#litania blogging

[she-jo]

Maylene: Alten, darling, look at Mummy! Look over here and take a nice picture with Da’! Alten: Mother, I do not wish to be P E R C E I V E D.

[ID: a Digital shaded sketch of a half elf man (Amaril), holding his child (Alten) who looks to be about 2 years old. Amaril has short black hair with some grey at the temples and a full but clean cut beard. He is wearing a dark vest and a billowing shirt. He smiles softly toward the viewer. In his arms, Alten clutches the collar of his shirt in their fist. The look at the viewer with wide eyes. Their dark hair is tied up in a high pony tail and they weird a simple, footed onesie. / END ID]

Practicing some ways to finish sketches without having to go all in on lines and stuff. I’ve also been wanting to draw Alten and Amaril together because I imagine they look so similar. Alten is the “spooky” kid so those big blue eyes can be a little intense, at least that’s what Maylene says.

Amaril (c) Kai Alten (c) Me

[she-jo]

Damn I’m just thinking about the post-Waterdeep finale and how Maylene would once again find herself knocking on Amaril’s door because she just found out her mother died 6 months prior to her coming to Waterdeep. Her mother that she hadn’t seen in 40 years. And the only other people who know this are the two party members that accompanied her to see her father. And she’s so shocked by the news that she just tries to shrug it off. All this in the midst of utter apocalyptic pandemonium

But with Amaril, she just crumples. The world is safe, her daughter is safe, her friends are safe, HE’S safe so now she can grieve. Not just for Valendra but Seldan and Marta. And Amaril is so STEADY. A rock while her emotions just crash and consume. And he knows not to say some bullshit about the Raven Queen, just lets her bawl her eyes out before handing her a handkerchief and surely he’s covered in tears and snot and she’s like “Sorry I’m a mess.” and he’s like “That’s ok. I think I know a thing or two about loss”

Then she probably bangs him cuz she just wants to be held and feel good for like A MINUTE

[she-jo]

I’m losing my mind, and I don’t want to read TOO MUCH into it, but a few days ago we had a whole discussion about Amaril actually not being THAT devout, and sees the Gods as just ultra powerful mortals but nothing special (I HAD ALWAYS THOUGHT he was pretty devout). And now I’m like wait, was his issue with the Rite of Eliathar not the rite itself but that his pact (and not having paid his debt to RQ) conflicted with the want to do that AT THE TIME? Because he says something along the lines of predetermination of death and all that but. . .idk. Did he actually mean: this relationship I have with RQ prevents me from taking that RIGHT NOW.

but then that kinda conflicts with his zen attitude toward death. ANd then why wouldn’t he just SAY THAT. UNLESS he just didn’t really have the clarity to realize that’s what he meant?  fuck idk.

[she-jo]

But I guess that’s sort of the melodrama of it: Amaril doesn’t REALLY realize he’s compartmentalizing, he just does it based on logic and practicality. Whereas Maylene is over here like can you just TELL me you want to be together in some way shape or form? Can you PLEASE just show some kind of understanding of what our relationship is EMOTIONALLY. Because to her, it’s very special, and she has that realization very early on, and things are really going good until this conversation comes up about the Rite of Eliathar -- Oh my god. . .

IS THAT WHY HE HAS TO WAIT? IS. . .IS HE GOING TO TAKE IT? Oh my god omfg omg!!! KAI! Holy shit. hoooooooly fuck me running

[she-jo]

I just keep thinking about this off-again on-again Amalene and how Maylene would eventually reach a point of “I can’t keep fucking doing THIS. I can’t sit around hoping one day you’ll get it together and realize all you’re doing is wasting time being unhappy when we could just BE HAPPY.” Like she loves him, but damn you can’t wait around forever because this dude’s SO hung up on trying to compartmentalize his pact with the Raven Queen and being with her. Especially if you don’t tell her like “Hey look I got a few more jobs to do, but after that? We can do whatever you want!”

I just don’t think she’s THAT big of an emotional masochist. I think being put through THAT kind of emotional strain would break her heart more than just an initial break off early on. I think that kind of damage to the trust she has in him is irreversible

[she-jo]

Sometimes I think about that moment Thestra and Maylene met and Thestra said “Did you even love me?” when asking her about why Maylene gave her up for adoption and all Maylene could say was “More than anything”

[she-jo]

DAMN that moment when Amaril says “I know you’re feeling raw right now but would you like to ask him one more question? To get the absolute truth from him?” and Nori in the most pained voice goes “Why. . .why would you do this. . .” 

[she-jo]

Amalene Progression as MCR Songs

Maylene’s Death / Resurrection: Vampires Will Never Hurt You 

And you must keep your soul Like a secret in your throat And if they come and get me What if you put the spike in my heart?

The Grift: The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You

Pull the plug But I'd like to learn your name When holding on I hope you do the same Oh sugar

Post Waterdeep Adventuring: Bulletproof Heart

I got a bulletproof heart You got a hollow-point smile Me and your runaway scars Got a photograph dream on the getaway mile

Break Up: I Don’t Love You

Well, when you go Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay And maybe when you get back I'll be off to find another way

Pining: This Is How I Disappear

Can you hear me cry out to you? Words I thought I'd choke on figure out I'm really not so with you anymore I'm just a ghost

Back Together: Demolition Lovers

I would drive on, to the end with you A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full And I feel like there's nothing left to do But prove myself to you, and we'll keep it running