It’s been four months since we parted from each other’s lives.
See the thing with people is, they have got to understand that they absolutely cannot keep hurting other people simply because they are hurt. That’s what I tried so hard to get you to understand - we needed to end the cycle of hurting each other, and to heal from what we were dealing with. I didn’t want to end things on a bad note; I wanted to end things with peace and understanding, hence why I agreed to talk to you.
But why did I end up doing all the talking and you basically said nothing, other than accusing me of not caring anymore and breaking your heart? I broke your heart, but what about mine? What about how I felt so low one night and you didn’t support me, you instead turned it around on yourself because you were “triggered as this reminded you of your ex”? What about when I asked time and time again for just simple communication, yet I was accused of doing too much and not caring enough, or not caring about you? I asked you time and time again for the bare fucking minimum, and got NOTHING? I even gave you an out and told you that I would understand if things were too much as I knew you had a lot on your plate, and you got mad at ME? BUT IT WAS OKAY WHEN YOU SUGGESTED IT? Okay.
I guess the gifts and the flowers that I never asked for were supposed to make up for the fact that emotionally, you were unavailable. (I threw everything out by the way, fuck that.)
I don’t understand you, I never understood you. I truly think you needed to heal from your past relationship before you started a new one. I think you latched onto me because I was different from her. I was cool, calm, collected; loyal and brutally honest. You latched on quick because I was different, but how I was I going to erase 10 years of behaviors in the span of 14 months?
You needed to heal before you got to me.
I truly wish you well. I think of you sometimes and hope that you are rethinking your life, getting help for the things that you needed to get help with. I’m doing me, healing from my past, and learning to thrive on my own.
I pray that the same is happening for you.
But please don’t come back. There’s too much water under the bridge, and I refuse to drown with you if you come back.
