"Laugh For Me, Butler!" (Undertaker/Sebastian)
Summary: The Queen's guard dog is on another quest to find a missing criminal. Where else is there to go for information other than the Undertaker's parlor? Sebastian decides to go and entertain the spooky man himself, sparing his young master the effort. Little did he know, he would come to regret this decision.
Word Count: 1445
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Rain thudded against the top of the carriage on yet another trip through town. Sebastian had made a lovely fragrant tea to combat the chill of the air, and proceeded to pour his master a cup.
Ciel reached out and took a delicate sip, gazing up at Sebastian with a serious look on his face, gingerly placing the intricately painted cup down on its saucer.
“So, our motive in this investigation centers around locating and apprehending our target. I order you to find out anything you can to help narrow down the killer's whereabouts. Understood, Sebastian?” Ciel questioned the butler who simply nodded with a small smile, knowing that such a task would be nothing close to troublesome.
“Yes my lord. That said, might I request you remain in the carriage for our first stop? Surely you would rather I handle our more… unusual associate? After all, we are in a bit of a rush.” Sebastian rose from his seat and looked over to Ciel for approval of his request, who nodded in agreement.
“Do as you please. Frankly I'm not sure I want to deal with that weirdo myself anyways.” Ciel shuddered when he remembered the last time he had tried to entertain the Undertaker, which had ultimately and spectacularly failed. Perhaps he just wasn't meant to be a comic.
“Understood, Sire. I shall make haste.” Without another word, Sebastian gracefully stepped from the carriage and with only mild hesitation entered the Undertaker's shop.
As if he had been waiting, the man watched from the hand carved mahogany coffin just a few feet away with a chuckle.
“Oh my, just you today, Butler? I had imagined the young Earl would accompany you.” Undertaker grinned, emerging from his hiding place, curiosity written on the visible parts of his face trying to figure out the reasoning for this occurrence. Sebastien brushed off his overcoat and graciously accepted the glass beaker full of tea that Undertaker had just poured him.
“Greetings, Undertaker. The Young Master is a tad preoccupied today, so I've come in his place. I would like to know if you have any information on the whereabouts of Philip Northcott.” Straight to the point as ever, Sebastian produced a list of the leads that he and his master had on the wanted man thus far, which Undertaker took and reviewed silently, another grin forming as he stroked his chin thoughtfully.
“Hmm… This does sound quite familiar. I'm afraid I can't quite say for sure. Say, I do think that some glorious laughter may just jog my memory. What do you say, butler?” Undertaker set the list down beside him, tapping one long black nail against a table.
“Of course. What sort of comedy do you request today? Possibly another limerick? Dare I say I'm confident this one should get a good laugh out of you.” Sebastian offered confidently, but raised an eyebrow as Undertaker shook his head.
“Well, how about we switch things around a bit this time? Why don't you try laughing for me, Butler?” Sebastian looked shocked, not expecting this turn of events at all. He shook off the surprise and proceeded to laugh, albeit rather stiff and awkwardly.
“That's all you got? Rather pathetic if you ask me.” Undertaker was amused, but clearly not amused enough to divulge even a small amount of information.
“Well surely one doesn't just laugh sincerely on the spot if asked.” Sebastian retorted, knowing that what Undertaker was telling him was undeniable.
“Perhaps you're right. I may have a solution in that case, if you'll be so inclined.” Undertaker’s smile only grew, a small flash of green showing from under his thick bangs that made Sebastian a bit nervous. What could he have planned?
“A Phantomhive butler who can't retrieve the information his master desires isn't worth his salt. That said, anything within reason I am willing to attempt.” Sebastian agreed, opening his eyes only to realize that the Undertaker who was once right in front of him was nowhere to be seen. What on earth? Where could he have gone that quick?
Sebastian's thoughts were cut off by the feeling of nails scribbling along the back of his neck on the accessible skin just before the collar of his shirt, which made him nearly jump out of his skin.
“Well now isn't that a surprise! Somebody's a little ticklish, hm?” Undertaker lit up with glee at the discovery, much to Sebastian's dismay. As much as he wanted to escape the funny feeling and return to his master empty handed, he knew it wasn't an option. He would have to endure this torturous feeling for now for the good of the investigation.
“A-Ahem! Is this how you intend to make me laugh?” Sebastian challenged, trying his best to keep his cool demeanor despite the sensations getting worse and worse, especially as Undertaker had chosen to switch from his neck to his torso, slipping skilled fingers under his waistcoat.
“Surely seems to be working.” Undertaker replied nonchalantly, scratching away at Sebastian's sides, hoping for a reaction that it seemed he would soon get. The flood gates were breaking and Sebastian began to shake as he held back any and all laughter. He had never imagined that he would be at all ticklish, as he had very limited experience with the feeling, and had never been in a situation where he didn't have the choice of simply disappearing immediately. It didn't feel bad necessarily, but he was very close to letting out the most undignified sounding laughter possible.
The moment that Undertaker hit a particularly sensitive area, Sebastian buckled over, unable to hold it in anymore, giggling in a way that he didn't even know he could. How very embarrassing indeed. He would have to make a point to scold the Undertaker for this humiliating display later. Said Undertaker still hadn’t had enough clearly, as he strategically pinpointed all of Sebastian's worst spots, making the laughter increase tenfold.
“Ahah-! Ahahalrighihit! Thahahts's enohough!” Sebastian gave in, uncharacteristically smiling from ear to ear in a surprisingly cute manner for a demon. Undertaker couldn't help but chuckle himself, giving him a few more pokes and releasing the butler, who only barely caught himself with a hand on a coffin.
“Ehehe! That was hilarious! Reminds me of my days with Lord Vincent back at Weston.” Undertaker reminisced, immediately taken out of his thoughts by an unimpressed looking Sebastian who was still recovering from the onslaught.
“Oh right. Suppose it's only fair I tell you what I know now. Philip was the chap we wanted to know about, correct? He's gone on the run for his crimes, and is currently hiding out by the docks of east London, hoping to take off on the next cargo ship that comes in.”
Sebastian stood straight up, still huffing a little from the torturous lingering tickly feeling, and gave a skeptical look to Undertaker.
“That's all you know? Suppose it can't be helped. In that case, my young master and I should be off immediately.” Taking a moment to compose himself, Sebastian spun on his heel and headed towards the exit.
“Oh, and for your information… If you mention what happened here today to anyone, I'll be more than happy to give you a taste of your own medicine, and it will NOT be merciful.” Sebastian threatened ever cheerful, only to get an entertained scoff from the white haired man a few feet away from him now.
“You don’t scare me, Butler. Come back any time! I would love to hear that hysterical laugh of yours again soon.” Undertaker laughed, waving goodbye as Sebastian glared and shut the door behind him, proceeding to hop right back into the carriage.
“There you are! What took you so long? You know we have a time limit, Sebastian!” Ciel scolded, annoyance only softening when he noticed the state his butler was in. Messy hair, wrinkled clothes, and an uncharacteristic pink blush across his otherwise pale cheeks.
“Hold on, what the devil happened? You're looking rough.”
Sebastian simply smiled vaguely, shaking his head as if to dismiss his master's curiosity.
“It's nothing my lord. The Undertaker was simply… a little harder to impress this time around. You needn't worry yourself with it. Now, we must hurry to the docks.” Sebastian proceeded to knock on the top of the carriage, spurring the driver into motion. He didn't mention another word about the particularly silly situation he had gotten himself into, leaving one very confused Ciel.
Maybe next time, he should join his butler just to witness what exactly happened to leave Sebastian this hilariously disheveled. Might just be worth it, he thought.