#louiiis

[mylarryisfitterthanyours]

Waiting for the SUN to come on stage

[aguuuua]

louuuu 💙❤️‍🩹

[lewithetneil]

Just to be clear, i only care about niall horan and niall horan only :)

[ofharry]

[CALLER ID: Loubear]

Harry: [As soon as he picks up] Okay please don't hang up! Or say anything mean! I'll be quick. I don't want to bother you. I just, I read that you have a baby? Like a real, live baby? A girl? I wanted to congratulate you. You know I always thought, or well, I knew you'd be a great dad, Lou. You're made for it.

[persephoneleblanc]

[text]: You have no clue how I feel so shut up.

[text]: You have no clue how I feel so shut up.

[Text]: Alright? 

[Text]: I don’t want to do this over text..I can’t deal with this right now. 

[riosophelia-blog]

♡ •.° ▌▓ — to: louis.

Dear Lou,

You won’t believe the amount of times I’ve rewritten this letter, at least six, I don’t know, I lost count since it’s been a really long day, at least for me. I asked Peggy, one of the staff members, to send you the already drafted text from my phone to come over two hours after I was gone so you could find this letter on my bed. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I left. It’s been hell here in New York and I wish I could tell you everything and I’m sorry I can’t but it’s for your safety as well for mine. I’ve done my fair share of bad things and one of those was the reason why I even came to the Hamptons in the first place not because I enjoyed these fancy houses or the private beaches or because of vacation. I can think of far better places to spend a break than here but that’s not the point. I’ve never once regretted my actions growing up until this past year and what I’m about to tell you is not something I’m proud of in fact it’s something that makes me want to throw up, it’s shameful and I desperately wish I could take it back but what’s done is done and the only person here that I truly value their opinion of me is you. I don’t care about Cher or Voulez or whoever it is that spilled yours and Payton’s secrets because my life is not their business but my own, it’s not for them to play with or keep me here because they’re holding something over me, I refuse to be a part of that.

So I’ll start. One month before I met you I ended a relationship with a man. You won’t find it online or in any news article about my latest fling or whatever because it was a secret. His name is Jackson and I loved him. He’s a music producer I met in France five months before I ended it, by no means is he French, he’s actually American and had just started his own record company and offered to let me use his studio to record a couple songs and while being there we instantly clicked. He was so handsome, Lou, tall with dark hair and the prettiest brown eyes and a dazzling smile that was absolutely gorgeous. He made me spark up, I was wrapped around his finger as he was in mine and I fell in love for the second time. He was amazing, charming, funny, charismatic, gets and does what he wants and could bring the mood up in a room by just entering. He was very smart too, he was the entire package. Now I had barely turned twenty-one that summer and he was thirty-one years old, a ten year difference but I don’t care much about age, you know this. That didn’t matter to me but he thought I did care and proposed we kept our relationship secret so I wouldn’t get criticized which I found a little absurd but because I loved him I didn’t question him. Instead I fell deeper and deeper for him, we were together and we made music and fuck, we even did a song together after writing one in my hotel suite and if you want to listen to it it’s on my phone in my recordings,the only file there. I never brought myself to delete it because it’s the only thing of him that I have left.  

I’m not going to bore you with anymore details about our relationship only that it was the first time in ages that I truly felt like I found someone who understood me and loved me. I told him everything, he knows things about me that could screw me over and it sucks. There’s no other way to put it, it sucks big time and I’ve tried to be a good person, the things he knows about me were from my past before I came into this world of glamour and ultimate privilege and I’m not complaining about it, I’m fucking lucky that I’m doing something I love but I was also happy when I was in a room full of people who didn’t know my name. I trusted Jackson which was a mistake because he’s married. He has a wife and two kids, little girls of the ages five and four. How the fuck does someone hide something like for a long time is unexplainable but please know that I didn’t know he was married, he didn’t have a ring on when I met him, his friends never said anything about him having a family or children.  I didn’t know. It was a mess, things were said, shit got broken including my stupid heart and because it was stupid I forgave him. He told me him and his wife were having problems that he had plans to file a divorce and we could be together and like a fool I fell for it because I was deeply enamoured with him. And the shameful part is that I stayed with him, I became the other woman I sing about in my songs but I didn’t care because making him happy was my top priority until it wasn’t.

See, a man can stop loving his wife but he can’t stop loving his children. He told me that he was going to go out with them one afternoon, they had come to France to see him and his wife came a long. I didn’t mind it much, he told they were going to speak about the divorce when the girls were distracted at the park but my gut told me not to believe him. Who talks about divorce when your children are a couple feet away? I followed him. To the ice cream parlor first and then the park, his daughters are beautiful and innocent and his wife didn’t look like someone who was about to get a divorce and neither did he. In fact he looked fucking happy, they all did and that’s one thing I could never offer him if his plans for divorce were even real. I can’t offer him children or a family or any of that domestic stuff, I can’t do it, Louis, I’m not like that. I was so angry at him and at myself for sticking around when I knew deep down he wouldn’t leave his family for me, I was just a girl, a singer who’s constantly on the move. That was the second time my heart was shattered to pieces. I left that night, I packed everything and bolted out of the country without letting him or anyone know.

That’s my secret, that’s why I’m here. I hope you don’t think of me any differently considering how your last relationship ended but I don’t blame you if you do. I’m sorry for what I did, for staying with him but I can’t take it back or change it. And at this rate I don’t care if people find out, I have more pressing matters than someone finding out about the shit I sing about being real. It’ll just be another headline for like a week until another scandal comes out and frankly I just don’t care. I’m tired and that’s why I left. I don’t know where I’m going, there’s no way you can reach me since I left my phone behind,shit I even canceled my credit and debit cards. That sounds like I did something bad which I didn’t, I haven’t hurt anyone except myself and I’m sorry if I’m hurting you by leaving so abruptly. That’s not my intention whatsoever. Maybe I’ll end up going home, maybe I’ll end up going anywhere, I have months before I actually have to do shit with my career so there’s that. Maybe I’ll end up coming back tomorrow a week from now, a month. I don’t know. All I know is that I need to put myself first.

I love you, Lou. I really do, I can actually say that you’re my first real friend in this industry and I’ve been in it for nearly four years and you’re the first person I feel like I could trust. You’re my best friend and we’ll see each other again, I promise but it’s going to be a while. I want you to take care of yourself, be happy, do shit for yourself you know. Take care of Bee, give him a kiss for me.

I don’t have much else to say, I’m kind of running out of time. This isn’t goodbye, it’s more of see-you-later type of thing. At least I hope if you don’t think any differently of me or at least not as bad. Okay, I have to go.

I love you.

                                                                                    -- Ophelia.

P.S There’s a red circular box under my bed, inside there’s pictures and little trinkets with a note from my road trip with Kale. Could you please give that to him? Thank you.