Jan 26, 2024
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Time to change.
I knew that I was a good observer all these times and I was bad at execution. Fear of rejection and getting destructive criticism all through my childhood made me bad and fearful about it. I wished to be a part of society, but never able to because my country is full of hatred, ignorance and arrogance, and also I was degenerated by my horrible dad. I was stuck at observing and thinking but not taking a step. I was getting back to brain masturbation and soul searching and I was thinking that this is because of world is rotten. Yeah it is true in some kinda way but you can't change it from the bottom. You cant win the game without playing it. gotta get to the top, while getting there I will try not to crush people, but I will crush them, for sure. Sorry about this already. I will wear that jacket of "fascism".
I may not change anyone or anything. But I see that the nature of humanity is pretty basic and primitive. And my whole life, the only thing I knew ethically was; I shouldnt be unfair, at all costs. But nowadays, I see that nobody is doing this. I see that modern culture adds a lot of these complicated patterns to the human nature that gives them really bizarre ethical and rational problems. Today I realized I was all alone.
Desire of reproduction and socialization is a reality. But I am not fitting anywhere. Im all over myself and my brain today. Learned and found out a lot of stuff about myself but I just cant take a wider and stable look at it. But I will. And change is imminent. I am so sorry and unhappy about the stuff I will lose to go through this journey, but I guess this is the part I'm getting old. I am somehow changing to what I used to say I will never will. But I am still not sure about this. Still have hope I guess, about not being principled, being open about anything. But this is not the game primates wanna play. So I will fight with dignity, but I will fight. I hope these 2 legged monkeys get a grip on their selves in the next 1000 years, I hope next generations dont need to go through all this not-complete-modernity.
I hate it, but I guess this is the way, it was the way.
Fucking sperms and eggs, fucking lizard brains, fucking animals without anything superior in their heads. Fucking self lying, self-righteous primitive monkeys. I hope this turns out to be Ubermens killing homosapiens in next generations.
"Low Self Opinion"—ROLLINS BAND
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o28dyt7w3As&feature=share If you could see the you that I see When I see you seeing me You'd see yourself so differently Believe me
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