cont'd from x | @londonmobx
there's a moment where everything just feels heavy and then a realization comes up to the surface and forces itself upon the recipient. that is currently christopher, thinking about the fact that it had been a few years since they both had sat adjacent each other at the bar. it's almost surreal and he doesn't dare think about the event that lead to them drifting apart. nothing good ever came from him thinking about the fact that he had failed her in every way when she needed anything else but his smothering.
another sip is taken and he just couldn't help but go there. no matter how hard he tried not to think about the fact that he drove her away, he still did it. kept that wound wide open, actively bleeding out because nothing in the world would ever heal it. chris thought about what to say next, not wanting to scare her away. this is the longest they had talked about anything other than work. small talk was forbidden on the ranch, an unofficial rule to avoid another fight or bringing up feelings that shouldn't be occurring.
he leaned back a bit, looking up at the ceiling for a moment. his heart was heavy and he was sweating, but not because of the warmth of the bar, but because he was anxious about ruining this opportunity. this precious opportunity that he never saw coming even though he had daydreamed about it while he worked on the farm. it was safe to say that tessa invaded his mind 24/7, then and now. it was pathetic, he knew it, but he couldn't help it.
i love you... he wants to say it, but he knows the outcome, could see it clearly in his mind and that would devastate him.
"i'm thinking about the juicy burger that's comin' my way..."
he chickened out, of course he did, the risk wasn't worth it. not when he was able to see her angelic face up close, smell that heavenly scent that couldn't be purchased at a store or manufactured in a factory.
i love you...until the end of the world...