#lapenta

[rachhreturns]

I feel like I know I'm the happiest I've ever been when the simple things he says just make me feel wonderful and beam. Cool. :D Besides the semi-consistent fighting with my family, this summer has been wonderful so far and it's not even July. Vacationing with my boyfriend, random trips and gym/lunch dates with great friends, discovering new favorites and securing internships (not to mention the frequent mornings I've been getting to wake up next to billy).... things really start to fall into place when I accept what I can't change and look to the positives. Work may be hell, but I wouldn't change a thing about this. The only thing that'll make this better is finally moving back to school in September and getting to live with my best friends again 🐣

[rachhreturns]

6/8/16 Billy told me he loved me and now it feels like my puzzle pieces all fit together

[rachhreturns]

You really are a beautiful woman I want to beat someone up for you I’ve been thinking about you, not her I missed you You’re more than welcomed to come This feels really emotional, I feel elated You make me feel warm on the inside I'd much rather stretch here with you than go anyway

[rachhreturns]

I’m guessing the reason that I feel so shitty after Nick and Billy ended things, is because its always been about someone that came before me. I’ve always been cool and fun and a great girlfriend and haven’t done “anything wrong” but, just being the best I can be isn’t enough for these boys, and I don’t know what to do about that.

I think I’ve always based my self worth off of how I can make other people feel- so I usually try to make people feel good. So when it comes to light that I’m just can’t make people I enjoy feel the wonderful ways that other girls could, it just makes me feel like there isn’t much of a point to me.  

i want someone to feel like I created the stars for them, and feel nervous when I walk into a room. I just want to make people smile, and I want people to smile because of me. 

Its just angsty and ridiculous that I feel so bad about boys that I knew wouldn’t really last a while. I just wished I HAD done something instead of trying to make them feel good. 

Its just like every time I’m trying, someone else has done it better and it turns out that thats really what counts.

[rachhreturns]

The only real problem I’m having about this is that I’m “sweet, cute and fun” but only ever “sweet, cute and fun” enough to be a temporary solution to the heartaches other sweet-er, cute-r, and fun-er girls have caused. I’m good enough to take home to family, bring on vacations, out to fancy dinners, stay in bed with for days on end AND even consider moving in with, but I’m just not something enough to ignite the fire that comes simply to so many other girls. Maybe I’ll stop “being easy to talk to” and stop falling into other people’s interests and stop losing sleep to rub your shoulders and stop offering to make dinner and never offer to pay my own way and never excuse the insecurities your dad bred in you when he left and won’t ever try to console you when you’re unsure. Fuck it, I’ll just start getting jealous and angry and possessive over bullshit things that don’t bother me. Maybe then someone will take me seriously enough to actually make something of us together. I’m not Michelle and I’m not Amy but I wish I could make people feel the way they did.

[rachhreturns]

Still hooking up with ex boyfriend, with no real intention to stop HELP

[rachhreturns]

1) you are very pretty 2) that's a great dress 3) I had a great time with you tonight

[rachhreturns]

I promise to always hold your face when I kiss you goodbye