Discover Top Posts Tagged with #leandro baptista

- generation kill: big brother edition -

- [ LEANDRO BAPTISTA ]

*stares in portuguese*

he angry rants at you all the time in portuguese and like... FOR WHAT????

but it’s fine tho you can just make jokes to him because he shit himself

watches your mom beat you up for something HE DID

he’s the type of person to ask you to do something he was asked to do

always says “yeah, I’m an only child”

like bitch if you don’t-

even if there’s no one else in the car besides you two, he’s still never letting you ride shotgun

he’s nice to you like MAYBEEE 4 times a year max

and every single time he’s nice (which is obviously rare), you look at him like he’s an imposter

seriously is he ok he’s never like that

the only time you guys vibe is in the car when no one else is watching and you’re blaring music and screaming the lyrics

- [ DOC BRYAN ]

ahh yes, caring but make it AGGRESSIVE

dotes on you hand and foot when you’re sick but does it in like a mean way??? he’s like “omfg imagine getting sick you have such a weak immune system i could NEVER”

doesn’t know how to mind his own business when it comes to your personal life

he heard a rumor about you at school? he’s beating up the person who started the rumor. your s/o cheated on you? where’s his baseball bat cuz he’s going in SWINGING-

he’s acts real tough but he’s just a big softie.... he even makes you hot chocolate when you’re cold

don’t get me wrong tho, he’s an ASSHOLE

like some days you’re just feeling down and he doesn’t pick up on it

so he’ll just poke fun at your insecurities and you’ll break down

he always feels bad after and tells you that you can hit him

just bring up that he makes you cry if you want something because then he’ll immediately give it to you

he’s not sharing his food i’m sorry you’re just gonna have to get your own

he always yells at you and accuses you of stealing stuff he can’t find, and then he’ll find it somewhere like 10 minutes later

- [ JAMES CHAFFIN ]

gross... just gross...that’s all i can describe his room as

you don’t borrow stuff from him or even go in his room because it’s just so nasty (like is this a really old sweaty sock or a fermented cum rag....sis we don’t know)

he always loses fights.... i refuse to believe that he’d win a fight with a baddie like you

i feel like this is just an awkward familial relationship because you’re either annoyed with him, embarrassed, or you just wanna fight him

he leaves his stuff EVERYWHERE

i SWEAR this man has literally no idea what drawers are

you probably find shit that you don’t wanna see too because he doesn’t understand cleanliness

you either vibe or you hate each other

there’s no in-between i’m sorry

gets fast food but doesn’t get you any

if you share a bathroom... i’m so sorry

because jesus this man does not know how to aim

- [ JOHN CHRISTESON ]

innocent duo

you guys rewatch the lion king like every week and he always cries when Mufasa dies

finishes the verses when you start singing

takes up the entire couch with his lanky ass and then has the audacity to not make room for you

tried to make you a birthday cake once... it didn’t go well to say the least

yes, he’s wholesome, but he’s also a little shit

if you ask him to do a simple task, he’ll literally just act deaf and like you’re not there

you’re the one helping him with his homework... we love a man that’s absolute trash at math

does girls night with you and actually knows how to properly paint toenails now

original, he wouldn’t be careful enough with the nail brush and the nail polish would go all over your foot

plus, he got it on the floor, which got him an ass beating from your mom

overall, 9/10 hella chill

- [ BRAD COLBERT ]

DID YOU SAY ANOTHER PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE CAREGIVER???

he’s nicer than Doc though and he can read your emotions better

sits on the couch with you when you get dumped or lose a friend... he provides the mandatory ice cream bucket and shoulder to cry on

tries to one-up you all the time

your teachers constantly talk about him to you because he was actually a good student and you have a lot to live up to

you two get along pretty well, he does almost nothing to annoy you

you get on his nerves a lot though, especially if you’re a slob

also don’t take his stuff, that’s a one way ticket to a headlock

ACTUALLY SHUTS THE DOOR BEHIND HIM WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT-

organizes your room when he gets bored... you can’t find anything when you come home

constantly complains about being the older sibling and that he’s too old to hang out with you, but still watches Disney movies???

one of the best comforting and caring brothers (don’t let his nickname fool you)

- [ POKE ESPERA ]

will NOT watch Disney movies with you because “that’s some white people bullshit”

protective older brother mode is very much on 24/7

if ray so much as breathes in your direction, it’s on sight for him... you better not get a boyfriend because that man is gonna have a rough time

yet another aggressive caretaker... like yeah, he makes you soup when you’re sick, but he also nags you into the next century

nags you all the time to take better care of yourself... he acts like a 3rd parent sometimes it’s lowkey irritating

he’s always there for you, he knows ALL the drama about your friends and foes

makes you breakfast on saturday mornings while you make him coffee

you guys get along pretty well, you’re pretty much everyone’s sibling goals

however, he oversteps his boundaries sometimes as an older brother and gets a little too controlling, and that’s when you guys fight

he means well, and you know he has your best interests in mind, but he doesn’t understand that you’re not a little kid anymore and that you can take care of yourself

no matter how many times you tell him off, he’ll never listen because you’re both stubborn af

neither of you actually apologize, it’s more like a “hey, do you want to watch this movie with me?” type of apology

- [ NATE FICK ]

Nate is literally the golden child of the family, so you’ve got a lot to live up to

he’s such a cranky bitch if something isn’t going his way at work, school, or in the corps, so expect him to be rude for no reason sometimes

Nate gets screwed over by a lot of girls because he tries to see the good in everyone, so you’re the one that’s gonna have to beat up people in the name of your sibling’s honor

steals all of your pens & mechanical pencils because he always forgets that he already has one (come on we all saw the amount of pens he had in his jacket)

he’s actually very good at teaching, so go to him if you need help with homework

you guys have that relationship where one sibling could just come into the other sibling’s room and sit on their bed for like an hour and the other sibling would just be like “vibes”

does not understand memes, do not try and explain them to him

actually, just don’t show him them in general, he’s not gonna get it (he’s an old man in a young body)

the amount of sarcasm in this relationship THE DINNER TABLE CANNOT HANDLE IT

scolds you a lot or just gives you “the look” whenever you tell him about something you regret doing

he never tells your parents though

he’s pretty chill with you being an affectionate sibling (if you are) BUT NOT IN PUBLIC THAT IS A NO NO

- [ GABE GARZA ]

the amount of times you’ve had to pretend to be his girlfriend by holding his hand in public because some gay man is hitting on him is UNREAL

you tease him about it all the time and he just rolls his eyes

flicks your forehead as a greeting, it is not fun

you guys traded halloween candy all the time as kids, and you still do it now with other food

the type of sibling to lie to you about a board game’s rules just so he can win

he is petty as hell, especially when you’re arguing

i hate to say it, but he can be dumb as hell, so you always win those arguments (which is why he’s petty)

you guys are the stupid & chaotic sibling duo

you two spend most of your time trying to piss the other one off, but somehow you always have each other’s back

he will bully you in public, but no one else is allowed to talk shit about you

eats all your food, so rip your leftovers

- [ WALT HASSER ]

WHOLESOME

wrestles with you regardless of gender... no one is safe from his headlocks

feels really bad if you get hurt when you guys roughhouse.. seriously, the man apologizes every minute and follows you around like a kicked puppy for a week

controls the radio even though he’s in the driver’s seat, so you’ve become immune to annoying country songs and know every word to each Johnny Cash song now

the family dog likes him more I’m sorry

actually isn’t embarrassed to be seen in public with you

he’s the type of brother that would be your bestfriend, whether you like it or not he’s there for you

doesn’t snitch to your parents, especially when he knows it’s something important

he doesn’t really like to share food with you, but he does occasionally

definitely the type of brother to give you the computer early when your mom asks him to

teaches you how to play video games instead of telling you no

actually knows what to get you on your birthday because he pays attention to your interests

- [ MANIMAL JACKS ]

yes, another version of Chaffin

but like, nicer

his room is also just a clusterfuck, so you guys hang out in your room

touches everything you own for no reason, but trust me, you wouldn’t want to do the same

you guys watch South Park together in the mornings in complete silence, and ngl it’s kinda a vibe

rubs your head all the time for absolutely no reason

talks shit about your aunts and uncles with you

hides behind corners to scare you

it’s not funny

fights you for the last sandwich in the fridge

loses because we fight dirty in this house

takes up the entire seat during the road trip, to the point where you’re squashed against the side of the window

- [ JASON LILLEY ]

wholesome but isn’t even aware he’s a wholesome sibling

carries you to your room and tucks you in when he realizes you’ve fallen asleep on the couch studying

99.9% of both of your vocabularies just consist of the word “bruh” & “brah”

greets you with a loud as hell “good morning bitch!” all up in your face

he plays music wayyyy too loud at super inappropriate times

goes through all of your stuff, even when you’re in the room

like he doesn’t run down the hallway back to his own room when he hears your footsteps, he just keeps rummaging

lets you try out new hairstyles on him when he has longer hair

helps you control the younger cousins when you’re both forced to go to a family gathering

you guys are never allowed to sit at the big kid table on thanksgiving because you guys always throw food at each other

every. single. year.

c’mon now grandma worked hard to make that stuffing

- [ PAPPY PATRICK ]

pulls your hair TO THIS DAY

shares his snacks with you while at the movies

always in the bathroom... he leaves shaving cream all over the counter and there’s hair everywhere when he’s done

you two have a look that you give each other that’s just like “fuck this shit i’m out”

rides shotgun and will not let you sit there, even if you call it first

everyone swears you two have telepathy

he has... so many cringeworthy photos of you

but he will not use them because he knows you will murder him

gives you hand-me downs but like in a super weird way

he basically just walks into your room, throws the shirt at your face, and then just leaves

he is the reason for all of your phobias

he will use them against you don’t test him

- [ RAY PERSON ]

oh this fucker... he’s the best but he’s the WORST

he will literally die if you grow taller than him

if you’re taller than him, you call him angry elf man... if you’re not, he’s never gonna let it go

you basically have 2 older brothers because duh Brad

legend has it he hasn’t stopped giving you wet willies to this day

he is so NASTY!!! his room is full of old clothes, rotting food in dirty dishes, cigarettes, empty dip cans, etc.

honestly he acts more like a younger brother than an older brother

helps you study but makes fun of you for not understanding certain concepts

if you need something fixed, just give it to him

no matter how bad you fucked it up, he somehow always manages to fix it

watches weird documentaries with you but mocks the narrators and won’t stop talking during it

wakes you up at 4 am for random fast food adventures

- [ RUDY REYES ]

MAKES YOU SO MUCH TEA WHEN YOU’RE SICK

you’re practically peeing every 3 seconds because of it

forces you to do yoga with him and go on morning runs because he wants you to be healthy and live a long life

hugs you all. the. time.

but you’re used to it at this point and it’s very wholesome

used to throw dirt at you when you were both younger

he still apologizes for it and you milk it to this DAY

very doting!!! not gonna lie, he’s super caring

he’ll bring you water if you ask for it, make you food, bring you more toilet paper, etc.

you are the test subject for all his new recipes and lattes

does face masks with you

if you don’t like coffee... he might want to disown you

- [ Q-TIP STAFFORD ]

you like him but you don’t like him... but you can’t bring yourself to hate him

plays loud 90s rap music at literally 7 am

you’re ready to fight him at that point

pretends to get mad at you because you’re the only one that calls him Evan (it’s his fucking name for christ’s sake-)

you’re mad at him cuz he ate your food??? steal his durag while he’s showering AND HIDE THAT SHIT

you guys are always fighting but make up with no hard feelings

he shoots you in the forehead with nerf guns when you try to study

stays up super late on the phone & you can hear his conversations through the walls

he kills bugs for you which i guess makes up for it

he waves the dead bug in front of your face though

pretty chill ngl, he’s introduced you to some of your favorite songs and franchises

he’s also super supportive, even when your parents aren’t

- [ JAMES TROMBLEY ]

another person you should never go into the room of

whenever he brings over his girlfriends, you always look them dead in the eye and say, “you’re too good for him”

he’s lowkey livid about it but he won’t fight you until your parents go to bed and his girlfriend is gone

literally annihilates you when he slaps you on the back

like you got a handprint and everything

it’s fine though because you do the same to him

if you want him to do something, just tell him mom told him to do it

you’ve done it for years and he’s still never figured it out

calls you dork.... like that’s not even insulting???

people say you look alike sometimes and you’re both like “are you calling me ugly?”

when he’s nice to you, you’re super confused and kinda scared

he literally always ends up having whatever you spent all day looking for and it drives you MAD

- [ EVAN WRIGHT ]

makes you read ALL of his writing

and i mean all, even the p*rn reviews

just give him the validation... his writing is pretty good though

you will never win arguments, especially because he has such a large vocabulary... you’re going to get verbally abused

he is... so scared of you when you’re mad??? even when you’re not mad at him

like he actively avoids you (probably because he doesn’t want to fight with you)

if you see him just minding his own business, not doing anything wrong, there’s only one thing that comes to your mind

hit that bitch

covers the TV box when you try to change the channel

blame him for the dishes... do it

your version of hanging out together is sitting in the same room in complete silence

your mom does NOT understand it but it’s just how you guys are

- [ MIKE WYNN ]

gives you advice all the time, but it’s actually helpful

eats anything and everything and your food is NOT an exception

gets you stuff when you can’t reach it

honestly, when your parents are disappointed in you it hurts, but when he’s disappointed in you??? it hurts more

he’s usually pretty proud of you though

brags about all of your achievements when someone asks about you

he’s like “ya, i have the best sibling... what about it?”

super chill, will literally hang out with you no matter what you want to do

he’s still a dick sometimes though

slaps you upside the head for absolutely no reason & then just acts like he didn’t do it

rude as hell to your friends

bothers you about things you told him you don’t have... like he just doesn’t believe you

YA BITCH I’M COMMITTED!!!! I WASTE MY TIME DOING THINGS NO ONE WANTS TO READ INSTEAD OF FINISHING REQUESTS.... AND WHAT ABOUT IT??? just joking, i hope you actually like this tho because I’m lowkey proud of it 🥺👉👈

- ky