’ inside, and Seokmin chuckled, clicking it open and skimming the frantic tweeting of his friends as they discussed back and forth about something he had no interest in. Leaving one like to show some support, he closed out the app and was finally rid of the pesky red bubble.

         “Spacing out again?” A gentle voice with a hint of playfulness alerted Seokmin to look up. He glanced over to see a head of brunette fluff plop beside him, two honey-bun cheeks grinning. Legs in denim jeans crossed at the ankles, and Seokmin only offered a half smile.

         “No, not this time.” He said. “Just finished class. You?”

         The brunette putting his head on Seokmin’s shoulder and letting out an exasperated sigh was enough to tell Seokmin of his feelings. “I have two-night classes on Thursdays.”

         “Ouch.”

         “Teaching is a bitch.” Seokmin snorted, his half-smile widening to one that took up his entire face. “I have a presentation on effective teaching strategies due tomorrow. I’ll be awake until my eyes bleed, Hyung.”

         “Awww, Kwannie. I’m sorry.” He patted his friend’s hair affectionately, hoping to relieve some of his tension. “It will all be worth it when you become the best teacher in the country. Teaching the generations of tomorrow!” Seungkwan laughed a bit. “I’ll have dinner ready when you get home, okay?”

         A warm hum in reply made Seokmin’s smile soften, but not leave his face. Knowing Seungkwan was satisfied made Seokmin feel the same. “Thanks, Hyung. You’re the best.”

Seokmin likes – no – Seokmin adores his roommate, Boo Seungkwan. The duo met when Seungkwan lugged his bags into his dorm last year with his mom and three chattering older sisters, a flustered freshman rooming with the one sophomore at the time who offered out of all of those who were asked. 

“I’m thinking of grilled pork and some sides,” Seokmin said, and Seungkwan was practically salivating. “Sound good?”

“Delicious.” Seungkwan smiled, sitting back up. Arms stretched over his head, another groan escaping his lips. Seokmin noticed this one sounded more optimistic than the last; another thing Seokmin found he liked about Seungkwan. “I’ll be home around 7, I guess. By the time class lets out and I catch the bus-.”

“I’ll be sure to have it ready by then.” Seokmin patted his friend on the shoulder. “You should get going before you’re late to class.”

“What are your plans for the afternoon?” Seokmin shrugged, finally rising from his seat and slinging his bag over his shoulder.  

“I’m thinking maybe I’ll study in the library for a little while before I head home.” Seungkwan nodded, eyes sparkling. “I want to try and get as much work as I can done this week so I can focus on my lines.” 

“That’s right. The play is coming up. When do auditions start?”

“Next week.” Seokmin pulled the rolled-up paper from the side of his bag, unraveling it to show a beautifully decorated flyer. The bright colors and symbols were meant to attract new eyes to the play. “I still have a few more lines to get.”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” Seungkwan assured. “You always nail your auditions!”

Seokmin’s beaming smile fell to a half-one again. His cheeks flushed a pretty pink at the compliment. “You think?” he asked.

“Of course! Must I remind you that I was the one who made a very detailed sign last year?” No, Seungkwan didn’t. Nobody would forget the gaudy thing, made with makeshift items one would find at the local craft store and glued onto a large piece of paper that Seungkwan waved from the back of the theatre like one of those leaf fans used to cool down an ancient emperor.

“I dunno. I’m kind of nervous this time.”

“Then go run lines to yourself like the loveable weirdo you are, and I’ll see you back at the house.”

“Oh, haha.” Seokmin frowned, though he couldn’t stay mad at Seungkwan’s playful smile. “Bye, Kwannie.” Seokmin waved his friend off down the path, the education building nestled nicely between the theater building Seokmin just left and the science building. Seokmin watched until Seungkwan turned up the steps, eyes seeming to beam as a few friends waved him over. Seokmin watched as they latched onto him, the group chatting as they disappeared behind a turned corner.

Seokmin liked that his friends had friends. When his friends had friends, it meant Seokmin was simply that: another friend. 

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         The library was usually bustling right after the last set of afternoon classes ended, and Seokmin made his way in, bag at his side and headphones pressed into his ears. He liked the smell of the library, always a sweet scent like vanilla or cinnamon that made one feel they were in a bakery, more than in a library full of old books. Seokmin didn’t mind though. Setting the bag down, he pulled out a laptop, turned it on, and watched the blue light assault his eyes so hard he had to squint for a second. Careful fingers glided along the mouse pad, opening up a half-completed essay on a modern play and how it compared to the original. Seokmin chose Mama Mia! because, of course, he did. He’d seen the American movie millions of times with his sister and mother, and the play in Gangnam just as many times. He could write this essay in his sleep….so why was it only halfway done? Seokmin took a few silent minutes to skim through what he had already written, comparisons of Sophie’s musical portrayal compared to that of American actress Amanda Seyfried being the bulk of the first page. Seokmin pursed his lips together, eyes scanning line by line until he reached the end of the essay. Two out of four pages were completed. And it was due by tomorrow.. Seokmin leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest.

         Seokmin liked studying the lines of plays more than he liked writing about plays, so when he ended up with the script in his hand for the upcoming school musical, XCalibur, a story of King Arthur, he wasn't surprised. Seokmin had read the story in school because what angsty teenager didn’t, and he loved the idea of challenging himself with the role of the lead. Flipping through the script, he scanned the blue-highlighted lines. Beside each chunk of Arthur’s lines, he scribbled a few notes and ideas for how he wanted to portray himself. Or, well, how the director would want him to be portrayed. His lips quietly mouthed the lines, nose scrunching when Arthur was disgusted and eyes widening when he was shocked. When someone at the next table coughed, Seokmin froze, his lips stopping mid-lip-synced sentence. His head turned towards the sound, locking eyes with a blonde girl whose hair was tugged into two tight braids. Her glasses that sat atop her nose were pushed up just slightly, allowing Seokmin to briefly catch her eyes, which studied him. He could feel his eyebrows raised as he sat frozen in a stunned expression, lips parted slightly. The sight of this girl glaring daggers into him for a mere second was enough to get him to turn back to the script, face completely resetting back to normal. Was she sick? Why was she in the library if she was sick, though? That’s not very sanitary…Seokmin felt panic bubble in his chest. Seokmin flipped his script closed and shoved it in his bag. 

He would save running lines for home, less coming across like one of those ‘weirdos’ Seungkwan mentioned.

        If he wasn’t going to write his essay…or study his lines…what else could one do in the library? Read, of course. Seokmin traveled up the steps to the second level, immediately catching sight of different people huddled around tables and on computers as they attempted to get their work done. A few were lounging on big, comfy chairs and simply reading. He looked around for a minute, scanning the different options. Seokmin liked to read about romance. Seokmin liked romance, period. There was something about seeing the progression of two people who were once strangers coming together and forming a new timeline, one that intertwined with each other in ways they may or may not have imagined. 

         Eyes darted from top shelf to bottom, at the spines of various books hoping to stand out among the sea of other romance novels. Seokmin didn’t care; he’d read them all. Reaching up, Seokmin took hold of one that caught his eye. A deep red cover with the outline of two rings sitting on top of one another, supporting one another in what looked like an empty void otherwise. The title ‘P for perfect’ was written in English and Korean, as well as the author. Seokmin flipped through the pages for a second, taking in the few words and short blurbs that he could as pages whirred by his eyes, before tucking it under his arm and leaving a book-shaped hole in the shelf where he pulled it. Seokmin pursed his lips, studying the hole for a second before sliding all of the books down just a tad and closing it up. “There.” He whispered. That hole would have eventually led to books falling over due to the mere weight the others. Seokmin liked knowing they were secure. 

         As he walked down the aisle just a bit more, reaching a wide lounging area, he caught more individuals buried in their books to study, a similar sight regardless of where in the library he looked. He caught sight of one person in particular sitting at a seat alone, not studying but instead sitting beside a large stack of papers. Seokmin couldn’t explain why he wanted to stare – maybe he was a weirdo, and that’s why the girl from downstairs was looking at him funny – but he stood behind one of the walls of books and watched the male press the tip of a red pen to his lips. His brows were furrowed, deep in thought at whatever he was reading. His hair was just barely hiding Seokmin from seeing his side profile, light brown hair hanging in front of his face until a hand came up and tucked the strands behind his ear. He….was fucking gorgeous! A nose that fell to a perfect point, and wide eyes that seemed focused on the task before him. Lips covering the tip of that red pen protruded slightly, looking as if he were almost chewing down on the writing utensil.

Seokmin liked a lot of things….and this guy’s side profile was now one of them.  

Pen pressed to paper finally, allowing the man’s lips to press together once again as he scribbled away. Seokmin finally retreated when the male looked up, light brown locks swaying a bit. Seokmin couldn’t see, but it seemed someone else was calling for him. Waving his head in acknowledgment, Seokmin watched Brown-Locks stand up and stuff his papers in his bag before heading towards the figure he knew was blocked by the bookshelf before him. When the man was out of his sight, Seokmin stepped into view, his book held tightly to his chest.

I wonder if he saw me at all. Seokmin thought to himself, though he was unsure if he’d like that or not.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         Seokmin liked to cook, but he was neither good nor bad at it. He knew basic recipes his mother taught him when he was younger and learned some new ones off the internet. Seungkwan helped sometimes, but Seokmin liked the sight of his friend’s eyes sparkling when he took the first bite of his food.

         “It’s delicious, Hyung.” Seungkwan always beams; thus Seokmin always finds himself pressed against the kitchen counter making sure that the rice finishes cooking at the same time that the pork finishes grilling. He doesn’t mind, though. Seungkwan has always made sure he was a good roommate. He has from the time they were in the dorms until this year when they decided to get one of the apartments just off campus in hopes of a little more freedom. The rent being pretty cheap, even without the discount they gave to students attending school nearby, meant it wasn’t the most spacious, but it had what two college students in their twenties who yearned for a bit more freedom required. A kitchen, two bedrooms, and their own little laundry space tucked neatly into the corner. What they saved by cheapening out on the rent they used to keep their pantry filled with snacks and goodies, the perfect spot that the duo found themselves graviating towards for a snack during those late night study sessions. It was their own permanent sleep over and Seokmin liked that. It was exactly what he needed.

         The clock read 6:15 when Seokmin next looked at it, and he looked down at the spread he had been preparing since he arrived home. Once dinner was done, and Seungkwan offered to do the dishes, Seokmin could sit on the couch with a snack and-.

         Bzzzzt. Bzzt.

         Seokmin peeled his eyes from the clock just long enough to feel the vibration of his phone from his back pocket. With a quick cleaning of his rice-covered hands, he flipped open his phone. Kwannie followed by a string of orange emoji appeared on his phone. Without missing a beat, Seokmin opened the phone and pressed it to his ear. “Hey!” He beamed.

         “Ah, hey….” Immediately, Seokmin felt his smile falter and his other hand drop to his side. His stomach did a flip that made him want to hurl. “Seokmin-Hyung, listen. I don’t know if I’ll make it home for dinner after all.” 

         “O-oh.” Seokmin muttered.

         “I’m sorry. My friends invited me to the library to get the rest of this project done and I need all the help I can get. I think there are some books I need to get at the library, too.” Seungkwan sighed. “I’m so sorry.” Hearing Seungkwan’s amplified apology burned Seokmin’s ears, and he toyed with one of the loops in his jeans.

         “Sorry?” he asked. “Why are you sorry?” Seokmin looked down at the rice cooling down. “You need to finish your project, after all.”

         “Do you want to come back and join us for dinner? I’ll pay!”

         “No, no. Go have fun with your friends.” He assured. “I’ll save you some leftovers for tomorrow, that’s all.”

         “Are you sure?” his voice was soft, shaky, almost bordering embarrassed.

         “Sure,” Seokmin assured. “I can’t eat all of this by myself.” He giggled. “Go get your work done for your presentation. That’s…much more important.”

         Seungkwan must have caught Seokmin’s delay because he paused a second before replying. “Okay. Thank you, Hyung. I’m sorry it’s so last minute. I promise I’ll make it up to you!”

         “Make it up to me by getting an A, how about that.” Seokmin heard a breathy chuckle from his friend. “Just let me know when you’re headed home, yeah? And be safe.”

         “Right. I’ll see you later on tonight, then.” Seokmin hummed, quickly slapping his phone shut, and tossed it onto the couch behind him. He winced when he heard it bounce off the plush surface and onto the floor, the echo reverberating into the room.

“Shit….” He turned back to the meal before him, just barely done and ready to be served. Seokmin allowed the clinking of metal silverware and plates to fill the silence in the apartment as he fixed the settings on the table from two to one. Nestling into his seat, Seokmin looked down at the spread. “It’s for school…” He said to himself, picking up the bowl of rice. He reached his chopsticks forward for some grilled pork, mixing the two and sticking it into his mouth. He hoped if it was filled with food, it wouldn’t utter anything else. He had to finish his project. It’s understandable….

When Seokmin felt his eyes prick with tears, a sleeved arm came and caught them, pressing against his eyes so hard that for a second he saw stars. With a few deep breaths, he lowered his arm and stuck another bite of dinner in his mouth.

As he chewed, he knew the food was delicious. It was the same recipe he always used. However, the emptiness from across the little table in the kitchen made him question his cooking ability for a second.

Seokmin hated broken promises. But…maybe this wouldn’t have happened if the girl at the library didn’t think Seokmin looked like such a weirdo rehearsing lines. A domino effect it seems. 

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         Seokmin was sipping a glass of water, his new library book propped open as Seungkwan made his presence known. Seokmin turned his head as the brunette strolled in. Despite their red strain, most likely from hours of staring at a computer, Seungkwan’s eyes were beaming as he strolled in. It was as if he won the lottery. Seokmin checked the time: 11:00.

         “Hyung-.” Seungkwan beamed almost immediately when he saw Seokmin sitting there. “You’ll never guess what happened tonight.”

         Seeing Seungkwan’s excitement made Seokmin’s own smile form on his face, a chameleon blending in with his surroundings. He closed his book, making sure to mark the page for later. Seungkwan practically swan dove onto the couch, sitting with his legs crossed as he turned to his taller roommate. “What happened? Did you get your work done?”

         “Mhm.” Seungkwan seemed proud. “But that’s not all. Guess who ended up coming to the study group?” Seokmin cocked an eyebrow, silently prompting Seungkwan to share. “Chwe Hansol!”

         Immediately, Seokmin recalled the name. A boy in two of Seungkwan’s previous education classes. This one too, it seems. “Aaah.” A grin of intrigue broke on Seokmin’s face. “Really?”

         “Yeah. I didn’t think he was coming but apparently, he got invited last minute, too.” Seungkwan’s eyes sparkled, and Seokmin could have sworn he saw hearts forming in his friend’s pupils. “He was helping me with my translations for some of the articles. Did I tell you that he was born in New York?”

         “You did.” 

         “Yeah, so he speaks fluent English and has his Korean citizenship.” Seungkwan sighed, bliss filling his lungs and exhaling right into Seokmin’s face. “He’s just so cool.”

         “Oooo.” Seokmin smiled. “Is there perhaps a confession of love soon?”   

         “Whaaaaat? Hyung, no, no. I don’t know if he’s into that. He’s pretty to himself.” Seokmin smiled as his friend's cheeks grew redder and redder the more he talked. “I mean. I don’t know if he’s not not into guys like that. I didn’t ask.”

         “Well, there’s your problem.”

         “But I barely know him,” Seungkwan added. “I don't think that’s good first conversation talk. ‘Hey, you’re really cute. Are you gay?’” Seokmin nodded in acknowledgement. 

         “Fair point. No use running right out of the gate. But, now that you two have some kind of connection you should feel it out. Tonight is the first time you had an interaction with him outside of staring at him in class.” Seungkwan giggled shyly. “Just get to know him more and see if he’s something you want to spend time with, and not just…well, you know-.” Seokmin paused a second, lips tugged together as he figured out how to phrase the rest of his sentence.

         “…Fuck?” Seungkwan asked.

         “Yeah, I guess.” The duo laughed. “Just see what kind of guy he is and see if that matches what you’re looking for. If you don’t do that, then you’ll end up either screwing up royally, or heartbroken, or both.”

         “But I get nervous when I talk to him,” Seungkwan said. “Like tonight, he reached out and pointed to an English sentence to translate to me. He was this close-.” Seungkwan squeezed his thumb and pointer finger together until there was barely a centimeter between them. “I felt like I wanted to curl up and die. I don’t even think I spoke like an actual human in that moment.” 

         “You’ll get more comfortable. If he’s as cool as you say he is, then you’ll find your groove to talk to him. If not-.” Seokmin shrugged. “There’s plenty of others out there. You’re definitely someone to be sought after, no question.”   

         “Aww, thanks, Hyung.” Seungkwan sounded hopeful and relieved, which caused those feelings to parallel in Seokmin. “You’re always so good to talk to.”  

         “I try,” Seokmin confessed. “But it’ll all work out, so don’t stress much anymore. You should go to sleep if you have to give that presentation tomorrow.”

         “Oh, you’re right! I’m so tired.” Seungkwan sighed. “I don’t think I’ve done that much reading and studying in a while.” 

         “I’m sure. Want tea or something before you turn in?”

         “Nah. I’m okay.” Seungkwan smiled, his face now catching up with the rest of him as he yawned. “I’ll make breakfast tomorrow, okay?” he hummed. Seokmin’s smile dropped a bit, but not enough to make someone notice. Seungkwan’s eyes were half closed already, so he might not have. “Goodnight, Hyung.” He waved before retreating into his room, closing the door behind him.

         Seokmin rested against the back of the couch once more, setting his library book on his lap. He looked down at it, thumbing the cover. When he touched the picture of the rings, he pressed his thumb against it, as if somehow the cool metal would rip through the cover and press into his hand. No luck, his thumb just turned a bit white and he lifted it back up, allowing the blood to flow back to the digit. It was past 11, most likely almost 12, and Seokmin knew he too had to head to bed. Rising from his spot, he set his book on the end table and headed into his own room.

         Seokmin’s Wicked poster loomed over his bed as if it were watching over his most prized possessions as they sat comfortably on his mattress. Plushies. Seokmin. Loved. Plushies. He closed the door behind him, and it felt as if his little squishy friends greeted him, all with warm smiles to see him return after a long day. None of them thought he was a weirdo, and if they did, they couldn’t talk so they could never say so.

         Seokmin crawled under the covers of his blanket, shuffling the few plush toys to either the headboard or the footrest, while others simply scattered around his bed. He hummed, nestling his head into his pillow and looking over at his newly acquired stuffed ravioli plush. Seungkwan and he found it during their most recent outing, and Seokmin almost flew out of his shoes when he saw the little guy staring at him from the window of a nearby shop. The smile on his face hurt long after he gave the confused and possibly concerned older woman his credit card and carried the ravioli plush out the door absolutely beaming the whole way to the car. 

         Seokmin knew tomorrow he had a lot of stuff to do, such as finish his essay on Mama Mia!, and get those last few chunks of blue highlighted lines memorized before his audition. He also knew that tomorrow’s breakfast would be taken care of, and waiting for him in the morning.

         Will it be?

         Seokmin closed his eyes, his hand secured around his little ravioli pal as he slowly began drifting off to sleep.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         “You know, maybe if you weren’t such a crazy fucking bitch, we wouldn’t be here right now!”

         “Oh, fuck you! You always find some way to try and blame this on me. Do you fucking hear yourself right now?!

         “All I hear is you yapping away like you always do!”

         enough…

         “You literally don’t even care about me, or this family, or anyone! You only care about yourself and what’s at the end of a fucking bottle! Do we mean nothing to you?!”

         “Keep fucking running your mouth. Keep doing it, Lord knows you love to hear yourself talk!”

         stop…

         “Someone has to keep talking or else all you’ll hear in that little head of yours is your fucking mind!”

         please….

         The sound of a loud banging made Seokmin’s eyes fly open, and he immediately sat up in bed. The force of his movements sent all of his plush toys flying onto the floor, except for the ravioli plush that he kept in a fucking vice grip. It took a second for Seokmin’s eyes to register where he was, silhouettes of his dresser and his end table looking like boxy ghosts until his brain assured him it was just furniture. His heart was pounding in his chest, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get himself to stop feeling like he was drowning in the deepest part of the sea, with cinder blocks wrapped around his ankles.

         Finally, his ears picked up something muffled from the other end of a very thin wall.

         “Get the fuck out of my sight!”

         “I’m not going anywhere. If it wasn’t for my paycheck, you’d be living on the fucking street and you know it!”

         Oh…..this again.

         Seokmin looked up at the wall as if it would allow him to see through it. The neighbors were fighting yet again. It was muffled, but their anger was as evident as ever. Seokmin could hear it clear as day, and he considered that a curse.

         Seokmin hated unexpected loud noises. He hated the sound of screams, and guttural anger from one person to the next. He hated the sound of banging on walls, the slamming of doors, and the breaking of expensive glass.

         “I’ll fucking leave and you’ll never see me or the kids ever again!”

         “Go then! Leave!”

         He hated the sound of empty threats because eventually they would not be so empty.

         Seokmin turned towards his end table – not a boxy ghost – and reached forward, pulling open the drawer and pulling out a white pair of headphones. There was a significantly tight knot in the middle that he couldn’t undo no matter how many times his long fingers desperately fumbled with it. His hands were trembling, which meant no matter how many times he tried, he couldn’t get the headphone cord into the port on his phone. Each second that passed where this loudness entered his ears made his heart beat faster, and his adrenaline started pumping.

When he heard the sound of a muffled baby cry, Seokmin felt that familiar pricking sensation in the corner of his eyes. Finally, the adaptor connected with his phone, and he frantically pressed the white triangle that awaited him on his home screen. Within seconds, music flooded his ears and drowned out the fighting in the apartment over.

         Seokmin saw a light turn on in the living room, and a shadow travel past his door. Seungkwan was awake….he could handle it. He may be the younger of the two, but he always handled it.

         He was the one who could handle it.

         Seokmin fell back onto the bed, eyes glued to the ceiling. His hand patted at his side for his ravioli plush, and when he connected with it, he squeezed it to his chest. Exhaling, Seokmin squeezed his eyes closed. He needed to go back to sleep….he couldn’t remember what he was dreaming about, but he hoped that whatever it was, it was better than what was happening in real life. It was a 50/50 chance every time. A flip of a coin that had a smile on one side and a frown on the other.

         Seokmin knew the coin landed on the frowny face when behind his eyelids, a familiar girl with blonde braids shot daggers at him from her seat. Did she still think he was a weirdo? Did she think that in the first place?

         Go practice your lines in the library like the [redacted] weirdo you are.

         I probably did look like such a weirdo. He thought to himself, pressing his face into the back of his plush. He liked how soft it felt on his face, like a comforting one-sided hug.        

Seokmin liked a lot of things, but he hated so many more. 

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[animeniacss]

Seoksoo - An [im]perfect Christmas Part 2 of 2

Summary: Joshua is now invited to the Lee Christmas weekend, and while Seokmin is happy to spend the holiday with his new boyfriend, that also means his new boyfriend will have to spend the holiday with his family.

Tags: College!AU, ActingMajor!Seokmin, Teacher!Joshua, Romance, Angst, Fluff, Mutual Pining, , Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Joshua is a dork 90% of the time, Established Relationship, Christmas Special, Dysfunctional Family Drama

Length: approx. 8.1k words

Chapter 2 - I'll Be Under the Mistletoe

“Oppa.” A soft whisper came through the bedroom. “Oppa, wake up.”

“Mm…” Seokmin sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he looked over to see a little girl at the side of his bed, bouncing on the balls of her feet so hard it looked like her pigtails were flying every which way. “Kyungie?”

“It’s Christmas, Oppa! Let’s go see if Santa came!” 

Seokmin stilled, listening for a second to see if they were the only two awake. One second, two seconds….His eyes turned to his clock, and he saw it was only 7 in the morning. “Oppa, please. I wanna look, I wanna look.”

“It’s early, Kyungie…” he murmured, but the little three-year-old only pouted, wide eyes staring up at him overflowing with Christmas joy. And Seokmin would be lying to say he didn’t think the same in his little seven-year-old mind. He smiled, climbing out of bed and taking her hand. “Let’s go, but you need to be quiet.” He pressed a finger to his lips, and grinned when his little sister mimicked the action. Seokmin squeezed his sisters hand, and they headed out of the room. 

Seokmin didn’t hear anything as he walked through the dimly lit hallway, seeing his parents door was still closed. He felt his heart racing as he led his sister down the hall, tiny children’s footsteps padding across the floor. Seokmin knew around the corner, the living room would be piled with Christmas presents under the tree, and it was only a matter of time before-.

“Don’t fucking start this morning.” It was muffled, but Seokmin slowed to a stop the second the swear word hit his hears. But it wasn’t coming from the bedroom, it was coming from the kitchen. Muffled just enough through the few walls between them. Seokmin peeked his head around the corner, just enough to see a man and a woman in their pajamas by the archway of the living room. “How could you possibly not be here for the kids on Christmas? What else is so important?”

“It’s work.”

“It’s always work, isn’t it?” Seokmin turned to face his sister, who looked up at him with wide eyes, still confused as to why they’d stopped walking in the first place. He wonders how long they were at it, if his sister heard them at all on her walk to his bedroom. He stared at her for a minute, squeezing her hand as he tried to find the right words to say.

The right words were always hard to say. Especially on Christmas.

Seokmin didn’t open his eyes until he heard the sound of a door slamming, his breath hitching as he stared at the ceiling. He needed a few seconds to decide if that slam was tucked away in his dreams, but the answer was given far to quickly in the form of a firm: 

“Don’t slam the fucking doors, Lee Eunkyung.” 

Seokmin shot up in bed, which is how he finally realized that Joshua’s arm was draped comfortably over his middle. The shift must have stirred him, because a sleepy grumble was heard beside him. When he looked over, Joshua was rubbing his eyes, brows furrowed as his ears seemed to be trying to make out whatever sounds were flooding them right now. Seokmin immediately reached down, covering his ears. 

“Don’t go in there right now. Let’s go inside.”

“Don’t wake up yet.” His voice was soft, wary, as if he’d be overheard even with the door closed Joshua groaned in response, brows furrowing even more. “Just sleep. It’s early, just sleep.” He whispered, pressing his hands tighter over Joshua’s ears. He didn’t realize they were shaking until one of Joshua’s hands reached up, covering his in its usual warm hold. He looked down at the other as Joshua licked his dry lips before they parted to speak.

“C’mere…” he whispered, tugging Seokmin back down into bed. Seokmin barely had time to react, to adjust himself, to recover Joshua’s ears before the blanket was tugged over them, fully enveloping them. “Mmm…” Joshua shifted on his side, pulling Seokmin tightly into his chest and stroking a hand through his hair. “We can sleep a bit longer.”

“Shua-.”

“Just sleep a bit longer, okay?” He still had the grogginess of sleep in his voice, his fingers working lazily through Seokmin’s hair. He’d yet to open his eyes, and Seokmin was grateful because he could already feel his own sting. Seokmin exhaled, trying to focus his mind on the hand in his hair or the one holding his waist. 

One second, two seconds, three seconds… and the house quieted. Minus a few aggravated grumblings in the room beside his, Seokmin realized whatever had happened was ending. He’d woke up at the tail end of it. 

Seokmin wasn’t sure how much longer he and Joshua lay there, but it was long enough for him to start smelling a hint of breakfast. He inhaled, tilting his head to look up at Joshua again, whose eyes were fluttering open to meet his gaze. “Mm.. Morning..” he mumbled softly, the back of his hand moving from Seokmin’s waist to rub at his eyes. “And Merry Christmas.”

“Morning..” he replied, unable to hide the smile on his face when Joshua leaned forward to press a morning kiss onto the top of his head. “Sorry if I woke you up before.”

“Nah, its ok…” he said. Sitting up, Joshua groaned, his sleep shirt raising with his arms to expose his belly. “Breakfast smells amazing.” Seokmin nodded, sliding off the side of the bed and stretching his arms over his head as well, a groan of relief coming as he felt the tight muscles in his back pull just a bit. He slid under his bed and pulled out a little red and white striped bag with white sparkly tissue paper inside. He saw Joshua blink the morning crust out of his eyes. “Is that for me?” he smirked. When he reached out for it, Seokmin held it close to his chest. 

“No.” he said. “This is for my sister.” he said. “I always give her something before we actually open presents. But I keep it in here so she doesn’t sneak a peek.” Joshua’s lips curled into an amused smile and the duo headed out of the room and down the hall. 

“Mom, can I open my stocking at least?” He heard Eunkyung ask. When he turned the corner, he saw his mother setting plates at the table while his aunt sipped coffee on the couch.

“It can wait until Yunah gets here. Just get ready to eat.” Her voice was firm, but gentle as she retreated back into the kitchen to grab the food. Seokmin took this time to hurry over to the couch, plopping down in front of his sister and holding out the bag. Her eyes widened, grinning as she took the bag.

“Thanks.” she whispered. Seokmin smiled a bit, crossing his legs under him while Eunkyung tugged the white paper out of the bag. He saw Joshua cross the living room, heading into the kitchen.

“Let me help you.” he said quickly, reaching out and taking one of the plates from Mrs. Lee. Seokmin watched his mother smile as the duo finished setting the table, hearing her mutter something about her ungrateful kids that Joshua seemed to easily laugh off. But his mother’s playful jabs were interrupted by a gasp, turning Seokmin’s attention to his sister as she pulled out a little make-up bag with pink ruffled accents, filled with a restock on her current make-up obsessions. The front was decorated in little buttons of her favorite things as well.

“Oppa, how cute.” she gasped, grinning up at him. “I needed a new make-up bag.” Seokmin leaned back on his palm as he watched her open it up, pulling a few of the objects out. “And you remembered the lipgloss I like!”

He shrugged. “It’s a good gloss.” He said. “Nayeon-noona uses the same brand so she helped me.” Eunkyung smiled, reaching forward and hugging him tightly. 

“Mmmm, you’re the best. I’ll give your gift after breakfast.” Seokmin nodded, before his mother called the group over again.

“If Joshua is the only one here he’s the only one who eats!” She huffed, grinning when she saw Joshua proudly hold up his two chopsticks and puff out his chest. 

“I can do that!” He said, nodding his head. 

—----------------------

Eunkyung became even more incessant for gifts when Yunah and her family arrived and the tree became even more packed with presents, so the group hustled around the tree. Seokmin plopped on the floor between Joshua’s legs, who had been seated on the couch with the baby in his hands since they arrived. Baby Areum immediately attached to him, which seemed to surprise nobody. He watched as Eunkyung and Minho worked to pass out the gifts, all of them collecting in piles by their respective recipients. Seokmin helped with a few, collecting Joshua’s in a pile by his side on the couch.

“If these fall on me and Aerum, you’re gonna be on the naugty list next year.” Joshua grinned as Seokmin turned around. 

“Well then I will happily keep your presents by me and open them myself.” he grinned as Joshua’s eyes widened.

“Wait, woah-.”

“Joshua, here’s another.” Minho called, passing the little green box to Seokmin and adding to his pile. Joshua’s eyes scanned the handful of gifts.

“This is all way to much stuff, are you sure some of this is mine?”

“Of course.” Seokmin’s aunt said. “How could we invite you to Christmas and not give you gifts?” Seokmin watched Joshua look at him, still stunned. He only smiled. Once the presents were all given out, and Joshua passed the baby back to her mother, the entire family worked to open their gifts up. The rustle of wrapping paper and soft chatter as everyone worked to open their gifts filled the living room. Seokmin watched as sweaters were held up for everyone to ogle at, gift baskets were unwrapped and disassembled, the candy strewn about and snacked on idly as everyone opened gifts. Eunkyung showed every piece of make-up she got, every CD, squealing as she immediately forwent the gift wrapping to unwrap the debut album of her newest idol obsession, BoyNextDoor, 

Minho and Eunkyung were tasked with cleaning up the Seokmin turned to watch as Joshua picked up the silver wrapped present he had brought. “Oh, that’s from me.” he smiled.

“I told you that you did not need to get me anything.” Despite his stern voice, Joshua was already opening the corner of the package. “You already got me something.”

“That was a birthday gift.” Seokmin corrected once again. He leaned forward, watching as Joshua pulled open the little clear box. He flipped it open to see a collection of beads. Various shapes, sizes, colors and designed stared back at him. Joshua looked at Seokmin, immediately grinning. “It’s not predictable is it? I know you said you wanted to stock up-.”

“No, no it’s so good.” he said. “I did want to stock up and make some more.” He flipped the container over to get a better view at some of them. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen beads this shape before.” He pointed to one, holding it closer for Seokmin to see. “Thank you.” Seokmin chuckled, feeling his cheeks tint pink.

“Oh, there’s one more.” He reached to Joshua’s side, passing over a little silver bag with tissue paper inside. Joshua seemed playfully annoyed, but took the bag and pulled it open. For some reason, watching Joshua’s hand reach into the bag made his heart rate increase a bit. His eyes watched, trained as Joshua pulled out a little box. His eyes shot to Seokmin, and he smirked. 

“A proposal already?” he asked. Seokmin felt his cheeks go from warm to burning in a matter of seconds, covering them as Joshua’s shoulders shook in laughter. His sister laughed behind him, earning her an annoyed glare.

“You never struck me as one to move that fast.” His mother gasped.

“No, that’s-.”

“Much less be the one to propose!” Yunah grinned. Seokmin groaned, covering his face. He continued hearing Joshua giggle, before the click open of the box made him look up again, though reluctantly between a few fingers. He saw Joshua’s features soften as he pulled out two bracelets, dangling them between his fingers. They were both plastic beaded bracelets, mainly black but with respective blue and yellow accents. In the middle of each was their initials. The rustling of wrapping paper and quiet murmurs went muffled in Seokmin’s head as he watched Joshua set the two bracelets on top of the set of beads. 

“Did you make these?” he asked curiously. Seokmin nodded, feeling the soft fondness in Joshua’s voice vibrate deep within his bones.

“I uhm… yeah.” Embarrassment seemed to hit him full force now, feeling his throat close up. Why was he suddenly so nervous? It’s not like Joshua was going to denounce his gifts in front of everyone. Right? “They’re… obviously I’ve never made them before, but they’re matching so one is for me, and one is for you. If you want to wear it, you know?”

As Seokmin rambled he watched Joshua’s smile only grow. “They’re really cute. I can’t believe you went through all the trouble to buy everything just to make these for us.” he lifted up his and Seokmin watched him slip it past his fingers, across his palm, stretching around his wrist and-.

Snap.

Seokmin felt something thunk him in the head. Though not as hard as the snowball from outside, he immediately flet a throbbing in his skull that he covered with his hand. A few scattered clinks were heard around him, and a gasp in surprise. “Ow.” Seokmin pouted, rubbing the mark on his head. Seokmin open his eyes, and his vision locked on Joshua sitting there with wide eyes and a piece of string that was suddenly a few beads lighter. Seokmin looked around him, watching as black and blue beads scattered and rolled around him. 

“Wh- oh no.” he gasped, immediately reaching forward to grab the few he could salvage. 

“Oh shi- of course. Eunkyung, get the broom.” The sound of his mother’s annoyed voice, clearly unhappy with more of a mess being made on top of the unwrapped presents, immediately made Seokmin’s cheeks feel hot again. But not in the fun way that he could brush off, no. He felt his throat tighten and his eyes lock on any beads he could grab into his hands. It felt like a game of jacks that he just woke up in the middle of, and had no equipment to properly play, much less win. He managed to grab as many as he could, before looking up at Joshua.

“I thought I tied it all together properly. I’m sorry.” He said quickly. Joshua only smiled, turning his head to the kitchen. 

“You wouldn’t happen to have a ziploc bag, would you?” he asked. Eunkyung returned a minute later, passing a baggie over to Joshua. He simply slid off the couch, opening the bag and collecting all of the beads he could. Seokmin watched him, before he offered the bag to Seokmin to put the rest of the beads inside. “We can restring it when we get home, okay? It’s no big deal.” his voice was as soft as always, yet Seokmin still felt like he was a child being scolded for making a mess. He felt a hand on his arm, and looked up. Joshua leaned forward. “I said it’s not a big deal.” his voice was gentle, comforting, like it alone could soothe that tiny dull thudding on his forehead where the beads bounced off.

“I-.” a sigh escaped his lips. “I know. Sorry.” Joshua smiled, before leaning forward and grabbing a present from Seokmin’s pile. He sank himself down onto the floor, putting the duo knee to knee as he passed the red wrapping paper over to him. 

“For you.” Joshua said. Seokmin huffed, taking the present. Should he even get this, if his gift that was supposed to be so simple broke? Does that even count anymore? Seokmin could hear the rest of his family already starting to resume their cleaning up, the last few beads being swept up and handed over to Joshua with a gentle ‘thank you’. And Seokmin just kept staring at the wrapping paper. His fingers traced the edge, turning to Joshua. The other immediately caught his gaze, and grinned. “Open the card last.”

“I thought it was the other way around.” Seokmin said, unable to resist his boyfriend’s gentle tone. He tore open the paper to reveal a little cardboard box. “The cardboard box isn’t the present.” he whispered, and Seokmin rolled his eyes.

“Thank you.” he couldn’t help but smile when Joshua looked in amusement. Opening that put a stunning leather binder in his lap; slightly larger than a greeting card. Seokmin ran his hand along the cover, where the words ‘Next Stop: Broadway” were handstitched in English. Seokmin felt his breath hitch, gently opening the binder to see it filled with clear sheets locked in place by three metal rings in the middle. One last time, he turned to Joshua for confirmation, who simply shrugged.

“I wasn’t sure if you had one already, but I figured if you did, you’d eventually need to get another, so.” Joshua seemed to watched as he flipped through the pages. They were currently empty, but Seokmin could already see the playbills he’s acquired over the years that were sitting in his desk drawer, turning the translucent pages into colorful, detailed works of art on every page. 

“I love it.” he said quickly. “I’ll put all of my favorite plays in this one.” Joshua smiled, nudging his shoulder. Seokmin could read the shyness in his eyes trying to work its way into pride. Pride for getting Seokmin such a thoughtful gift. It made something in Seokmin’s chest thud a bit to quickly, but it was evened out when Joshua said: “Oh. The card!” he pointed to the white envelope resting on Seokmin’s lap. “Open it.” So, Seokmin did.

Inside was a Christmas card, standard in everything from the wording to the design. Seokmin chuckled, flipping it open as two pieces of paper fell into his lap. He cocked an eyebrow, picking them up to see the words The Cursed Child written in bold black letters, both English and Korean. He looked over at Joshua, eyes instantly wide. “No way.”

Joshua grinned almost instantly. “Seungkwan told me how badly you wanted to see it, so-.”

“These seats must have been expensive! Are they front row?!” he gasped. “Plus the binder? Shua-hyung…” Joshua didn’t argue, he simply scooted next to Seokmin and took the tickets in his hand, pointing to the date. A week after Christmas, right around New Years Eve. “Figured we can make a whole day of it… you know?” Seokmin nodded, leaning against him to admire the tickets once again. 

“...Oh…” Seokmin pouted. “Now my gift seems so lame.” he looked at the container of beads on the floor.

“What? No.” Joshua gasped. They were the only two in the living room now, the rest of the family cleaning and then spreading around between the living room, or in Eunkyung’s case, her bedroom to organize all of her new goodies. “I love your gifts.”

“But.-” Joshua leaned forward, kissing Seokmin’s forehead. 

“But nothing. You got me things I like and want to use.” He intertwined their fingers. “I get to spend Christmas with you when I didn’t even think I’d spend a day of the break with you…” he smiled. “I’m really happy.” Seokmin smiled, despite still feeling that pit of guilt in his gut. Of course he’d say that, he wouldn’t want ot make Seokmin feel bad on purpose. Joshua isn’t like that. 

I could have given him more…

“Come on.” Joshua got up, collecting his stuff in the one large bag me put it in. “Let’s go into your room and you can organize your playbills.” He walked off, Seokmin trailing along, his arms feeling extra heavy with the guilt now weighing on his shoulders.

—--------------------------

Joshua and Seokmin had spent some time in the bedroom - with the door cracked open, Seokmin refused to forget that again - after putting some of the stuff they’d gotten in the car to make packing the day they leave just a bit easier. The family, for the most part, had come back together in the living room, watching as Aerum was staring wide-eyed at the light-up toy Seokmin’s mother had bought for her, reaching for it with her chubby little hands while in her father’s lap. Joshua, Seokmin and Eunkyung sat around as well, giggling and playing with the baby. She was the cutest guest invited, after all, it was basically common knowledge that she’d be the one getting the most attention today. Seokmin rested his head on Joshua’s shoulder, watching as Joshua took one of the new soft balls and rolling it towards the baby, watching as her eyes immediately locked on the ball and then to him.

“She really does like you.” Minho said. Joshua’s laugh was shy and almost nervous, Seokmin’s eyes flickering to the way his cheeks turned pink. 

“Do you want kids, Joshua?”

“Mom!” Seokmin’s head shot up, eyebrows raised as he stared at his mother, who was sitting in her chair seemingly unphased by her question. “I- Wh- what kind of que - Mom!” 

Joshua grinned. “I dunno. Maybe.” he said, shrugging. “I was always told I’d be a good dad, but for now I like spoiling kids that aren’t mine.” When Aerum leaned forward, her hands landing on the floor towards Joshua, he reached out and scooped her up. “Yes, like you, Aerum. Just like you.” Seokmin sighed, pouting as he watched the baby squeal and giggle in Joshua’s arms. For a moment he wonderd what Joshua would be like as a father, but they’ve barely been dating a full calendar week! When does talking about things like that become normal? Expected? Certainly not the first Wednesday you’re dating someone…

After all, what if you have all those deep, personal talks and things don’t last in the end? What then? Do those conversations just lay dormant in your subconscious until another person comes along that might take it and run with it? How do those conversations even start…who in the relationship starts them? The idea made Seokmin nauseous, and he swallowed hard in hopes the feeling would bubble away under all the breakfast he’d eaten. Or something. He needed a distraction from -.

The sound of the house phone ringing alerted the family towards the kitchen, Mrs. Lee getting up and walking over. Seokmin needed only a second to see his mother scowl, before her eyes tilted over and she said: “Guys c’mere.”

Well, this was certainly going to be a distraction.

Seokmin and Joshua watched Eunkyung spring up, heading over to the phone almost immediately. He pulled his head back from Joshua’s shoulder, steadying himself up on his feet and running a hand through his hair. 

“I’ll be right back.” He said to Joshua, who cocked an eyebrow. 

“Everything okay?” his voice was concerned, as it always was when Seokmin seemed wary. But he only nodded, offering a small smile as reassurance - or what he hoped would come across as reassurance. 

“Yeah. Just a family call, no biggie.” he said. “They just drag a little.” Joshua seemed to understand that much, trying to match his smile as Seokmin met his sister and mother in the kitchen. He watched as Eunkyung was already on the phone, chatting away with a beaming smile on her face. Seokmin waited beside his mother, arms crossed over his chest. His sister seemed focused on the conversation at hand, but Seokmin’s attention was elsewhere. He watched as his mother began organzing the dishes, tugging on her gloves and putting soap on the sponge. It was clear she didn’t want to make it clear she intended to listen in, but the timing was to obvious. Seokmin could see her eyebrows wrinkled in frustration, but she was scrubbing dry egg of one of the plates. Maybe that was why.

“Here’s Seokmin.” Eunkyung said, passing the phone over. She was still smiling, her eyes hopeful that in a matter of minutes, Seokmin would feel the same type of joy that she was feeling in that moment. Christmas joy, perhaps? Regardless, as Seokmin took the phone, he didn’t feel that whatsoever. He felt dread. Anxiety nesteled deep in his stomach threatening to boil over the second he opened his mouth. But he was the one who wanted a distraction…. Taking a deep breath, Seokmin finally muttered a polite: 

“Hi, Dad…” 

—-------------------  

“No, school’s been fine.”

“No, I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Yes, I’m still doing plays.”

“Merry Christmas. Love you.”

Seokmin woke up mumbling in his sleep, Joshua’s arm tossed over Seokmin’s middle as his face almost fully buried in his pillow. Reaching out, he ruffle the tuft of hair he could see while his heart rate slowed a bit. The touch seemed to spark Joshua to stir, but Seokmin leaned down again, laying on his side. 

“It’s only 8.” he said. “You don’t have to get up yet.” Joshua hummed, but seemingly didn’t complain, his eyes barely cracking open and offering Seokmin a smile before he was drifting back off to dreamland. Seokmin chuckled, brushing some hair off Joshua’s face, away from his eyes even though they were closed. He could feel himself fighting the urge to sleep in a bit longer, to fight the chilly cold of December under his nice comforter wrapped in Joshua’s arms, and-.

“Oppa!” 

The knock made Seokmin sit up, cheeks flush and breath hitched. Even though only the foot of his bed was visible through the open door, he felt as if he were caught doing something he shouldn’t be. Seokmin swung his legs over the side just as Eunkyung poked her head in. He didn’t miss the mischievous little smirk that formed on her lips before she said: “We need to go buy a cake.”

“What?”

“Mom said the bakery down the street has good after Christmas sales on cakes, so we should get one today for Joshua’s birthday.”

“He…” Seokmin turned to the sleeping figure in the bed, stepping out of the room and closing the door behind him. “He said we didn’t have to celeb-.”

“Mom said we’re going to. What, don’t want to celebrate your boyfriend’s birthday with your family?”

“Wh- no. That’s not it….” Seokmin sighed. Eunkyung motioned to the door, and Seokmin sighed.

“Then let’s go and get back. It’s cold. We’ll be back before he wakes up.”

A sigh of defeat; Seokmin knew if Eunkyung was on board with it, he’d never win again both her and his mother. “Alright let me get dressed.” 

Seokmin couldn’t help but wonder if Joshua would be upset with him for getting a cake for his birthday despite saying he didn’t expect them to celebrate it early. But as he tugged on a sweatshirt, took one more look at a sleeping Joshua, and slipped out of the room to meet his sister. He could hear the shower running, most likely his mother getting ready for the day. “Let’s make it quick.” Seokmin slipped on his jacket, and the duo stepped out of the house. 

The snow from the past few days had stopped falling, but there was a nice crunch under their feet as the siblings began walking down the street. The bakery they were going to is one where they got a majority of their celebratory cakes over the years; from exam celebrations to holidays to birthdays. It was something the family always looked forward too, and now they were extending that tradition to Joshua already. That settled something deep into Seokmin’s chest, something that suddenly made the cold feel a bit more bearable. 

“So…” Eunkyung began, and Seokmin looked over. The long, pregnant pause between Eunkyung opening her mouth and finishing her question was enough to freeze that warm feeling up once again. Oh lord, he knew what was coming. He could see it in her eyes, sizing him up for a sibling debrief about… 

“How’s things with Joshua-Oppa?”

Seokmin might have recoiled a bit, blinking several times. “...What?”

“How are things?” she repeated. “You two are dating after all, and this is the first time you and I have really talked about it since you told us.” she stepped closer to him, putting her arm around his arm as they strolled, looking up at him. “He’s nice.”

“Very.” Seokmin said, smiling a bit. 

Eunkyung nodded. “Has he had a good time?” she asked. “I know things are kinda…” she trailed off, but Seokmin could easily put those pieces together. 

“Yeah.” he assured. “He likes everyone.”

“Even me?” Eunkyung batted her eyes. Seokmin’s mouth fell open a bit, pursing his lips together. When Eunkyung gasped, Seokmin laughed. “Oppa!”

“He does, he does!” Seokmin assured, waving his hand as Eunkyung hit his arm. “He likes everyone. I’m happy he came.” 

Eunkyung nodded. “Well, he is part of the family now.” Her words hung in the thick, winter air. Part of the family. Something about the way she said it held a bitterness in it, but he couldn’t tell if it would be towards Joshua, and if it was…why. But he shook it off as the duo continued walking down the street. The duo felt silence over take them then. Did she want him to say something in response to that? Seokmin wouldn’t even know where to start. 

“Do you…guys like him?” Seokmin finally asked, his voice small as his eyes studied the next steps his feet would take in the snow. He visualized each step before it happened. 

“Yeah.” Eunkyung sounded genuine, and Seokmin sighed. “Like I said, he’s nice. And the way he didn’t put up with Mom’s shit at dinner the other day? Incredible.”

“I don’t think he ‘wasn’t putting up with her shit’.”

“No, she was so obviously trying to like cause a problem.” Eunkyung sighed. “She’s bitter or something. I dunno.”

“I doubt that.” Seokmin said. “I’m sure she’ll do the same when you start bringing guys around.”

“Psh, you think I’m gonna subject someone I actually like to that woman?” she asked, her eyes locking on him. Seokmin blinked, feeling her grip on his arm tighten. “I couldn’t possibly hate someone that much.”

When Seokmin fell quiet, Eunkyung immediately back tracked. “N-not that…I didn’t mean you guys, just for me. You know that.” She shrugged. “It’s different with you….”

“Is it?” 

“Very. It’ll be a cold day in hell before she let’s my boyfriend of a week come for Christmas.”

“I…doubt that, too.” Seokmin’s hesitancy was obvious, and Eunkyung rolled her eyes. She dropped that conversation in the snow to be crunched under he heel as they kept moving. Seokmin looked ahead. The bakery was just another block and a half, then to the right. They’d be just opening by the time the duo arrived, meaning they’d most likely be the first customers of the day. “Anyway–. Did you like your gift?”

“Oh, yeah.” Eunkyung smiled sweetly, attention diverted for at least half a block as she talked about how she ended up organizing her new make-up and her plans to switch out her bags and reorganize them during the rest of the break. Seokmin smiled, nodding along with her as she spoke. “I should do you and Joshua-Oppa’s make-up before you go.” she grinned. “I can do a fierce cat eye now.”

“Well, first off no you can’t.” Seokmin said, reaching out and plucking an eyelash from his sister’s eye. She pouted, but when he offered her the lash, she quickly blew it into the winter wonderland around them. “Did you wish for better eyeliner skills?”

“Damn, you’re mean.” Eunkyung huffed. “Does your boyfriend know you’re this mean?” 

“Wha- I’m not mean.” Seokmin chuckled. Eunkyung seemed playfully unconvinced. “Kyungie!” He gasped, eyes widening. As the duo stopped at the stop light, Seokmin put his free hand in his pocket, tilting his head. “Speaking of boyfriends…” he looked at her. “Are you seeing anyone? Last I heard was that guy in your English course.”

Eunkyung shook her head. “He was a douche. I ended it. I think he just wanted me for sex.” 

“Ew.”

“Yeah.” She shrugged. “We only did it once, but he kept texting me late at night to meet and-.”

“What?!” Seokmin had completely stopped walking, tugging Eunkyung back with him, much to her surprise. “Eunkyung.” 

“What?” she chuckled. “You’re shocked? Oppa, I told you all about it…didn’t I?”

“Wh-I.” he shook his head. “NO! I think I’d remember my little sister telling me something like that! Does mom know?”

“Seokmin, unlike you, I don’t tell Mom everything. Besides, I’m almost 19, I can do whatever I want.” she said. “I’m not seeing the guy anymore.”

‘But-.”

Eunkyung began pulling Seokmin down the street again, her hold tight on his arm. “What, are you telling me you’re not sleeping with Joshua-Oppa?”

Seokmin felt his heart almost burst out of his chest. If he threw up in the snow would it be covered up and hide the evidence? He shook his head. “Wh- no. No, Kyungie, we’ve only been dating barely a week. We…” he suddenly felt nervous. “We aren’t there yet.”

“Oh.” Eunkyung hummed. “That’s okay, I guess.”

You guess?

Seokmin felt himself walking across a stage for an award he should be receiving yet had not yet finished the credentials to earn. Eyes that weren’t there stared at him as he crossed, watching to see what he would do when he realized there was nothing waiting for him at the other end. Not yet, anyway. Seokmin’s brows furrowed together, shaking his head.

“I…don’t want to talk about this anymore.” He said. Eunkyung nodded.

“Okay.” she said. A beat, and she said. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad or anything, but-.”

“Kyungie.” He stressed, not looking at her. Eunkyung nodded. “Just…” he rubbed his temple with his free hand. “Drop it.”

“Okay.” she said softly. “Just don’t go and tell Mom, will you? I don’t need another thing to hear her lecture me on, I already know everything.”

“Sure.” Seokmin said. 

It seemed Eunkyung was content with switching from one intense topic to another in a matter of minutes, not feeling the same weight on her shoulders as he now did. “I’m only saying that because this morning before I woke you up she asked me about the phone call with Dad, and-.”

“She was there what could she have possibly asked?” Seokmin asked, already clocking his exasperated tone. Why wasn’t he in bed with Joshua again right now? 

“Yeah, exactly, that’s what I was saying to her! Why she was eavesdropping on our conversation?!”

Fuck. He fell into her trap. 

Seokmin listened as Eunkyung continued rambling, though he never once caught her gaze. “She throws this whole fit about not having him and grandma and grandpa over for Christmas, then lingers like a lost puppy when it’s our time to talk to him! Either invite him over or leave us the fuck alone! She’s so selfish!”

“I don’t think it’s that deep.” Seokmin shook his head. “She was washing the dishes.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Eunkyung’s annoyance was growing and Seokmi ncould feel his pace picking up to the bakery. It was so close yet so far; Seokmin felt like he was walking on a treadmill, getting the steps but not to destination. “She was obviously eavesdropping. And when I called her out because that’s a fucked up thing to do she totally ignored me! Told me that she can do whatever she wants because it’s her house. You know, like always.”

“I think you’re overthinking it.” Seokmin said. Eunkyung huffed.

“Taking her side yet again, hm?” she asked. “Just drop it, then.” 

Seokmin did drop it. He dropped it because of the familiar yet still nauseating whiplash that came with having any conversation with his sister. He dropped it because for the rest of the walk to and from the bakery, he wondered what he could have possibly said differently to avoid at least three of the four conversations they had on what was supposed to be only a 15 minute walk. 

He dropped it because by the time Seokmin and Eunkyung got home, Joshua was already up, sipping coffee on the couch with Mrs. Lee, and the last thing Seokmin wanted to do was worry Joshua on what now because an early birthday celebration. 

Despite his conversation with his sister lingering in the back of his mind, and Joshua’s insistence that celebrating his birthday was unnecessary and that being there was enough, the rest of the day went off without a hitch. Seokmin watched his mother and sister sing off tune to him over an ice cream cake with his Korean name hastily scribbled onto it. Seokmin snapped a picture of him, and his mother insisted snapping a photo of the both of them when she saw Seokmin try and fail to get a good selfie angle while Joshua laughed against his shoulder. And with that, the duo went to bed early, and the Lee household fell quiet for their last night of the holidays.

—--------------------

Breakfast wasn’t very awkward, but that was because Eunkyung was asleep until the duo got all of their stuff in the car and Seokmin - against his mother’s insistence to do it herself- went to wake his little sister up. The family exchanged hugs and goodbyes, Seokmin promising his mother he would call as soon as they got back to Seoul. 

“It was so nice to meet you, Oppa.” Eunkyung gripped Joshua’s hands. “I’m so happy you could come.” Seokmin saw Joshua’s eyes flicker up to him as he pulled from the hug with his mother, but only momentarily before turning his attention back.

“I’m happy I got to meet everyone.” He said. “Let me know if you need help with your English, okay?” Eunkyung grinned, nodding her head eagerly. 

A few more pleasantries, another promise to his mother that he would call when they got home, and the couple were piled into the car and finally pulling out of the parking lot. Seokmin waved out the window until Joshua turned the corner, his back finally slumping against the backseat and closing his eyes.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, love, I like them.” Seokmin lolled his head over to watched as Joshua drove. 

“I wasn’t worried about that.” Seokmin admitted. “I’m sure they liked you too.”

“They’ve definitely got some…interesting family dynamics.” he added. “But all families do.” Seokmin nodded, looking out the window. When he felt Joshua reach out and find his hand, he easily slipped it over so their fingers could intertwine. “Sorry. Is that not what you wanted to hear?”

“No, it is.” he said. “I’m just sorry you heard so much fighting. It’s so  embarassing.”

“It wasn’t as bad as you think.” he assured.

“The fact that it happened at all-.”

“Based on what you’ve told me, I figured it would happen. It seemed there was some tension that was going to come out no matter what. You know? That’s not your fault, or anything to be embarrassed about.” Seokmin nodded again. “You…want to talk about any of it?” 

Unlike you, I don’t have to tell Mom everything. 

The way he wasn’t putting up with Mom’s shit? She’s bitter or something.

Seokmin nodded, though he seemed to already answer that with a big mental no. “I don’t want to burden you with my family drama anymore than I already have.” His hand was tugged, and he felt a gentle kiss on his knuckles that pulled a small smile to his lips.

“I don’t consider it a burden. It’s kind of my job as your boyfriend to help you when you’re having a hard time.” He clicked his tongue. “I read the manual.”

“There’s a manual?” Seokmin’s grin widened and Joshua chuckled.

“Yep and that part is written in bold right in the beginning. So I think it’s pretty important.”

Seokmin was silent for a minute, turning his attention to the passing houses still glittering with Christmas decorations that became a blur the faster Joshua drove through the streets. They’d already been gone for about ten minutes; how many of those were consumed with arguments that the duo had been holding back for Seokmin’s sake? Were they even trying to hold anything back, given what he’d heard for the past few days? Is it simply amplified now that nobody else was there as a buffer? What will their first conversations be the next time Seokmin reaches out to check on his family?

“I do.” he said, cutting through the silence. “Want to talk about it. Maybe. But not right now.” He watched Joshua nod, his eyes reading as soft and understanding even as he drove.

“Ah, the hardest chapter there is.” he said. Seokmin tilted his head as Joshua’s eyes flickered to him. “Patience.”

“Hyung, you’re so ridiculous.” Seokmin bit behind an amused laugh, turning back to the window as houses turned more into city streets lined with Christmas decor and dimmed windows. He felt his chest relax a bit, humming as he rested his cheek against his hand hand as the world passed by. A world that, for now in the confines of the car, was just out of Seokmin’s reach. 

—--------------------

Just before leaving town Joshua decided to stop for some snacks for the road, both knowing they’d be hungry halfway through the ride. Seokmin watched through the window as his boyfriend - it still doesn’t feel real to say that yet - moved through the aisles of a convenient store a few blocks from his house, smiling a bit at the brown tuft of hair that was scurrying through the aisles. Once, he poked his head towards the window and held up two bags of chips. Seokmin tried to point, but the distance and multiple layers of glass mad it to difficult, so when Joshua simply shrugged and brought both to the counter, Seokmin laughed fondly. 

Joshua came back out with two bags, passing them over to Seokmin and settling back in the car. “I cannot believe you bought both chips.” Seokmin said, opening the bag and peering inside. He went to open one of the bags, before Joshua reached out and took his hand gently.

“Don’t open them yet.” Joshua shifted in his seat, motioning to hs palm. “Hold out your hand, Seokmin.” Seokmin blinked, confused as he watched Joshua mirror the hand motion himself. “Come on.” He couldn’t help but smile as he did so, hand outstretched and palm open flat. Joshua reached out, pressing something into his hand. Seokmin watched him pull away to show a red heart, about the size of his palm. He blinked, fingers curling around it as the little heart squished in his hand. When he relaxed his fingers, he watched the heart puff back up to its original size. 

“A stress ball?” he raised an eyebrow, but Joshua nodded. 

“Mhm.” he said. “Saw it when I was at the register. It can help if you’re feeling stressed, but don’t want to talk about it yet.” Seokmin’s eyes flickered down to the object again.

“Thank you. You didn’t have to-.”

“I wanted to.” he said gently. Seokmin nodded, squeezing the heart one more time as Joshua closed the door. As the engine roared ot life and the heat blasted on again, Seokmin watched Joshua pull from the driveway of the convenient store and down the street. Seokmin had been born and raised in this town. Joshua had not. So, when Seokmin noticed it had been five minutes to long and no highway in sight, he turned to the driver. 

“Ah, hyung.” he said, trying not to let the waver in his voice show. “The highway is-.”

“Still gonna be there later.” Joshua said. “I know.”

Seokmin watched as Joshua drove a few more blocks, making a left past the snow covered playground and closed arcade. His brain didn’t register what was happening until the car pulled into a little driveway with only four spots and an old fashion small building in the lot. His eyes flicked up to the ramen sign and the name Kim’s Family Dish. “Ah.”

“Sorry, I know it’s a bit out of the way of where we need to go. But you said it was the best ramen place in town, and we never got to go.” Joshua looked at him. “I remember how badly we wanted to eat it together.”

“Yeah, we did.”

“And as much as I can’t wait to come back next time-.” Joshua grinned. “I thought it’d be a good way to end the trip. Yeah?”

Seokmin nodded, looking at the bag of chips on the passenger’s seat floor, forgotten just as soon as they were purchased. Seokmin smiled, nodding his head.

“Okay.” he said as Joshua unlocked the car. “Yeah, let’s go.” 

“Let’s go to my room.” he whispered, covering his sisters ears. 

“But, presents…” 

“I have a present in my room.” still holding her ears, Seokmin led his little sister back to his room, closing the door behind him with his foot. The other room had quieted, but for how long, the seven-year-old had no idea. He walked over to his bed, settling Eunkyung to the floor as he reached underneath, pulling out a red bag and pushing it to his sister. “It’s for you.” Eunkyung looked up at him, confusion in her eyes. But Seokmin smiled. “Go on, open it.” He encouraged, watching as she reaching into the bag and pulled out a coloring book and a huge pack of smelly markers. Seokmin was only able to get one thing with his allowance money on his own, so of course, he had to buy for his sister.

“Aah Barbie!” She squealed, holding up the book. Setting the book down, Seokmin watched her flip it open, looking at each page as she fumbled for the red marker. Seokmin crossed his legs, leaning forward and watching as he began scribbling in the Barbie’s lips. For a few minutes, as the picture on the page came to life under colorful markers, the siblings sat in peace, and Seokmin felt his heart finally start to slow down.

“You’re out of your fucking mind, Yeonghui!” 

“Me?! You’re the one actively walking out on Christmas morning!”

Seokmin leaned forward, pressing his hands as tightly as he could against his sister’s ears without hurting her, his eyes looking down at the picture as his sister continued to color, too engrossed in giving the Barbie both pink and purple eyeshadow to know what was going on beyond the bedroom door. Seokmin tried to focus on it as well, resting his forehead on top of his sister’s head. Footsteps stormed through the house, screaming increasing on both sides before a loud slam of the front door made the house shake, and Seokmin held his sister tighter. As if the entire building would finally collapse in on itself. It sounded good in theory, a larger problem that would take precedence over all else. But Seokmin already knew that he and his sister would be sitting under the metaphorical rubble for who knows how long while the two people expected to search for them argued over who caused the house to fall in the first place. 

“Don’t slam the fucking doors!” Was heard, followed by a string of curse words. Seokmin listened as footsteps stomped through the front of the house, and he finally allowed his breath to slow, his heart to calm as the house fell quiet. He wasn’t sure how long he and Eunkyung stayed there before the door to his bedroom opened, but when Seokmin looked up, his mother’s cheeks were slightly red and her hair was falling out of the claw clip she’d put it up in. A gentle smile formed on her face as Seokmin finally pulled away from his sister, and she looked up. 

“Let’s go open presents, guys,” she said. Eunkyung practically catapulted up from her spot, rushing into her mother’s arms as she was scooped up. Seokmin watched his mother offer out her hand as he got up, and he turned back to collect Eunkyung’s Barbie book and markers. “Oh, Seokmin, honey. You gave her the gift? You could have waited…I’m sorry, baby…”

Seokmin saw the look in his mother's eyes as he approached. Soft and fond, yet brimming with apologetic tears. Seokmin simply took her hand and nodded. 

“It’s ok.” He assured. His mother nodded, kissing his hand gently as she led him down the hall to open the rest of the gifts, the reverb of the door slamming easily drowned out by the giddy squeals of the children. 

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[animeniacss]

Seoksoo - An [im]perfect Christmas Special - Part 1 of 2

Summary: Joshua is now invited to the Lee Christmas weekend, and while Seokmin is happy to spend the holiday with his new boyfriend, that also means his new boyfriend will have to spend the holiday with his family.

Tags: College!AU, ActingMajor!Seokmin, Teacher!Joshua, Romance, Angst, Fluff, Mutual Pining, , Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Joshua is a dork 90% of the time, Established Relationship, Christmas Special, Dysfunctional Family Drama

Length: approx. 7.8k words

Chapter 1 - Tis The Season

The chill through Seoul on the evening of December 23rd lingered in Seokmin’s bones long after he hustled into the car and cranked the heat up. It could be because he was standing by the trunk of the car for an extra ten minutes, counting and recounting everything he had that allowed the chill to stick to him like glue, but Seokmin would rather be cold than unprepared. He had been packing since the end of the term, but he still felt like something was sitting on the kitchen counter, waiting to be picked up and taken to Gwangju. But nothing came to mind; able to visualize everything on his mental checklist as it was put into the suitcase. But why then, did it feel like he was forgetting something?

Christmas presents? Stored in a huge gift bag that he had in the trunk.

Enough clothes? He had packed 6 days' worth of clothes for what would ultimately only be a 4-day trip. Plus, he has clothes still in his old bedroom.

Phone? Charger? Keys? Wallet? All stored in various pockets of his jeans and puffer coat. 

So, what on earth could he be forgetting? Why did he feel such a heavy sense of dread in his chest?

“You’re letting your boyfriend spend Christmas and his birthday alone?” 

“I wasn’t-.”

Oh…that’s probably why.

Seokmin felt himself take a deep breath, hoping the low rumble of the car’s engine would be enough noise to distract himself from the thoughts clogging his brain like a pile of snow. It had been falling on and off since the end of the term, covering Seoul in a layer of white. Seokmin’s mind was no exception; already feeling numb with thoughts despite only being on the road for twenty minutes. 

He looked out the window as a large house passed by, eyes quickly casting to the Christmas lights and decorations that were covered with a layer of snow, ground decor buried up to the steaks in the white fluff. He saw a set of siblings running through the front yard, collecting as much snow in their little hands as he could. A flicker of a smile on his lips. 

Oh, you’re finally coming to see us, Oppa? It’s only been like, forever!

The car turned left, and the yard disappeared from view. 

The trip to Gwangju was about three hours. Three hours to mull over what he could be forgetting; about what was waiting for him in Gwangju. 

His mother. His sister. His extended maternal family.  For four days. 

“I’m going to Seungcheol’s this year for Christmas, Min. I’m sorry!”

Knowing Mingyu wouldn’t even be nearby only made the dread sink in more. The car slowed at a red light and Seokmin looked up at it. Being at a full stop made Seokmin feel at ease for a second as if it added a few extra minutes to the commute. A few extra minutes he would have to - 

A warmth enveloped his hand and he immediately looked down, seeing a thumb swipe gently along his knuckles. When he looked up, Joshua turned to glance at him, smiling. Seokmin inhaled, a small smile quirking at the corner of his lips.

“You okay?” He asked curiously. “You look spacey.”

“Yeah,” he assured. The light turned green and Seokmin sighed, feeling the car roll forward again and Seokmin remembered exactly what he forgot. 

He forgot that this year he’s not going there on his own. Someone’s automatically on his side. 

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

Winter meant that the sky darkened much quicker now; the lovely ombre of orange and yellow fading away quickly in favor of a black sky and hanging moon. Seokmin watched as familiar buildings began flooding his vision, with them a slew of old memories. Convenient stores he and Mingyu frequented late at night, the homes of neighbors he’d eagerly wave to upon passing, and the park he used to run rampant in with his sister in nicer weather. This entire area, this part of his life, was full of memories from his youth. Now, they were memories he had the opportunity to share with Joshua. The thought made his neck warm. Seokmin turned to Joshua when they turned the corner, per the GPS’s instructions.

“Down that street is one of the best ramen places I’ve ever been too.” he said, pointing his finger. Joshua hummed. “Mingyu and I usually go around this time because it’s the perfect thing to warm you up.”

“You’ll have to take me,” Joshua said, smiling as he offered a fond glance in Seokmin’s direction. “I’m excited to see everything. And meet everyone.”

“Ahhh, you won’t say that in about fifteen minutes.” Seokmin shook his head, and Joshua laughed a bit, squeezing Seokmin’s hand. 

“Don’t say that. I know your family is a lot, but they’re your family regardless. So I’m excited.” Joshua turned one more corner, and Seokmin saw that the ETA was about two more minutes. He took a deep breath. His mother had suggested Joshua come to Christmas as soon as she saw the Instagram posts from Eunkyung a few days prior. ‘Suggest’ might even be too lax of a word. His mother practically insisted; encouraging Seokmin that the earlier he meets the family the quicker she can “get to really know him”. Those words had been stinging Seokmin’s ears since she had said them. Joshua seemed equally excited about the invite, admitting that he eventually realized he would be spending the holiday alone with his grandparents away on vacation. “Are you nervous?” Seokmin looked over when Joshua spoke.

“I didn’t think I’d be taking you to meet my mother three days into our relationship," Seokmin admitted. “So, yeah. I’m a little nervous.”

Joshua chuckled. “I’ve dated a few girls when I was younger and every one that took me to meet their parents said I made a good impression,” Joshua admitted. “And I didn’t like those girls.” He shrugged. “So, with that logic, I can only imagine I’d do really well with the parents of someone that I do like.” A proud grin formed on his face. “Remember, I’m an actor.” 

Seokmin’s laugh pushed away some of the worry with its force, nodding his head. “Right, how could I forget?” He turned his attention to the window, watching as the snowfall began easing up a bit, and the house came into view. The Lee home wasn’t big, but it was decorated to the nines, something his mother always made sure to do. Christmas lights were hung up, and holiday decor littered the front patio, and the door was opening to show glimpses of decor inside. Seokmin couldn’t help but smile when he saw two long, black braids and a toothy grin like his step onto the patio and start waving. Joshua chuckled in amusement, turning off the car. “Shua,” he said softly. “I apologize in advance for the next four days.”

Joshua tilted his head in confusion, but his grin was filled with amusement. “I’m excited, Seokmin,” he assured, kissing his knuckles before turning to exit the car. Seokmin sighed, following suit.

The luggage was barely in the front hall before Eunkyung hurried to Joshua, taking his hands and grinning. “Hi! It’s nice to meet you! I’m Lee Eunkyung. Thank you for taking care of my brother this whole time.”

         “It’s nice to meet you, too.” He greeted. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

         “And we’ve heard so much about you!” She beamed. She turned to Seokmin and frowned. “He’s handsome; I’m jealous!” Joshua laughed a bit. “And out of all the people you could pick, you picked my brother?! He must have done something amazing in a past life!”

         “What is that supposed to mean!?” Seokmin frowned.

         “I’m kidding, I promise!” Eunkyung quickly said with a playful grin.

         “If anything, I’m the lucky one,” Joshua said with a quick wave. The eighteen-year-old clicked her tongue and grinned.

         “Alright, good, you passed the first test.” With a light pat on his chest, she looped her arm around his. “Make yourself at home, okay? The living room’s right here.” Seokmin watched his younger sister practically drag Joshua into the living room, chatting his ear off with questions about the drive from Seoul. Joshua shot Seokmin an amused grin. Another set of footsteps came from the kitchen.

         “Jesus, Eunkyung, don’t you think you could offer the kid a drink or a snack or something before you chew his ear off?” Seokmin couldn’t see his mother from his angle at the front of the house, but the second her voice hit his ears he took a few extra deep breaths. He needed them before striding into the living room. Her hair was up in a loose ponytail already falling out of the tie, and her hands were rubbing along the same apron she’d had since Seokmin was in grade school. 

         “Oh, I’m alright.” Joshua quickly assured, standing up from his spot and politely bowing. “Thank you for having me on such short notice.” Seokmin headed to the back of the couch Joshua was sitting on, resting his elbows on the back. His mother smiled, but Seokmin could have sworn he saw uncertainty in the curves of her lips.

         “I’m glad you were able to join us.” She said. Seokmin immediately clocked the full body scan of Joshua his mother gave before offering a wider smile. “Let’s get you something to drink, hm?”

         “Seokmin can get you something,” Eunkyung assured.

         “Ah, Really, I’m-.”

         “Yes, get him something, honey.” His mother turned to her son. “He just drove three hours and it’s late; he must be thirsty.” Seokmin nodded, following his mother into the kitchen as Eunkyung continued talking with their guest. Beyond the garland-wrapped arch of the kitchen, Seokmin felt his mother pull him into a hug that he quickly returned. Her hug was warm, like always, and Seokmin couldn’t help but feel nostalgia for the touch he’d missed for the past few months. “He seems nice.”

“He is. Please don’t give him a hard time.”

“Don’t be paranoid, Seokmin.” Seokmin sighed at his mother’s dismissiveness as she rubbed his arms. “How was the drive?”

         “Long, but fine.” When his mother pulled back; those same eyes took in his appearance as well. He could see the maternal fondness in her gaze, and he couldn’t help but feel the corners of his lips finally peak into a smile. “What?”

         “I let you go for five months, you come back with a boyfriend and taller? Aish, I’m getting way too old.” Seokmin couldn’t help but chuckle a bit as his mother turned to the fridge. She put together a little tray of cups and a pitcher of water. “Here. Bring this out into the living room. Dinner will be ready soon and then the two of you should head to bed. You must be exhausted.” 

“Right…” Seokmin took the pitcher out to the living room, setting it down before taking a seat beside Joshua, leaning his back against the couch. Almost immediately Joshua mirrored the action, his arm draping over the back of the couch where Seokmin was sitting. He kept his eyes on Eunkyung as she spoke, but the almost instinctive way he put himself as close to Seokmin as he could made a small smile of pleasure form on his lips. 

Eunkyung must have noticed the action, because she only paused in her conversation for a second before continuing. “Anyway, next semester I’m trying to get into the school's journalism club. I heard every few years they send their best members overseas for a week abroad.”

“Ah, that’s so cool!” Joshua’s eyes widened. “I can see you as a journalist.”

“Is it because all she does is talk?” The trio turned to the kitchen where Mrs. Lee was resting on the doorframe, a smirk on her face. Eunkyung didn’t seem pleased, but Joshua let out a breathy chuckle. 

“Oh, no. She’s passionate if anything.” Joshua assured with a wave of his hand. “Seokmin, too. They’re alike in that way, aren’t they?” Seokmin saw a fond smile form on his mother’s face, nodding her head. 

“Yep.” she turned towards the kitchen for a brief moment. Seokmin took a moment of silence to change the subject. 

“When will Auntie and Yunah be here?” A hum of annoyance made Seokmin glance towards his sister, her attention turning towards her phone once again. As his mother spoke, he watched the way his sister’s brows furrowed, and his mind raced with what could be going on in hers.

“Yunah called and said that they don’t want to do overnights with the baby just yet. So, they’ll most likely come Christmas morning.” Mrs. Lee explained. “Your aunt will be here tomorrow.” Seokmin turned to one of the end tables, grabbed a photo, and passed it over to Joshua, pointing out his cousin, her husband, and their seven-month-old daughter, excited for their arrival. It would mean that attention from his family would be spread a bit thinner, something he was desperate for. 

But they weren’t here yet, so when Eunkyung opened her mouth to speak, he was currently the only person who could catch the words if needed: “Did you ever hear back from grandma and grandpa?” 

Mrs. Lee gripped the spoon in her hand, the once amused smile immediately falling into a thin line of annoyance. Seokmin felt his breath hitch, and the hand behind him on the couch slipped around his shoulders, catching his attention to Joshua, who offered a gentle smile. 

“Not now, Eunkyung.” Mrs. Lee said softly. Eunkyung huffed, shaking her head. “We have a guest.” her youngest daughter didn’t seem convinced. “What?”

“You said you wanted the whole family here this year, that’s all.” Mrs. Lee simply shook her head, turning back into the kitchen and focusing on the food. Eunkyung’s frown only deepened, her fingers pressing aggressively onto her cell phone. Seokmin inhaled at the awkward silence that fell in the living room. Ten minutes in the door and it’s beginning…awesome.

Joshua’s hand on his shoulder tightened, and he caught Eunkyung’s attention with another question. “Eunkyung, what kind of journalism do you want to do?” Seokmin watched his sister’s eyes shoot up, and a smile on her lips at the redirection of the comment.

“I want to be on TV. I’m thinking of entertainment journalism. Getting all the truths about idols.” she grinned. “Eventually, I want to build a name for myself and go to America.” Joshua whistled.

“Ambitious.” 

“America?” Seokmin’s eyes widened. “Like…New York or something?”

“Maybe.” Eunkyung shrugged. “That exchange program has sent people all over the world!”

Another noise came from the kitchen, a chuckle that caught the attention of the trio once again. Seokim watched his mother, who didn’t even look up at them as she spoke now. “And how are you getting to America? We can’t afford that.” 

“That’s why I didn’t ask you. Grandma and grandpa-.”

“That’s rich.” Mrs. Lee snorted. Seokmin closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. 

“Here we go…” he whispered. As long as they keep it between them it’ll fizzle in a minute…

“You’re not going to America.”

“Why?”

“You’re eighteen, Eunkyung.” Mrs. Lee said. “Stop chewing off Joshua’s ear with these silly stories.” Fuck, she brought Joshua into it. 

“Oh, no, it’s-.” Joshua tried to speak, but Seokmin sneakily slipped his hand onto Joshua’s thigh, shaking his head in an almost pleading way. “Ah…” Joshua nodded, closing his mouth. He did pull Seokmin a bit closer to him, which was very appreciated. 

“Mom, come on.” 

“Enough, we’re not starting this now.” Mrs. Lee said once again. Eunkyung gasped; the annoyance of being told to stop something she didn’t even start a familiar yet painful sound in Seokmin’s ears. He finally felt Joshua shift and looked over to see him get off the couch. 

“Why don’t we go unpack?” he asked softly. Eunkyung and Mrs. Lee finally fell quiet, as did Seokmin as he watched Joshua extend a hand to him. He took glances at his family, both occupying themselves with other things and dropping the conversation. For now. Seokmin looked up, taking Joshua’s hand and standing up from the couch. 

“Okay…” he said, leading Joshua towards his bedroom with their luggage in tow. He heard Eunkyung move to the kitchen, knowing it would only be a few moments of a truce before the war started again. Especially now that they had made their retreat. Seokmin closed the door behind him, pressing his back against it and letting out a very deep, shaky sigh. “I’m so-.” he couldn’t even finish his statement before Joshua walked over to him, pulling him into a tight hug. Seokmin’s arms immediately looped under Joshua’s arms, gripping the fabric of his sweater as he nestled into his chest.

“You okay?” Joshua asked after a short moment of silence. Seokmin nodded, enough of a response for Joshua to hum. The duo could hear Eunkyung and Mrs. Lee’s bickering continue - the house wasn’t that big. But luckily, with the door closed and Seokmin’s head locked in Joshua’s chest, it was a bit muffled. 

“This is so embarrassing. I told them not to do this, I begged them…” 

“I’m not worried.” He assured. “Whatever’s going on, it’ll pass…” Seokmin felt one of Joshua’s hands rub along his back, a gentle gliding of his fingers meant to push away all of the anxiety before it truly filled his body. “Come on, give me a tour.” he grinned. Seokmin looked up at him. 

“Of my room?” he looked around, stretching his hands out. “It’s…well, this is it.” Joshua laughed, his hand rubbing gentle circles on Seokmin’s back. Besides the few boxes his mother seemed to set in his room for storage purposes, Seokmin’s room was the same as when he packed up and headed to Seoul. His corkboard filled with photos of some of his best memories and playbills of high school performances, was still hanging above his cluttered desk; trinkets and knick-knacks he had collected over the years. His bookshelf had the same books on it, adding on a thin layer of dust, and the little basket was filled with the few stuffed animals he’d managed to scour thrift stores for in his teens.  

      “You can tell you’re a theatre kid.” He motioned to the wall above his bed, littered with musical posters.

“Am I supposed to be offended by that?” he asked. Joshua snorted, shaking his head. He turned back to Seokmin, leaning forward and pressing his forehead to Seokmin’s. Immediately, Seokmin exhaled, feeling his worries for the holiday finally leaving his body as he felt Joshua’s fingers curl into his shirt. 

“I’m glad you invited me for the holiday,” Joshua said softly. “I know we haven’t been official for too long, but I was hoping to spend at least some of the break with you.”  

Seokmin’s smile widened a bit. “Me too. I’m sorry I didn’t invite you sooner. In all of my packing, it didn’t even register to me that you’d be alone all break.”

“I would have kept busy. Maybe I would have visited Jeonghan’s parents.” He squeezed Seokmin’s waist and smiled when the younger hitched his breath a bit. “I’m glad I’m here, though. Don’t tell Jeonghan.” Seokmin chuckled. When his eyes flickered to Joshua’s gaze for a second, they immediately darted away when the other was simply staring back at him with a fond smile. “What?”

“What are you staring at?” he asked shyly. Joshua only responded by tugging Seokmin closer to him, pulling his hips off the bedroom door. 

“Would it be inappropriate of me to ask to kiss you right now?” he asked curiously. Seokmin’s mouth opened but immediately shut when he realized no words had come out. His cheeks burned hot when Joshua smiled gently. 

“I mean….we’re dating…I didn’t think you’d ask anymore.” He squeaked.

“What? You don’t think consent is sexy?” he asked, Seokmin rolling his eyes a bit. “So?” Seokmin looked up at him again, nodding. Joshua’s smile morphed into an amused grin, leaning down to place a quick peck on Seokmin’s lips. Seokmin returned it, and the next, much longer kiss. Nervous hands slipped around his neck, the remaining distance between them closing completely as Joshua gently pulled him closer. Seokmin felt his heart pounding, fingers slightly curling into Joshua’s sweater. He’d only kissed Joshua three times in the four days they’d been together - yes, he’s kept track - but the thought that he got to do it whenever he wanted still made him fill with this weird and new mixture of nerves and excitement that he wanted to explore more of in the coming stages of this relationship. Joshua’s hands held tighter onto his waist and Seokmin pulled back just slightly, eyes shooting up to Joshua’s. His expression seemed to mirror that of surprise. “Sorry, did I hurt you?”

“No.” Seokmin breathed out. His eyes dipped down to Joshua’s slightly parted lips and he took a deep breath. “I’m good…” Joshua nodded, leaning in to kiss him again.

“Seokmin.” A knock on the door made Seokmin pull away immediately, covering his mouth to turn to the door as it opened. In a matter of seconds his mother was resting on the doorframe, her eyebrows furrowed in a look that read ‘Really?’ Seokmin again opened his mouth, yet no words came. That feeling of nerves and excitement from moments ago boiled all of the excitement away, leaving an intense feeling of nerves. Seokmin only mustered out a nervous:

“Y…yes?”

“I told you that when Joshua was here you couldn’t close your door.” 

When Joshua let out a nervous laugh, and Seokmin covered his cheeks. “Mom, please…”

“Don’t please me.” Despite the frown, she had a soft glint in her eyes. “I was in college too at one point.” with a nod of her head she pushed herself off the doorframe. “Dinner’s ready anyway. Let’s go.”

“Are you and Eunkyung-.”

No more soft glints. “No, we’re not. Drop it. Let’s go.” her eyes quickly flashed to Joshua, before turning and heading back to the kitchen. Seokmin waited a few extra seconds, feeling Joshua step up behind him and slip his arm around his waist. He covered his eyes.

“Oh God….” He groaned. Joshua pressed a gentle kiss on his temple. 

“I think all Moms are the same,” he whispered gently. “Let’s get some food then I might crash. I’m exhausted.” Seokmin felt Joshua reach for his hand, offering a quick squeeze as the duo headed out to the kitchen. 

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

Seokmin’s aunt arrived shortly after breakfast the next day, pulling the family from the random movie Eunkyung had put on. Seokmin turned his head towards the door, watching as his aunt set her luggage down and immediately hugging her sister when she approached. Eunkyung sighed from her spot on the chair, clear disinterest in her features as she typed on her phone. Seokmin saw Joshua stand, and immediately followed him to the front door. His aunt was older than his mother by a few years but nobody could ever tell. When she turned to pull Seokmin into a crushing hug, her bob flowed around her. Her bracelets and necklace pressed into Seokmin’s skin as he hugged back. 

“Seokmin, look at you! Ah, you look so handsome.” she beamed. Her eyes fell to the man at his side and her grin only widened. “Is this him?” She whispered. Seokmin chuckled shyly, nodding.

“Yeah, this is Joshua.” he turned to Joshua. “And this is my Aunt, Hyori.” 

“Just call me Hyori, please,” she begged. “These two refuse to drop the ‘Auntie’ and the older I get the more I hate it.” Joshua chuckled, nodding his head. “Where’s your sister, Seokmin?”

“Lee Eunkyung, don’t be rude!” Mrs. Lee called from the hall. The deep, annoyed groan that only a frustrated teenager could produce came from the other room, and within seconds, Eunkyung walked in. Seokmin immediately caught how she forced a smile on and hugged her aunt, the older almost amused by her reaction. 

“Nice to see you too,” she said dryly. Mrs. Lee led her into the room they’d be sharing for the rest of the holiday to unpack, and Eunkyung looked desperate to escape into her room, the door closing behind them. That left Joshua and Seokmin alone in the hallway; Seokmin immediately felt a sense of embarrassment. Less than twenty-four hours and he could fill his fingers and toes with the number of awkward situations Joshua has witnessed in his family. Joshua must be bored…what do I do?

A gentle hand reached up and tangled into Seokmin’s hair. When Seokmin looked up, Joshua grinned. “This would be an excellent moment for a mistletoe riiiiight–.” he pointed to the doorframe above them. “There.” Seokmin smiled. 

“I thought my mom had one that she hung up somewhere,” he said, looking around. He felt Joshua’s hand gently slip from his hair to his waist. 

“We could pretend.”

“Does my house make you like…extra in the mood to kiss or something?” Seokmin asked curiously. Calling him out seemed to make him embarrassed; red cheeks and a shy smile a sight Seokmin could get used to seeing from the other. 

“What can I say? I waited like four months to kiss you and I’m just making up for lost time.” And with a blink, he leaned in and planted a quick peck on Seokmin’s lips. Seokmin chuckled shyly.  

“You haven’t wanted to kiss me for four months, come on.” Seokmin said, leading him toward the kitchen. Joshua’s eyes widened. 

“I absolutely have!” he gasped. “Do you remember that party we went to in the beginning of November? Where Seungkwan was basically eye fucking Vernon?” Seokmin snorted as he opened the fridge. He remembered that party well, from the closeness of the duo to the panic attack that ensued at the idea of even being in that situation. “It took every fiber of my being not to kiss you breathless. Especially with how close you were.” This was new information…

Seokmin looked over. He knew his desire to kiss Joshua for so long was obvious, but hearing Joshua confirm himself that the feeling was mutual. “Why didn’t you?” his voice was soft. Joshua’s shocked expression softened as well, almost shy about the situation himself.

“I was nervous you didn’t want to…” Seokmin pulled out the pitcher of water, now his eyes the ones to widen. 

“Really? I was worried I was being too obvious!” Joshua threw his head back, nose crinkling and cheeks squishing against his eyes as they folded up. 

“I thought I was being obvious!” Joshua said. “But I was waiting for you to make the first move since I know how anxious you can get…” Seokmin sighed. 

“Wow…” The duo continued laughing as Seokmin poured them drinks. He pouted as the thought of having more time to kiss Joshua, had it not been for his own stupid insecurities. But he simply sipped his drink and led him back into the living room just as his aunt and mother finished in the bedroom, making their way into the kitchen to catch up and - assumingly - leave the couple in peace. The movie they’d abandoned a bit ago was still going strong, and Seokmin saw Joshua tug the Christmas throw blanket back over both of their laps. Seokmin sipped his water. “I’m suddenly regretting not making hot chocolate.”

“Aaaah, fuck.” Joshua groaned behind a laugh. “That would have hit the spot!” Seokmin smiled. “Maybe later.” Seokmin looked over, nodding his head. Joshua smiled, simply draping over the back of the couch and his body relaxing as the duo continued watching the movie. Seokmin turned to him. 

“I want to take you to that cafe I showed you.” 

“Oh?” he looked over, smiling. “That sounds nice.”

“Maybe after my aunt and cousin leave. Before we go home. Is that ok?”

“Sounds perfect to me.” Seokmin looked around the room briefly.

“Sorry, there isn’t much to do here,” Seokmin said. 

“Hm?” Joshua blinked. “What do you mean? We’re doing something right now.” As the old Christmas movie played, Seokmin leaned closer to Joshua, hoping to envelop in his touch as much as he could. Joshua chuckled a bit. 

“I think my grandparent’s parents were still alive when this was released,” Seokmin commented, earning a laugh from the man at his side. “I can change it.”

         “No, it’s kind of interesting. I haven’t seen an old Korean movie like this since I was a kid with my grandma.” He turned to Seokmin. “I’d like to watch it.”

         “Okay,” Seokmin smiled when Joshua’s attention was captured once again. He studied Joshua’s expression; a much more interesting visual than the movie he wasn’t able to follow. He reached his hand up, wrapping his fingers around Joshua’s hair to idly play with the strands at the nape of his neck. Joshua hummed, leaning his head just closer to Seokmin. The nonverbal encouragement made him smile, and he happily continued. “You’re really handsome, hyung.”

Joshua’s attention fell fully on Seokmin as those words left his lips. He felt his cheeks burn, for some reason embarrassed. It wasn’t weird to compliment your boyfriend…and what he said was so incredibly true. But the longer Joshua stared at him, the more Seokmin felt the burning desire to retract his statement. His features finally softened, and Joshua looked almost shy, chuckling to himself.

“Takes one to know one, I guess,” he said, nudging his shoulder. Seokmin laughed in amusement, covering his mouth with his hand. Joshua pulled Seokmin closer to him. He smiled, allowing himself to relax into Joshua’s embrace as they let the movie play on.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

By the time dinner rolled around, Eunkyung had finally reemerged from her little hide out in her room, seemingly in a better mood than she was when Auntie first arrived. She perched herself on the back of the couch, watching whatever had ended up on the TV. Joshua quickly and politely acknowledged her presence, before turning to the kitchen when there was an annoyed curse from Mrs. Lee . “Are they sure they don’t need any help?” He asked. Seokmin shook his head. “I don’t mind helping.”

         “I wouldn’t even try.” Joshua pouted, leaning back on the couch. “We may be tasked with doing the dishes.”

         “Joshua is not doing any dishes. It’s going to be you.” His mother called, not even looking up from the stove. Seokmin pouted. “What? You think I’d make a guest do dishes?”

         “I feel like I need to say something about that.” Auntie said, poking her head up from where she was setting the table. Seokmin saw his mother chuckle a bit, turning off the stove.

“You don’t count and you know it, now let’s eat.” 

Dinner was relaxed for the first fifteen minutes, just long enough for everyone take their food and begin eating. By the time Seokmin had taken a few bites when his mother coughed into her hand, capturing the attention of the other four people at the table. Seokmin immediately knew what coming when he saw her eyes flicker to him, then to Joshua as he reached for the rice. Oh no. He thought to himself. In those three seconds it took his mother to cough everyone into silence, Seokmin felt a ball and chain latch around his ankle and lock him to the seat. He was hoping her interrogation would have happened at a time where Seokmin could conveniently excuse them from the area. Or never. Never would have been really nice. But he was fooling himself there. His mother glanced up at Joshua one more time, smiling. I knew I should have practiced with him in the car. 

         “Joshua, I heard you’re going to school for teaching.” She said.

         Joshua leaned forward. “Yes, ma’am. English.”

         “What made you come to South Korea for teaching?”

         He took a second to ponder his response. “I visited my grandparents and a family friend a lot in childhood. I liked my time here so I chose to come teach here around my sophomore year of college.” Seokmin eyed his mother from behind his glass. He could feel his hand sweating as if he were the one being pelted with questions. Nervous eyes bounced between his mom and Joshua, who only offered a smile as he popped a bit of rice into his mouth.

         “What do your parents do?”

         She already knows this, I told her. Seokmin thought, as if it would matter. 

         “My father’s a successful restaurant owner. My mother’s teaches at UCLA.”

Her eyebrows shot up, a look of intrigue on her face. “A restaurant?” She asked. Seokmin always knew where he got his acting skills from. 

“A successful restaurant.” Joshua made sure to emphasize. “I think he’s currently working to open a third location in Santa Monica.” He took a sip of his drink. “Both really active in our local church, too.” Seokmin’s eyes darted to his mother, hoping to gauge her reaction. There was none, she simply took another bite of her food. Eunkyung was watching as well, eyeing her mother with just as much intensity as she was giving Joshua. 

“Do we have to do this at the dinner table, Mom?”

“Do what? I’m just asking some questions.” Eunkyung opened her mouth to respond, but their mother simply turned back to Joshua and asked: “You’re religious?”

         “Born and raised Christian.” Joshua took another bite of his food and smiled. “This is really good.”

         Seokmin saw his mother’s lips curl into a pleased smile. “Thank you.”      

         The duo continued volleying questions and answers between one another; Seokmin’s mom asking about his home life and his childhood, and Joshua responded with what Seokmin could only describe as the perfect answers.  

         “I heard you’re top of your class.” His mother cued Joshua once again.

         “I am.” Joshua said. Seokmin could feel the intense energy radiating from his mother’s seat across the table, and it made him exhausted. He glanced at his aunt, who seemed just as unamused as Eunkyung did, their expressions almost mirroring one another completely. She must have sensed his nervous energy, the one thing that could overpower his mother’s intense aura, and she finally set her chopsticks down

         “Aaah, Minseo, enough.” Seokmin immediately exhaled; and he could feel his mother’s eyes snap in his direction. Don’t let my sister make you feel intimidated.” Their aunt commented, earning a shove from her sister. “What? You’re interrogating the poor kid! What is this, court? Let’s just eat.”

         “Oh, no! I didn’t get that impression at all!” Joshua said quickly, shaking his head. Seokmin felt Joshua’s hand slip under the table, cupping his own and giving it a squeeze. “I like talking about myself.”

         Seokmin finally chuckled a bit. “You do?”

         “Oh yeah.” Joshua nodded. “Should I list off all of my amazing achievements? I think that’ll really impress them.”

         “Like your weather predicting?” Seokmin saw Joshua’s nose scrunch up, the sight immediately washing away any nerves he may have felt during the meal thus far.

         “And my amazing massage skills. Or, my killer dance moves.”

         “I still haven’t seen your dance, so none of us can confirm or deny that one.” Seokmin commented. Joshua pouted, a playful whine escaping his lips that made Seokmin laugh a bit.

         “Oh, great. Now they’re being gross.” Eunkyung huffed, stuffing her bite of rice in her mouth. Seokmin turned his mother, cheeks turning a bit red as he gauged her reaction. Her features finally softened, and she turned to her daughter.

         “Don’t be rude, Eunkyung.”

         “What? Me?” Eunkyung gasped. Hearing Joshua chuckle at the situation, the dinner table felt a bit less tense as the meal finished.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         Seokmin noticed the pleased shimmer in his mother’s eyes when Joshua helped him collect plates to bring into the kitchen. He also noticed the way she smiled when she stood up to help, and Joshua politely took the plates from her hands and encouraged her to sit. “You guys cooked. The least I can do is wash dishes.” Was what he said, and Seokmin had to keep himself from planting a big kiss on Joshua’s lips right there.

         He did kiss him in the kitchen though, away from the watchful eye of his family as they retreated to the living room. He kissed Joshua a lot in the kitchen, because he could.

         “I should offer to wash dishes more often if this is what I get.” Joshua grinned against his lips. Seokmin laughed shyly, rubbing the back of his neck. 

         A cough from the archway alerted the duo to look over. Eunkyung was eyeing them up and down. The smirk she flashed had Seokmin’s cheeks flare up. “Eunkyung, please…” Seokmin watched his sister head to the fridge and grab a bottle of water, peeking her head over the door.

         “Go on, pretend I’m not here.” With a dismissive wave of her hand, Joshua only laughed a bit. “Just make sure you actually do the dishes.” Seokmin watched his sister spin on her heel and head out of the kitchen, leaving the two alone again. Seokmin pursed his lips together, until the feeling of a hand slipping around his waist pulled his attention back to Joshua. He leaned in closer to Seokmin and smiled. 

         “She might be jealous.” He whispered under his breath. Seokmin immediately turned his head, scanning to make sure his sister was out of earshot. With a gentle squeeze of his waist, Joshua turned back to the sink when something in the window caught his eye. “Oh, it’s snowing again.” Seokmin looked to see puffs of white falling outside the window, covering the floor with even more snow from the previous snowy days. He leaned forward, his chin resting on Joshua’s shoulder as he dried one of the dishes he was passed. “Hm?”

“Want to go outside in it when we’re done?” Joshua smiled, nodding his head. Seokmin watched as Joshua finished washing some of the dishes, studying his hands as they scrubbed the surface of one of the bowls. When he tilted his head, his cheek squished against Joshua’s shoulder, his own hand tightening on the dish towel he was using. He could stare at any part of Joshua for hours; from his hands to his arms, down to his feet and toes. Every part of Joshua was soothing, his movements almost hypnotic -.

“Yah!” Seokmin’s eyes widened when something cold pressed onto his nose, eyes crossing to see soap bubbles in his view. “Shua-hyung…” he huffed, watching as Joshua giggled. He passed the bowl over to Seokmin.

“You were zoning out.” he said. “Just wanted to make sure you were still alive and well.” Wiping his nose, Seokmin turned his attention to drying the bowls that were stacking up in front of him. As he worked to dry them, he heard Joshua snicker beside him. “I can’t believe you’re resting while the guest is doing the dishes.”

“You offered!” Seokmin gasped, eyes widening as Joshua’s head dipped forward, shoulder shaking in laughter. “Hyung…” he pouted. Joshua only responded with a cheeky giggle. “I can’t wait to hit you with a snowball or something.” he mumbled under the guise of a little, frustrated pout.

“Hm?”

“Nothing.” Seokmin rushed out, continuing to dry the dishes as they stacked up in front of him. He felt his lips curl into a little smile as the kitchen fell into silence, his attention finally on the dishes and what was to come in a matter of minutes. 

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

“YAH! Hyung!!” Seokmin ducked down in a ball, covering his head as yet another snowball came flying in his direction. When he peeked up, Joshua was already squatting down on the other side of the backyard, his glove-covered hands scrunching up another one. “How are you able to make so many?!”

“I’ve never made snowballs back home. I’m not going for quality, I’m going for quantity!” Joshua yelled back. Seokmin heard him grunt as he tossed another one, and he squealed. 

“I feel like you’re lying!” He shouted. After a second of squatting in the still air, Seokmin finally raised his head and reached forward to start packing another snowball. His eyes darted up, seeing Joshua had finally stopped, and instead was tugging off his beanie to shake his hair out a bit, some droplets of melting snow flying every which way. Seokmin managed to pack one snowball, but when he threw it, it landed right at Joshua’s feet. “Ah…” Seokmin pouted. “Okay.” Good thing Seokmin chose theatre and not baseball. 

Joshua grinned, picking up the smushed snowball and packing it with some fresh falling snow. Seokmin sense the determination in his eyes and immediately knelt down. “Wait! Wait, let me get some ready at least wait!” He pleaded, grinning when he heard Joshua begin cackling at his frantic pleas. 

The duo had already been out here close to an hour, tossing snowballs at one another as flakes continued to fall around them and offer even more ammunition. Seokmin’s body was tired, he hadn’t done this much running in snow since he was in middle school, and he was up against his elementary school sister back then! That made it much easier to focus on his target than being faced with an incredibly handsome man in a large, brown jacket that just barely hid the fact that he was starting to bulk up in the arms a bit, and who was wearing a beanie that pushed his hair out of his forehead and - shit I want to kiss him again. I want to kiss him so bad, just drag him into my room and-.

His thought distracted him long enough for Joshua to toss another snowball in his direction, the cold making contact with his forehead. “Ah!” Seokmin’s head reeled back, his balance making him stagger back just a bit. His hand flew up, wiping the snow away as his eyes took a second to adjust to his surroundings. It was cold, but the pressure also made his head pound a bit. Any thoughts of kissing Joshua breathless somewhere he couldn’t be caught must have been slammed out of his head from the impact, because now the only thought in his head was ow ow ow ow!

“Ohoho, oh I’m sorry, Seokmin!” Joshua called behind an almost nervous laugh. Seokmin didn’t respond as he fixed his balance, rubbing his forehead and brushing off the snow. He knew it was an accident, but the longer the pain slammed into his forehead, the more his eyes started to sting. He didn’t even look up when he heard snow crunching, the sound getting closer and closer, until a fuzzy hand was pressed on his forehead. He looked up to see Joshua, eyes no longer filled with playful mischief. He looked worried. “Seokmin, are you okay? Was that hard, I’m so sorry.”

“Aish, no. It just took me by surprise.” Seokmin finally choked. He felt a thumb gently graze his forehead, before a soft and apologetic kiss followed. “You should play baseball or something.”

Joshua chuckled, but Seokmin could still sense the worry in his voice. He leaned forward, forehead now resting in Joshua’s chest. “Aaaaah, first the soap on the nose now this. You’re meaner than I thought.”

“I’m sorry.” Joshua laughed again. “Here.” He tilted Seokmin’s head back up, immediately planting another kiss on the spot the snowball hit. The another one. And another, and another, until Seokmin’s face was about as red as the ornaments on the Christmas tree and he was squirming. 

“Yaaa, okay, okay! I’m good!” He giggled, his hands pressing against Joshua’s arms. Joshua sIighed in relief, leaning in to kiss Seokmin, but this time on the lips - which were not stinging due to contact with a snowball, but were getting cold so Seokmin didn’t complain. In fact, he pressed himself closer to Joshua and kissed him more. Those thoughts didn’t fly out of his brain, after all, because the second Joshua tightened his hold on Seokmin’s waist, they came right back to the forefront of his mind. 

Seokmin finally pulled back when the next chilly gust of wind made him shiver. “Oh, right! I think our hot chocolate is done.” He took Joshua’s hand, leading him to the patio to sit and wait. “I’ll be right back.”

“Need help?” Joshua’s offer was met with a shake of the head, before Seokmin slipped inside. He didn’t even kick his boots off, scrapping them on the floor and shuffling on a nearby towel to not dirty the kitchen. The warmth inside the house immediately made him begin to sweat, but he powered through, fumbling for the mugs and marshmallows in their respective cabinets. He heard muttering in the other room as the steam of the hot chocolate hit his face.

“You’re not bringing this up again.” 

Oh no.

“Mom, I just think you should reconsider. It’s Christmas.”

“I really don’t care if it’s someone’s funeral, Eunkyung. They’re not coming. You and your brother can call them all you want, but they’re not coming.”

“Mom!” A groan. “Auntie, say something!” 

Seokmin heard a door slam shut and grabbed the mugs, immediately abandoning the towel he used as a makeshift raft through the kitchen and sprinting back outside. The cold was much harsher but much easier to handle out there. When he got back, he sat beside Joshua, passing one of the mugs over and immediately pressing against his side. The duo immediately took a sip of their drinks, the hot beverage working overtime to warm their insides after their hour of goofing off in the dead of winter. 

“Hot chocolate on the patio looking at the snow, hm? I think I’ve seen this movie before.” Seokmin rested his head on Joshua’s shoulder, simply hearing his voice enough to comfort him for now. 

“Have you?” Seokmin asked. Joshua nodded, mirroring the action by putting his cheek on Seokmin’s temple. 

“Yeah.” he said. “The movie sucked.” 

Seokmin’s laugh was strained, but amused as he took another sip of his hot chocolate. The duo sat in silence for a minute, before Joshua added. “I like this much better. I need to clarify, this does not in fact suck. If the movie had this in it, with you, I would have liked it much, much better.”

Seokmin smiled softly, nodding his head. “You’re sweet…” he said softly. Joshua shifted, and Seokmin looked over. 

“You okay?” He asked. Seokmin nodded, rubbing the cup so the pads of his fingers would warm up more, the tingling distracting him from what he knew was a full war raging inside.

He knew the next few days would consist of Seokmin trying to maneuver Joshua away from whatever drama awaited them inside. But for now, as he nestled into Joshua’s side on the patio, sipping hot chocolate and watching the snow fall, he decided to just let this be a movie scene worth filming. Nothing else was happening around them, all attention was on this moment for as long as the cameras rolled and until they heard ‘CUT’. But Seokmin was in no rush for that to come, hoping this idyllic movie scene would go on forever.

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Seoksoo - imperfect Part 1 - Chapter 17 - Overthinking

Synopsis: Lee Seokmin likes a lot of things: karaoke, stuffed animals, his friends, his family (when they're not at each other's throats), and when things go according to plan. It's perfect that way. That is...until Joshua Hong, the Education Department TA, stumbles into his view one day and suddenly Seokmin has to start facing the fact that maybe not everything in life will be perfect...but with Joshua, that might just be ok.

Tags: College!AU, ActingMajor!Seokmin, Teacher!Joshua, Romance, Angst, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Side GyuCheol, Side JunHao, Side Verkwan, Other Idol appearances, Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Domestic Violence (not between the main couple), Joshua is a dork 90% of the time, (More Tags will be Added as needed)

Length: approx. 5.2k words

Chapter 17 - Overthinking

Joshua was discharged from the hospital in the middle of the following week, much to his impatient relief. Seokmin wasn’t able to be with him when he got home since he had the musical’s first table read that same day, but Jeonghan sent him a photo of Joshua lying on the couch, a blanket tossed over him as he watched TV. Seokmin debated if he wanted to save the photo into his phone because he looked really cute and comfortable, a version of Joshua that he realized he was loving more with each passing day. 

         Nobody who knew the details about what had happened was shocked when Joshua showed up to school the day after being discharged – other than Seokmin. The younger spotted the Teaching Assistant, grabbing a coffee and crossing the quad as he headed into the Education Building. Seokmin debated going to say hello, but when Joshua was greeted by another student and pulled into conversation, Seokmin simply stayed back and watched them disappear from view. 

In class, Seokmin found it difficult to focus. Junhui and another boy were in a debate about something - Seokmin honestly had no idea what - but he nodded along. Anyone who was listening would probably barely even consider this a debate, but instead Junhui playing devil’s advocate and getting under the other students' skin. Seokmin caught the playful grin on the older’s face as he fixed the glasses. When the other male shot up from his seat and shouted, Seokmin flinched back to attention. Wide eyes fell to Junhui, who only offered a playful pout at their classmate. 

“I didn’t say anything of the sort, you know~.” Junhui cooed. It took Seokmin a second, eyes bouncing between the duo before he realized they were in the middle of an improv scene, Junhui’s goal to be egging on the other. It seemed to be working. 

Junhui was just as witty as he is weird. A beautiful face with a playfully, sassy mouth attached  It was a wonder how Minghao put up with him so easily.

A nudge from his left and Seokmin saw San sitting there, an amused grin on his face. The duo sat beside one another at the first table read, and despite being in the same class all semester, had yet to have a full conversation until then. San complimented Seokmin and Jihyo’s chemistry, and Seokmin still felt the compliment sitting in his stomach a whole day later, making him feel proud each time he thought about it. 

        When class ended and Junhui wasn’t able to walk with Seokmin, San was always there to join instead. “I can’t wait for dress rehearsals.” San admitted, arms stretched over his head. “I’m excited to wear the medieval-era clothes. We’re going to look so dashing, Seokmin!” He was practically beaming. 

         “We did one table read and you’re already thinking of dress rehearsals?” Seokmin’s brain malfunctioned if he tried to think of going off book, much less anything past that. San’s reply was a cocky grin. 

“One table read becomes two, then three. Then, we’re on stage trying to go off book. Before you know it, it’s spring time and we have dress rehearsals. Then, it’s showtime!” Hearing San rattle off the schedule for the following 6 months made his stomach do flips, but he simply nodded along.

“You’re very excited.” Was all he could get out of his mouth. San only continued to smile.

         “My friend is head of the department, so he’s been showing me some of the designs already. I can’t help but be excited about it; his designs are good.” San scanned the photos on his phone, passing it over to Seokmin. “Look. He sent my friends and I some sketches.”

         The sketches made Seokmin’s eyes widen in amazement. “Wow! That’s really impressive! How did he manage to sketch those already?” Hearing compliments given to his friend seemed to fill San with the same level of pride, as if he had made them himself. Seokmin pointed to the little Post-It notes seen in the frame of little cat and flower doodles, the words ‘Seonghwa <3’ written under a little message. “What are those?” 

San chuckled. “Seonghwa-hyung. He loves to write little encouraging notes to us when we are working on different things. He did it for me when I was rehearsing my lines for the musical. I’d find the sticky notes hidden in the pages of my script with little doodles of Hello Kitty on them.” The duo crossed the quad before San finally departed, waving Seokmin off with the promise to see each other in their other class later that week. Now alone, Seokmin headed to the student union, hoping for a chance to rest before his afternoon classes began. 

         The area wasn’t packed yet, thank God. Seokmin nestled himself into one of the unoccupied couches. The only people in the area were those trying to get a head start on some work for the day, or to kill time before a call or meeting . He could hear the sound of the cafeteria across the hall getting setting up their lunch specials before the afternoon rush; the clattering of pots and pans echoing through the building. In hopes to drown out the sound, he stuck his headphones in his ears and turned on Spotify. He looked through different playlists, trying to find one that suited a casual listening mood. All of his music was organized so meticulously, some said was on the verge of obsessive. Specifically, Eunkyung said it was ‘borderline psychotic’. But the little gremlin has 600 songs jumbled together on her Spotify likes, so what does she know? As the first song began to play, Seokmin let his truly body relax for the first time since he had gotten the lead in the play. 

         Seokmin heard muffled sounds of students coming into the building and making a beeline for the cafeteria just as the clock struck noon. The influx of noise threatening to drown out his music made the hairs on his arms stand up. He turned his head, watching as the cafeteria filled with hungry, loud students. He took a deep breath, turning his attention to his phone in hopes to keep him distracted. Eunkyung had sent him a string of Snapchats around her college campus; meals, homework, even one of her smiling with a group of friends. Seeing her happy made Seokmin feel happy too. He hadn’t spoken much to her since the fight with their mother, but it was nice to know she still had a smile on her face. Pulling his own camera up, Seokmin snapped a few pictures of the building he was in, and a photo of the view outside one of the windows. The simple action seemed to calm him just a bit, for the moment. When he turned the camera towards himself to take a selfie, however, his cute smile immediately devolved into a shriek of terror when Joshua poked his head in behind him out of nowhere.

         “Oh my God!” Seokmin’s head whipped around, eyes wide as he stared up at the grinning brunette. “You scared me!”

         “I’m sorry.” Joshua said behind an amused laugh. “I couldn’t help myself.” He leaned forward, putting his hand in Seokmin’s hair and leaning forward, elbows on the back of the couch. “Are you okay?”

         Seokmin pouted, but ultimately nodded. “Yeah.” Joshua nodded, pulling his hand back. “What are you doing here? Don’t you have class?”

         “I have a few minutes, so I was going to grab some lunch.” He pointed in the direction of the cafeteria. “I forgot to eat breakfast this morning.” Seokmin’s pout only deepened, and now Joshua was not smiling. “What?”

         “Hyung…”

         “I had a granola bar in my bag!”

         “That doesn’t matter!” Seokmin rose from the couch and collected his belongings. When he approached Joshua’s side, the older simply motioned him towards the cafeteria. “You need to eat…”

         “I promise, I’ll eat a big lunch.” Seokmin didn’t look convinced as the duo hopped into line. While they waited their turn, Seokmin’s eyes raised to examine Joshua’s forehead. The bandages were no longer there, but there was a hint of a bruised, healing welt still present. The bags under his eyes seemed to have disappeared slightly, but he could still see the remnants of them under those big doe eyes.

         “How’s your head?” he asked curiously. Joshua looked at him. He was silent for a second, almost as if he was processing what was being asked of him.

“What?” he asked curiously, the corners of his lips turning up a bit. For a second, Seokmin wondered if Joshua was still suffering the effects of his concussion, but he caught the devilish glint in his eyes. He simply stepped closer, leaning forward. 

“Your head. How’s your head?”  

         Joshua’s eyes dipped down to Seokmin’s lips so quickly Seokmin barely caught it when he was blinking. He finally responded with a coy: “Haven’t had any complaints so far. Dare I say, it’s life changing. Why?” Seokmin was silent for a minute, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He leaned forward, almost as if he didn’t hear Joshua correctly. The older only chuckled. Wait…is he talking about…? It took a couple seconds, but something finally clicked in his brain, and Seokmin’s eyes grew to the size of baseballs, cheeks burning within seconds. 

“Hyung!” He shoved the older, who immediately fell into a fit of laughter.

“I’m sorry!” He said behind his laugh behind his hand. It was a laugh that pierced Seokmin’s heart, despite how flustered he was in the moment. 

“Why would you say that in public?!” Seokmin covered his mouth.

“My friend and I used to say that all the time to one another in high school.” He said. 

“Why?!”

“Well, theres a celebrity that used to say it. But I only heard it used on a show we used to watch, still watch actually.” Seokmin still looked mortified, and when he looked down at his feet in embarrassment, Joshua’s laugh finally subsided. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” His voice was softer this time. He stepped closer to Seokmin, encouraging him to look back up at his smiling face.

Seokmin finally cracked his own smile, because not doing so was impossible around Joshua. “What show was it?”

That one question made Joshua’s eyes light up. He reached out, taking Seokmin’s hands in his own as he began talking about a show Seokmin had never heard of. An American show about drag queens and their fight to win a competition using all of their talents. Joshua said the name of the show six times, but Seokmin was too busy studying the sparkle in his eyes to catch it. “My friend is actually texting me about the newest season right now. I’m going to binge it during Christmas break, once finals are over.”

“Binge it?” Seokmin almost sounded worried at the idea.  

“Well yeah, but not like crazy.” A light bulb went off in his head. “You should watch it with me. It can be very theatrical; I think you’d really like it!”

“I don’t know much English, though.”

“That’s why I said you watch it with me.” Joshua smiled. “I’ll explain everything to you, okay? Trust me. You’ll like it. There’s this challenge they always do where-.” As he began talking about the series' yearly parody of a popular game show his grandmother used to like, they walked closer to the front of the line. Seokmin looked down and saw his hand still in Joshua’s, fingers tightly interlocked. He kept listening, standing close as Joshua chatted on and on. The excitement Joshua oozed made him want to watch it, even though he knew he wouldn’t get the references or the language. Joshua rattling on about something he was so positively obsessed with made Seokmin’s heart full in a way he’d never understood before. Joshua finally stopped walking, eyeing the menu now that they were close enough to see it. “Speaking of finals…” Seokmin felt Joshua’s grip on his hand loosen, but he turned to Seokmin. “Nayeon and Jeonghan are going to have the apartment this weekend. Mind if we study at your place?”

“Oh. No, I don’t mind.” Seokmin said quickly. “That’s fine by me.”

“Perfect, I’ll bring some snacks over.” With the mention of food, Joshua leaned forward and put in his lunch order. Caught off guard when another worker asked him for his own order, Seokmin quickly assured he wasn’t purchasing anything and apologized, sending the worker to the next customer. With the food ordered and paid for, the duo waited by the pick-up area. “I’ve been itching to get back to studying for days, but Jeonghan’s been on top of me since I got home. So, I haven’t gotten anything done.”

“He’s only looking out for you.” Seokmin assured. Joshua nodded with a sigh.

“I know.” He glanced over. “I hate being behind, it’s stressing me out more than the actual work if I’m being honest.” Seokmin stepped closer to him when a few other people passed by. The closeness immediately reminded him of the house party; Joshua’s hands fitting on his hips as if they were molded just for his body. However, this wasn’t the appropriate scene for something similar, so Seokmin could only remember the feeling for now. He saw a grimace forming on Joshua’s face, mind already racing with things he needed to get done. Seokmin reached forward and put a hand on the other’s arm, catching his attention once again.

“Can you tell me more about that show?” he asked. Joshua blinked a few times, smiling a bit.

“Alright.” He shifted his entire body towards Seokmin, pulling out his phone. “I’ll show you some of my favorite contestants over the years.” As he typed away on Google, he shared the story of how his friend introduced him to the show during their senior year, and how they binged the entirety of the show – six seasons back then – in one school year. Joshua pointed out several beautiful queens, describing them as if he were talking about his idols. Seokmin saw the light in his eyes burning brightly as he continued to share everything that came to his mind. He listened carefully, taking in as much as he could from Joshua’s explanations. When Joshua’s food was ready, he continued talking the entire time he ate, but Seokmin didn’t mind. If it meant seeing Joshua smile, he’d listen to him read numbers out of the phone book. 

“Is this binge-watching of the show going to count as another date?” Seokmin asked curiously. Joshua finally stopped talking, a grin forming on his face. Seokmin felt his cheeks tint pink. “I’m only asking so I know how to act.”

“Do you act differently on our dates?”

“Do I?” Seokmin almost sounded nervous to hear the answer. Joshua’s response was to simply uncap his water, tilting his head back to take a swig.

“I don’t think so. But I’m usually too busy admiring you to tell the difference.”

Seokmin almost choked and he wasn’t even eating. Joshua only grinned behind his water. 

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

The second table read had come around faster than Seokmin had imagined, San’s Sparknotes of the entire event hanging over him like a heavy cloud. He flipped through his script while everyone around him chatted. Jihoon wasn’t there yet. 

“Hey.” Seokmin turned to see Jihyo leaning towards him. “Wanna run the first few scenes while we wait? Since you’re already on it.” Seokmin smiled, turning his chair to face his leading lady. Immediately, he felt as if someone was shooting lasers into his back, but fear made him too nervous to turn around. Jihyo’s expression immediately dropped to unimpressed. “Kim Seokjin-oppa is glaring at us. He’s so dramatic.” 

       Just hearing the name made Seokmin frown. “Not enough to get the lead, it seems.” He muttered under his breath. Almost immediately, his entire body froze. Eyes shot up to Jihyo when she burst into laughter, the hand holding her script covering her mouth. “Oh, no. No, no.”

       “Oh my God, Seokmin, you’re shadier than you let on!” 

       “Jihyo, please.” Seokmin could already feel his heart rate increasing. “Stop. What if he heard me!?” His voice was hushed as he leaned towards his friend, but it was filled with panic. “Does he look angry? Did he hear me? He definitely heard me.”

       “Who cares? He’s been nothing but annoying, he deserves to be knocked down a peg.” Seokmin almost passed out when Jihyo uttered the last sentence a bit to loud for his liking. “Dahyunie, you’ll never guess what Seokmin just-.”

       “Please, for the love of God!” Seokmin choked out when Dahyun’s head turned from her own script. “I’m begging you.” Jihyo’s amusement seemed to finally falter when she saw the true panic behind Seokmin’s eyes.

       “I don’t think he heard you, Seokmin…” she assured with a soft smile that reached her warm eyes. 

       “Just please.” Finally convinced, Jihyo nodded her head. As if God heard his prayer, the doors swung open and Jihoon headed to the stage. 

       “Sorry guys.” he called. “Thanks for waiting.” He pulled up a chair and smiled. “Alright, I’m going to jump right into it. I always like to start with updates on how you guys are doing. Are you finding specific scenes easier than others? Is there a part you’re confused on, in terms of delivery? It’ll help me help you during the read throughs.” 

“I’m already off book.” 

The entire auditorium snapped their attention to Seokjin, who sat cross-legged in his seat. He eyed the group for a second, before his eyes landed directly on Seokmin. He tensed up, feeling his hands grip his pants. He heard. He had to have heard, didn’t he? Please kill me now.

Jihoon, ever unimpressed, flipped the script in his hands. “Hyung, you passed the auditions, you don’t have to prove you can act anymore, okay?” Seokjin’s frown deepened. “Now is there anyone else who wants to update me on the truth?”

Seokmin’s eyes shot down to his script when he heard the room erupt into a sea of amused giggles and snickers. Seokjin’s eyes were seering into his forehead like he was trying to burn a hole between his eyes. Even when Seokjin spun around in his chair to talk with his seatmate, the stare lingered, and it lingered hard. 

He definitely heard me…Why do I have to go and start problems? 

Seokjin’s stare lingered the rest of the day; an invisible brand burning into his head, until Seokmin got home and buried himself under the covers. He never wanted to come out again if it meant running into Kim Seokjin on campus, or anywhere for that matter. He just wanted to go where thoughts didn’t stew in his head for months, or years. He wanted to be somewhere that he didn’t have to constantly worry about what other people thought of him or the things he said. Somewhere he could actually be happy and carefree.  

Where that magical place was? He had no idea. He was here, in a reality that felt that it was constantly out to get him. 

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         Seokmin had spent all of Saturday cleaning up, making sure the apartment was ready. He and Joshua had made plans to study that weekend, the first time since Joshua had been discharged from the hospital. The older hadn’t been at the apartment since the first time they hung out; back when Seokmin was originally practicing for his auditions. He turned to the kitchen table; seeing his roommate sifting through papers, noticing his script amongst the mail. Seokmin thought back to how much he cherished that time, and how far they’d come in only a few months. 

Joshua holding the script in his hands, dramatically reading a random line in the packet. Smiling at Seokmin the first time he ran through one of the tougher scenes. The way he said “I could watch you run lines all day” that still made butterflies tickle his throat. Seokmin remembered that day very well.

       He remembered that was also the day he held his hand up and said ‘SALU-TE’ with his whole chest. In front of who was, at the time, only a very hot stranger. 

       That memory sent a shockwave of embarrassment through his spine and he slumped against the sink, soapy dishes clutched tightly in his hand.

       “What are you doing?” Seungkwan asked, leaning forward on the kitchen table, confusion written on his face.

Mingyu popped his head out from the living room. “That doesn’t look like a comfortable way to wash dishes.”

       “You ever remember something that happened a long time ago and cringe?” He asked.

       “…No.” Seungkwan’s matter-of-fact self confidence made Seokmin only sink further on the floor, the dish being abandoned in the sink. He groaned. “Why?”

       “It’s so stupid.”

       “Then don’t think about it.”

       “Genius, Kwannie.” Seokmin groaned.

“What are you thinking about?”

“That time I said ‘salu-te’ really loud to Shua-hyung. It was so embarrassing.” Seungkwan snorted behind him, and a harsh pang slammed into his chest.

“Wasn’t that like…three months ago? He probably forgot about it.”

“I doubt it….” He groaned. “Nobody ever forgets. Like Seokjin-hyung at the table read this week.”

       “He heard you say something?”

       “I don’t think so.” Seokmin sighed. “But-.”

A muffled tune enveloped the kitchen area, which turned into a 8-bit version of Wonder Girls’ ‘Nobody’ when Seungkwan pulled out his phone from his pocket. “Jinseol-noona? What could she want.”

“It’s okay, answer it…” Seokmin didn’t look up from his spot. Seungkwan seemed to hesitate, but Seokmin finally lifted his head and said: “I’m fine. Go answer it…” He offered a little nod, before heading into his bedroom, pressing the phone to his ear. 

“What’s wrong, Noona?”  A gasp. “NO! No way! He is not-! Hold on!” And the rest was muffled by the closed door.

Seokmin groaned, reconfiguring himself to rest his back against the kitchen cabinets. He closed his eyes, resting his head on the wood until these stupid, pointless thoughts finally realized they were no longer welcome in his fragile brain. How could he finish getting ready at this rate? Joshua would be here in a few hours….

The sound of footsteps distracted him for a second, and he looked to see Mingyu nestling at his side. He was silent for a minute before saying: “We’ve been best friends since seventh grade.” He commented, head lolling onto Seokmin’s shoulder. 

“I know.” A dejected sigh escaped his lips. 

“So, I know when you’re lying.” Mingyu chuckled. “So does everyone else. You’re not fine.” Seokmin simply dropped the side of his head on top of Mingyu’s. “What’s on your mind?”

“You said yourself it’s stupid.”

“Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk about it.”

Seokmin took a deep breath. “I can’t stop thinking about it. It happens all the time. With everything I’ve said ever. Remember when I told you ‘This wouldn’t have happened if you listened to me and stopped eating after your fifth plate?’ When you were throwing up from all the hotpot?”

“…No.”

Well, I do. You glared at me so hard I thought you’d never speak to me again. I still think about that sometimes, and we were in ninth grade.” Mingyu only chuckled at the memory, which didn’t seem to even be a memory for him. “What I said was so rude, even if Seokjin didn’t hear me. I feel like it’s only a matter of time before he confronts me about it. Then what do I do? I can’t lie, because I did say it.”

“I really don’t think it’s that deep.”

“But it is. If he confronts me and I lie, then I’ll dig myself in a bigger hole. But if I tell the truth, I’ll make him hate me even more than he already does. What if he gets mad at me and yells at me in front of everyone, causes a whole scene like during the auditions? I’ll look like someone who starts drama for no reason. What if Jihoon-hyung finds out and gets upset with me? He could kick me off as lead for starting rumors and then what? I would deserve it, probably, but-.”

“Seokmin, you’re doing it again. Overthinking.” Mingyu’s deep voice cut through Seokmin’s frantic rambling. He pulled his head upright, running a hand through his hair. “If he hasn’t said anything yet, he probably didn’t hear you, and it’s okay.”

“That’s easy for you to say.” Seokmin pouted. 

       Mingyu took a deep breath, looking over at his friend. “I’m going to ask you a question, and I don’t want you to take offense to it. Promise?”

       “…You know who you’re talking to, right? I thought the neighbor's cat hated me because it wouldn’t slow blink at me, even though it’s blind!” Mingyu chuckled at that exclamation.

       “Promise?” He asked again.

“I’ll try.” 

“…You ever…talk to anyone about this stuff before?”

       “Uhhh, what do you mean?”

       A curt. “A therapist?” The word sent a shiver down Seokmin’s spine.

       “I went to one when I was younger with my sister.” He pursed his lips together. “After my parents got divorced, the court said it was a good idea. But that’s all, I stopped going right before we met in middle school.”

       “Why?”

       Seokmin paused. “My mom said it wasn’t helping anymore, and pulled us out.” Mingyu seemed a bit annoyed by the comment, but didn’t press further. “Do you think I should see a therapist? Am I finally going crazy?” 

       “Min, you’ve been crazy.” Mingyu teased. “No, but seriously. It could be good to go to a therapist. Someone who can listen without being biased.”

       “Are you biased?” 

       “I’m your best friend, and that means I know exactly how your family can be.” He said. “So, yes, I’m biased. Besides, I’m going to be a teacher, not a therapist.” Seokmin opened his mouth, but Mingyu held a hand up. “No, it’s not the same thing.” The open hand Mingyu held up, nudged Seokmin’s shoulder. “I’m not telling you what to do, I’m just saying it’s something to think about. You’re the only one who can decide to put in the work and do it. Maybe you need somewhere that you can get all of this stuff off your chest. They might even be able to show you ways to be easier on yourself. Even small steps will get you to the end goal eventually.” 

       Seokmin fumbled with his fingers, eyes cast down on his lap. Mingyu leaned to his side, arms outstretched towards the smaller of the two. Seokmin looked over with a slightly confused expression as his friend offered a dopey grin, an eager puppy who lives and breathes physical contact. “Come on. Bring it in.” He encouraged playfully.

Seokmin laughed a bit, but wasted no time reaching over to return the hug. “You’re ridiculous, Gyu.” He said, but his friend only hugged tighter. It felt as if Mingyu squeezed all of the negative thoughts of him like a juicer, and Seokmin sighed in relief.

The sound of Seungkwan’s feet padding back into the room only temporarily broke the hug. “False alarm. My sister’s boyfriend is not proposing, he just-. Hey!” He pouted. “I’m gone for five minutes and miss a bestie hug sesh on the floor?!” He looked genuinely hurt, hand to his chest as if the currently embracing duo shot him directly in the heart. “I want to have a bestie hug sesh on the floor!!”

Seokmin chuckled a bit, the duo immediately outstretching their arms to invite an even larger tangle of limbs. The little noise of glee that left Seungkwan’s lips was the cutest thing to ever enter the world as he dropped to the floor and practically threw himself around his seniors. Seokmin’s heart finally felt full for a few minutes, allowing himself to enjoy the moment.

“…What happened with your sister?” Mingyu finally asked, looking at Seungkwan with curious eyes.

“We thought her boyfriend was proposing but it turns out he’s not.” Seungkwan rolled his eyes. “I swear, he’s going to lose her at this rate. She’s too good for him. She did her nails and everything because she thought today was the day.” He grabbed his phone to show the photo his sister had sent of her French tips.  

“Aww.” Seokmin frowned. “Tell her that I think her nails are nice.” Seungkwan smiled as he sent the text. With the hug broken, Mingyu stood up, the sound of the sink sputtering on, continuing the dishes. “I’ll finish these up.” He said down to Seokmin. “Go get all dolled up for your boyfriend.” 

       “He’s not my boyfriend.” Seokmin grumbled with pink on his cheeks.

       “Oh, he so fucking is.” Seungkwan snorted. “Please don’t try to fool us.” 

       “Come on!” Seokmin covered his cheeks as Seungkwan laughed.

       “I can name like 3 things you two did that were relationship worthy in the last week alone.” Seungkwan beamed. “Just tell him you love him already, we have bets going!”

       “No, we do not!” Mingyu assured with a laugh. “Don’t listen to him, Seokmin. He just doesn’t want to be the friend in the freshest relationship anymore.” 

       “At least mine is fresh and not stale!” Seungkwan was now the one to get embarrassed despite his quippy remark. Mingyu’s head whipped around at the grinning junior on the floor. Seokmin fell quiet for a minute, looking between the both of them. Mingyu kicked his foot back and nudged Seungkwan’s knee, grinning in amusement. 

       “Just be useful and dry the dishes. We need to go before Joshua-hyung gets here, and I’m starving.” Seungkwan finally relented, standing up and nestling at Mingyu’s side to help as Seokmin got to his feet.

       “Thank you.” Seungkwan and Mingyu turned over to him, offering content smiles as Seokmin headed into his room. Taking a deep breath, he ventured into his closet to find the best outfit.

Despite Mingyu’s tight squeeze and the added pressure of Seungkwan, there was still one thought that planted itself firmly into Seokmin’s mind, unable to be juiced away no matter how many hugs he gave or received. His mother’s voice; one he could never fully get away from. 

       You don’t need a therapist. What a waste of time. She didn’t know what she was talking about. 

       Your father is the one who needs therapy, not you guys. That judge… trying to tell me how to parent my own kids. Who does she think she is?

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

       Joshua knocked on the door about an hour later, Seungkwan and Mingyu long gone out to dinner. Seokmin had to hold himself back from practically sprinting to the door and flinging it open. Joshua’s stunning beauty immediately flooded Seokmin’s eyes, and he couldn’t help but smile. His hair was brushed back, showing his forehead, perfect just like the rest of him. He was fixing his strawberry red cardigan, wrapped around a white tee shirt. Seokmin’s eyes dipped to see it tucked into a pair of light jeans.

       A new item was spotted across Joshua’s chest: a white tote bag. Seokmin couldn’t help but smile.

       “That’s cute.” He said. Joshua looked down, grinning.

       “Thanks.” He said. “I got it the other day when I went shopping. I wanted to wear it out first chance I got.” He opened it, and Seokmin peeked inside. “I don’t have anything to put inside it yet. I’m thinking of filling it with little things I might need when I’m out, but-.” He shrugged. 

“You’re carrying an empty tote bag?” Seokmin asked. 

“Yes.” Joshua didn’t even seem phased. “We’ll see. We’ll feel it out, you know?”

       Seokmin chuckled, a response of “sure, hyung” while ushering him inside. The first thing Joshua did was dig through his backpack and pulled out a plastic bag filled to the brim with convenience store treats. “I brought snacks!” He grinned.

       Seokmin accepted the bag with a smile and a small “Thank you.” He’s always so thoughtful…

When Joshua uttered an amused: “Cute.” Seokmin turned around. Much to his surprise, the one thing he forgot to put away was his ravioli plush, which was sitting comfortably on the couch.”Is that yours?”

“Uh.” Seokmin stammered for a second. “Yea….Heh. I got it a while ago.”

Joshua walked over and examined the plush in his hands, grinning all the while. Seokmin couldn’t help but feel embarrassed, even though he had taken Joshua into a toy store specifically to buy stuffed animals before. Joshua turned to him. “Does he get along with our deer?”

“Our?” Seokmin cocked an eyebrow.

“Yes, our.” Joshua huffed. “I was tempted to ask for weekend custody, but I think he likes you more than me, so he’ll only end up resenting me more if I do it now.” Seokmin couldn’t help but laugh as Joshua set the ravioli plush down on the couch once again, setting his bag on the floor as well. “Ready?” 

       As the duo settled in the living room to begin their studying, Seokmin looked over at Joshua. He was already comfortable on the couch, relaxed as if he were home. He even plopped Seokmin stuffed ravioli on his lap. Sensing he was being watched, Joshua eyed the other and grinned.

       “Lee Seokmin…are you checking me out?” 

       “W-what?! No!” Seokmin gasped, his computer almost falling off of his lap. Joshua’s tongue pressed against his bottom lip in amusement.

       “You were checking me out when I got here, too.” He rested his arm on the back of the couch as he stared at Seokmin, almost amused at how red his face must have been turning so quickly.

       “Hyung, come on.” A flushed face turned back to the computer. Seokmin felt Joshua’s hand reach forward and tangle into his hair, immediately diffusing all of the knots coiling up deep in his belly. An amused hum was heard when Seokmin tilted his head a bit, leaning into the touch; smiling as he resumed typing away.

       Just confess your love to him already! Seungkwan was even loud and nosey in people’s thoughts, it seemed. Oh, how he wished he could be that carefree. 

Even little steps get you to the end goal eventually. 

Regardless, in this moment, he was content with this small step of closeness. This reality, even if only for the next few minutes, felt just a bit more perfect.

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