#low thoughts

[we-are-not-celestial]

Been single for so long I might aswell stay single 😂 relationships seem pretty pointless to me

[dark-jim]

I have to imbibe to stop the pain of not being able to see you every day.

[stayclasssysandiego]

i haven’t written in a while and today i’m addressing my feelings

anxious. a word that was defined to me again and again throughout grade school, middle school, high school. a word that i had always remembered but never understood. a word that i used in papers and my writing to help me get A’s. a word that i couldn’t relate to. 21 years old, senior in college and now, that word uses me. it consumes me and it defines me. i am anxious. i am anxious today, i am anxious in five seconds, in five hours.

everyday brings a new type of anxious. yesterday it could have been heavy and today it may be medium or light. i never know. to my knowledge, the things i have been exposed to and am exposed to have created this environment for me and i am trapped. 

i am anxious about going to my boyfriends and having to put on a smile for his family and friends. act like they are my own family and friends when they are so far from it. i am anxious to go out in public in my hometown. to see anyone i may know who may also know that my mom is on life support in the ICU. but mostly, i am anxious that my mom is going to die. that we’re going to get that call and it’ll all be over. all of this anxiety, worry and stress of the future will shatter and i will be filled with guilt, focused on the past. missing my mommy, remembering things i should and things i shouldn’t. 

[tracobuttons]

Can’t help but feel that I’ll be playing this game of life without a player 2. Man, I haven’t felt this low about being single in a long time 

[stayclasssysandiego]

Considering going to work high so that it will be easier to deal with my insanely bitchy coworker

[orecxl]

always thinking high thoughts.