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my top ten angsty macdennis moments

in no particular order

1. the family fight breakdown

dennis’ breakdown is already painful enough. he’s only sobbed like this a handful of times. but it’s made worse by mac’s tender looks of concern.

2. the gang misses the boat

this is the second time going their separate ways has been pretty detrimental to their individual selves, but this time is particularly bad. both of them crack without the other to hold them up. mac gives into his deep-seated internalized homophobia and directly denies himself the freedom to be out and open by ignoring his own self-realization and putting up a front with dusty to convince the gang, and thereby himself, that he can be straight. dennis tries and fails to get ahold of his unstable moods, particularly his anger. he’s fresh off being diagnosed with bpd and it’s clear that he’s going through his own self-realization and denial patterns. after he finally blows up he’s immediately struck by self-loathing and cries his makeup off. mac is usually his comfort in times like this, but after mac goes off with dusty, dennis is left to skulk off alone.

3. charlie’s mom has cancer depressive episode

i’ve already made a separate post about this, but dennis hits rock bottom in this episode. plagued by one of his depressive episodes, he tries to get himself to feel things. mac is there the entire time, and when dennis gives his great, empowered speech, mac can’t help but burst with pride. he tells dennis this, to which dennis responds, with an extremely pained expression on his face that he meant none of it and he still feels nothing. mac is immediately concerned again. given evidence of dennis’ other depressive episodes: see mac fights gay marriage and dennis gets divorced, there is a clear routine at work. dennis has been severely depressed since his rape in adolescence, and there’s no doubt in my mind that this is a regular thing. dennis sinks into himself, gets impulsive, does reckless and self-injurious things, and mac is there when it’s all said and done to take care of him

4. luther's letters

mac finds out dennis has been hiding letters from luther. knowing how desperate mac is for his father’s love and undeniably projecting his feelings regarding frank, dennis thinks he’s doing something good by keeping these letters, which are mostly requests for mac to smuggle drugs, from him. of course, mac is rightfully furious, but he doesn’t have the strength to fight dennis so he just… gives up. of course dennis tries to apologize, but given how distorted his ability to express emotions is, he has to use the fucking onion to make himself cry. this probably would have worked if charlie hadn’t seen it and pointed it out.

5. dennis’ idealization/devaluation in mac and dennis move to the suburbs

dennis’ bpd rears its ugly head in his relationship with mac in such an extreme way. one of the major symptoms in interpersonal relationships for brpd is idealization and devaluation, wherein the person with bpd goes through a pattern of putting their partner on an extremely high pedestal, making up extreme expectations for them and when they can’t meet them, turning and intensely hating and despising them. dennis does this to mac throughout the entire episode, making mac his trophy husband in his mind. but because that’s just not who mac is, he can’t live up to dennis’ expectations, and when he doesn’t, when he cracks too, dennis lashes out and spews hatred at him.

6. fat mac vs. anorexic dennis

this is so underrated in terms of angst, but in frank’s pretty woman, dennis hella projects his body image issues onto fat mac, who is actually quite comfortable with the way he looks. dennis, no doubt outraged by this, envious of the fact that mac can just /live/ in his body, turns and makes it his mission to keep mac healthy. mac fis of course, not healthy, but neither is dennis. his anorexia is catching up to him and they find out he’s done some serious damage to his bofdy. he almost faints, which pushes mac to take care of him in return.

7. mac saving dennis from an abusive frank in the gang gets whacked

we don’t find out about dennis’ rape trauma until several seasons later but damn, retrospectively these two episodes are the worst. he was raped by an older woman at a young age, and the women he specifically caters to as a prostitute are middle-aged or older women. the gang talked a lot about stockholm syndrome in the gang gets held hostage but dennis experiences it in these episodes on a nearly textbook level. not only does frank psychologically abuse dennis in these episodes, but he physically abuses dennis as well. tied in by his rape trauma and pre-existing issues witfh disordered eating, dennis is easily manipulated by frank. mac is the one to snap him out of this and comfort him when reality comes crashing back. these episodes also make me wonder how often this kind of thing happened during dennis’ adolescence. if mac was always his go-to when frank was being particularly horrible.

8. the how mac got fat breakdown

dennis suffers another severe breakdown in this episode. in the face of success, his insecurities and self-loathing get the better of him as he tries to achieve physical perfection, not only for himself, but as he puts it, to live up to the gang’s expectations of him. of course we all know the gang does not have these expectations, but when dennis fails to meet them, he becomes severely depressed and turns to getting high with charlie. mac displays more tender concern for him in this ep.

9. the high school reunion fiasco

so much happens in these eps. so much. we see dennis facing his god complex, coming to terms with his own distorted image of himself, completely fucking losing it. AND THEN he finds out mac slept with his prom date. the ultimate betrayal of them all. dennis is already severely shaken by his own denial of being a complete loser and being generally hated by his peers in high school and present, and finding out the truth about mac and his prom date is just the fucking icing on the cake.

10. mac day

dennis gets a taste of what he really wants with country mac. country mac is everything city mac has the potential to be, but isn’t because he lives in such a severe state of denial. dennis is able to enjoy himself with country mac, who is free and open, who smokes weed with them and isn’t afraid to be super gay in their presence. city mac has his head so far up his ass and it infuriates dennis because dennis just wants mac to be real with himself, and quite honestly i also believe dennis just wants to be able to have a free and open relationship with him too.

#i have so many feelings by #macdennis #text #macdennis week

my fav angsty moment is after family fight when dennis is watching his breakdown and mac is real sad for him but also i love the entirety of the gang misses the boat because dennis and mac are so bad without each other. dennis’ bpd ramps the hell up and mac pushes himself farther into the closet and everything is horrible. and like dennis just completely breaks when mac feeds into his denial and im sad

#macdennis week #text