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I'm so tired of everyone high school shit at work that I just told everyone what everyone thinks of each other. I can't wait til people tell me what they think of me because they can't say anything that I don't already know: "You're lazy" All day every day "You're slow" I told you that when you hired me "You're a pretentious bitch" Yes yes I am "Go kill yourself" I'm trying
@white and straight people: Why?
I have done nothing but cover for him and take every bit of verbal abuse for over four years, but I’m the fuck up child, I’m the ungrateful daughter, I-I’m the one who feels bad, like I should be apologizing to him.
He took ever illusion I had that fathers shouldn’t think be attracted their daughters, he took away my illusion that my sperm donor was just an isolated thing.
But he’s mad that I can’t respect him, he’s mad that I’m fighting back, he’s mad that all I want to do is get away,
I’ve done nothing but protect him but I’m the bad guy
“I may not have been the best father in the world, but I think I was still better than most.”
NO! ONCE YOU CLIMBED INTO THAT SHOWER WITH ME, ONCE YOU TOUCHED ME YOU BECAME JUST LIKE THE REST OF THEM SO DO NOT FUCKING MAKE ME OUT TO BE THE FUCKING BAD GUY WHEN I HAVE HID YOUR CRIME FROM EVERYONE FOR FOUR GOD DAMN YEARS YOU FUCKING ASS HOLE!
YOU AMD MY SPERM DONOR RE THE REASON I CAN’T TRUST ANY SORT OF FATHER FIGURE! YOU TWO ARE THE RESON I WAS SO SCARED TO GO OFF TO COLLEGE AND LEAVE MY LITTLE SISTER AND BROTHER WITHOUT MY PROTECTION! YOU TWO ARE THE RESONS WHY I’M DEPRESED AND SUICIDAL AND FILL WITH ANIEXTY BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE THAT’S ALL I’M GOOD FOR! NOTHING MORE THAN THE PERVERTED PLEASURE OF PERVERTED OLD MEN!
YOU CAN SIT THERE AND PRETEND THAT YOU WERE SORRY YOU DID IT! I DON’T WANT YOUR GOD DAMN APOLOGY BECAUSE IT DOESN’T FUCKING CHANGE ANYTHING! YOU CAN SIT THERE AND PRETEND IT NEVER HAPPENED! FINE I WILL TOO!
BUT DO FUCKING NOT TELL ME THAT I’M JUST LIKE MY FUCKING CHILD MOLESTING DEADBEAT OF A FATHER WHEN YOU ARE ONE TOO! MAYBE NOT THE DEADBEAT PART BUT YOU ARE A MOLESTER AND I’M SO SO TIRED OF EVERYTHING!
I’m so tired of everything. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.
Whenever my mom asks “What’s wrong with Liana?” 99% the answer is “Dad’s being an irritating, anxiety inducing bastard but she can’t say anything because she’s still mostly dependent on him,”
fine. Fine! Once again I’ll apologize for things I’m not sorry for just to save my stepdad from hurting his precious pride by talking to me first.
I’m not going to beg an overly prideful 44 year old man for forgiveness. I’m not getting on my hands and knees to stay on the good side of my fucking DAD who continuously uses the fact that he can control my future, my fucking livelihood over my head just because he’s the one with the money. He always tells me not to let others control me, but he’s the main one doing it! But oh wait it’s okay because he’s my dad and he has the right to since he made sure I was clothed and fed everyday for the last 15 years. No. I doesn’t fucking work that way. I will and do respect everything he’s done for me, but I refuse to respect him as a person.
And I’m tired of my mom just going along with it! I love her to death but I can’t follow her orders to just take the high road on this one. So if it comes down to me having to do it on my own I guess that’s what it’ll have to be because I can’t anymore I can’t. I’m taking the low road this time,
Tuesday night I got off of work at 12:15 am so later than usual and my boss bought us milkshakes so I text my dad to let him know that I was waiting for that because I didn’t want to go through the annoyance of a call when I wasn’t about to leave, but I didn’t want to worry him by not saying anything. So he texts me back “If you can’t be bothered to call don’t talk to me. Call your mom from now on.”
First of all, what the fuck you guys never pick up because it’s past midnight you have daytime jobs and I was trying to respect that by texting instead of calling, since I wasn’t even leaving the building yet.
So I got my milkshake, but I didn’t feel like going home and there was someone I wanted wait up for because he got off an hour later (keep in mind it’s only 1 am) than I did. So I never left the building and I would’ve called LIKE I ALWAYS DO if I was going to leave. I waited for the person, but what happened with that is a rant for a different day. So I call when I’m about to leave and guess what no answer like usual so I waited in my car for fifteen minutes for their call back LIKE ALWAYS and my dad asks me where the hell I am so I say I just left work and then he got pissed off because ‘I’m an hour late” and “said I was only waiting for a milkshake.” So I told him I got caught up in conversation because that happens when you make friends and have been on your own for three years and get used to not having a curfew. He told me not to call him when I leave work anymore.
Then when I get home before it’s even 2 am mind you my mom tells me about how I was irresponsible and there are people waiting up for me when they have work it a few hours and no matter how old I get they’ll worry if I’m not at home looking her face to face. And now my dad’s avoiding me because he’s pissed off. I NEVER ASKED FOR YOU GUYS TO WAIT UP FOR ME BECAUSE I RESPECT THE FACT THAT YOU WORK DURING THE DAY!
AND DO NOT PLAY THE “It’s because you’re our kid” card YOU ONLY CARE BECAUSE I’M LIVING AT HOME FULL TIME RIGHT NOW. HOW DO I KNOW BECAUSE I HAVEN’T LIVED AT HOME FULL TIME IN THREE YEARS AND NEVER GOT ONE CALL OR QUESTION ABOUT MY WHEREABOUTS AT 1 AM.
I’m 21 and when I’m at university they could give a rat’s ass about what I do, where I go, who I’m hanging with, or how long I’m out. I don’t call because they don’t call, but I’m the bitch, Then when I come back home suddenly it’s “We need an autobio of the person you’re hanging out with and you can’t be out all night. But don’t forget you’re an adult so stop acting like a child by asking to go out.”
I’m 21 and I literally do nothing but go to my 3-midnight shift at my twenty minute drive away job four times a week and call when I’m about to come home or deviate from coming home immediately.
Yes, there was ONE time in the entire almost year time that I’ve had a car that I didn’t tell anyone that I was going by myself to a mall in broad daylight (it was literally 1 in the afternoon) but that was just because I was feeling down that day and I didn’t feel like talking. So when my dad called demanding to know where I was I told him and I did apologize and I made sure that I told people where I am from then on to save myself the headache even though I’m twenty fucking one.
Whenever I do something that pisses my parents off, even if they are very much over reacting, I have to suffer the cold shoulder of emotional neglect until I apologize. Whenever they piss me off and whether I’m over reacting or not, I can’t give the cold shoulder or show that I’m hurt in anyway unless I want to be labeled a disrespectful, ungrateful child and, of course, I rarely if ever get an apology or acknowledgement beyond “Stop being so sensitive!” or “Crying is for babies and I don’t want to hear it if you’re going to be a baby about it.”
They act like I come back home a stumbling drunk or don’t come home at all. They act like I’m off having sex with everyone I meet and doing hardcore drugs, they act like I don’t respect that they are allowing me to live in under their roof even though they have every right to kick me out. They act like I’m not doing everything they’ve asked of me.
I’m not asking for a pat on the back or praise, I’m just asking to be treated as something more than the 18 year old they think I still am. But when it comes time that I have to be an adult about something and I act like a child about it for even a moment suddenly, I’m immature, not taking things seriously, am ungrateful.
I’m just tired. I’m so tired of always having to be the bigger person when dealing with a 40+ grown man and woman.
They tell me that I’ll understand when I have kids and I don’t think I’ve ever been more terrified to be a future mother in all my life because I don’t want to turn into them.
