I finally had time to settle down and bring out my Christmas decorations while watching favorite holiday cartoons! Thank you to all in the @dwfandomcardexchange group for all these Christmas cards! You guys are absolutely wonderful! 💕 I hope everyone has been having a wonderful holiday season and realllly hoping for a better year in 2022!
okay, so i have long held that the movie stardust would make the perfect doctorrose au...
the idea of rose being a star and the doctor falling stupid in love with her is just too enticing for a simp like me, you know? plus, the bad wolf parallels... so, i started working on that a few days ago. if you're not familiar with the basic plot of stardust (the film, not the book, though they're obviously quite similar), it goes a little like this:
man goes on quest to fetch a shooting star, to present to his beloved in exchange for her hand. but, surprise!! the star is a person, she is pissed someone knocked her out of the sky, and she does not intend to go peacefully. and to make things more dangerous, the heart of a star possesses the power to make someone immortal—which makes her valuable, not just to our hero. what follows is their unlikely journey toward the man's village... and towards falling in love.
if you haven't seen it, it's on netflix, and i highly recommend it! it features: claire danes, the guy from daredevil, a goat who turns into a man, a man who turns into a goat (and then a woman), a witch who does all this turning things into other things, a lost princess, blood that is literally blue, a gay sky pirate, straight sky pirates who support him, swordfighting, ghost princes, mark strong with a wig on, bottled lightning, a very ugly necklace, and more!
so, that said! here's an excerpt from the wip:
"Are you my mother?" the projectile asks, scarcely a moment after flattening her back against the unforgiving ground. It's such an absurd question that she can hardly be expected to answer—can hardly do more than open her eyes and blink, dazedly, at the face that looms above.
It's an odd face, freckled and thin. A long, narrow nose with a bump in the middle makes up the center, and is therefore the bulk of what's available to her vision. The rest is all blurred brown, and dark eyes that appear nearly black in the night. They are wide, startled. Goodness knows why, it's not like she's knocked him off his feet.
She's beginning to think that everything about this world just hurts. It would certainly explain the trajectory of human development.
"You are, aren't you? Mother!" he cries, mouth agape. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, are you—are you all right?" The creature—boy, her memory supplies, or perhaps man—starts to scramble away on his hands and knees, which tugs mercilessly at the hair that isn't already pinned behind her back.
It makes her wince, and what's more, it makes her already worsening temper take a deep plunge. "No," she snaps. "I'm not all right, and I'm not your mother either, so get off me!"
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 5/5
Fandom: Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Metacrisis Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Characters: Metacrisis Tenth Doctor, Rose Tyler, Jackie Tyler, Pete Tyler, Tony Tyler
Additional Tags: Romance, Early days of the relationship, Christmas Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Pete and Jackie are sneaky
Series: Part 16 of Christmas Sweets
Summary:
On their first Christmas season in Pete’s World, the Doctor and Rose are still figuring it all out. A Torchwood mission that turns into an unexpected holiday in a cabin might just end up being what the pair of them need.
I was tagged by @lizann5869 and @gingerteaonthetardis to post the last sentence I wrote. It is part of my WIP, chapter 3 of Quickly Sinking Rose.
Instead of the Doctor’s daft smile, icy-blue eyes and chiseled face, she saw a tall, black haired, green-eyed man leering at her.
I’m tagging @jefflion, @angryrabbit42, @elialys, @badwolfinthetxrdis, and @a-story-im-writing and anyone else who wants to join in! No pressure, just have fun!
My @dwsecretsanta submission for @lizann5869. Here’s some fan art for your Alec x Rose WIP “In the Right Place”. I’ve really been enjoying the story so I hope you enjoy the artwork. Merry Christmas! :)
Weekly round up of fic I’ve read and enjoyed this week. Do yourself a favor and check ‘em out!
Her Dance Card is Full by @lizann5869 (Nine/Rose)
The Wolf, the Stone, and the Storm: Chapter 4 by @memyselfandwe09 (Nine/Rose, fantasy AU)
Italian Affair by @hellostarlight20 (Nine/Rose, AU, NSFW, BDSM), part of the Pushing Boundaries series
Better than Before by @goingtothetardis (Nine/Rose)
Renegades and Revolutions: Season Two: Consequential Decisions: Chapter 18 and Chapter 19 by @deathlyfandoms (Nine/Rose, AU, NSFW), sequel to Season One: Unexpected Consequences
What We’re Made Of: Chapter 89 and Chapter 90 by @rishidiams and @caedmonfaith (Twelve/Rose, AU, canon!Rose, human!Twelve, post-Doomsday, babyfic, NSFW)
As always, links are to tumblr posts when possible so people can reblog fic if they want to.
Summary: The Doctor and Rose have a long overdue conversation.
Notes: Ok, so here we have the last chapter of this fic for @lizann5869 and...it's gone a bit mental-OK, a lot mental- and is huge. There was just so much to say! I hope people like this and thank you all for reading!
Ch 1 I Ch 2
Also on AO3 and Teaspoon.
In spite of her bleak thoughts, Rose had almost managed to fall asleep and her eyes were just beginning to close, only to fly open again at a sudden pounding on the door.
“Rose!”
She sat up blearily. “Huh? Whuzzgoin’ on?”
The knob rattled insistently.
“Rose!”
She sighed tiredly. “What is it, Doctor?”
“Why is the door locked? You never lock the door, not even when you first came on board.”
She huffed in weary amusement, because she’d been locking her door since France and the space station and her. Not that the Doctor would know that, since he’d stopped coming to her room to chat or pester her or cuddle weeks ago.
“Didn’t think it’d matter,” she pointed out. “You were out.”
The knob rattled again. “Rose!”
“What?”
“Open the door so I can talk to you!”
Knowing he could and would unlock it himself if she didn’t, she pushed herself up and trudged to the door, opening it to find a wild-eyed Time Lord staring intently at her.
“What’s wrong?” She yawned. “An’ what time is it anyway?”
“Late,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Or early, depending which way you look at it.”
“Right, well, why are you pesterin’ me late-or-early?” She rubbed at her eyes blearily, wishing he’d go away so she could go back to bed. She was too tired to deal with one of his moods right now.
“I need to talk to you,” he said darkly.
“Now? Can’t it wait til mornin’?”
“No,” he scowled and pushed past her into the room only to stop beside her bed, seeing that the wingback leather chair he had so often sat in was gone. “My chair is gone.”
She blinked. “You want to talk about the furniture?”
He turned to her, eyes stormy. “Why did you move my chair, Rose?”
“I didn’t! The TARDIS did.”
He blinked at that before narrowing his gaze. “She wouldn’t have done that unless you told her to. Did you?”
She flushed, because that was exactly what had happened. “Seriously, you woke me up and you want talk about a chair?”
“Where is it?” He persisted, eyes watching her all the while.
“Oh for cryin’ out loud, it’s still here, Doctor! ’S not like she decided to fire it off into space! ’S just moved, is all!”
“But why? That chair has been there since Utah!”
She sighed and sat heavily on the bed, rubbing her eyes. “Look, you came poundin’ on my door and shoutin’ about somethin’ or other yeah? Somethin’ important? So why don’t you tell me what happened so I can get back to bed. ‘M tired, Doctor.”
He cast a last dark look at the place where his chair usually sat before turning to Rose. “Why didn’t you tell me what the Prime Minister said to you?”
She flushed. “What…How’d you find out?”
He scowled. “I overheard them talking- and don’t dodge the question, Rose. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It wasn’t important,” she shrugged.
“Not important?” The Doctor repeated incredulously. “Rose, he treated as you worse than rubbish! Of course it’s important!”
“Oh come on, Doctor,” she sighed, leaning back onto her pillows. “’S not the first time someone’s said stuff like that an’ it won’t be the last. Why are you makin’ such a big deal out of it?”
“It is a big deal, Rose!” He shook his head in bewilderment. “You should never, ever let anyone tell you that you’re less than they are!”
Unable to help the bitter laugh that escaped her, she looked away. “Bit late for that Doctor, don’t you think?”
He narrowed his eyes. “And what does that mean?”
“Nothin’.” She huffed, shame burning in her gut. “’S just, look, what part of what he said was wrong?”
“What?” He gaped at her.
“What part of what he said was wrong?” She demanded, her exhaustion and humiliation making her irritable. “‘m uneducated, ‘m not posh or from an important family, I dunno anything about royal etiquette or politics or anythin. It’s all true, innit?”
He stared at her.
“An’ he was right- I didn’t know anythin’ about the politics of the region, I dunno their customs or anythin’ that might have been the slightest bit helpful. I had no place at those treaty sessions, no right to say anythin’ because really, what was I goin’ to say?”
“You always have the right to speak, Rose!” he snapped. “And just because you don’t have some worthless piece of paper from their political institute doesn’t mean you don’t have anything worthwhile to say!”
She sighed, rubbing at her eyes. “Look Doctor, they didn’t want me there, yeah? I had nothin’ to say and even if I did they wouldn’t have listened anyway.”
“And what if I wanted you there?” he demanded, eyes flashing.
She rolled her eyes. “You didn’t.”
“Oh? Pretty sure of that, are you?”
“Come on, Doctor, you didn’t even notice when I stopped comin’ to those sessions and you never even knew where I was,” she scoffed. “You didn’t need me there.”
“Of course I did! Rose, when have I ever forgotten about you?”
Feeling her blood boil at the stupid question and the stupid Time Lord asking it, she clenched her fists, digging her nails into her hands to keep her voice calm. “Look, you came in here to ask me about what his Pompous Prime-Ministerness said and why I didn’t tell you, yeah? Bottom line, it didn’t matter. Alright? Can I go back to bed now?”
He fixed his eyes on her face for what seemed to be forever, but she fought to hold his gaze and had the satisfaction of seeing him look away first. Assuming he’d leave, just as he always did when things got too close, too personal, too honest, she climbed into bed and pulled up the covers, settling herself comfortably.
He didn’t leave.
Instead, he stood watching her, silently, the muscle in his jaw tensing.
She wondered how long he was planning to stand there, and had just made up her mind to tell him to leave so she could get to sleep, when he spoke.
“You didn’t answer my question,” was all he said.
She rolled her eyes and snuggled into her pillow, hoping he’d take the hint.
He didn’t. Instead, he turned to where his chair had stood from Utah until France and her, and stood, brooding.
Shrugging to herself, she shifted to her side, turning her back to him and wishing he’d go away.
She had no idea how long they stayed there, her waiting, and him brooding about who knew what, but it seemed like hours and when finally he spoke, she jumped.
“Where did the chair go, Rose?”
She sighed and rolled her eyes, snuggling deeper under the covers. “Told you, the TARDIS moved it.”
“Where to?” Came the quiet, tense reply.
Sighing, she gave in and sat up. “Wherever she put the leather jacket and jumpers.”
Fabric shifted slightly behind her.
“Not the wardrobe.” It wasn’t a question.
She shrugged, irritated that he was pushing her to talk about things she didn’t want to talk about. Wasn’t it enough that her Doctor was gone? Did he have to dwell on it? She didn’t want to talk about the little room that the TARDIS had made for the Doctor’s things after France; his jeans and jumpers, his beloved leather jacket and the chair he’d sat in most nights reading to her, comforting her and watching her sleep. She couldn’t bear to see them pushed into storage along with the rest of the Doctor’s old things, so, the night she’d finally understood that her Doctor was really gone, she’d begged for somewhere special to keep them and the TARDIS had given her that little room.
Rose hadn’t yet set foot in it, unable to face the proof that her Doctor was gone, but she was happy that her Doctor had somewhere special, somewhere that was only his, to be remembered in.
“Where, Rose?”
“I dunno where it is,” she sighed, technically speaking the truth because she didn’t know where the TARDIS had put the room at this very moment.
He didn’t respond for such a long time that she chanced a glance over and saw him standing rigidly with his eyes closed, obviously communicating with the TARDIS. Sighing to herself, she shifted her gaze back to the bedspread, hoping now that he had his answers he’d go away and and they could pretend tomorrow that this had never happened.
The Doctor obviously had other ideas.
She heard the rustle of fabric before feeling the mattress tip slightly, indicating he’d sat down on her bed.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you put those things aside?”
“Seemed wrong to just chuck ‘em back in the wardrobe,” she muttered.
He was silent for a moment. “I’m still me, Rose.”
She rolled her eyes. “I know that, Doctor.”
“I’m still the same man who took your hand in that basement.”
She didn’t respond to that.
“You don’t believe me.” It wasn’t a question.
“I know you’re the Doctor,” was all she said. “I believe you.”
“But you don’t believe I’m still him.”
She shrugged. “You said it yourself at Christmas- new man and all that. I know you’re still the Doctor, though.”
He shifted slightly and said nothing, and she hoped that meant he had whatever he needed and he’d leave her to cry in private, because dredging up everything she’d lost hurt.
“You really think I wouldn’t care if someone treated you like rubbish?”
“It doesn’t matter,” she said angrily, blinking away tears. “S my problem, not yours an’ I’m a grownup. I can handle it if someone says nasty things.”
He looked her accusingly. “You used to tell me before.”
“That was different,” she said between clenched teeth, fighting to hold in her tears.
“How is it different?” He demanded, shifting closer to her and seizing her arm. “I’m still him!”
“No you’re not!” She snapped, unable to hold back anymore. “He cared, he treated me like I matter! He didn’t care that I was just some stupid chav from the Estate!” She glared at him accusingly, eyes bright with angry tears. “You see me exactly the same way everyone else does- just some stupid chav who can’t measure up to the important people!”
He looked at her, eyes wide and wounded. “How could you say that, Rose? You know how I….you know I care about you.”
“I thought I did!” She flung back the covers and jumped out of bed, bedding to pace, to burn off some of this rage so she didn’t burst. “I thought I was special to you, that I was important but I was wrong! I was important to him, but not to you!”
“How can you-”
“You left me!” She shouted, angry tears blinding her. “You left me to die on that deathtrap, knowin’ there was no way back! Me and Mickey would’ve starved to death, and that was assumin’ there was nothin’ else on that ship to kill us!”
He blanched. “I would have-“
“You would’ve what?” She glared through her tears. “You said it yourself, Doctor- once you went through there was no way back and you just left us there, left the TARDIS there to go and play white knight!”
“I had to save her, the timelines-”
“Don’t even try!” She growled. “There were other ways and you knew it, an’ if there weren’t you should’ve taken us with you so at least we wouldn’t starve to death on some clockwork nightmare! But you didn’t because we didn’t matter, Doctor, I didn’t matter!” She swiped angrily at her face. “Funny how all that watching humans growing old stuff didn’t matter with her- maybe because you actually thought she was worth it.”
He shook his head, face pale. “No, Rose-”
“Just stop it!” She shouted. “I get it, alright? You’ve been pullin’ away and you tried to tell me and I finally get it, alright?” Swiping angrily at her face again, she grit her teeth, trying to dam her grief and shaking with the effort. “You’re not him, you don’t have the same feelin’s as him and God help me but I get it, but that doesn’t mean you can keep yankin’ me around every time you feel like an ego boost!”
He was staring at her, eyes wide.
“You don’t get to sit there bein’ angry because some sleazy old wanker was rude to me when you’ve treated me exactly the same way, when you see me exactly the same way he does!”
His eyes burned. “I’ve never-”
“What? Treated me like I didn’t matter? Like I was less?” She scoffed. “That’s exactly what you did! You gave me some spiel about witherin’ and dyin’ and how it hurt too much and then you chucked it all and went after her, someone who was barely in your life a day, because she was worth it- the ‘most accomplished woman who ever lived.” She shook her head, wiping her nose with her sleeve. “He didn’t care that I was nobody- I was somebody to him. But you? I’m not enough for you- not clever enough, not important enough, and you went after someone who was. I reckon that tells me pretty well what you think about me, Doctor. And I’m not tryin’ to stop you, I have no right to stop you lovin’ anyone you want, but don’t you sit there tellin’ me you’re the same man!” She swiped at her face again. “Because my Doctor wouldn’t have treated me like I was nothin’ while he ran off after the King’s mistress, he wouldn’t have left me on that deathtrap! But you did!”
He stared at her, jaw clenched.
Shaking her head in disgust, she marched into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her, trembling with rage and hurt and not a little fear that she’d just spent her last night on the TARDIS.
She growled as she splashed her face with water. Why did he have to push her? Why couldn’t he leave well enough alone? They could have kept on as they were and she might have gotten over it eventually- enough to get by, anyway. But no, he’d kept pushing and now it had all come out and it was over. He’d never let her stay now.
The TARDIS hummed comfortingly and Rose patted the nearest wall as she reached for a towel to pat her face. She didn’t know how she’d ever learn to live without the TARDIS’ comforting hum and the warm presence in her mind.
The TARDIS hummed again and Rose sighed. She’d best get to packing, because she’d never sleep now and she was pretty sure the Doctor wouldn’t even give her until morning. He was long gone by now anyway, she reasoned, so she might as well get to work. There were some things she’d never want to leave behind and if he rushed her she might forget a few.
Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and marched back into her room, only to come to a sudden halt.
The Doctor was still there.
She blinked and rubbed her eyes, not sure that she could trust her eyes because she’d been certain he’d take off the moment she’d left after her outburst and yet here he was, sitting rigidly on her bed where she’d left him. She stood watching him warily, not sure what to do or say.
He swallowed. “You don’t have to stand over there, you know. I don’t bite.”
She watched him. “Thought you’d be long gone by now.”
He laughed humourlessly. “I have absolutely no credit in your eyes, do I?”
“’S what you’ve been doin’ since New Earth,” she pointed out, her voice slightly hoarse. “Every time we get too…. close...you just leave.”
He winced. “That’s..fair, I suppose.”
“That’s big of you,” she said gruffly, wishing she hadn’t shouted quite so much.
“Rose, I….” He sighed and patted the bed beside him. “Come and sit down.”
She didn’t move.
“Please?”
It was the ‘please’ that did it- he so rarely used the word that she found herself moving warily towards the bed and sitting on the opposite side before she knew it.
He swallowed. “Thank you. I…” he laughed humourlessly. “I don’t even know where to begin.”
She shrugged. “Does it matter anymore? You’re just goin’ to take me home anyway.”
“No! I…” he swallowed. “D’you want to leave?”
“Didn’t think I’d get a say in it.” She folded her arms defensively. “Just figured you’d dump me back on the Estate after…everythin’.”
He drew a deep breath and it let out slowly. “No, I don’t want to take you back. Not unless…unless you want me to?” He voice shook on the last word.
She shook her head warily, still not sure she trusted him not to leave her at her mum’s.
“I don’t…I don’t want you to go,” he said hoarsely. “If you believe nothing else, please believe that.”
She nodded slowly, still not sure what to think, and he likely knew it, judging by his sigh.
“I…owe you an apology, Rose.”
She said nothing, watching him.
“I….never told you about regeneration, did I?”
She stared at him incredulously, remembering the huge fight they’d had about in front of her mum’s flat at Christmas. Judging by his wince, he did too.
“Right, I…of course I didn’t. My point is, it’s a complete wipe. I might have the memories, might recognise a face- even though sometimes I’d lose even that- but I was always a new man, new feelings, and new personality.”
She exhaled, trying to ignore the pain in her gut at the confirmation that her Doctor was gone. “I know, ’s what I was sayin’ before-”
“But that’s the thing!” The Doctor broke in impatiently. “Usually, that’s what it is. Only this time…it wasn’t.”
“It wasn’t?” She stared at him in bafflement.
“No,” he said emphatically. “It wasn’t. Oh, the outward packaging had changed, my personality had changed, but my core, who I was and how I felt about things….it didn’t change Rose.”
“I don’t understand.” She shook her head, denying his words, denying what she thought he was saying.
She was so tired of being hurt.
“Yes you do.” He shuffled a little closer to her side of the bed. “I didn’t change Rose. I burned, and I was new yet….there it all was.” He swallowed, fixing his eyes on her dressing table across the room. “Same emotions, same feelings same thoughts. Nine times I’ve changed and that’s never once happened to me before.” He turned his eyes back to her and they burned. “I formed myself on you, did you know that?”
“I…what?” She shook slightly. He couldn’t mean what she thought he did. He just couldn’t.
“You heard me.” His gaze burned into her. “I formed myself on you. I wanted to sound like you, to look younger for you, be handsome, someone you could….” He trailed off. “My last self died thinking of you and this one was born thinking of you.” He shook his head. “As I said, that’s…unusual- unheard of, even. I’d never heard of it happening before except in the case of bonded spouses. And yet it did. It…terrified me, Rose, that everything, I felt for you had survived the fires of regeneration.” He took a deep breath. “One….one difference between my last form and this one was that my last was still torn from the Time War. I didn’t consider life spans or any of it because I was still convinced I wouldn’t survive. And then when I met you, I….was so grateful for every day I had with you, I didn’t care about the rest of it. Only…this body, when it was born, was removed from that trauma and I…considered those things. And I ran.”
“I still don’t get it,” she said hoarsely, her hands shaking as they seized the duvet.
“I was afraid, Rose,” he said baldly. “I was afraid that I’d lose you too soon and it would break me and I ran.” He slid across the bed and seized her hands, looking at her desperately. “I pushed you away, I…I ran after Reinette because I was scared. Not because…because of her, but because of you. I needed a distraction, any distraction so I…seized the opportunity.” His eyes burned into hers. “It was never about you not being good enough, Rose, it was never about her being better than you. I didn’t…want her I didn’t even….I felt nothing for her. I just kept waving her at you to push you away, because I was afraid. I…” he huffed a bitter laugh. “There’s one major difference between my last form and this one- I…I’m a coward. I was afraid of you, of what I felt for you and what it would do to me when I lost you, so I pushed you away, left you behind without even thinking of the consequences. It was wrong and cruel and I’m so, so sorry.”
She blinked, causing several tears to splash down her face. “I don’t…what are you sayin’?” She said shakily.
“I…love you,” he said hoarsely. “And it terrifies me.”
“Don’t…don’t say that,” she choked. “Don’t say that when I know you don’t mean it, Doctor. ’S too cruel.”
“But I do mean it, Rose.” His voice shook and the muscle in his jaw clenched.
She tore her hands from his. “No you don’t!” she cried. “If you…if you did you wouldn’t have treated me like that, like I didn’t matter. You wouldn’t have left me to die!”
“Rose, please!” He grabbed her hands again, staring intently into her eyes. “I saw an opportunity to run, to hide, and I took it. And I regretted it before I’d even got to the other side of the mirror. All I could think of was you, and that I’d cut myself off from you forever, that you…you might be gone if I ever did manage to get back.” His eyes glistened- with tears, she realised. He was trying not to cry.
She’d never seen him cry, not even after Reinette had died.
“I treated you badly, I was selfish, I put my own feelings ahead of yours, not even thinking of what my actions would do to you or how it would make you feel. All I cared about was protecting myself only….” He laughed hoarsely. “It’s too late for that, far too late. All I did was make you feel worthless and inferior, and Rose you’re not.”
She shook her head, refusing to hear him, too frightened to believe him because her heart couldn’t take it all over again. “‘M nothin’ Doctor and you’re a Time Lord, the last Time Lord. “m not stupid enough to think someone like you could ever-”
“I died for you!” He shouted, his fear making him desperate. “Does that sound like nothing, to you?”
“What?” She gasped, drawing back from him. “No! Don’t even say that!”
“It’s true, Rose!” He seized her hands again, cutting off her escape. “I died for you, to save you and I’d do it again. I took the Vortex out of you and I regenerated.”
“I…I killed you?” She gasped. “No! Oh my God, I killed you!” She began to sob- heavy, wracking sobs- unable to bear the thought that she had killed her Doctor. Suddenly, she found herself seized in a familiar, comforting embrace, held closely to a chest that was different from the old.
“You saved me, Rose!” His voice vibrated through his chest, under her ear. “I’d have died and not regenerated if you hadn’t done what you did. You saved me and you saved the universe.”
“I killed you! Oh God, I killed you! You died and it’s my fault! I killed my Doctor!” She sobbed, burying her head in his chest, unable to bear it.
“I’m here, Rose!” He pulled her back slightly, tears running down his cheeks. “I’m right here. You saved me and I saved you and I’d do it again! I’d give every last regeneration to save you.”
She cried into his chest for what seemed to be hours, unable to fathom what he was saying, unable to bear it because it was all too, too much.
Finally, the storm abated and she pulled back, drawing back as far as he’d let her whilst still holding tightly to her.
His eyes were red and his face was tearstained. Unable to help it, she reached out wiped a tear away, looking at it in shock.
“You’re cryin’,” she said in surprise, sniffling.
He choked a laugh. “You’re one to talk.”
“But why are you cryin’?” She really didn’t understand.
He smiled sadly at her. “I hurt you. I was selfish and I didn’t think about you and I hurt the only person who’s ever.… You deserved better than that, Rose.”
“M not-”
“Don’t you say you’re not important because you are! Do you understand me? You’re so special, Rose Tyler- you’re brave and loyal and compassionate and loving and brilliant and you saved me! Did you know that? I’d had enough, was going to die in that basement in Henriks, but after meeting you…I chose to live. You saved me then Rose Tyler just as you saved me on the Game Station.” He stroked her cheek. “You’re so much more than I’ll ever be.”
“I don’t…what are you sayin’?” She said shakily.
“I’m saying that I’m tired of running, Rose.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “I’m tired of trying to hide. What’s the point of fearing your loss if I end up losing you while you’re still here?”
“What-”
“All I want is a chance,” he cut in, look at her intently. “I know I don’t deserve it, I don’t deserve you, especially after making you think that you were not…important, that you were worthless but I beg you, give me a chance anyway.”
“A chance to do what?” She was shaking. Why was she shaking?
“A chance to prove that I’m being honest, Rose, that I mean what I say, to prove that I….that I love you. To show that I value you. That’s all I want- a chance. You don’t need to do anything or say anything, just please, let me try! Let me show you that underneath that I’m still him.”
Rose swallowed. “Why?”
He sighed. “Because no matter how far I run, you’re still with me, part of me. Because I’m tired of hurting you. And because…because I’d rather live with you and l-love you than waste what time we have together.”
“I- I don’t know if I can trust you,” she said hoarsely, seeing him flinch. “How do I know you won’t change your mind tomorrow and go back to pushin’ me away?”
“I won’t,” he swore. “Never again. You don’t need to do anything except let prove myself. That’s all. Just….stay,” he pleaded. “Just stay for a while longer, don’t hide from me and I’ll show you, Rose. Let me earn your trust. That’s all I ask. I’ll beg if you want me to.”
She swallowed. Should she? Could she trust him? On the one hand, he’d hurt her. A lot, and more than anyone else ever could. What if he did it again? She didn’t think she could live through it again. On the other hand, he’d told her he loved her, had apologised and wanted a chance to prove himself. And she was honest enough with herself to know that if she didn’t give him his chance, she’d have go to back to her mum’s- it would be too cruel to the both of them to stay here after that. Could she go back to her hum-drum life, away from her beloved TARDIS and the Doctor, and live with the fact that it all could have been so different if only she’d had the courage to try?
Was the fear of loss really worth sacrificing all she stood to gain?
Remembering what the Doctor had said about letting fear drive his actions, and what it had almost cost, she cringed. There was really only one way forward. She’d stay, let him prove himself, and she would see whether he really valued her, really loved her, as he said. If he didn’t…well, she’d leave then. After a few choice words.
“If…I say yes,” she said hoarsely, “you can't change your mind, Doctor. You can’t go back to yankin’ me around.”
“I won’t” he swore.
“And you can’t….you can’t treat me like I don’t matter anymore. No more leavin’ me behind or chasin’ after other people just ‘cause you’re scared.”
“Never again, Rose, I swear it.”
“And if you…if you do it again, I’ll leave,” she said, her voice cracking on the last word. “I can’t…just because ‘m not someone important doesn’t mean you can treat me like I don’t matter.”
“You are important,” he told her fiercely. “You are and I’ll prove it to you Rose. No one is more important to me than you and you’ll never have cause to doubt it again.”
She took a deep breath. “I….OK. One chance, Doctor.”
He lunged at her and pulled her tightly to him. “Thank you. Thank you Rose, you won’t regret it, I swear.”
“You’d better be tellin’ the truth.” She pushed at him until he let her go, and looked him in the eye. “An’ one more thing.”
“Anything!”
“I know you said you didn’t mean to hurt me, but you did, Doctor. You hurt me a lot by bein’ selfish.”
He cringed. “I know, and I’m sorry, Rose. I’m so sorry. How can I even begin to make it up to you?”
Rose looked him dead in the eye. “Dinner at mum’s tomorrow night.”
He drew back in horror. ‘Rose!”
She took a deep breath. “An’ you’re goin’ to tell her where Mickey is, for real. I…’m not askin’ you to tell her about the other stuff cause that’s between us, but she deserves to know what happened to Mickey. You’ve been avoidin’ her and ’s not fair. She’s…she’s my mum, Doctor, and she practically raised Mickey.”
He swallowed and nodded. “I….alright. If it means that much to you…”
“It does,” she told him seriously, feeling slightly more at ease now that her mum would know what had happened.
“Then it’s done. And Rose?”
She took a deep breath. “Yeah?”
“Thank you. You won’t regret this.”
She tried to smile, in spite of the fear and exhaustion swirling in her gut. “I’d better not. Or else I’ll tell mum that you left me for a French prossie.”
