This is Breastfeeding
When I was 25 years old, before I met my partner, before we decided to have a baby, I had a surgical breast reduction. The surgeon asked if I ever planned to have children and I said I didn’t know. I did tell her that if I did I’d want to breastfeed them, and she said she’d do her best to preserve the necessary tissue.
Ten years later, I had my baby girl. While I was pregnant, I did some online research that seemed to indicate that any ducts and nerves damaged by the surgery would have had plenty of time to regenerate and that I’d be able to breastfeed without much trouble.
Nope.
Ask any new mom and she’ll probably tell you that breastfeeding is tough, especially in the first few days and weeks. Sadly, formula companies have had so much influence on our culture that bottle-feeding has become commonplace and breastfeeding is something you “try” and hope for the best, but maybe not for very long before giving up. Mothers have been told that formula is almost or just as good as breastmilk, and this misleading information has meant that many moms of my generation didn’t see women breastfeeding in public.
I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I didn’t know what it’s supposed to look like when a baby is actually *drinking* at the breast. I’d never heard of a lactation aid or any other way to feed a baby that wasn’t a breast or bottle. I didn’t know there was help out there that might have made a difference for us in the first few days.
When my baby was just three days old the midwife told me she’d lost almost 10% of her body weight and that she would give me two more days of “trying really hard” to breastfeed before she would intervene. What she should have done, what I wish she’d done, is refer me to people who knew what they were doing. Experts. Lactation consultants. International Board Certified Lactation Consultants (IBCLC). The International Breastfeeding Centre (Dr. Jack Newman’s breastfeeding clinic). The local Breastfeeding clinic. Anyone who could help me improve our latch and get the baby drinking.
She wasn’t drinking. She spent hours at the breast just nibbling, but I didn’t know she wasn’t getting much milk. The rule of thumb with breastfeeding is demand and supply; the more milk removed from your breasts, the more you’ll make. This is especially important in the first few days and weeks when you are establishing a supply. I didn’t move a lot of milk in those first few days and by day five I was told I’d have to give her formula. I was devastated. I couldn’t give my baby enough to eat. I couldn’t provide the one, basic thing I was supposed to provide. I was heartbroken.
I didn’t want to give her formula. I didn’t want her to drink from a bottle and then refuse the breast. I’d heard of “nipple confusion”, which is really just a preference for the easiest way to get the most consistent flow of milk.
I bargained with the midwife and bought an electric breast pump. I would give her formula if it was necessary but I would breastfeed first, then supplement with expressed milk, then formula, in that order. She showed us how to use a tube to feed either at the breast or with a finger, but it wasn’t until much later at the breastfeeding clinic that I would learn why it’s best to use a tube (or “lactation aid”) at the breast. As I mentioned, the more milk you remove from the breast, the more you will make. You’re not removing any milk from your breast if you feed the baby with your finger.
So this is breastfeeding, for us. After almost three months, after going to the breastfeeding clinic near home, after going to the International Breastfeeding Centre where they found and corrected her tongue tie, we are still using the lactation aid. I take Domperidone to boost what little milk supply I have. Is my supply low because of the surgery? Probably. Is it low because of how our breastfeeding journey got started? Likely. Regardless of how we got here, this is where we are. This is how I feed my daughter. She gets some milk from me, and some from her supplement. We’ve been lucky enough to receive breastmilk donated by generous mothers; some who are friends, some strangers. We’ve received enough that I’ve hardly had to give her formula since those first few days. But as I was told at the Newman clinic: it’s not all about milk. Breastfeeding is a relationship, and it’s one worth having. It’s worth preserving. So no matter how much she gets or doesn’t get from me I will continue to breastfeed my daughter. However it has to be done.