Things I'll never say
You asked me a 'if' question before and I answered with some ambiguous nonsense. I know I am the only one to blame here. I'm so sorry. But you know what? I think it's better this way. We've been through this before and we weren't successful because there were things I never told you and those things scared me the most. I wasn't honest before and you don't deserve that.
I know you are mad, furious even. I caused you pain since the day I said 'yes' and destroyed you the day I told you to 'stop'. I keep telling myself I did you a favor. However, I sometimes imagine what could have happened if I told you the things I should have said and untold you the things I had said.
It may be too late now for those things. I'll just keeping saying to myself that 'it's better this way'.
This is the best thing I can do for him.