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Mar 1, 2016

The Lihis Summary You Never Thought You Wanted

I promised this so I am posting it and this is probably the best summary of anything I have ever written in my entire life (feat. @1872ph)

This is legit just our FB conversation without the stickers and emojis HAHAHAHA but there were some photos that I think I saved!

For reference, Jmon is my friend @hulyanina who watched with me. You probably know her as:

Put under the cut bc damn this is long :)))

dettsu ok so 5 minutes in nabadtrip nako kasi yung intro chuva ni Joem is nagtatype sya ng communist chararat nya for a peryodiko or something pero haha yung room mnya puro poster ni Mao Tse Tung at Karl Marx HAHAHA WHO DOES THIS REALLY

pero ang cute nya nung niligpit nya yung typewriter =)))))

so first time nya umakyat ng bundok ganyan tas BOOM ang bubungad sa kanya si Jake HAHAHAHAHA

tas yun mga first time chuva na naguusap as a group kasi bago sya tas biglang nag-aaway na nga sila ni Jake ganyan kasi Joem is too idealistic and Jake is the everything-is-relative type nga

(ok i took some time reflecting bc i might remember shit incorrectly hahahaha)

the first time they fought was a pulong with many peeps so may nag-mediate sa kanila

second fite they were alone ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and dun nagkatutukan ng baril so pinigilan sila ng ibang kasapi who came to the rescue

i dont rly remember how they got stationed dun sa may ilog but well :)))

addie NAGKANTUTAN TALAGA BASA KO SA TUTUKAN

dettsu IM SORRY PO HAHAHAHAHA OK SO ILOG =)))))))

tas nag-aargue pa rin sila pero slight na lang

and Jake criticizes Joem for being so narrow-minded

and Jake’s like “Para kang palaka na nalaglag sa balon.” i love it

and Joem’s like “Nakikita ko ang dapat kong makita.”

and Jake’s like “Yan din yung sabi ng palaka lol”

so inaasar niya si Joem by making frog sounds

(Jake y pls) hahahaha

and Joem punches him =))))))))

aND THEY WRESTLE ON THE GROUND

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°);;;;

addie OH MY GOD IBA TANGINA ANG SHALLOW

dettsu HAHAHAHA I FORGOT THE OTHER LINES PERO KASI JAKE HAHAHAHA I HATE THIS

NAGKATINGINAN KAMI NI JMON LIKE [AGGRESSIVE VAGUE HAND MOTIONS]

AND JMON WAS LIKE “DET ANG INGAY MO”

PERO YUNG MGA BEKI SA LIKOD NAMIN “OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH”

HAHAHAHAHAHA

(kumusta kaya yung kasama naming lola HAHAHAHA)

pero shet ok wILD KISSING HAPEN

tas bottom si Joem ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

addie HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

dettsu (thanks @ god)

addie OH MY GOF JESUS HELP

dettsu WILD YUNG CAMERA MAN I LOVE HIM HAHAHA ZOOM SA LEGS PA MORE

TANGINA ANG PUTI NI JAKE

feat. Pata ni Joem™

(shet ang bear niya feeling ko kinukuha na ako ng diyos)

addie HAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA ANO BA DET TANGINA

KAIBIGAN MO NA YUNG TAO PINAGNANASAAN MO PA RIN

I MEAN i do that a lot PERO SI JOEM ‘TO

dettsu KAYA NGA HINDI AKO MAKALAPIT SA KANYA MINSAN DI KO NA RIN PINOST SA IG NA NANOOD AKO NG LIHIS KASI AYOKONG MA-TARNISH YUNG PAGIGING BATA KO SA MGA MATA NIYA HAHAHAHAHAH SHET

IN2DP

addie HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

PAKILALA MO AKO MINSAN PARANG GUSTO KO SUMAKAY SA LIKOD NIYA

KUYA JOEM PA-PIGGY BACK RIDE NAMAN

dettsu HAHAHAHAHAHA OMG

addie TAPOS KUNWARI 13 LANG AKO sweats

dettsu OK YAN MAS MUKHA KANG BATA SA AKIN

addie TRU

dettsu BWAHAHAHAHAHA

addie IPAPASA NATIN 'TO

dettsu LAGI NIYA AKONG TINATANONG KUNG GALING AKONG SCHOOL PAG NAGKIKITA KAMI

HAHAHAHAHA HI PO

addie HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ANG KUYA GAGO

dettsu DI KO KASI NAPANSIN NAKA-ID PALA AKO TANGINA NIYA HAHAHAHAHA

NASANAY KASI AKONG NAGSUSUOT NG ID PAG LALABAS HAHAHAHA BWISET

addie HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH GAGO HAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ang freshie hitz

dettsu SOBRA

YUNG MGA MANANG NGA EH

“uy det sama kaya kami sayo pag nanood kang lihis? r-16 yun, mukha kang 15”

HAHAHA THANKS PO

addie HAHAHAHAHAHAHA TOTOO BA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

dettsu LAHAT SILA GANUN SAKIN HAHAHAHA TANGINA NAMAN KASI YUNG MGA MANANG SA JOEMANICS YUNG IBA DUN MAS MATANDA PA KAY JOEM HAHAHAHA

I FEEL SO YOUNG BEH

addie IKAW ANG NEW GEN OMG

dettsu tawag nila sa akin “bunso” HAHAHAHAHA lahat sila 27+ hello po HAHAHAHA nung una akala nila 19 ako jusko gusto kong tanggapin

addie omg gago bakit ang thunders nila

dettsu kunwari na lang di ako nanood ng Lihis pero yung totoo nabadtrip kami ni Jmon kasi ang shitty nung writing hahahaa

DIBA YUNG APPEAL NI JOEM SUPER PANG-TITA

addie HONESTLY

dettsu im like… an honorary tita

addie PARA SIYANG PAMANGKIN NA INAALAGAAN YUNG SAM MILBY TYPE SA MOVIES

dettsu HAHAHAHAHA SAM MILBY TYPE

addie na “uy kumain ka na ba hijo”

“upo ka rito” “ay ipaghahanda kitang meryenda” etc.

dettsu yung bansag pa man din sa kanya dati parang if Sam Milby and Piolo had a lovechild

HAHAHAHAHA

addie ay puta ang pangit na bansag HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHA

dettsu BUTI NGAYON MEDJ MALAYO NA HAHAHAHA yung balbas at chub siguro HAHAHA

addie COMMUNIST GAY AMF

dettsu OO NGA PALA KINUKWENTO KO =)))))) OK SO THEY HAD SEX NEAR THE ILOG =))))))))))))))))))

after that it was very awkward at tawa lang ng tawa si jmon at this point “what porn is this”

“it’s like a terrible fanfic”

=)))

kasi sobrang?? ? ? ?? wow nag-away lang ganyan na?? ? ?? ok ah

addie KASI 2 INTENSE YUNG SEXUAL TENSION HAHAHAHAHA

dettsu (ang cute ng brip ni joem) and Jake’s like oh no im in luv and Joem’s like… awkwardly walking away =))) sayang madilim may reaction photos sana kami =))))))) tapos after nun ok we’re back to being rebels ayt ayt and then may dumaan na truck ng militar and ayun wow shooting is hapen

addie WAHAHAHHAHAHA SHOOTING IS HAPEN

dettsu tas yun the military peeps were outnumbered ganern so retreat sila and the rebels retreat din to take care of the injured

and one old guy gives Jake new shoesies

(wow ang linis nung converse nakakatuwa)

so he wears the shoes and walks out

cut to joem mumbling over his shoes kasi nasira on the way back

and Jake’s like

“kasama”

=))))))))))))))))))

aND HE GIVES HIS OLD BOOTS

addie NOOOOOOOOOOOO OMG

dettsu and Joem’s like awkwardly trying to avoid eye contact i wANT TO CRY

so he’s like ayt “salamat”

AND JAKE DOES THE TOUCHY HANDS THING WHILE GIVING THE BOOTS

addie TOUCHY HANDS ATE GURL NAG-IYUTAN LANG KAYO

dettsu jmon: jawdrop me: VAGUE HAND MOTIONS GUSTO KONG TUMILI NUN PERO NAKAKAHIYA HAHAHAHA

addie HAHAHAHAHAHA

dettsu TANGINA CLINGY!JAKE HAHAHAHA

tas the next day when they travel naglalakad lang sila with Jake behind Joem

and nagpan yung camera sa feet ni Joem, suot nya yung boots

TAS CUT TO JAKE’S SMILING FACE GAGO HAHAHAHA YUNG PUSO KO

alam mo yung i hate his face pero g na g yung acting niya nakakapanghina ng heart

addie AY GAGO ANG CUTE PUTA WAIT IM WEAK NAGPAPALPITATE AKO

dettsu IM SORRY OMG HAHAHAHAHA

addie HAHAHA SIGE TULOY MO

dettsu OMG WAIT ETO NA

PASOK DITO SI LOVI HAHAHAHA TANGINA DI KO KINAYA YUNG BAKOD MOVES

so one of the members introduce Lovi as a new member of the kilusan

dami niyang dalang gamit kasi galing syang medical mission

tas parang Love at First Sight tong si Lovi kay Joem

and Jake’s doing that selos face =)))))

addie AY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH PUTA JAKE YOU PISS BABY

dettsu

Joem: typing away at his typewriter Lovi: Anong ginagawa mo? Nagsusulat ka ba ng tula? Wala pa kasing lalaking nagsulat para sa akin ng tula eh. Jake: Ako may tula. Jake:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

addie puta 420 blaze it kuya

dettsu tas shet ang harot ni Lovi gago tas yun nga lagi na siyang umaali-aligid kay Joem tas badtrip si Jake HAHAHAHA na everytime he’s trying to confront Joem biglang sisingit tong si Lovi HAHAHAHA like she invites them both to eat or hangout or tour her sa camp HAHAHAHAHA

tapos yun one time Jake and Joem were out getting firewood ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) then Jake confronts Joem na parang ano bang ginagawa mo b3h and Joem’s like what_do_u_mean.mp3 then Jake’s like what_are_we.wav

TAS BIGLANG DARATING SI LOVI “uy kain na tayo”

HAHAHAHHAHA

addie ay puta COCK BLOCK

dettsu AS IN TANGINA NI LOVI DITO HAHAHAHA and then she’s like @ Joem’s character “aalis na nga pala ako sa makalawa, pero di ko na mapigilan kaya sana maintindihan mo” aND THEN SHE KISSES JOEM

AND JOEM’S LIKE

O__O

addie PUTA ANG PRECIOUS MACHILD NIYA HAHAHAHAHAHAH

dettsu and Jake’s like

(I LOVE THIS PHOTO SO MUCH)

and what’s shocking (for me at least) was that the camera cut to the other members of the kilusan around them like? ?? ? ?

they were all

o__o

=))))))))))))))))))

SO IM LIKE OMG DO U GUYS SHIP THEM

SO THEY ARE AWARE? ? ? ??

IS EVERYONE AWARE EXCEPT FOR LOVI? ? ? ???

addie WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA AGN GANDA

dettsu YUNG ISA ATA NAGTAKIP NG BIBIG HAHAHAHA GRABE

[JAKE INTENSIFIES]

after Lovi leaves, Jake and Joem kust look at each other =))))

SUPER AWKWARD

AND WELL AFTER THIS IS THE SECOND ILOG SCENE THE ONE IN THE TRAILER HAHAHAHA SO JOEM LITERALLY GOES TO THE RIVER FOR LAUNDRY AND JAKE’S TAILING HIM

addie OH YM GOD ANG WILDE PUTA

dettsu STALKER AMP ito yung

Jake: kasama Joem: kasama

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°);;;;

BUT ANYWAY WHEN THE OTHER PEOPLE LEAVE JOEM IS ALONE DOING LAUNDRY ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

and Jake comes out of hiding from a nearby bush

and he confronts Joem again

what_are_we.mp3

and Joem’s like no it’s bawal

kaya he’s been avoiding Jake

(so everyone knows this)

(…except Lovi)

(i think)

and then Jake’s like wHY SHOULD THEY CARE

WE HAVE A THING

UR DENYING WE HAVE A THING

na parang SO ANO WALA LANG YUN SAYO?? ? ?

jmon: D: me: D’:<

addie :((((((((((((((((

dettsu and idk Joem punches him wHY JOEM WHY DO U ALWAYS PUNCH JAKE the punch was so hard Jake fell over and Joem’s like oh no D: and helps him up and apologizes but Jake pushes him away

(i am only using the actor’s names bc damn andami nilang alias lahat so yeah LOL)

but Joem’s like no im sorry im sorry then Jake kISSES HIM AND THEY GET IN THE FUCKING ILOG wild kissing hapen there was some Really Romantic Music going on

Jmon was covering her face i was hiding in my scarf HAHAHAHA

so Jake gets buttfucked aganst a big rock and the clothes are floating away =)))

addie i sweAR T OGOD THIS MOVIE IS AN EXCUSE FOR GAY PORN

dettsu HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS LITERALLY THE FIRST 20 MINUTES and after they do the do omg Romantic Water Splashing wtf is tHIS FREE ENDING SONG WHAT IS THIS

addie HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

dettsu AS IN SOBRANG? ?? ? WIDE SHOT SO KITA PWET WHAT IS THIS ROMANTIC POST COITAL WATER SPLASHING

…..AND THEN LOVI COMES IN =))))))))))

and they like rushed back with their clothes on

addie jusko day :((((((((((((((((((

dettsu and Lovi’s like ayyy Joem halika magpapaturo ako and we were like oMG ATE GIRL ANO YAN so we see a pained Jake in the background looking longingly at Joem

addie THIS IS LIKE AN ANGRIER FUBU AU OF ENJOLRAS AND GRANTAIRE FROM LES MIS

dettsu TBH THO SUMMARY OF LIHIS: ME FEELING BAD FOR JAKE and Lovi drags Joem to a kubo and shit b3h “Gusto kong magpaturo sayo.” sUDDENLY SEX

LIKE OMG KUYA ANO BA DI PA NGA TUYO YANG DAMIT MO ETO NA NAMAN TAYO THIS IS LIKE THE 30 MINUTE MARK

addie THERE IS SO MUCH SEX HOW IS JOEM EVEN

dettsu IDEK

me and jmon: SCREAMING INTERNALLY jmon: hindi pa tuyo damit niya!!!

OUR CONCERNS ARE IMPORTANT

tas that night (ah shit naghang laptop ko hahaha) Joem is in a pulong and he says he feels useless and pabigat blablabla so he requests to be transferred elsewhere

addie ay koya

dettsu and the leader is like u dont have to transfer

addie parang feeling ko asexual si joem na biglang na-drag sa pot of hormones

dettsu yun nga eh parang puro hormones yung ilog =)))))))

kasi throughout the film parang wala naman syang pake (?) kay Lovi???? like he doesnt seem attracted to her at all

pero may Pagtingin™ siya kay Jake

addie SO ANO YUNG SEX NILA NI LOVI LUH KOYA

dettsu TBH oo nga no parang di halos pinakita si kuya si Lovi lang pero pag sila ni Jake nagsexy times nag-aalternate sa kanilang dalawa yung camera

addie halaaaaaaaaaaa ano ba itu joem

dettsu

me and jmon: vague hand gestures

my other friend actually arrived nung sexy times na ni Lovi at Joem and she was like holding my hand “are u ok det”

and jmon and i were like “nOPE”

so yun Joem walks out of the pulong with Jake following him like y u do dis

addie =)))))))))))))))))

dettsu i thought we had something char =)) and Joem’s like bawal nga diba and Jake’s like y u keep denying US

“Kami na ni Lovi”

addie kawawa nga si jake puta

dettsu oo sobra like super one sided ba ito or? ? ? ?? kasi may Romantic Water Splashing naman pero? ?? ??? Joem leaves lipat kampo Jake is so sad

TURNS OUT LOVI ALSO GETS TRANSFERRED TO THE SAME FUCKING KAMPO AND IM LIKE GURL U A HOE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

addie WAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA TANGINA

dettsu IBA YUNG UHAW DI NAMIN KINAYA SOBRANG? ? ? ?? [VAGUE HAND MOTIONS]? ? ?? ?? AND THEN OMG Jake starts writing to Joem like shet b3h sya yung makata tAMA NA

addie AY INTENSE PUTA WAIT LANG IBA NA PAG SUMULAT NA EH

dettsu GANDA NG MAKATA SHIT NANGHINA AKO jmon was hugging me with one arm at this point

addie :(((((((((((((((((( oh my god and intense nito

dettsu AS IN ANG GANDA NG MGA SINULAT NYA PERO ISA LANG YUNG NANOTE KO

“Wala na akong naririnig kundi ang pagtanghoy ng mga dahon at daloy ng mga batis. Walang binubulong ang hangin sa akin kundi ang ngalan mo. Kailan tayo magkikita ulit?”

addie puta this is so heneral luna fam

dettsu and Joem bURNS THE FUCKING LETTER LIEK? ?? ? ??? FAM ANO TO BAKIT GANYAN? ? ??

addie BAKIT NIYA SINUNOG GAGO

dettsu AND THEN LOVI COMES IN LIKE “Ano yan?”

and Joem’s just “Ah wala.”

addie PUTANGINA KA JOEM ANO BA

dettsu NAKAKAGAGO PUTA

addie GEpPETTO IKAW BA YAN

dettsu BWAHAHAHAHAHA

TAS HE DOESNT REPLY HE NEVER REPLIES AND THEN CUT TO SCENES OF JAKE HAVING (WET) DREAMS ABT JOEM

addie hwy tqrheYDFJCK

dettsu AND LOOKING FOR JOEM AND LITERALLY GETTING SICK WITH A HIGH AF FEVER AND UTTERING JOEM’S NAME WHY PO

and then Jake like goes to a pulong so he can request na tumiwalag na siya sa kilusan to live a peaceful life

addie NO OH MY GOD

dettsu nung una di pumayag yung kilusan pero well he’s become more of a liability than an asset so the kilusan agrees and lets him off he comes home to his mom drunk :(((

HIS MOM IS LITERALLY THE BEST CHARACTER

moping Jake :(((((

and then when some comrades visit, nagkulong sya sa banyo tas di sya lumabas at all eh yung comrades concerned lang sa well-being nya

sinabihan na lang si Mom na alagaan si Jake HUHUHU CUTIES kasi pala tumiwalag sya when Joem replied to him finally

addie oh m gdo NAO SABI NI JOEM

dettsu “Ikakasal na kami ni Lovi sana makadalo ka.”

addie putangina mo joem PUTANGINA KA

dettsu [cue montage of Joem and Lovi’s married life] HE DOESNT EVEN SEEM AS HAPPY AS HE WAS WITH JAKE ANEK IM ANGRY BUT OK

Jake somehow finds their house and just stays a good few meters away looking at them sadly

AS IN HE GOES THERE REGULARLY LIKE JAKE NO STOP THAT UR JUST MAKING URSELF MISERABLE

addie OH MY GOD JAKE ANO BA I HATE YOU PERO TANGINA KA i typed jate like thrice i jate you

dettsu AHUHUHU

addie tangina ano bA YAN

dettsu AS IN SOBRANG TANGINA NAIIYAK AKO FOR JAKE I HATE U BUT WHY LIKE DIS BEH

and there was a scene buntis na si Lovi and Joem was looking at her bby pics and he was like ah ikaw to ang liit mo dito haha cute ganyan and Lovi was like

addie WAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA SOBRANG NONCOMMITTAL NG PAGKWENTO MO NATATAWA AKO DET

PUTANGINA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

dettsu “Oo nga eh. Pero diba sabi nila tumalon daw pag New Year para tumangkad? Kaya eto, ang tangkad ko na ngayon. Nakukuha ko kasi lagi ang gusto ko.”

addie ay puta ka lovi

dettsu HAHAHA SORRY NA KASI NAKAKAPUTA SI LOVI HAHAHAHA AYOKO NA

addie KUMAIN KA NG HILAW NA ETITS NG BAKA LOVI

dettsu TAS MAKIKITA KO SIYA SA LAKAMBINI? ? ?? TANGINA NYA HAHAHAHA

addie HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

dettsu JAWDROP NA KAMING TATLO NILA JMON DITO SA GULAT AT INIS HAHAHAHA pero sHET SI JAKE

addie TANGINA HAHAHA ANO NA GANAP

dettsu SHET OK WOOO

NADAKIP SI JAKE NG MGA MILITAR TO ADD KALAMANSI TO THE SUGAT TAS TINORTURE SYA FOR INFO ofc di kumanta si Jake

HUHU SOBRANG KAWAWA NI JAKE TAS INIWAN NA LANG SYA SA DAAN OR SOMETHING THE NEXT DAY

addie TANGINA GRABE ANO MARTIR TAYO KUYA PUTANGINA

dettsu TAS YUN PALA KASI NGA ALAM NG COMRADES NA THE MILITARY WAS AFTER HIM AND TRIED TO WARN HIM

SO NILIGTAS NILA SI JAKE AND HE WAS BROUGHT BACK HOME

TAS TANGINA YUNG NEXT SCENE NASA LABAS NA NAMAN SYA NG BAHAY NILA JOEM ALL BRUISED UP AND CRYING PUTANGINA TAMA NA PO

addie ANO BANG KLASENG TORTURE 'TO PUTANGINA ANO NA

dettsu CUT TO THE NEXT SCENE WHERE JAKE IS DRINKING AGAIN BUT LIKE IN BROAD DAYLIGHT

and then the store guy is like dude magbayad ka naman hingi ka ng hingi ng bote

and then they argue

aHA JOEM ARRIVES WITH HIS UMAALOG NA TUMMY ROLLS

AND HE’S LIKE AHH KASAMA KO PO SIYA AND HE PAYS JAKE’S BILL

AND MY GOODNESS LEGIT TALAGA YUNG ACTING NI JAKE YUNG MGA MATA NIYA KASI PARANG BIGLANG NABUHAY GUSTO KONG MANUNTOK NG BATA

addie JESUS CHRIST

dettsu “Halika na, sumama ka na sakin.” TANGINA JOEM WHAT’S GOOD

addie ay gago ka CHUMUPA KA NGA NG ASO JOEM TANGINA

dettsu and Jakes gets in the jeep

vERY AWKWARD SILENCE BUT HUHU JAKE’S EYES I WANT TO STAB SOMEONE

addie TANGINA NAMAN

dettsu so it was a quiet drive home since Joem didnt know where Jake lived and he was like ayt andito na tayo

addie HOW DID HE FIND JAKE

dettsu IDK HE JUST RANDOMLY PASSED BY LIKE UR TYPICAL ROMCOM MOVIE

so he alights the car and goes to the gate while waiting for Jake

pero tangina

“Halika na, pare. Wag kang mahiya.”

FROM KASAMA TO PARE REAL QUICK

addie WOW OK JOEM

dettsu ILANG BESES NIYA RIN INULIT YUNG PARE HA NAKAKABWISET

AND LIKE HINIHINTAY KONG LAPITAN SYA NI JOEM AND LIKE HOLD HIS HAND TO PULL HIM IN BUT NO THAT DIDNT HAPPEN

BUT WELL WE CANT HAVE EVERYTHING

so Jake walks in the house silently and awkwardly jUSKO HE HAS BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH

AND LOVI STEPS OUT

WITH HER KID

GOD THAT GLISTEN IN HIS EYES DISAPPEARED I WANT TO CRY

addie OH SHIT FUCK JAKE NO WHAT THE FUCKING

dettsu HUHUHUH JAKE BE STRONG BBY BOY and Joem’s like ur welcome to stay here and visit blablabla HUHU JAKE’S FAKE SMILE IS BREAKING MY HEART MEANWHILE LOVI HAS THAT EVIL SMILE WHILE CARRYING HER CHILD

addie THAT FUCKING BITCH WAIT WHERE WAS THE PART SHE CAUGHT THEM MACKING

dettsu MAMAYA PA ACTUALLY NALABUAN AKO DUN IF IT WAS A WEIRD BLOWJOB OR JAKE WAS RIDING JOEM

BUT ANYWAY

then Jake frequently visits them omg he plays with the kid Jake is tOO KIND TOO PURE

addie HE IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD in this movie at least

dettsu (yes)

so one night he’s like staring outside or something and Lovi steps out

“Uy may tanong ako sayo. Wag mong mamasamain ha.”

“Pero syempre di ko na itatanong sayo kung bakla ka kasi alam ko na yun eh. Aask ko lang kung ilang taong gulang ka na”

addie AY GAGA OMFG HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

dettsu AS IN TANGINA LOVI WHAT GENRE IS THIS SO ANO LEGAL WIFE NA BA ITU GRABE YUNG EMOTIONS KO

And Jake sits down in front of her and stares back like “25 ako.”

aND HE HAS THAT LOOK YOU KNOW YUNG TINGIN NG GAGO KA BA FIRST LOVE NYA AKO ANG KAPAL MO LOOK? ? ? ???

addie OMFG J A K E

dettsu “Talaga? 25 ka lang? May pinsan kasi ako, matipuno, matangkad, gwapo naman. 26 siya. Ano, ireto kita?”

I WANT TO HUG JAKE

addie PUTA GAGA KA BA LOVI

dettsu AS IN SOBRANG WTF BEH

tho another point i would like to bring up is that people in the kilusan had aliases and they sometimes change depending on the person

Lovi told Joem her real name earlier on in the movie

but there was a scene na they were in bed and she asked him to call her by her real name

but Joem’s like nah and continues to call her by her alias

addie omg??/ what it mean

WHAT IT MEAN

FAM

dettsu HUHUHUHUHUHU so Lovi’s like omg irereto na kita and Jake’s like “Hindi ko alam.”

addie PUTA KA LOVI

dettsu “Anong hindi mo alam? Wag mo na alamin. Patulan mo na lang.”

PUTA KA LOVI INTENSIFIES

addie AY BASTOS GAGA SIYA PUTANGINA

dettsu AND JAKE’S LIKE

“Sige ako may tanong. Bakit mo pinili ang ganitong buhay? Laging nasa pananib, kulang sa gamit, masaya ka ba?”

aND SHE

“Lahat nagagawa mo para sa pag-ibig, Cesar”

sHE USED JAKE’S REAL NAME LIKE LOVI WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON

addie AY GAGA PUTA KA LOVI ANONG TRIP MO SINO KA BA GAGA KA

dettsu TANGINA NG SCENE NA YON GINOOSEBUMPS AKO SA GALIT

addie HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

dettsu SI JMON ONTI NA LANG MAGWAWALA NA HAHAHAHA

THEN AT NIGHT OMG WHEN JOEM WAS LOOKING AT LOVI SLEEPING WITH THEIR KID THEN THE CAMERA PANS TO THE BOOTS ON THE SIDE OF THE BED

THE BOOTS FROM JAKE

TAS TANGINA NEXT SCENE JOEM IS HOME ALONE AND TYPING AWAY ON HIS HANDY DANDY TYPEWRITER

AND JAKE ARRIVES

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

and he brought food and stuff like omg i brought u food coz i thought u might be hungry blablabla

addie ay titas of mnl

dettsu and he looks so excited jusq i love him (in this movie)

addie =)))))))))))))

dettsu and Joem’s like

“Ah salamat. Baka pwede mo akong tulungan magsulat, Ka Jimmy?”

AND THEN THEY STARE AT EACH OTHER LIKE OMG DOKIDOKI SPARKLES DESU

(hinihila na ni jmon yung braso ko at this point)

AND JAKE HAS THOSE JAMES DEAN DAYDREAM LOOK IN HIS EYES MOMENT TALAGA LIKE OMG WHAT IS THIS HE ASKED ME TO DO SOMETHING

addie OMFG HAHAHAHAHAHA

dettsu “Cesar. Cesar na lang, Ka Felix.”

“Ador.”

“Ha”

“Ador na lang din.”

addie OH FUCK NO

dettsu NAGSULAT SILA BEH NAGSULAT SILA TANGINA

addie GAGO??????????? AMAZING I DIDNT KNOW NAMES ARE APHRODISIACS

dettsu HUHUHUHUHU SO LOVI COMES HOME FROM THE HEALTH CENTER FOR HER KID’S CHECKUP

addie ANO NANGYARI

dettsu Lovi: opens the door slightly Jake and Joem: (sex) Lovi: closes the door me: same

HUHUHUHUHU

THE NEXT SCENE WAS LOVI IN A CHURCH AND JOEM APOLOGIZING

“Hindi mo kasi naiintindihan…”

AND LOVI’S LIKE

ANONG HINDI KO NAIINTINDIHAN DIBA BAKLA KA

AND SHE? ?? ? SLAPS HIM?? ? ?? AND WALKS OUT? ? ?? ? (kasi may kaibigan silang pari i think)

and the next scene is Lovi leaving Joem (thank u) and asking the kilusan for a divorce

dettsu the kilusan grants the divorce and Lovi just “pero di mo na makikita ulit ang anak mo” before walking out completely

aND THEM JOEM COMES HOME TO JAKE AND JUST? ? ?? ?? THEY HUG AND THEY CRY AND OMG IM SO EMOTIONAL WHAT THE HECKIE IS THIS @ GOD

dettsu [ insert cute montage of Jake and Joem living together in Jake’s mom’s house ]

bumalik sila pareho sa kilusan i aM SO

and Jake’s mom says they always come home always hungry and always tired aND OMG SHE MAKES THEIR BED THEY SHARE A BED AND SHE KNOWS AND SHE JUST SMILES AT THEM

and Jake goes, “Salamat, nay.”

AND MOM IS LIKE I’VE NEVER SEEN HIM THIS HAPPY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

AND THAT MONTAGE NA NAGLALANDIAN SI JOEM AT JAKE WHILE PREPARING LUNCH OMG NO THAT’S DANGEROUS BUT ALSO DANGEROUSLY CUTE STOP IT

AND MOM IS JUST LOOKING AT THEM LIKE AWW THESE BOYS FIGHTING FOR THE COUNTRY AND BEING SO SWEET

IM CRYING

dettsu and then the reason the movie happens is bc of the next event: The Barrio Acacia Massacre

everyone in the baryo was murdered by the military bc may rumor na they were keeping rebels

eh andun yung tatay and kapatid ni Jake

kasi Jake’s parents naghiwalay kasi dad was abusive so mom left with Jake while his sibling stayed with the dad sa baryo Acacia

so Jake and mom are devastated huhuhu

and dumulog sila sa fact finding committee na naka-assign sa Barrio Acacia

SUPRISE IT IS LOVI

and she said they promise to find info abt the massacre and help them attain justice for the people that died

there was only one survivor, a child, 10 yrs old, na pinutulan ng arm dahil natamaan ng bala (he survived kasi hinarangan ng parents nya yung mga bala)

tapos yun they go bac kto work sa kilusan

and Joem does his WE SHOULD NOT BE OPPRESSED BY THE 1% speech sa mga magsasaka ganyan and Jake is there like looking at him yES U GO HUBBY UR DOING IT TEACH DEM DAT IDEOLOGY

and then may mga manang na dumating

and they were like omg may mga militar na dumating sa kabilang bayan at dito na daw sila susunod and theyre gonna kill/take all the boyz u should go beh

so Joem and Jake tell them to go back to their houses and sila na ni Jake bahala

and there was one manong, Mang Esteban, who they talked to

and Joem was like

“Pag dumating yung mga militar, ituro mo sila sa amin. Magpapahabol kami.”

“Pero papatayin nila kayo! Hindi namin yan mahahayaan!!”

“Pero yun lang ang paraan para hindi na maulit yung nangyari sa baryo Acacia. At kailangan gumawa ng mabilis ng desisyon.”

Joem: looks at Jake Jake: nods me: DEAD

dettsu and then ayun wtf they make a run for it and they shoot back at the military people and they get chased into an abandoned house of sorts idk

HUHUHUHUHU THIS IS ALREADY THE ENDING BUT THE MOVIE WAS NOT LINEAR SO YEAH HERE WE ARE

dettsu sO THEY SEEK REFUGE IN THE ABANDONED HOUSE WHILE THEY TRY TO SHOOT BACK AT THE SOLDIERS AND THEN JOEM GETS SHOT AND JAKE’S ALL ASJDKBSGBCNAIDUFHUIG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

KAYA MO YAN MABUBUHAY KA KAYA MO YAN KAYA NATIN TO MABUBUHAY TAYO

it wasnt a fatal wound sO JOEM STANDS UP AND THEY CONTINUE FIGHTING BACK

THEN JAKE GETS A FATAL WOUND AND HE FALLS OVER AND JOEM’S ALL HHRHGRHGHRGHGHG

AND DOES THAT SUICIDAL IM GONNA STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS HERE THING SO I HAVE A BETTER CHANCE OF SHOOTING Y'ALL

sO YEAH HE GETS SHOT TOO AND HE FALLS AND JAKE IS CRYING AND JOEM IS BARELY BREATHING AND THEY ARE CALLING EACH OTHER BY THEIR REAL NAMES AND JAKES JUST FUCKIGNGG HUGS JOEM CRYING

THEY ARE BOTH ON THE GROUND AND JAKE’S HAVING THIS DONT LET GO JACK MOMENT

BUT NO JOEM IS JUST STROKING JAKE’S HAIR LIKE? ? ? ???

“Mahal… mahal kita…. mahal ko… mahal ko….”

THEY FUCKING? ?? ??

DIE? ? ?? ?

AT THE SAME? ?? ? FKCUGNGING TIME? ? ? ????

IM SO? ?? ? ?

FUCK THIS FAM

FUCK ALL OF THIS

I AINT SIGN UP FOR ANY OF THIS

WTHA HTE CATUALL FKCU

dettsu tas ayun fast forward sa pyutyur kasi yung anak ni Joem at Lovi malaki na pangalan nya Ada (Isabelle Daza)

(ok sorry natagalan ako dun ah grabe di pa rin ako over napull yung heart strings ko ng slight)

tas si Ada naging teacher sa History tas napili nyang thesis is yung Baryo Acacia Massacre ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

and forever nya kinukulit mom nya abt it but she refuses to answer kasi matagal na daw yun or whatever

kasi shet wow nung binyag ng anak ni Joem at Lovi andun talaga si Jake at Joem tas ginawa pang ninong si Jake

pero yung photo na meron si Ada, punit yung mukha ni Jake =)))

GRABE LOVI HA IN10S

so she made it her life mission to know what rly happened sa Baryo Acacia

tapos yun nagresearch sya tas nag-interview sya ng mga people

tas iniinvite sya ng mom niya na sumama na sa kanya magmigrate sa states kasi nagkakagulo na sa pilipinas (Arroyo presidency na itu)

and she’s like no i will finish my thesis and i will stay here and teach

tas yung pinaka nilelecture nya is kung paano nabubura ng people in power and chosen events sa kasaysayan ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

tas yun nakilala nya nanay ni Jake and she interviewed her

tas sobrang sad ng nanay ni Jake kasi sabi nya yung wish lang naman nya noon is makitang masaya yung anak niya

and she has never seen Jake happy before Joem happened but Jake never admitted their relationship to her or the fact that he was gay

“Ang gusto ko lang naman ay siya mismo ang umamin sa akin. At ang malaman niya na tanggap ko siya. Bago siya namatay.”

dettsu so tong si Ada, naghanap pa ng leads and videos to help support her thesis

eh may student syang activist na nagvolunteer magbigay sa kanya ng materials ganyan

tapos lagi yun laman ng rally kasama ng boyfie nya haha cute nila #goals

tas yun habang nasa labas si Ada ang nag-iinterview nabaril na si ate girl student ng riding in tandem

most likely dahil sa mga rallies and shit

tas yun nag-attend sya ng lamay ganyan, and nakiramay sya sa mom

si boyfie andun, and may inabot kay Ada na address na yun pala ay kung nasaan yung natatanging survivor ng massacre

so she surprises her mom, Jake’s mom, and Jake’s friend by taking them there

it was an asylum

and the last survivor was called Putol, bc they had to cut his arm off from all the bullet wounds

pero yun di na sya makausap pero dati daw syang palakad-lakad dun sa area ng massacre until one day yun nawala, and they all assumed he was taken there na

tas ayun akala ni Ada matutuwa nanay nya (si Lovi) na natagpuan nya yung huling survivor so may clues na sya sa pagkamatay ng ninong nya at tatay nya

also thesis

pero instead pag-uwi nila galit na galit si mom kasi it was a terrible surprise

at marami daw hindi naiintindihan si Ada ganyan

nagsisisi daw siya (si Lovi) na sumali sya sa kilusan at nagpaloko sya kay Joem at nung sumali sya sa fact finding committee para sa massacre

APPARENTLY SINUNOG NG NANAY NYA LAHAT NG EBIDENSYA NA NAKALAP NG FACT FINDING COMMITTEE TUNGKOL SA BARYO ACACIA

SO NAGWALKOUT SI ADA KASI WTF MOM

I WAS ROOTING FOR U MOM I TRUSTED U WTF

dettsu (seriously this is porn and plot with porn separated from the plot)

and then ayun she interviews another person yung friend ni Jake si mang Esteban

yung nagturo sa kanila para sila yung habulin ng militar tas sabi ni Mang Esteban they were rly good people ganyan

and Ada asked if people knew

sabi niya the kilusan knew

and pagkatapos daw ng lahat ng kaguluhan nagbalak na sila na i-lobby yung case nila sa kilusan

so basically isa sila sa mga couple na nagpave way para sa #GenderIssues and same sex relationships sa kilusan

dettsu kasi pati mom ni Jake nung ininterview ni Ada nabanggit nga ni Ada na pwidi na daw magsama ang homosexuals sa kilusan and mom was like

“Oo nga nabalitaan ko.” tas nagsmile siya

dettsu tas inask ni Ada si Mang Esteban kung anong masasabi niya

“Ang alam ko lang, ang lalake ay para sa babae. Ngunit sino ako para manghusga? Naging magaling silang kasapi ng kilusan dahil sa pag-ibig.”

HUHUHUHU OTP AS FUCK SILA NG MARAMING TAO GUSTO KONG MAIYAK

dettsu tas ayun badtrip cut ulit sa nanay ni Ada (si Lovi damn i keep forgetting HAHAHA) tas nagrant lang sya na niloko daw sya ng maraming tao buong buhay nya kaya nya sinunog yung ebidensya kasi kahit kelan daw never nyang tinanggap na mahal ni Joem si Jake and that pinagpalit siya and all that shit (tho i think sya naman yung nag-initiate ng divorce lol this is so fucked up why po)

dettsu ESPECIALLY WHEN IT WAS REVEALED PA NA NAKITA PALA NIYA SI JOEM AT SI JAKE DOING THE DO DUN SA ILOG JUSQ ALAM MO NA PALA EH BAT MO PA PINAGSIKSIKAN YUNG SARILI MO ANO BA YAN WALANG NANLOKO SAYO

GRABE NANGGAGALAITI PA RIN AK OSA GALIT IM SORRY

ewan ko di na nagkaroon gaano ng closure kasi shet ok sinunog pala ni Lovi lahat ng ebidensya so #AnoNa so like ayun closing remarks na tayo aalis na si Lovi papuntang states with her new boylet and Ada is staying behind bc #PagmamahalSaBayan ang itutuloy nya ang pagtuturo

na dapat wag panghinaan ng loob kung may nagpupumilit bumura ng kasaysayan dahil dapat hindi tayo tumahimik tungkol dun etc etc

kahit na pinapatahimik tayo

[zoom in dun sa empty chair ng studyante nyang namatay]

tapos yun cut kay Ada and Jakes mom dun sa bantayog ng mga fallen heroes from that time na nagrebelde against martial law blabla

tas gago magkatabi yung pangalan ni Jake at Joem dun sa bantayog

[ the end??? i think???? if i didnt miss anything HAHAHA grabe ang tindi nito icocopy paste ko sa tumblr para masaya ]

LABYU ADRIENNE PANOORIN NATIN PAG MAY RERUN ULIT SA SINEHAN

addie GAGO ANG INTENSE NITO KAGIGISING KO LANG ANG DAMI KONG FEELINGS HOY BERNADETTE

dettsu HAHAHAHAHAHAHA TANGINA MO IPOPOST KO TO SA TUMBLR

addie :(((((((((((((

dettsu PERO GAGO KINILIG AKO SA DEATH SCENE LAGI NA LANG BANG GANITO JOEM BAT LAGI KANG NAMAMATAY

addie TANGINA THIS IS SO ENJOLRAS GRANTAIRE

dettsu tangina yung Jake hugging him tas Joem just? ? ?? ? stroking Jake’s hair? ? ?? ?

“Mahal ko…”

HUHUHUHUHU PAKYU BOTH

And that concludes our summary of Lihis, I hope you enjoyed and understood HAHAHA if you have questions feel free to ask me! Addie hasn’t watched it yet pero pag may rerun ulit, manonood kami ulit hehe. If you wanna watch it online, send me an ask off anon so I can respond privately!

#Lihis #summary and commentary #everything is fucked up and i felt bad for jake #piqueras #labyu addie #1872ph #feat my friends who watched with me #hulyanina #kunnfused