#layersnatural

[soft-pine]

hey.... the creepy people-hunters take dean's coat off....

dean gets knocked out wearing a black t-shirt, green button up, and black jacket. and then in the next scene he's waking up without the jacket on.

oh layersnatural we're really in it now

[soft-pine]

spn20rewatch: 1.19 provenance

SAVE ME, DEAN BEING A BITCH TO RICH PEOPLE!! DEAN BEING A BITCH TO RICH PEOPLE, SAVE ME!!!

but for real, sarah and her dad (and even sam) looking at dean pointedly like he doesn't belong at the estate sale, meanwhile dean is stuffing his face with mini quiches and making snide remarks. you don't understand i would die for him. i would make him so many mini quiches!!!!!!!!!!!

DEAN: We got a problem - I can't find my wallet. SAM: How is that my problem?*

*man who has been bribing people with dean's money and letting dean pay for all their motel rooms for the past 18 episodes.....

like in 1.07 we have a bit of a stretch in terms of my specific dean & layers readings... but he is only wearing a t-shirt when he says:

DEAN: You didn't have to con her or do any...special favors or anything like that?

also just dean trying to smash the glass in the crypt and then being like "Come on Dean!" and shooting the glass is so endearing to me. i LOVE HIM

[soft-pine]

spn20rewatch: 1.04 phantom traveler

"This is John Winchester. I can't be reached. If this is an emergency, call my son, Dean. 785-555-0179. He can help." ohh i feel dizzy nauseous sick ill weak faint :/

john doesn't know dean and sam are hunting together. so he just left dean a cryptic message. left his journal with cryptic instructions. and left dean alone to just... carry on. and now he's just forwarding all his problems on to dean, who he should still think is just working all this alone. no backup.

when did john realize dean & sam were hunting together again? home? like did he just read in the newspaper in 1.06 that dean had died and just thought you know he died on some hunt all alone and... but i get ahead of myself.

[soft-pine]

spn20rewatch: 1.11 scarecrow

LOVE OF MY LIFE EPISODE OF ALL TIMES

first off, TUMMY!!!

second, we get some all time banger dean lines:

"i don't understand they're going to kill us?" / "sacrifice us. which is, i don't know, classier, i guess."

"i hope your apple pie is freakin worth it!"

lastly, scarecrow sets in place and affirms threads that will literally carry us through the entire rest of the show.

in the pilot john leaves dean coordinates for his next hunt. in 1.04, they find john has turned his phone back on (but isn't answering it and is directing people to dean). in 1.10 john texts dean a case and now in 1.11, he calls!

to dean, i think, this means he's been doing good. working the cases john sends and not getting distracted trying to hunt john down. he follows orders and in exchange is rewarded with slightly more contact.

sam, on the other hand, is angry. he's mad at john for not telling him what's going on. he's mad at john for not letting him help hunt the demon that killed jessica. he's mad at dean for just wanting to do what john says and not pushing back.

the whole time sam is on the phone with john, dean is desperately trying to get it. he wakes up shirtless (vulnerable) but almost immediately, he's fumbling to get a shirt on (armor) while reaching for the phone.

to me, nothing will ever beat dean's worried, "dad, it's me. where are you?" to him straightening his shoulders and going, "yes, Sir," in like three seconds.

the case john sends them to is a town sacrificing couples to a prosperity god brought over from europe when settlers colonized indiana.

in the car on the way, sam gets so mad at how dean's just wanting to follow john's orders and be "a good son" that he pulls the car over and leaves. so dean investigates burkittsville on his own and ends up being kidnapped and left by the townspeople as one half of the annual sacrifice. emily, the antagonists' niece is chosen as the other sacrifice.

the layers here are so dense! because, well, first off, we have dean paired with a woman who he is very friendly with but has absolutely no romantic interest in. but this coerced "couple" is what the townspeople intend to feed their fertility god in order to continue their vision of the colonial project. dean is both forced into the costume of heterosexuality and sacrificed for the american dream. this is maybe my favorite theme in spn.

however, rather than romantic partners, emily and dean are in fact mirrors. one of emily's first conversations with dean is about her love for her aunt and uncle and the town. and it echoes dean's compliments of john's work putting together the case file and in general, dean's desire to be a good son.

EMILY: Everybody’s nice here. DEAN: So, what, it’s the, uh, perfect little town? EMILY: Well, you know, it’s the boonies. But I love it. I mean, the towns around us, people are losing their homes, their farms. But here, it’s almost like we’re blessed. 

DEAN: Yahtzee. Can you imagine putting together a pattern like this? All the different obits Dad had to go through? The man’s a master.

but this all sours. emily's family is not nice. in fact, they try to kill her. and not only that - they tell her to just go along with it, to do as she's told. in essence, just to be a good niece.

what does this mean for a story where we know john has used his kids - and especially dean - as bait? where 1.02 finds them following instructions from john which result in dean kidnapped and nearly eaten before he and sam agree he should play the obviously well-worn role as bait. it makes me think of 1.16 when john says he showed up just in time to see meg fall out the window. but is that true? how do we know he wasn't there watching sam and dean tied up and toyed with?

it certainly wouldn't be the first time john has sat in the shadows while leaving his kids in the line of site for the monster. 1.18, 1.20, and 15.16 show that much. (and i really need to stop talking about every episode while just discussing one (and im going to do a whole post about the finale soon) but when i tell you the vamp case in 15.20 that they pick up was one john was working in 86 when dean was 7. and the pattern was the vamps were going after kids between 5-10 who were isolated and living at the edge of town....)

in 2.14, meg (possessing sam) is forcing jo to talk through what she knows about her dad's death.

JO: Our dads were in California: Devil's Gate Reservoir. They were setting a trap for some kind of hellspawn. John was hiding, waiting, and my dad was bait. MEG!SAM: That's just like John. Oh, I'll bet he dangled Bill like meat on a hook. Then what?

that line eats at me. "like meat on a hook" because see the thing is...

stacy, emily's aunt, tearfully tries to console her twice throughout the episode. she knows it's hard and emily's scared but stacy begs her to understand, it's for the common good. when emily is tied to the apple tree, crying and begging, stacy gently strokes a strand of emily's hair, trying to soothe her.

STACY: Try to understand. It’s our responsibility. And there’s just no other choice. There’s nobody else but you. EMILY: I’m your family. STACY: Sweetheart, that’s what sacrifice means. Giving up something you love for the greater good. The town needs to be safe. The good of the many outweighs the good of the one. 

it reminds me of the conversation john has with dean in the hospital at the end of 2.01. the theme of family and sacrifice and the greater good. and no other choice. and nobody else but you. the gentle cruelty.

HARLEY: It’ll be over quickly, I promise.

JOHN: Don't be scared, Dean.

[soft-pine]

spn20rewatch: 1.06 skin // cn discussion of dean's death

i mean it kind of kills me that dean is legally declared dead in episode 6. 321 episodes to go. there's something so heartbreaking about the line "how many times am i going to get to see my own funeral." cause the state sure as shit not gonna actually hold a funeral for the shifter's corpse. and because well, they're going to actually kill dean - like a lot of times. it's a gut punch like comparison between the s11 finale and dean's vision for his funeral vs the s15 finale and what we actually got.

1.06 is about desire and facades. the shifter is a perfect foil for dean in a lot of ways. he has the same core loneliness, he has the same yearning for closeness but where he demands it from other people, where he believes he's owed closeness, dean just shrugs along to sam's comment, "you’re kind of anti-social, you know that?"

in the pilot and again here, we see dean judging/commenting on sam's choice to have close friend who he isn't honest with about hunting. i don't think sam's wrong for wanting to leave that part of his life behind. but i think the contrast is interesting when for the most part we see dean choosing not to get close to people so he doesn't have to lie to them.

from 4.19, we know the "no friends" speech was part of john's parenting tactic for sam & dean. we know sam chose to rebel against it and leave. we're about to get to the episode where we find out about dean's smaller, more private rebellion - telling cassie the truth. it's significant to me that whereas sam never tells jess or amelia about the hunting life, dean specifically does tell cassie and lisa.

dean's lies are often protective. he doesn't tell sam a lot of the truth about his childhood experiences because he doesn't want sam to hate john more or be angry or etc. dean often doesn't tell sam a lot of things because he is very clearly not trying to get sam to have to take care of him. but lying to a partner about hunting doesn't protect that partner - not really. so dean doesn't.

and what he reveals about himself also tends to be in the service of a someone else's feelings, like what he shared with lucas in 1.03 (or later to cas in 5.17 or 10.09. i mean this is such a pattern, i could go on). that's why it's such a violation to have the shifter in his head and twisting his thoughts and feelings into things which will most harm the people around him - becky and sam.

dean shoots him in the heart.

[soft-pine]

spn20rewatch: 1.09 home

there is simply too much to say about home. one of the very few episodes where dean is sleeping actually shirtless (end of 1.10/beginning of 1.11 being the only other example as far as i know?). 1.09 includes just a chaste glimpse of dean's sleeping shoulder. going along with the layers theory we're about to see dean very vulnerable - and oh look!

it's heartbreaking when dean says he doesn't want to go back to lawrence because he swore he'd never go back there. it's heartbreaking when dean says to sam that he needs to pee but he actually ends up crying into his dad's answering machine. mary's ghost burns herself out to save them - heartbreaking.

but it also always strikes me how mean this episode is to dean. not to send any shade missouri's way (she is her own person and spn treats her terribly anyway). but she is consistently harsh to dean in a way that always baffles me. she chides, corrals, and insults him from start to finish - his looks as a child, his need for an EMF meter, him not being "the sharpest tool in the shed." she smacks his head. she threatens to hit him with a spoon if he puts his feet up on her table. she tells jenny that dean (alone) will clean up the mess left by the poltergeist. (sam also offers to jenny that they'll pay for all the damages - with dean's money presumably as he's the only one who's shown getting money and sam already used it to bribe someone in 1.05)

it leaves me confused and a little sad. and it makes me wonder what it means that in this episode, dean is going home. we see mary for the first time since the pilot. we see john for the first time since the pilot. dean's in his old home for the first time since john drove them away.

when they arrive, jenny says she's sure they have many happy memories in this house. and dean makes this face in reply.

of course he has one very specifically terrible memory here. but his glassy, haunted eyes and tight smile make me wonder about the rest.

5.16 makes me wonder... "I just never realized how long you’ve been cleaning up Dad’s messes." 1.20 makes me wonder.... "Hey Dean why don't you touch up your car before you get rust? I wouldn't have given you the damn thing if I thought you were going to ruin it." 2.20 makes me wonder... even in the dream world, dean's the family fuck up.

so i wonder what layers to going home are present here beyond the house and the town.

ps. he looks absolutely ethereal here.

the lashes. the lips. OH!

[soft-pine]

spn20rewatch: 1.10 asylum // cn domestic violence

once again, it's sam that's looking for john. he's calling john's friends and colleagues. he suggests calling the Feds to help find john. dean pushes back saying, accurately, that john would hate that.

then john texts dean's phone - a new case. dean is somewhat relieved by this; john is alive and okay enough to give them homework. sam is, understandably pissed.

the case - cop murders his wife then himself - takes them to a bar in illinois where they stage a scene so sam can talk to the cop's old police partner. in the scene, dean plays a reporter badgering for details. sam plays the local hero - pushing dean away from the table and buying the cop a beer.

but he pushes dean hard enough that dean is clearly taken aback and even comments on it later.

DEAN: Shoved me kinda hard in there, buddy boy. SAM: I had to sell it, didn't I? It's method acting.

the episode ends with sam getting controlled by evil dr ellicott. his anger takes over. he shoots dean with rock salt. he would have shot him with live ammo if the gun dean handed him hadn't been empty. it's not the last time spn will have an episode where someone's anger gets magnified and intensified by supernatural forces. 4.14 and 8.06 come to mind.

but i think it's interesting that not only sam's anger - but the violence - were present before ellicott ever got his hands on sam. people have a view, i think, in which dean's more often aggressor in their physical altercations. (it's not true, of course. they're much more evenly split than that). but i think it speaks to the toxic family and culture they were raised in that violence shows up in these ways.

and i think sam is genuinely frustrated with dean for not having as much enthusiasm in searching for john. sam is upset dean is just working the cases john sends. but sam is also clearly mad at john. i mean, 1.20 makes it very clear that sam does not accept the "need to know" basis john has been forcing on them. in 1.02 sam is furious when john doesn't turn out to be in black water ridge and wants to abandon the case.

so sam's mad at dean and mad at john but john's not here.

it reminds me of the scene in 1.20 where john conversely angry with sam for not just taking him at his word and instead pushing back. but he expresses it by telling dean that he's not doing a good enough job taking care of baby.

dean is there to absorb (and try to diffuse) the anger john and sam have for each other.

but critically, dean is also dealing with a huge amount emotional uncertainty about john this season. we know john's left them before - and for long periods. but the pilot makes very clear that this time john has been gone and out of communication longer than normal. once dean's realizes that john is probably okay, he's just left to wonder what john's motivation is for not being in contact. season 14 will tell us that one of john's punishments is distance and silence.

i wonder if that's what dean's thinking about and feeling now. in the last episode, he called john crying to ask for help. in this one - with no check-in or follow up that dean is aware of - john texts him his next job.

when sam's being affected by ellicott, he says "I mean, why are we even here? ’Cause you're following Dad's orders like a good little solider? Because you always do what he says without question? Are you that desperate for his approval?"

but it's something much more basic than approval that dean is maybe hoping for. and i think he is worried that sam's insistence on not working cases in order to find a john who does not want to be found is going to jeopardize even the small contact he's receiving. of course dean doesn't know john is aware sam is with him. so any time they take away from working the cases john sends, could be read by john as only dean's actions. and, like we see in 1.20, even if it's not dean's actions, he could still face the consequences. and dean knows he's never gotten anything from john by demanding it.

i know im kind of playing a lot of speculation games. but dean's emotional landscape in this season is so important to me. and i think the way his peacekeeper role comes into play and diminishes his ability to voice his own needs is crucial to unpack a bit.

[soft-pine]

spn20rewatch: 3.16 no rest for the wicked

there is something so raw and animalistic about this episode opening with dean running frantically through the woods trying to escape the hellhounds. he is being hunted - not by demons with a plan but by dogs. he's prey. he's food.

i mentioned that 1.18 feels like an episode that helps organize all the characterization and narrative that has come before or will come after. that's how I feel about 3.16 as well. it contains so many little moments of patterns and themes which trace their fingers throughout spn.

not to belabor the point but again again dean is right about ruby. and he's so sure he's right he's willing to risk his own death to keep sam safe from her manipulation. there is something so soft about the way dean is begging both sam and bobby not to go off unprepared on this risky plan just to save him.

DEAN: What's the problem? Come on, where do I begin? I mean, first of all, we don't even know if Lilith holds my deal. We're going off of Bela's intel? Now when that bitch breathes, the air comes out crooked. Okay. Second, even if we could get to Lilith, we have no way to gank her. And third, isn't this the same Lilith that wants your giant head on a pike? Should I continue? BOBBY: Ain't you just bringing down the room. DEAN: Yeah, well, it's a gift. SAM: I'm sorry, so then what are we supposed to do, Dean? DEAN: Just 'cause I gotta die doesn't mean you have to, okay. Either we go in smart or we don't go in at all.

Dean's focus for a lot of this episode is trying to find a way to break the deal-making cycle he feels his family is trapped in. like my god. the layers to that. and the fact that he's fine with his death being what ends it. that that would be worth it.

DEAN: Don't you see a pattern here? Dad's deal, my deal, now this? I mean every time one of us is – is – is up the creek the other is begging to sell their soul. That's all this is, man. Ruby's just jerking your chain down the road. You know what it's paved with and you know where it's going.

i'm not claiming that dean never angrily raises his voice throughout this episode when sam and bobby are doing or suggesting things that scare him. but for the most part, his tone is soft. is pleading. he knows he's a pawn being moved on the board and he's desperately begging the people around him not to play the game.

if he has to die, so be it. but he wants it to end there. he wants his family's ensnarement in violence and revenge and sacrifice to end there. (a fascinating theme to think about for the upcoming seasons).

DEAN: Oh, bite me. I totally rehearsed that speech, too.

(*through wailing blubbers that make the words nearly unintelligible* he... rehearsed... the... speech.)

another example of repeat patterns is dean once again dealing with the corpses. sure he, sam, and bobby all conceal the cop's car and presumably corpse. but in the demon cul-de-sac, it's dean we see dragging a demon's body off into the bushes. less than an hour from his own death and he's the designated mortician. jesus.

he's also the designated bait. both when they're trying to infiltrate the town. and earlier when he intentionally provokes ruby into beating him up so he can lure her under a devil's trap and steal the demon knife.

before the hellhounds even get him, his face is still all cut up from her wailing on him.

RUBY: Oh, oh you – so you're just too stupid to live, is that it? Then fine! You deserve hell! I wish I could be there, Dean. I wish I could smell the flesh sizzle off your bones! I WISH I COULD BE THERE TO HEAR YOU SCREAM!! DEAN: And I wish you'd shut your pie hole, but we don't always get what we want.

we don't always get what we want. :(

of course the similarity between dean singing along to bon jovi in 3.16 just long enough to get sam to look away and start singing along so dean can let the fear slip back onto his face is so like dean practicing a smile in 7.11. what these private expressions reveal about the performance. the way the forced smiles slip off his face. the quaking lip. so so so much of dean is missed if you only look at how he is when he's "got his game face on" (2.03).

i'm sure folks who are more adept at symbolism could do a very interesting analysis about the impala's broken headlight at the end of the pilot versus it's broken taillight here. to me, it feels like the difference between heading into the future, a little worse for wear but still moving forward, and the moment where the past catches up to you.

and well, that's what this is.

SAM: Don't, Dean! I'm not gonna let you go to hell, Dean! DEAN: Yes, you are! ... Yes, you are.

his voice here actually ACTUALLY destroys me. he wants it to be over. he is trying to end the cycle as best as he can. and then, the next kicker, the next pattern; he apologizes:

DEAN: I'm sorry. I mean this is all my fault, I know that.

like to be crystal fucking clear. he's apologizing for the fact that he sold his soul to save sam's life and now he's going to hell. dean is apologizing to sam for that fact that dean is going to hell. i mean he's apologizing because sam is sad about it. but like you cannot in all seriousness claim dean doesn't take accountability for his actions or other people's emotions. he is both going to hell to save sam AND apologizing to sam about it.

and speaking of sam, lilith starts to assault him and immediately dean is needling her to try and move attention off sam (we see this also in 3.08 - dean's pattern of even when they're cornered trying to get the focus off sam and onto himself, usually by mouthing off).

DEAN: So, is this your big plan, huh? Drag me to hell. Kill Sam. And then what? Become queen bitch?

lilith replies, "I don't have to answer to puppy chow."

and so we circle back to dean as prey. he's splayed across the dining room table. he's food. the dogs catch him and. he's dinner.

dean screaming for help, strung up in hell gets me in the gut every time. and brings us to the the last pattern. dean dies wearing three layers on top - t-shirt, flannel, jacket. but he wakes up in hell in just the t-shirt. stripped down to just one, nearly torn to shreds.

in 2.14 meg describes the situation that led to bill harvelle's death like this:

That's just like John. Oh, I'll bet he dangled Bill like meat on a hook.