#laidure

[warsk]

Things you said when you thought you were dying.

He physically feels his knee caps grinding against one another too close. He’s sure with the speed he’s reached, his body might just light into flames, with him burning and running at all once. Because that’s what this fight seems like. He’s running and he’s on fire.

They’re out numbered. He’s cracking into the skull of another human, hands throwing away a decapitated head. The skull sits by his feet and he stares for a second too long. 

“Juwon – !”

He lifts his head to the source of the sound, and meets eyes with Elymas. Time runs too quick and even he doesn’t have a chance to react. Instead, he’s watching another mutant behind Elymas, with projected bones as if the vines of a tree. Each bone is cutting through Elymas in a different place, there are holes all over his body in decoration. Elymas’ knees hit the ground, and the killer behind him disappears.

Elymas falls to the ground, and Juwon rushes over, arms shoved under the dirt and his body. He pulls him up, body in tremors – he’s not sure if he’s shaking or Elymas. 

“Ely, Ely… Ely, stay with me.”

“Cut… it… out, Juwon.”

“No, stay with me, stay with me, stay with me Ely –” He’s lost his voice and he’s whispering, words tumbling out like a mantra. He’s watching his whole world fall apart in his arms, and all he can do is stare. “Ely, fuck – Ely, please…”

“Are you crying?” Elymas’ laugh fills the space between them, and god, it’s so out of place. It doesn’t belong here. It isn’t the time, the place, nor does he want it. “God, stop… crying.” He sees Elymas try to reach him, but his arms don’t make it above the ground.

Somewhere in the distance of the field, he hears Kyungsoo’s triumphant cry, declaring their win. And it should feel bloody good, it should feel riveting – he should stand tall, triumphant with them, blood rushing through him like an animal. 

Instead, he feels nothing.

“We won for now.” But I’m losing you. “You’ve got to go.” And you have to stay. “They’ll be here with more backup… in minutes…”

“Then let me stay for a minute, you fuck.” His hands are still shaking, even more so now. His vision is too clouded to clearly read Elymas’ face, but for once, he swears he can see fear. He wonders what Elymas sees, if it’s death, or maybe God, or maybe nothing at all, at the end of his tunnel. And then he wonders, what kind of god could dare to pull this tragedy onto them.

(Juwon: But we’re just boys.)

(God: Yes.)

(God: You just wanted to prove that there was one safe place, just one safe place where you could protect him. You have not found that place. Simply because – it does not exist.) 

(God: For you are a boy. No God. Just a boy.)

[rentol-blog1]

A mess of a starter, for laidure.

There’s a hallway in this dream. You walk down along it, and there is only one door. There is only one room. There is only one path to take. You turn the knob, step in because that’s what the cricket tells you to do. (You’re listening to the critter because you can’t hear yourself think.) The door cracks, you bend, the wood gives in. Suddenly the room’s falling: the ground is gone, your toes have lost on what to stand on. You come to your senses and the void stares back. It’s eyes are numerous, careful, and watching. You reach out, (it’s too beautiful to call it a beast, but it’s too ugly to call human –), and it warns you.

Befriend me and you’ll drown, little boy.

You shrug, brush through the fullness of the void and the room’s falling again. (You’re already drowning – what’s to hurt from diving in a bit deeper?)

Something’s not right about what you’re doing, but the void is beside you and you’ve got the world on your shoulders. But you’re human, with an entrapment of a body, and the skin of your knees are tired. You’re tired of walking. Your mind wants a chase. So you run. Across the foyer, across the room. Now you stand opposing the void and it’s staring back again. You blink and it’s gone. And now you are truly empty. Alone here.

There’s a house a mile away. It looks like Rome, brightly lit and strong – self sustaining. You run again, and you slow as you reach the house. The colors slow, and when they stop, you stop. You take a step back.

The house is burning.

It falls to the ground, and you want to cry. You’ve never been so alone, and never been left with an empire burning by your feet. You’re halfway through your self-wallowing, pity party of one, when you meet eyes. It is not the void, although they are familiar. You realize she’s inside, and you know she is, but you don’t know how to reach her. Your palms are slick and you’re too small. You’re too young to know anything.

The house becomes a mountain of ash and there are new eyes here. Still familiar, but different. You stand up and you remember how to speak – (use your lips, use your tongue).

She’s beautiful. A little broken, but still beautiful. She rises from the ash, and now the fire rest like tides on her skin. She breathes flames like she’s conquered Rome, and Hades’ kingdom is next. You’ve never known to fear a woman till now.

“Jieun. You’re Jieun –” He calls her name and the room falls again. He wakes up in sweat, eyes never wider.