@lorebounds asked: ❝ oh, i am one of the monsters. but that just means i can keep all the other monsters from ever hurting you again. ❞ cy @ eito
-> FOR THE “YOU CAN KILL ME BUT DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH THEM” DYNAMICS
a few weeks had passed since the last travelers had stopped by, a few weeks since eito had dared to leave the safety of the grove, let alone allow any outsiders refuge. against his will was he forced to relive what had happened ; the memory replays over and over in eito's mind, sleep does not provide any protection from the onslaught of memories, the god often waking in the night now, clinging to cyrus in his sleep and tears in his eyes.
this was not the first time that eito had been attacked, though it had been quite some time ago since the last. while things like this always leave him shaken up, this is the first to truly plague him, to haunt him. this is the first time that eito has struggled to move past something and he thinks it's because he never saw it coming in the first place. everything had been fine - everyone had been getting on well, they were having fun - until they weren't.
he wracks his brain trying to think of a reason why - why could one person hate him so much that murder was the only thing that had come to mind? eito's existence was one that was not commonly known of - a legend, something told about in children's books. nobody prayed to him anymore as seen by the dilapidated alter toward the back of the grove. eito was a forgotten god, he stayed far from civilization, from war and conflict - what could he have possibly done to incur someone's wrath?
despite his best efforts, the god couldn't let go of what had happened. he wonders what he could've done different, what sparked the attack in the first place - even now he still doesn't know how cyrus had gotten to him in time, how he'd even known that something was wrong in the first place was something far beyond eito's knowledge - but thankful doesn't even begin to describe how he feels that despite everything, cyrus had been there.
eito refused to release the other man for even a second as he was carried home, refused to leave his side even as they bathed in the pond, as the blood and fear of what had just had happened was washing away. even now, weeks on from the attack eito doesn't dare stray from his love's side for too long. perhaps he has become clingy and he worries that it's too much to put on the other, but if cyrus is against eito's reluctance to be away from him then he doesn't show it. dutifully, diligently, he allows eito that space, he has become a safe haven whether he realizes it or not.
"i... i can't stop thinking about it." he murmurs softly, fingers trailing nonsensical patterns upon the other's shoulder. he pointedly avoids looking at cyrus directly - out of fear, out of shame. what sort of god was he if he couldn't even protect himself from threats such as this? what good was he to cyrus if he was dead? "i grew too comfortable or... no, i craved interaction so badly that i became careless, allowed people in who had no right to be here in the first place, who had no right to disturb our peace." he's angry with himself, terribly so. the guilt gnaws away at him, telling the god that his actions could have had far worse consequences ; he put not only himself and the grove in danger, but he put the one person he truly loved in danger as well. not the type of danger that eito faced, but the threat of isolation, of losing eito forever. he may have a been a god, but he could still die by normal means.
how selfish eito had been to put his own childish desires of community and belonging above cyrus himself.
he shifts slightly, uses his forearm to hold himself as he looks down at cyrus who laid comfortably on the bedroll. even seeing him now like this tugs at eito's heart strings in a way that he hasn't felt for so long, to know that his actions, his naivety had forced cyrus to take such drastic measures, to know that cyrus had tried to step in before things escalated but eito hadn't heeded his warning, had continued on as though everything was fine.
stupid. how stupid could he have been to think that after all this time humanity might have changed?
his hand reaches out, fingers tracing his love's face, a soft sigh as he tries to remind himself that while what had happened was horrible - the two of them were fine, they were unharmed. "i worry that... that it's my fault you had to step in. if you had just come with me like you wanted then maybe this wouldn't have happened. if i hadn't let them stay with us then... then you wouldn't have had to... to--" even though he doesn't say the word, the sounds, the smells come rushing back to him in an instant. eito remembers the sound of blood squelching, the air thick with the smell of iron, bones being crushed beneath boot as though it was little effort at all. while eito hadn't seen what exactly cyrus had done, the sounds had stuck with him all the same.
"it was horrible of me to put you in a position like that - it was horrible that you had to do something so monstrous in order to keep me safe. words could never express how sorry i am and i--" pursed lips as the god turns his head off to the side, suddenly feeling as though he'd not even worthy of gazing upon cyrus.
when the other guides him back to look at him, eito is sure he looks pathetic ; all teary-eyed and exhausted, but the way cyrus beholds him feels like he's something more, something worth looking at.
oh, i am one of the monsters. but that just means i can keep all the other monsters from ever hurting you again.
lower lip quivers and it takes all of his energy to stop himself from getting too emotional. to think, after everything, that cyrus still seems him the same, that he thinks eito is worth his protection -- his love. after so long alone, the god can't help but wonder what on earth he'd done right in this life to deserve someone so kind, so caring -- to be loved like this was more than what he ever thought he'd get in this eternal life of his. to be loved like this was a feeling that he would treasure, that he would never take for granted. "--my love, you are no monster." he places his hand over cyrus's own, holds onto it tightly before bringing it to his lips, pressing kisses over calloused hands - hands that had seen far too much death and destruction, hands that had only ever held eito with love and kindness.
"you are no monster - you are everything good in this world, you are my light, my love, you are my home. i would be lost without you." he whispers, "you, cyrus, are all i ever hoped for in this life and so much more."
