She could ignore the text. That would be the easiest thing to do, really. Leave things as they’d been on set – amicable but just friendly.
...
He was probably anxiously awaiting her reply. He seemed the type. Maybe he was sitting there wondering when she’d reply, paranoid that he had the wrong number, unable to focus on anything else.
Key Limes is excellent and so is @fetchalgernon for writing it
A/N: I started this as a oneshot, but... well, I got carried away. This is just the prologue. I’m working on the first actual chapter now. I don’t know how consistent I’ll be since my workload has started to pick up. Anyway, it’s been a while since I’ve posted fanfiction (4 years? 3 years? idk) so I hope this is alright!
Ship: James Potter/Lily Evans
I don't love you
I don't hate you
I don't know how I feel
“Goodbye,” by Best Coast
Prologue: In a Year
Summer of 1977
The Potter Manor
If someone told Lily a year ago she would be spending a few days at the Potter residence over the summer holidays, she would’ve snorted in disbelief. But lots can change in a year, she thought to herself. After the incident after the Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. Lily had lost her best friend for good, there was no coming back from that, she was sure. Soon after that Lily’s mother passed away from breast cancer. Lily was granted a week away from Hogwarts to attend her mother’s funeral and spend time with her family. Her sister had been particularly cruel to her that trip home, and when she returned to the castle, she felt she had aged five years. She was just a sixteen-year-old girl, and in the course of barely six months she had lost her best friend, her mother had been diagnosed with cancer and passed away from it, and the tension in the Wizarding World about blood purity was rising to great, new heights.
When Lily returned to Hogwarts after her mother’s funeral Professor McGonagall had set her up with James Potter as her transfiguration partner, seeing that she missed a week of lectures and he was top of the class. At first, Lily was irritated. Life was already hitting her hard enough, she needn’t deal with the likes of Potter. But, to her surprise, he was helpful and kind. He had grown about half a foot over the summer, and his face, while still boyish, resembled something closer to a man than the insufferable, mischievous eleven-year old she had first met. She was taken aback how good of a teacher he was as he helped her catch up in one of the few courses she had some difficulty in. She shouldn’t have been surprised that James Potter was a good teacher, he seemed to excel in everything, she thought. Well, not so much potions, but other than that, James seemed to excel both academically and socially.
And then after that, Lily and James slowly became friends. By the time the end of sixth year rolled around she was quite friendly with the Marauders, as the group of boys liked to call themselves. Although, one of the boys made Lily’s head hurt, but it wasn’t necessarily his fault–– she just didn’t know how she felt about him. It was confusing.
He was confusing.
•••
I wish you would tell me
How you really feel
But you never tell me
Cause that's not our deal
“Our Deal,” by Best Coast
February of 1977
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Lily was walking next to James, the duo slowly making their way to the Gryffindor tower after having studied together in the library. While Lily didn’t need assistance catching up from her missed week of school from that past November, the two found that they worked well as a studying team. To Lily’s surprise James struggled (mildly) with charms, which was arguably her best subject. The following week was Valentine’s Day, and Lily had already been asked out by two boys, both of which she gently turned down. She wasn’t ready for a relationship, or even casual dating, with all that had happened in the past year. Theo Bones had even asked her out. He was a year older than her, handsome, a fellow prefect, and in Ravenclaw. A year ago, Lily would have been over the moon to have been asked out by such a kind, intelligent, and good-looking boy.
But a lot can change in a year, and it had.
Lily was hardened by the events the past year, especially with her mother passing. Her fair complexion was even more milky, tiredness evident under her eyes more than ever, and her eyes had even seem to darken in colour. She was not who she once was.
Lily caught James staring at her, his mouth slightly open. His stare made a faint blush appear on her cheeks. He looked like he wanted to say something, or even ask her something. Lily involuntarily frowned, causing James to look away. She was worried that he’d–– well, that he’d ruin their blossoming friendship. If he asked–– if he asked that––
“So,” James interrupted her thoughts. “Any plans for Valentine’s Day?”
Lily gulped. She did not look at James as she replied.
“Well, seeing that it’s on a Monday, I’ll probably just do the same ol’.”
James nodded. “What about this Saturday? It’s a Hogsmeade weekend––“
Lily glanced at James, her eyes pleading with him.
She couldn’t ruin this friendship. Even if she did fancy him, (which she did a little more than she cared to admit), she couldn’t date. Not at this stage of her life. Not when their friendship meant so much to her. She couldn’t lose another close friend, she had already made herself so vulnerable. Stupid, stupid girl, she thought to herself.
James looked away from Lily, she could see a faint blush creeping up onto his cheeks.
He continued. “I just meant, if you’re free,” Lily took a sharp intake of air. “You’re welcome to join Sirius, Peter, Remus and I.”
Lily relaxed. Right, she thought, we’re just friends. He’s being friendly.
“That sounds fun, sure thing,” Lily replied, giving James a small, friendly smile.
Lily wouldn’t admit to herself that she felt a twinge of disappointment when he hadn’t asked her out, but she couldn’t face her confusing feelings for James Potter right now. She feared if she did, she might kiss him and ruin everything. Or hit him and ruin everything.
It seemed the two had made an unspoken agreement not to be romantic, not to speak of James’ pining for her in their fifth year, not to speak of any romantic spark that may or may not be there. It was a deal Lily made with herself, not to date. She knew she was too vulnerable for any teen romance at that point. She felt that somehow he knew and had silently agreed to the deal, understanding that Lily was emotionally compromised and could not bear to lose another friendship or to put effort in to a relationship.
