i’ve been so afraid
and never like this
never so fearful to dislodge this piece in my throat
to allow me to breathe, to speak, more clearly
this knotted feeling, this choking, this gasping
where is it from?
where am I from?
here, golden, in your arms
here, in place of the moon
i’ll light the desert to see you again
i’d kiss the space between your shoulder blades
i’d throw myself against the sun
i’d unearth the sistine chapel
i would
do
anything for you
and that is why i am afraid.
i wanted a look at you, to see if i could find myself in the process
(and i have)
: you are a mirror and you are a window and you are a room wide enough for the ocean to move through, the smoke the rise in, the light
to catch hold
(and that is where I’m from)
that is what I’m told
and though I have found myself, I still hold tightly
to the idea
that I will continue to seek later on
that I will cross oceans to find myself
that i will meet exotic people who tell me stories I hardly believe
but i can’t imagine wanting to cross a desert for any of them
for anyone but you
and I see myself
growing
in the 4pm of your eyes
the spinning gold of your hair
the sounds of your cheekbones
i’ve looked inside you
i’ve waded in the depths of you
i’ve burnt myself on your light leak
& I’m home.
finally.