#letterstoliane

[letterstoliane]

You’ll never forget your firsts with a specific person. You won’t ever forget your first kiss, first time you felt comfort, the first time you met their friends and family, the first time you felt their arms tight around you that very first night you spent with them. First date, first dinner, first movie together. Hell, you won’t even forget the first big fight and the reconciliation that came after. But those firsts won’t be the one you’ll carry around with you. These first aren’t the ones that change you. Nothing’s more remarkable than the first night you spent without them or the first morning you didn’t get a good morning message from them. The first time you felt that you’re alone again and that you have to face each day that will come without this person. Nothing sticks more than the first time you realized that this is the first day you can’t tell them everything--anything that goes on with your day, let alone your mind.

the first day you lost them is the first day you start finding yourself again

[letterstoliane]

All this time, I was still trying to remember the place, exact moment, and reason why you left. I counted the days and went back to the first page of our story up until the middle. How did I lose you? I kept on asking myself. I thought I lost you when you’ve stopped saying your goodnights, or when holidays did not feel like special occasions for I wasn’t with you anymore. Was it that time when you saw me the way I see myself? Or did you just suddenly realize that I am not the person you thought I was and that you only fell for the idea of me and not for who I really am? Then suddenly like a candle long kept in the dark, a flame has finally found me. I was enlightened and found the answers to my when, where, why, and how. I did not lose you for I cannot lose you. You cannot lose something you never had to begin with. You were never mine, but I was yours right then and there, right from the very beginning, up to the very end.

i learned that i love yous don’t always mean i am yours or that you will stay

[letterstoliane]

I have this weird obsession with words, but when it comes to you, I couldn’t fathom any to describe how you are the greatest among all of the metaphors I have ever read and how every words you ever spoke to me sounds appalling and more pleasing than any riddles or poems anyone has ever spoken. I could use the entirety of the dictionary and combine all of the sublime words but they would never be able to match how astonishing the person I am writing about--you.

[letterstoliane]

it was those eyes that have held me captured eyes that i did not manage to notice right away the first time that we met. maybe because i wasn't looking at you. maybe because my eyes were pinned away. i have managed to cling to you before even blurting out your name, the first time that we met. because i was so scared of the dogs pacing around and you were the closest one i could hold onto. it was the way you talked to me that made me fall for you slowly but surely. the way you cracked your jokes and listened to my rants, ache, and longing for the person --a different person i liked back then. it was the sound of your voice when you were drunk, and confessed that you liked me. but just like seasons, people's feelings do change and pass; and maybe i forgot all about it at that time. it was in the darkness and the cool breeze, under the moon, and millions of stars. stars that we have always talked about, stars that we once watched, admired, and adored. stars that once became witnesses between the hours of the night we have spent with each other. our lips have managed to be sealed by the other for the first time. and a kiss is just a kiss until you do it with someone you love. these are some of the memories that i wish i could erase, go back to, and undo; along with all the others. along with all the comfort i thought i felt from you. but your arms weren't the home i was looking for. and you are not the person who could stay. although, i once thought you were. i thought you were different than the rest. you were just a pair of eyes arms hands a voice lips and a heartbeat you are just another person i have spent some time and built memories with so tell me how did you manage to destroy me this much

a poem, along with all the others, that i wish i could send you (L.S)

[letterstoliane]

We all have our own versions of hell. And I guess I found mine the second I saw your eyes flicker the moment her presence comes nearby.

[letterstoliane]

The problem with falling in love with a writer is you will keep on wondering if what they write are about you. You'll bring yourself into confusion for they can write about the wonders of love in a moment, and fear of it the next. They can make you think that they are madly in love, but they can also make you think that they never want to experience it. If you ever fall in love with someone who writes, keep in mind that their works are only a horizon in their huge ocean of imagination, only a small plant in their forest of thoughts. You cannot find the mystery behind their words and between their letters but it is indeed—beneath the person who wrote it. Do not fall in love with a writer if you do not want to live forever. For they will invariably and inevitably write about you. Their works will make you immortal. Do not fall in love with a writer if you are selfish and cannot stand them not writing about you. The world is full of wonders and adventures. You have to accept the fact that you will not be the only subject in their sentences and the theme of their prose. But mostly, do not fall in love with a writer if you only love their capability of playing with words and rhyming their poetry. Fall in love with a writer because you are incontrovertibly in love with them and not with their works and writings. There is more to a poet than of their poetry.

[letterstoliane]

How many nights have I stayed up late and fought off my lethargicness just to sleep in the same moment as you. How many kilometers have I always wanted to run just to be where you are. How many blazed-iron armors I wear on a daily basis have I tried to put down just for you. I wanted you to see me--the real me as much as I wanted to know the real person behind those breathtaking stares and astonishing eyes. I wanted to see you, feel you, and inhale you until I couldn’t get you out of my system. But I have to stop myself. You are the sun, and I am the moon. We are planets apart and I will never be good enough for you. You deserve more.You deserve better. And this--my words, are all I could offer.

[letterstoliane]

What a terrible, selfish, and heartless thing to do--to lead someone on, without planning on catching them in the end when they fall.