#letter004

[oalefontes]

''Don't play with your food.'' 🍝 @design1o1 #design1o1 design101 #letter004

[diabolicalwomann]

My Dear Watson,

            I'm delighted to learn you've come to your senses. I, however, feel like a bearer of bad news; there is not much I can write to explain the painting.

            In my own way, I find you beautiful, Joan Watson.

            You bested me, read me better than I read you, and I'm not ashamed to say that you continue to puzzle me. I don't understand you, Watson, I am drawn to you and your mind and I find it marvelous. 

            As an artist, I was taught to appreciate beauty, look for symmetry and color everywhere I look; your painting is a result of all that.

            I'm interested to know what you think of it, assuming the honesty clause of our agreement works both ways. Tell me; what do you think is so special about you, Joan Watson? You've seduced the most brilliant minds I've ever encountered, Sherlock and I, surely there must be something. 

                                                                                                 Jamie Moriarty.

[sidneylewis-blog]

Letter 4# - You don't know

Dear Kipper,

Aloha. Cute.

Fourth letter, huh? How close is that till us meeting, if you don’t mind me asking? I think the more I speak with you – write with you, whatever – the more I kind of want to know who you are. So I can give you a hug or something. If that’s alright, anyway. I don’t know if you’d want me to.

I do feel comfortable in your company, I really do. Midnight comes and passes for me, I’m usually sleeping by maybe two a.m., but at times I get up to four a.m. Maybe it’s dangerous to stay up for so long, but memories infiltrate my dreams and leave me screaming in my sleep anyway. I hate the memories, they have all of me, and I still don’t know how to get myself back. Did you know that I’m not allowed near matches or stoves or the Bunsen burner? I’m strictly kept away from fire.

Right on, physics does suck.

You’re not being too whiny. You can whine to me, I’m going to read it all and I don’t mind if you whine through a whole letter, as long as you’re getting out all that you feel, because you kind of need to.

That was lame, I already finished my math homework, and I do hate it, I really do, and I don’t know why. I saw that movie! It made me want to join an A Capella group. Plus it gave me incentive to learn Cups, which isn’t that hard believe it or not. I spent a day putting off writing this and learning it. Maybe I’ll show you someday. I just do it alone, and it feels useless only doing things that I think are cool when I’m all by myself.

I’ll give you a name then. Hm. Well I guess I’d call you Alaric because it’s close to the word mask in Hungarian. I know a little Hungarian because one of my great aunts used to speak it. It’s a pretty cool language. I think it works, because I don’t really know who you are. Plus it sounds like a pretty badass name.

You’ve not made me want to tear my hair out yet, actually, except maybe because you don’t see how truly good you are, you just see the contempt that other people seem to have for you for varying reasons. But the hatred is just because of the mask you wear, it really is, because if they saw you like I did then you’d not have to worry about any of that. My dad can be fun sometimes, one time every time I had a bite of dinner he’d make a joke and try to make me spit it out. He hasn’t done it again because my mother got mad, but it was fun at the time.

PLETHORA.

I don’t know if I like the idea of being predictable, doesn’t that make me easier to read for stalkers, and then they’ll know if I’ll run away when they corner me and thenthey’ll murder me or something. It doesn’t sound very nice. But I get what you mean, I’m quiet enough so that people don’t really seem to realise I see all those things that they do that they think are private. I can usually predict when one of the pretty mini girls is going to whip out her phone and text about our hot Chemistry professor. It’s a very refined skill that I possess, I guess.

I don’t think I’ll be saying much like that, not until I’m shaking with rage. (Oh god please don’t let that happen.)

I keep a reading list because it exceeded from a list I could just remember or keep as a note on my iPhone. It’s typed up on my laptop and I have a spare copy in my sock drawer. I know, most people keep suspicious things in their sock drawer, I keep my book list... Oh, and a lighter. I know I shouldn’t have it, but it was more to defy my parents and prove to myself that I could be near it and not set the house on fire.

I wouldn’t laugh, not really, some people are always looking for escape and so they miss what has always been in front of them. Like in some romantic comedy movie where the girl is so in love with the boy and theboy just doesn’t see it and then he realises it and it’s almost too late and oh no she’s boarding a plane to Paris or New York or something I’ve got to stop her and then he thinks he missed her flight but ALAS, SHE’S NOT LEFT BECAUSE SHE COULDN’T LEAVE HIM AND THEY KISS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AIRPORT. I’m sorry that was totally off track, sometimes the hand writes whatever the hell the hand wants to write, whether or not it’s completely disregarding the current letter topic. That was a stupid thing to say, but it made me laugh, so at least that’s one of us laughing.

You still have a while till you’re properly grown up I guess, we’re still teenagers, we have time to continue to grow up and change and mould ourselves into the people we really want to be. You don’t have to keep being the person with the mask, y’know. You can just be you and everyone is going to be fine with that, and if not, screw them, because from now on you’ve got me. From the moment I received that letter you had me. It feels so nice to have someone make me feel important.

I didn’t really think about that before, I went back and forth from wanting to grow up or wanting to get younger, it really depended on the events of the day to be honest.

Being rude helps you relax? Wow. I think that maybe even if it does make you feel good to hurt people, it can’t really be making you happy, can it? Please, tell me, because I can’t imagine being happy to upset people these days, unless they were trying to hurt me. I think usually people like hurting little siblings and stuff, but I don’t know many that like to hurt or upset people who aren’t serial killers. (Scratch that, I don’t know anyone, I don’t know any serial killers... I hope.) I don’t think it’s silly or dumb, I just question it, and I hope that doesn’t upset you.

I am totally crazy, insane, foolish and passionate. But thank you for that little line, it’s my favourite.

I don’t mean to creep you out, I just take what I get from what you tell me about yourself and how you feel and repeat it back to you in a way which might make you understand how I perceive you too. It’s not that great advice, I’m no psychologist, and I’m not getting paid to help, but I’m trying, and it’s good to see that me trying is enough for you.

You know, you’re just scared to find out about who you are, I think, and once you let go of being scared, you’ll find out you’re a lot less scary and horrible and other bad things than you thought.

I know I go on and on about how you should change things and move on and yadda yadda. But I understand, I do. I should move on from the mediocre friends that I currently have, but I don’t with fear that there isn’t going to be anything else. One of them made a joke about my panic attack the other day and then frowned at me, asked if it was too soon and laughed. And the worst part? I just laughed with them even though I wanted to tackle them and rip their hair out. I just left it alone, of course I did, I’m a total coward.

I think for a while we’re going to continue lying to ourselves till we can really find out who the hell we are and change what we need to change. One day you and I are going to fix it all, I promise you that.

I’d try and figure out your name, but I’m trying to avoid thinking about it all together. You’ll let me know when you want to, and if I figure it out myself it’s just not the same, it takes away the things that’s letting you say whatever you want. When you want to tell me, it won’t change the dynamic we have, it’ll only make us stronger.

I’m sure you can’t be that bad, and even if you are, singing isn’t a talent that people just have usually, people train for years and years before they’re as good as the people we see on TV. I considered going to vocal training once, but I really don’t think it’d be that good having someone judge everything you do when you sing. In fact it’d make me nervous.

He did? Wow. When you break up with him, maybe take someone with you? Do you have any male friends that could kick his ass? Or is he just that strong that it won’t even matter? Because if he is, maybe you should tell someone about what he does beforehand, like a police officer or something, just so they know who’s to blame if something happen. Oh god, I don’t want anything to happen. If I was you I’d probably do it over the phone like a coward, but that’s just me. Doesn’t lying get tiring? It must, it must really freaking suck to have to continue on and lie and pretend that it doesn’t hurt when it does, and I’m so sorry you have to do that. One day I hope you can move on from that.

My parents are okay, I don’t think I’m that bad to them, but they just don’t understand at all, they never do. My mother is always trying to break into the little mother’s club run by the ladies of the church and my dad just wants me to achieve the things that he didn’t. I love them, I really do, they’re just kind of ignorant to how other people care.

I am as fucked up as I make myself seem, I think, but I suppose it’s a matter of opinion really.

Tex need a good slap across the face, to be honest. Who does that? Seriously? I need to know who this girl is as soon as you tell me who you are. I assume I’ll know as soon as you tell me who you are but if not, you gotta tell me so I know who to glare at during class when I’ve got nothing better to do. You’re not that bad, some of the people at our school are little idiots.

They spoke about me? Wow. I mean I knew the girls in our grade liked to bitch from what I’d heard in the bathroom. But wow... Um. Okay.

I don’t meant to get upset about it, but I’m doing it anyway, I’m sorry, I’ll stop.

Do you smoke regularly? I don’t know much about the party scene since I’ve only been invited to a birthday for a snotty little bitch in our grade and she had it at her McMansion so pretty much everyone was invited, it was crap and I left an hour in after someone threw a drink at me because I spoke to her boyfriend for two seconds.

You have me for therapy, I’m not qualified or anything but you have me.

Don’t punch her with metal on you, god you’d go to jail or something.

He’s not fake, I promise you. He psychoanalyses everyone else he sees. But I don’t mind you insulting my father. He sucks sometimes anyway.

I’m going to ignore what you just said, for the both of us, okay?

I don’t do it, usually. I don’t think about it usually, I’ve done it maybe twice tops, but I stopped because I was terrified I’d just keep doing it. No one noticed, I’m pretty sure, it was the middle of winter and long sleeves were the norm. No one saw and the scars are just barely there, but they exist.

Please, if she says that, promise me you’ll actually punch me in the face. People like her are the reason that those kind of movies get ruined. Oh, no it’s really good. They made a movie for god knows why, but the guy who wrote it wrote the script and directed it, so trust me, it’s not ruined, it very much isn’t. Logan Lerman was very good, yes, but Ezra Miller was kind of the star of it for me, he played Patrick so well, and Emma Watson was perfect too. I cried in the cinema, and I’m glad that almost no one was inside because otherwise it would have been moderate embarrassing when the lights come back up.

I like ice cream. I’m more of a pastry girl when it comes to deserts, but I like choc mint ice cream a lot. What’s your favourite flavour?

I have a cousin who’s a vegan. She’s insane, I swear. And that Kipper guy I mentioned, that’s one of her ex-boyfriends. They’re all insane.

How does one dye their hair with Kool Aid? I went dye shopping today, I’m going to hide it in my sock drawer with the lighter. For a second there I was going to agree with you and say yeah I am white what of it?

But I get you now. I think you’d be like a purple. A really red purple. Because you’re like red, but you’ve got that little bit of blue in you, and that’s the sadness because of Red, and Tex and your mask.

I didn’t leave, he understood that I wasn’t going to lie down and deal with it. I think he made a breakthrough.

No, the thing is, I did something, and I’ve been told what it was, but I just can’t remember it properly. I get flashes and nightmares of what happened but never the actual thing.

Okay, when I find out your name, I promise to treat you the same, if not better.

 - Sidney