What he Really wanted to write:
“I want (not really, but apparently we have no choice, so I’m forced) to apologize for your experience on the Napa Valley Wine Train on Saturday, Aug. 22. We accept full responsibility for our failures and the entire chain of unfortunate events you experienced. (And if it weren’t for social media, FFS, I wouldn’t have to do this whole Mea Culpa thing, to be clear!)
“Clearly, we knew in advance when we booked your party that you would be loud(-ass), fun-loving and boisterous —because you told us during the booking process that you wanted a place where your Club could enjoy each other’s (loud-ass, fun-loving and boisterous Black) company. Somehow that vital information never made it to the appropriate channels and we failed to seat your group where you could enjoy yourself properly and alert our train’s staff that they should expect a particularly (Say it Loud y'all be Black and Proud) vibrant group.
“We were insensitive when we asked you to depart our train by marching you down the aisle (doing a Walk of Shame) past all the other (Grey Poupon passing Uptight and White lily white) passengers. While that was the safest route for disembarking, it (gave us the desired affect and yet) showed a lack of sensitivity on our part that I did not fully conceive of until you explained the humiliation of the experience and how it impacted you and your fellow Book Club members (and has given us a nightmare of a public relations situation, although poor rednecks only WISHED they had the money to join our train ride, sigh!)
“We also erred by placing an inaccurate post on our Facebook site that was not reflective of what actually occurred. (Let’s face it. We lied like a mother f#cker. Kinda like cops in America. Pure genius!) In the haste to respond to criticism and news inquires, we made a bad situation worse by rushing to answer questions on social media. (And we made that s#it up!) We quickly removed the inaccurate post, but the harm was done by our erroneous post. (Did I mention we lied!?)
“In summary, we were accurately insensitive to you and the members of the (extremely loud and extremely Black) Book Club. Please accept my apologies for our many mistakes and failures. We pride ourselves our hospitality and our desire to please our (primarily white) guests on the Napa Valley Wine Train. In this instance, we failed in every measure of the meaning of good service, respect and hospitality.
“I appreciate your recommendation that our staff, which I believe to be among the best, could use additional cultural diversity and sensitivity training. I pledge to make sure that occurs and I plan to participate myself.
“As I offered in my conversation with you today, please accept my personal apologies for your experience and the experience of the (Loud ass and Boisterous) Book Club members. I would like to invite you and other members to return plus 39 other guests (you can fill an entire car of 50) as my personal guests in a reserved car where you can enjoy yourselves as loudly as you desire. (Did I mention you could be LOUD?)
“I want to conclude again by offering my apologies for your terrible experience.” (Cuz we are, frankly, terrible white people, destined to be terrible again, cuz we really don’t learn our lessons, but we are good at writing these damn letters when we are caught. Godd@mn social media!)
