Velma Review, Episode 1: "Pilot"
Frustrated by a lack of proper, unbiased review, I thought I'd give it a whirl. I want to start this off with my mission statement with this show: Velma isn't a good show. I'd say it's rather mid. But I want to treat this as its own beast- I'm tired of people who would rather compare this show to other Scooby Doo shows and movies. Each is unique, and each should be judged individually.
As such, I wanna give this the proper review status, with things like a Synopsis, Character Introduction, Fun Tidbits, and a final review out of ten points. Basically, this bitch is gonna be long, so get ready.
SYNOPSIS
We open on a monologue by Velma (voiced by Mindy Kaling) explaining that this series is telling the story of how she recruited the mystery solving gang while getting ready for school. It's implied that she wants to tell said tale because she's tired of people assuming it was Fred who began the group.
"Yeah, it was me! Not Fred and his weird sex van. This is my story, told my way. And it starts with a murder, bitch."
Cutting to the school locker room, we see Daphne (voiced by Constance Wu) and some other girls getting ready to shower. The team casually discuss how pilot episodes tend to have more nudity and sex than the rest of the series and how they don't like it. One of the girls, Krista, disagrees and causes an argument with Daphne, claiming that Daphne's favorite part of the Riverdale pilot was Betty and Veronica kissing. Daphne claims that it was "because it was immediately called out as tired in the scene!"
Velma enters with a hoodie and a cane, knocking Daphne out of the showers. She demands to know her opinions on race-point casting in a creepy, distorted voice (callout to Mystery Incorporated?). Daphne gives a very complicated but overall positive response that seems to impress Velma, who pulls off her mask.
"Velma! What the hell, you almost killed me!" "Guess I didn't try hard enough." "See? Now, if this was a show, it'd be super hot if you two kissed." "Krista, if this was a show, you'd be killed off for being horny."
Velma opens her locker to reveal Brenda, the first victim of the serial killer. Though at first assumed to be a prank, Brenda falls out of the locker. Her head opens up to reveal her brain has been removed.
It being her locker, and Velma being pretty damn suspect as it is, she's quickly carted off to questioning. Velma begins to hallucinate as a withered hand digs into her shoulder, demanding to know who killed Brenda. She's shocked out of it by Donna and Linda (voiced by Jane Lynch and Wanda Sykes, respectively) who are the town's local police officers as well as Daphne's mothers.
We soon find out two things. 1.) Donna and Linda, while nice people, are shit detectives, and 2.) Velma's mother, Diya, has been missing for two years.
Donna and Linda lament that they miss seeing Velma around their home, despite Velma's bitter attitude and rudeness. Velma blames Daphne for their friendship falling apart, stating that, "Daphne got hot and ditched me."
The detectives ask Velma for help, stating that they're fully aware that they aren't the best at this. Velma refuses. Donna and Linda tell her that she's likely to go to prison if she doesn't, then leave after telling her they miss having her around and to say hi to her father and mother- who, again, is missing.
"I could kill them all!... Okay, I see how this looks bad."
Velma runs into Fred (voiced by Glenn Howerton) and Daphne outside of the police station. Daphne is breaking the news of Brenda's death to him, and very clearly states she believes Velma committed the murder.
Velma tries to argue her innocence, but falls into another hallucination.
Returning home, Velma complains about her predicament to her father, Aman (voiced by Russell Peters), who is quick to point out that her suspicious behavior at school is likely why she's to blame.
Aman is a lawyer, and has recently started up a relationship with Sophie, the owner of a local malt shop. He's done this despite still technically being married to Diya, which has caused a lot of contention in the family. It doesn't help matters that Sophie is pregnant.
"Well, I have to go prepare myself for prison. Not that you care."
Sophie's gotten Velma a job at her malt shop, seemingly out of the kindness of her heart, as she shows no upset when Velma is visibly repulsed and storms out.
Brenda's friends hold a sort of eulogy at the malt shop. While it's unclear what Brenda was like outside of school, we're given the vibe that she was a kind person who was well-liked among her peers. "My Pony" by Ginuwine is sung in her honor.
Daphne once again blames Velma for the murder, waving around the evidence folder Donna and Linda had brought to the interrogation. Velma leaves in a huff.
Starting to hallucinate once again, Velma bangs on the door, only to be interrupted by Fred. Fred explains that he's trying to "man up" to gain the respect of his abusive father, and he'd fled his home to cry alone. Velma, emboldened by his honesty, begins to tell the tale of her own mother.
Diya Dinkley, according to Velma, was a mystery writer. She would give Velma little mysteries to solve in order to keep her out of her hair. We soon begin to realize that Diya was likely not as wholesome as Velma seems to recall, as her "mysteries" were things like Velma finding her smoking or bringing her more whiskey.
After finding her Christmas presents early, Diya supposedly went to the store to grab her something fresh to unwrap. She never returned. Her car was later found with her glasses and a gift inside. Velma blames herself for her mother's disappearance, and has begun having hallucinations out of what she has diagnosed as guilt rather than unchecked mental illness. (Yes, I know, we'll get to that later)
Shaggy (voiced by Sam Richardson) appears, causing Fred to flee out of social pressure. He claims to know who the killer is. Then, once they're together, he admits he doesn't, but he knows how they can figure it out.
Norville runs the school paper. He explains that he'd been running a little investigation into the malt shop Sophie owns, as he felt it might be a drug front. He assigned Brenda to the job. Brenda stated she caught something strange on camera, but never extrapolated as to what. Now she's dead, and the camera- an expensive piece of equipment, as Norville keeps insisting- has gone missing. Velma suddenly recalls that Sophie just got a new camera.
"If I find your camera on Sophie, I'd solve Brenda's murder and send Sophie to jail. It's a win-win!"
"Or, maybe we could find the camera... together?"
The camera, of course, is a dud. Aman admits that Sophie takes pictures of other peoples' babies for extra cash, hence the new camera. It's a work item.
As Velma tries to ask deeper into things, the hallucinations start up again, worse than ever before. She ends up convulsing on the ground and is implied to have almost died. Aman is more worried about the camera. Sophie, recognizing her distress, pounds on her chest and manages to bring her out of it.
Aman apologizes, implying that he'd never believed her about said hallucinations before- an ongoing problem for two years now, completely unchecked. He also tries to remind Velma that Diya didn't disappear. She left them.
We then see the same flashbacks, but from a wildly different perspective. She found Diya smoking and accidentally sent the cigarette into her eye. She brought the whiskey but, curious, had some, leading her to break the laptop and the bottle. Her drawings were across important pages of her newest book. Velma throws out her unwrapped present and goes inside.
This tells us exactly one thing: Velma's perceptions of the past cannot be trusted in any circumstance, even now.
Velma tries to push away lingering suspicion by coming into school the next day looking "free of any guilt". It goes well at first, but she's eventually called out and pelted with various foods and insults.
Fred, inspired by her backstory, steps forward and commands the popular kids to chill the fuck out. He makes a piss-poor speech about how, even though Velma is a bit odd, she's not someone capable of murder. Everyone eventually agrees, bolstered by Fred.
Daphne corners Velma in the bathroom, accusing her of trying to steal Fred's attention. Velma denies this, though admits she wouldn't pass on a nude of him.
"Fred? Naked? Hilarious. We've been dating for a year and he still won't take his pants off."
"A year?... Is he gay?"
"I've haven't heard that rumor."
After being told Fred kicks everyone out of the bathroom at the malt shop to pee, Velma drags Shaggy off to visit his house. Shaggy questions the validity of Fred murdering Brenda for something as small as an accidental dick pic, but Velma shrugs it off.
Velma breaks into Fred's house and starts to hallucinate, something she assumed would stop now that her guilt about Diya's vanishing has gone down. Shaggy is on the phone with her as she struggles not to have a heart attack.
Shaggy reveals he has romantic feelings towards Velma after she claims no one likes her. Velma assumes this is a joke.
"What? No you don't. You're like a brother to me. That's hilarious."
The humor keeps her mind off things long enough to have the hallucinations die down a little, and she gets to work. She quickly locates Brenda's camera but finds nothing but various teens hooking up.
Fred appears from the shower, explaining that Brenda also photographed his legs.
Fred explains that he has yet to go through puberty. It's a deep embarrassment to his family, and they've gone to great lengths to hide such a thing. Brenda having a photo showing said lack of growth could very well have made him the laughingstock.
"It's okay! I'm just gonna do to you what I did to Brenda."
Fred reaches into his robe, but before he can finish his thought he's shot in both legs by Donna and Linda. They'd popped by when they saw Norville's car parked outside and heard everything.
They arrest Fred, who seems to be baffled. He seems genuinely hurt that Velma assumed he was going to kill her. He'd been pulling out a pocket book- to pay her off.
Shaggy and Velma talk on the walk home. Norville asks why she's still hallucinating if she no longer feels any guilt, and Velma replies that she does, deep down. She doesn't believe Diya would just leave her, no matter how frustrating she was a child.
Spotting roaches crawling on a recycling bin, Norville opens the lid to find Krista's corpse. She's also lacking a brain. The episode ends.
CHARACTER INTRODUCTIONS
We meet a whole slew of characters this episode. As such, it feels important to make a little blurb on each of them. This will be long, but it shouldn't ever be this long again. Swings and Roundabouts.
Velma Dinkley is around 14-18. It's not been made clear exactly how old she is. She's moody, judgmental, and suffering from unchecked mental illness.
Velma's mental illness is both an important context to the show, but also a strangely gaping problem. No one believed Velma about her hallucinations until recently (except for Norville and Sophie). Her own father dismissed them for two years and shows no signs of trying to get her help when he finally does believe her.
They almost kill her twice in one episode and yet no one around her seems to think it wise to call a doctor or see about avoidance strategies. Her lack of assistance has led to an inflated lone wolf complex, where she honestly thinks she has to do this herself and no one can help her.
Velma has psychosis. She's at the right age to start seeing mental issues crop up in her life, and this is around the time when people start noticing signs of this issue. Yet no one has even considered getting her mental help, or a therapist, or- I dunno, at least looking up ways to help her through the delusions? She's been left to rot with hands crawling under her skin.
Daphne Blake, same age as Velma. Intelligent, meticulous, and a bit petty. Her spite with Velma runs deep, and it causes her to lash out at the girl quite often. That said, it seems she misses Velma more than she lets on- her constant badgering of Velma never seems to cross the line, and their back and forth is honestly the best joke in the episode.
Shaggy Rodgers. Going by his birth name in this show, Norville is a reporter, an anti-drug activist, and potential long-time friend of Velma with a crush. Though a bit clingy, it comes across more as just general ditziness than anything malicious. Their friendship is mostly one-sided, with Velma using him for rides or math homework, and Norville seems to realize that, though he never sticks up for himself.
Fred Jones. Rich, entitled, and a literal man-child, Fred is both surprisingly kind and EXTREMELY rude mixed into one package. It's clear that his family's abuse has run deep in him, and they've allowed him to basically be a giant baby. No one's ever given him a slap on the face to wake him up. But once he gets to know Velma, he goes out of his way to defend her, and seems more surprised than angry when Velma assumes him guilty of the murder.
I do see some form of arc coming with Fred. It's clear he wants to be better, be "the man" his father wants, and I think eventually it will culminate into... something. I'm not saying the arc will be well-written, but I am expecting something from the hints they've dropped.
Aman and Sophie. Sophie feels younger than Aman to me? Not by, like, a lot, but her mishandled hashtags and wine shirts give me "out of touch 30s-40s" vibes, and Aman reads as like. Late 40s, early 50s?
Regardless, it's clear that Sophie (though a bit ditzy and sometimes even insulting to Velma) is the one doing the heavy lifting in the parenting department. She tries to get Velma a job but doesn't have a fit when she quits. She recognizes her hallucinations and is quick to act. She's not upset when Velma coughs on her while regaining her breath. It feels less like her trying to be a mom and more like a weird, somewhat supportive older sister dynamic.
Aman, meanwhile, is focused on his work. As a lawyer, he has long hours and a lot of shit on his plate. He's basically ignored Velma entirely, giving her no assistance when the cops threaten her with jail time. When Diya left that night to get gifts, he "reminds" her to get him something too.
Donna and Linda seem like cool wine aunts to Velma, and though they're terrible police officers it's clear they're good mothers. Not much to say on them, really, besides the fact they shoot Fred in his legs which was some level of brutality when Fred was weak enough for a tackle or taser.
Diya is both a character in this episode and not, but she's important to the plot. Velma's memories of her are clearly skewed- at the beginning it's glorification, then it's demonization, then it wraps around into some form of both.
I want to be clear that the show itself is clearly implying that Diya DID vanish. If she was leaving Aman than why the found car? Why leave her glasses behind? It wouldn't be difficult to crash on a friend's couch and start the divorce paperwork. For all of Aman's iffy traits, there's nothing implying abusive tendencies that would make her feel the need to flee. Something did happen to Diya.
But, while I agree with Velma's perspective on the case, I want to remind that Velma's perceptions are clearly VERY flawed. We really don't know Diya Dinkley. Psychosis has a habit of affecting memory and the process of new information, and it's very likely that those two combined has altered her ability to explain her mother's character to us, the audience.
Here's what we actually know about Diya: she was a mystery novelist. She drank and smoked. She left an unopened gift box and her glasses in the car. The car was stashed in some bushes.
Something did happen to Diya, but her character, her reasons, and her nature are completely null and void to us as an audience. We can't trust Diya as a person. We can't trust much of anything told to us about her from Velma or Aman, as he clearly is living in denial. It's hard to say where that will lead us from here.
FUN TIDBITS
We have no active proof that the popular girls have ever bullied Velma. The only photos we saw are of Velma spilling ice cream and people laughing about it. They said nothing during the bathroom scene, and none of them mock Velma when she gives her input.
One of the books on Velma's shelf is "SCUBA: Do's and Don't's"- maybe she dives on weekends?
Crystal Cove is the name of the town, originally from Scooby Doo Mystery Incorporated.
Velma was labelled "Most Revengey" in the school yearbook.
Also, since the glasses were originally Diya's, has she been wearing a prescription she doesn't need for two years?
That damn gift still hasn't been opened and it feels like it should've been taken as evidence by now
FINAL REVIEW
Velma's pilot is... bumpy. Rough. Kind of a dumpster fire, honestly. But if you can ignore the self-referential humor, it's actually not as bad as other stuff I've watched. The animation is solid- especially the hallucinations- so shoutout to the team for doing good work with an iffy script. The voice acting is really good minus a few hiccups, but usually only on phrases that I can't imagine saying with a straight face either. The plot isn't exactly inspired, but I am curious to see where they're going to take it, and who will be unmasked as the serial killer. Also, to find out what the fuck they're doing with those brains. Trophies? Gross.
Score: 4/10, not the best but could be WAAAAAAYYY worse.
