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Lily: We have news to cheer you.

Sir Phillip: France has evaporated?

Sir Philip: Blast this so-called journalist, he's late!

Lily: But Papa, he is not due for a further three minutes.

Sir Philip grumbles. A door opens.

Servewell: Mr Sourquill of the Times, sir.

Sir Philip: Blast this so-called journalist, he's early!

Sir Philip: The thought of my grandson's arrival makes me want to dance and skip like a little girl. Alas, I do not have the energy of a little girl.

Servewell: Yet you do have the pigtails and pretty dress, sir.

[Door opens, a baby is crying]

Servewell: Your family, sir.

Lily: Forgive our lateness father. Lovely dress, by the way.

Sourquill: And the pigtails are most distinctive. Though they are, more usually, worn on the head.

Sir Philip: Dammit, if pigs wear them on the bottom, so shall I!

Lily: Do you have a spare cupboard, Father?

Sir Philip: Use the one marked 'Good French Things'. It's completely empty.

#lily bin