#football#world cup#world cup 2026#england nt#jude bellingham#soccer
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used to be lilhorrorbby & balzack
yeah so i changed my url to deziderium didn’t like lilhorrorby all that much got the new url from Armin van Buuren’s song Desiderium 207
Guess who’s changing her url again? Me. the answer is me. I don’t like changing my url but I’m not all that happy with my new current url & i found a better one.
Today I found wine that I don't think is gross.
I was in the car & 5 minutes away from work when I got the call that my "grandma" passed away. This morning I wanted to text my dad to tell him not to tell me if she passed till after work. But I didn't wanna be negative so I said nothing and it happened. One of my co-workers asked how my thanksgiving was & I started crying right there at the registers. Thankfully we still had about 20 minutes till the doors opened and I was able to calm down within that time. Surprisingly I was able to stay upset throughout my shift thanks to the store being so busy plus everyone's positivity around me. I was even joking around with everyone. My 15 minute break kinda sucked but I made it through my shift. It's 11:40pm now & I have to be back at 6am. I can't miss work since I'm only seasonal right now. And I work Saturday too. So I'm just like "I can't fully break down till about 5pm on Saturday." I just can't fucking believe that she's gone.
I have no idea how @xlipsonyourboomstickx puts up with my shit. I'm constantly sending her Sebastian related texts even tho I know about her distaste for him. But I just can't help it. He's just too precious to not share with the world
Today was fucking rough. I visited my "grandma" after work today & it's bad. I knew what I was walking into but that didn't make it easier. She's barely even a person anymore. She's hanging on by fine threads. Even on morphine you could hear that she was in pain. She can't talk. She can't really even close her eyes to sleep. They say she probably won't make it to Thanksgiving. I try to close my eyes to focus and calm myself down but all I see is her laying there. She had such a beautiful, radiant spirit. She wasn't one of those city folks; she loved the great outdoors. My family met her family because the camping organization they were apart of. Granted my parents are now divorced, my mom met my dad through one of her sons. She was Ma to everyone around her whether you were family or not. There wasn't a single soul she didn't get along with. She gave and gave. I'm gonna fucking miss that sweet Aussie accent. She'd come to the US from Brisbane. I remember visiting her & her late husband's property when I was younger. We'd go to ride ATVs in the surrounding forest. She made breakfast for everyone every morning whether there was 2 or 22 of us. Everyone was always well feed under her care. My mom fondly remembers her fried bologna sandwiches. The soap operas too. I remember her letting me use the house bathroom even tho everyone was supposed to use the outhouse out back cause we were usually always dusty & dirty from going riding. Ma was the light of so many people's lives. It was physically impossible to not love that woman.
I could really use a lot of positive energy to get me through the next week.
Not only am I going into my first Black Friday as a retail worker but I also just got the news that someone who I consider to be my third grandma (cause actually have no legal or blood ties) was put on morphine today & will more than likely be passing within the next week.
My heart says EDC LV 2017. My wallet says it's doubtful My brain says we'll make this work.
