I can be long-winded, so let me just dive right in! You want to have access to love?
Here’s 6 ways I think you’ll get its attention:
1. Chill out with the Laziness
Love demands action. Some people in this generation have this sense of entitlement as if people should cater to their needs. It’s like they want a relationship, but they expect everyone else to put in the work while they just reap the benefits. Like really? That’s not how any of this works! Of course you should be confident in what you want & never settle. And of course, you should have a standard for yourself [see #6], but to require this royal treatment… grasshopper, you gotta earn that one. To awaken love, you cannot be lazy throughout the process. You’ve got to be willing to put in the front loading & be intentional about getting to know a person, building trust, and developing a solid foundation. I’m not saying you’ve gotta be this vibrant social butterfly if you’re more chill & whatnot, but you’ve gotta at least strike up conversations, attend events, talk to that guy/girl you think is amazing & actually get your hands dirty. Roll them sleeves up!
2. Bring back genuinely planned dates
In my opinion, a date is only deemed a date when it involves some kind of preparation. I’m not saying you’ve gotta plan it for months, but at least give it some thought. As busy people, no one is just sitting around waiting for someone to ask them out & I refuse to clear my schedule for a date & it’s just flat & wack. If you want to intentionally date someone, you’ve got to prepare. And please, I repeat, PLEASE do not ask someone out the day of & don’t you dare TEXT them! Asking someone out with such short notice & such informality shows me that a.) You don’t value other people’s time, b.) You think that life revolves around you, and c.) You’re not taking it seriously. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for spontaneity & I like texting just like the rest, but when you’re FIRST getting know someone, you know nothing about them. You don’t know if they maybe volunteer in the evenings or they help their grandmother out on Tuesday nights & honestly, texting such an important ask is like sending a love letter on a piece of tissue. I mean it may get read, but I’m sorry it’s going in the trash which equates to your request being denied.
For love to ever awaken in your life, you have to be willing & ready to be vulnerable. You’ve got to go into every relationship open to whatever the outcome is. Of course, the hope is for it to be amazing-and-beautiful-and-healing-and-what-not, but even if it turns bad or turns out it’s not the right season or the right person, you’ve got to be okay with that. Love doesn’t grow where there’s no light. You’ve got to know yourself, I mean TRULY love yourself and be in a place where you will always give love risking-ly because one day something’s gotta stick. Go into love with a newness. Leave baggage in the past. Leave your ex in the past. Leave your hurt in the past. I’m not saying be naive, but for a new love to grow, there’s gotta be a fair playing field. Be brave… even if it isn’t the first time.
4. Fellas, Have Some Follow-Through
You can disagree all you want, but I believe in the beginning of the dating process, the man should initiate & ask the girl out. After a few dates, I have no problem with both parties planning outings because ladies, we’ve gotta step it up too; however, I believe that a man should lead. Just from the way I was raised, I expect the man to command the ship & guide us while I support & give my all to the team. There may be times where as a woman, I’m more experienced in an area or have the skillset to drive & that’s totally fine. We’re not in the June Cleaver days, but there’s nothing more annoying than HAVING to always take control for things to get moving. Ladies, you should not be the only one communicating & keeping the ship afloat because if a man can’t even make decisions about a date, how’s he gonna lead your family? How’s he gonna lead the house spiritually? I wouldn’t dismiss someone off the bat because everything deserves a discussion, but if his follow-through is weak, shoot I start to question what else is weak? Hmm.
5. Ladies, Support, Support, Support
Disclaimer: This is not just a woman’s requirement. Everyone should support each other, but I’m just focusing on the ladies, so don’t come for me! Okay, so back to our regularly scheduled programming…
Ladies! I said, LADIES! We’ve got to be committed to supporting our potential suitor/boyfriend/fiance/husband & encourage him to be the BEST version of himself. Men have it hard enough with this crazy world & as the woman in his life, you should be his peace, his supporter, and his biggest cheerleader. I don’t know everything, but I know that if you stroke a man’s ego, you’ll see him in a whole new light. Others will be coming outta the woodworks like, “How is he so romantic with you? How is he so successful with you? How is he dressing nicer? He was nothing like that with me!” Sorry, sis. Sorry bro. Sorry grandma [Lmao]… but, that sounds like your problem. Because I know for a fact that when a man feels valued & respected, he will do his best to give the one he loves the world. Supporting someone goes a LONG way. And no, I’m not saying you’ve gotta be a straight up stalker-fan, but give a compliment, buy his book, post his new business on your social media, help him with his resume, go to this restaurant opening…Be Engaged. If you want love to grow & enter into new levels & new spaces, support is definitely a nonnegotiable.
People only do what you allow. If you don’t prefer texting, make that known. If you require 1-week’s notice prior to a date, set the tone. If you believe in saving yourself for marriage, then make that clear. I believe when you set the standard for your expectations when it comes to love & relationships, then that person will either run away or pick up what you’re putting down. Ya dig? Standards make this relationship an intentional one, a special one, one that you want to survive & blossom. A lot of times people withhold important information or stay silent about things they have questions/concerns… but, you’ve gotta speak up. If they can’t agree with it, then they can leave. Why would you want to be with someone who silences your voice? You want to be able to be yourself, unapologetically. No limits. No bounds.
Please keep in mind this is solely my opinion, but even if you had all this in tact, remember that love starts with you. Until you truly love yourself & know yourself, you can’t ever fully give yourself to another person. Love compliments. Love supplements. Love magnifies. So to be made whole or complete, you’ve got to know God & you have to find yourself in His word because God is the ONLY answer. Do not put your faith in people to supply your need for love [in its entirety] because people will let you down. It’s not always intentional, but we as human beings fall short just by our make-up. It happens.
And if you don’t get anything else from this post, please know that I’m not telling you to turn into this love-raging lunatic. You don’t need to obsess over finding love or pull out the boom box, serenade love, and turn into Radio Raheem. All I’m saying is, “don’t shy away from love.” In order to awaken love, you’ve got to say hello to it. You’ve got to at least be open to giving it the time of day. I want everyone who desires love to have the opportunity to experience it. Bnd for that to happen, you’ve gotta be o p e n.
Cheers to no longer being afraid of love. Love on, my friend. Love on.
Any other tips you have? Any personal experiences? Let me know!!
From-Your-Favorite-Millennial,
