My mom used to take my sister and I to a bookstore called Tidal Wave, where they'd sell the books and magazines retired from the library for very cheap (it has since closed down 💔). I usually asked for old National Geographic magazines, which I've since used up in collages and handmade cards.
But, one day at Tidal, I found this Bobbi Brown makeup book^. It was a big, hard-cover coffee table book, and I remember holding it to my chest the entire time we were there. Don't remember how, but my conservative (ex-catholic, christian baptist, body and just...woman shaming) mother somehow bought it for me. I remember poring over the pages in private, in the light of the attic window on the carpet floor. and I could still describe to you in vivid detail my favorite page:
I had braces at the time, and Bobbi had a whole section on makeup tips specifically for self conscious braces wearers- drawing attention to the eyes and just a gloss on the lips. There was the most beautiful photo of a girl with a simple, one color lavender eyeshadow look, with just black mascara and beautifully understated skin makeup with a little blush, thick brows just brushed out.
I have always secretly wanted to be that girl, and it just occurred to me maybe three years ago when I started getting into makeup- how had I never bought a lavender eyeshadow when I'd been in love with it since being a little girl?? So I finally bought one, those few years ago.
Anyway, there's no point to this story really but take from it what you will about loving your little self ❤️ and dude Bobbi knows what tf theyre talking about, I had a head start going into the overwhelming world that is modern day makeup.
I am so exhausted with everybody's damn opinion about makeup cause society gets in my head some days when no one will ever truly know, or care, the reasons I create with makeup sometimes. But dude, can you believe I am that girl now?? Sometimes, when I feel like it haha. I did that for myself. My skills are nuts for only 2-3 years as a result of this book living in my head, and absorbing everything drag queens say about what makeup tactics they swear by
Anyway if you read this xoxoxo don't let anyone tell you shit about how you decide to present your body, gender expression, or no gender at all. FUCK THEM cause I could not be more proud or happy of myself for buying that eyeshadow all those years later, and i am so surprised the amount of love I feel for my SELF (not my norm) when I think about my small self reading this book and me now
