So close!!
Damn.
Heracles here again, I can’t believe it’s already been 8 years since I started these dumb labours. I wish I could say how the time flies when you’re having fun but that would be blatant lying. On the small Brightside I’m so close to finishing, as I mentioned in my last entry Eurystheus set me my second last labour to complete. Unfortunately for me it’s also a pretty damn impossible task but y’know, some of my other labours seemed impossible to begin with too so you never know.
My first problem is that, yes I know that the apples exist, but where in Zeus’ name are the damn things??? Are they up on Olympus with Zeus himself considering they’re his, or has Hera hidden them away somewhere difficult, because at this point I really wouldn’t be surprised by anything that goddess pulls. So far I’ve travelled practically everywhere looking for the damn garden, and all I’ve managed to do is get in a few fights with minor gods and almost get turned into a sacrifice by some oaf of a King known as Busiris. I’ve recently however been informed that Nereus, one of the sea-gods, might have some idea about the whereabouts of the godly apples so I’m currently headed to him now and rough him up until he coughs up the location.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well that was fun; Nereus the slimy git kept shape-shifting to try and throw off my game, he obviously doesn’t know about my all-encompassing strength because a little bit of transforming isn’t going to loosen my grip buddy. Eventually he figured this out for himself and swiftly gave in to my whims and disclosed the location of the heavenly garden the apples are kept in.
This doesn’t however solve my problem that Hera would never allow me to steal the apples due to her ever-lasting hatred of me. I’ll have to find some decent way of getting around that, sooner rather than later hopefully.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me again, by a stroke of luck I encountered poor old Prometheus chained up on his mountain, destined to have his liver ripped out day after day by an Eagle sent by my Dad (to be fair from what I heard he entirely deserved his fate up on that mountain for making the Gods look like fools). However, something in me pitied him and as such I put him out of his misery by finally killing the eagle; in his gratitude towards my wonderfully kind deed he disclosed a most brilliant plan for me to retrieve apples so that I don’t personally have to do the deed. He told me of Atlas’ hatred for his job of holding up the earth and the sky, so much so that he would happily agree to fetch the apples for me so long as I agreed to carrying his burden for him.
Luckily for me Prometheus was right; by Zeus does Atlas hate his job, he agreed in a heartbeat to my plan as soon as I mentioned I would carry the weight of the world for him. However, Atlas wasn’t very enamoured with the idea of returning to his terrible job and instead ‘offered’ to take the apples back to Eurystheus for me while I had the pleasure of holding the earth for the rest of time. Pffffffft, as if bro, I’ve got far better things to be doing then your shitty job. Being the clever man that I am I managed to trick him into taking the earth and sky back, asking if he would take them back for just a moment while I adjusted the pad on my back to be more comfortable. SUUUCK, as soon as he picked the burden back up again and had set the apples down I was gone. Thankfully finding my way back to Eurystheus was significantly easier and adventure-free then my journey to the apples. Sadly, due to belonging to the gods Eurystheus couldn’t even keep the apples after all the hard work I put into getting them so Athena came and fetched them back to return them to their sacred garden. All that hard work for absolutely nothing!! What a waste.
Considering my next task is my final, thank the Gods, I can only imagine that Eurystheus has something perfectly insane stored away for me to complete, oh joy. But, on the brightside, I’m so close to being done with this whole ridiculous thing and by Zeus is that a relief.
As usual, here’s an exceedingly good pic of me showing of my guns as I hold up the earth for Atlas:
Ttyl, Heracles.
