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You Make Me Brave

He is truly working powerfully in Baltimore, this broken city, where the brokenness stems not only from drug addiction, violence, murder, poverty, but also from riches, from achievement, from the lies the Enemy feeds us, from so many souls living life without a greater purpose, there is so much sorrow and hurt that can come into a life separate from God. Here are some stories from Baltimore, just little glimpses that I've seen the past week. I truly thank God that I could even hear these testimonies, which time and time reminded me again of God's unending love, His waves of mercy, and His grace that cannot be broken by the world. He is the light of the world:

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." (John 1:5)

Story from Hampden, Baltimore

On Friday, I went to a potluck dinner at my pastor's house, open to everyone at our church (which isn't that big). On the way out, I gave Peter (not his real name) a ride back home, as he lived in the surrounding community. We talked, and he shared pretty casually about the drug problems in the area and how the drug dealers would often give out "free samples" every time they got a new product, which was like "every other day." One time, after serving awhile in prison, he got out, was clean for awhile, tried one of these samples, and it based messed him up for "3 or 4 years." Back then, he was a drug addict and also a pimp, and had a few strippers he pimped out.

One day, I think because of overdose on drugs, he nearly died, and his arms were all messed up, and it was bad because even those aforementioned strippers left him. He stated how he was on a stretcher (probably to/in the hospital), and felt like he was going die. Everything went black, and he felt like he was just going to collapse down, through the stretcher (though he never actually did). Peter said how at that point, he truly experienced what he felt “hell was like,” the total separation from God, and it brought so much fear, it was an unmentionably fearful feeling, experience. He didn’t even go to church before at the time, but at the time he knew no other words to put it than, the feeling of being “totally separated from God.” Even as he shared, he started tearing up a little bit, and said he would always cry/shed tears at the thought of that moment whenever he’d re-tell it again. At that point, he felt he knew who was in charge, that God had given him a second chance in his life, surviving that event, to turn his life around. At that point, he knew for sure there was a hell, with unspeakable pain in being separated from the Father, from His love. Yet he also knew that if there was a hell, then there’s got to be a heaven as well. At that point, he realized, and knew who was in charge – not himself, but God.

He also found out about the our church when they were giving out free lunches one Easter as an outreach event, and started coming since. He now goes to a rehab place in the neighborhood, where they give him regulated, progressively smaller doses of methodone to eventually get him off of the drug in a more natural way then quitting (which is a terrible, painful experience).

Story from Johns Hopkins

This Monday, at Hopkins Grad Christian fellowship, a professor from the School of Public Health came to share some testimony, and to give witness to the power and the Joy of the Holy Spirit who has led her life and at Hopkins. This was COMPLETELY unexpected, as I didn't know how/when/if I could encounter prayer warriors like this person in my professional setting, much less a faculty!

After graduating from undergrad, she planned to be a missionary, being in public health/professor was the last thing on her mind. She grew up in a "normal" Christian church in India, but through two years of applying and waiting, God had closed so many doors in her life. In those years, she did much prayer and fasting, and was strengthened in knowledge and experience of the Holy Spirit, as she realized that listening to and following the Holy Spirit brought true peace, though the plans were completely unthought of and wild compared to her expectations of her own life! God led her to apply to Hopkins for grad school, a school she had then never heard of, in a city (Baltimore) she did not know.

After experiencing the Holy Spirit, she began to witness true revival, an outpouring of the Holy Spirit working in her midst; she studied with students of many different nationalities: Palestinians, Kenyans, etc. And by her testimony over 300 people got saved, that she knew of; she knew that there was no way man could start such a revival as this. It was the work of the Holy Spirit, who was working and stirring in the hearts of those students, stirring in them a desire to know and have fellowship with God.

One time, she was studying for a biostatistics exam the next day, when the Holy Spirit told her to go down to this one (Kenyan? Nigerian?) girl on the floor below. She was a little exasperated, since she had the (probably pretty hard) biostatistics final tomorrow! But she went down, and started talking to this girl God led her to, and realized her mom had recently just died, and she was in sorrow and mourning, wavering between the idea of going back to her country or not. So the day before the exam, she just sat with this girl and talked to her for an entire day, leading her to Christ, as God had done through her for several other international students, bringing them into her own church community as well.

Also shared how she knew some Kenyan friends who were saved, and afterwards went back their own countries to spread the Gospel. They went also to more remote villages, who did not speak their language and began speaking with a funny accent or something. After awhile, they realized that they were actually speaking the language of

the village(s) they went to, despite not knowing the language beforehand! They were speaking in tongues, and the Holy Spirit was giving them utterance, so that they could speak the language of the village(s), though they didn’t know it beforehand! (For anyone who went to Alabaster, this is further evidence and testimony corroborating to some of the similar events described in “Voice of the Night” by Pastor Surprise Sithole)

One thing she said that really struck me, and sent chills down my spine, in a view for revival at Hopkins: “Unlike Yale, Harvard, Oxford, or Princeton, which were founded as seminaries, Johns Hopkins University was founded as a secular institution, a research university. But though Hopkins didn’t start as a seminary, I hope it can end as a seminary, where people from all over the world come to get advanced academic training, and in the process come to KNOW Jesus Christ.”

My Own thoughts (trying to be brief)

I share these testimonies, glimpses with you hopefully as a way to bring encouragement, and a reminder of the REALITY of our God's love - He loves us too much not to care, not to act! Though you might be living through depression, dry seasons, mourning, you must remember that He is faithful to the end, that ALL things work together for good for of His children, whom He loves.

As I spend more time in Baltimore, I thank God for how faithfully he's led me, but have also come to know more clearly how little my faith really is. I desire revival, salvations at Hopkins, but often only half-heartedly, like the seed planted in the rocky soil. I still struggle with the praise of man, with desires to be liked/acceptance, with various temptations. In this, I realize more and more how true faithfulness lies in not even being a tool for God, for tools know what they're gonna be used for; we are truly conduits for God, as Jonathan Rainous stated in May 2012 during his Princeton visit. I pray that our hearts would continue to soften and let the Holy Spirit lead our lives, that our lives would no longer be micromanaged by our every little desire, every expectation we have; I confess that I have struggled with this much at Hopkins too. But I believe in the testimony I have over and over again in different ways in this city: there is TRUE JOY and PEACE in being led by the Holy Spirit, and by the Good Shepherd, who laid down His life for us, who is faithful, who will lead us back to our true home, who called us out upon the waters.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UglO7SGUWk ^ Last point. At around 3:00 it goes:

"You make me brave, you make me brave, you call me out beyond the shores into the waves; no fear can hinder now the love that made a way."

I can't help but imagine Peter (the disciple), who had so much fear and trembling as he walked upon the waves when Jesus called him in the Sea of Galilee. He had the human "boldness" to take out his sword and strike down the servant's ear to protect Jesus, yet in fear and trembling denied Jesus three times as He was led to be sentenced. Yet upon Peter Jesus chose to build His church. In seeing the empty tomb, in seeing Jesus Christ resurrected and victorious over death, and with the Holy Spirit poured out upon him, equipping him and strengthening him as an apostle on the Day of Pentecost, Peter's heart of fear and cowardice and trembling were turned into wonder, and boldness, and a passionate love for Jesus, for the sharing of the Gospel, for living a life utterly laid down for the one who loved Him - no lies of man, no lies of the Enemy, no fear, no shame, no trembling could hold him back from proclaiming and living out the Good News with boldness, humility, and love. We too live in the legacy of all the saints, the faithful who have lived before us; we live too in the legacy of Peter, the legacy which Jesus Christ started.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses (and testimony, and the love of those who have patiently poured into our lives), let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith."

#manna sd

Worship and Prayer: Battle Songs

Hey guys, it's been quite a hectic first week here at Hopkins (with first week of classes over). I don't think I've ever taken this many class hours even in my busiest semester at Princeton, and there's a quarter system (4 quarters in a year, 8 weeks each), so it feels like everything is just flying by with psets, readings, assignments, and assessments. I feel like I'm maneuvering through an asteroid field (like one of those you see in movies, not real ones because those are actually much more sparse!) high-speed, just trying to dodge all these obstacles, occasionally getting hit, every day. Also, Hopkins has two campuses if you don't know, and I'm taking my classes this year at the Medical campus (even health econ/stats classes), which is about a 25 min. shuttle ride from the main undergrad campus (where David and I live).

Do you guys remember the Large Group our senior year when David Kong gave his testimony? That day was a great blessing to me. Anyway, every day, when I finally take the shuttle back and enter into the apartment, I basically just want to fall face down on my bed/floor, as David Kong described, and just pray, in thanksgiving, in desperation, and sometimes for others and the campus. I remember that for most of the summer, and to be honest even during Princeton years, it's been relatively hard for me to just spontaneously pray by myself, with a serious, heart-pouring train of thought.

Last week, at the church David, Long Duong and I went to, the pastor said towards the end of the service: "Worship isn't supposed to be a Christian karaoke. It's supposed to be an outpouring of your heart to God." In so many times during the day, at home, and on the shuttle, with "groanings too deep for words", I can't help but sing, usually quietly to myself or in my head and pray too, often without an agenda or guideline. These very pretty rare for me at Princeton. Suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, character produces hope; you are probably familiar with this idea and message of Paul. I hope that for all of you (myself included), that any challenging times you face may produce a new song - true worship, praise, and prayer from the bottom of your heart.

I think it'd be great for us to know each other's prayer requests and praises, that we may continue to intercede and give thanks for each other in the name of God, especially in a new year, as we are all sent out from Princeton. If you share with me, I'd love to pray for you. Obviously you shouldn't feel pressured to share with me or the whole class (maybe a particular subset or particular gender is better), but I think that God really listens to our prayers and answers them, and this recognition and observance is crucial for us in building our knowledge and trust of Him (especially when He "answers" in a way we were not expecting, or with something orthogonal to our heart's original desires).

I pray that for all of us, even as we get more used to (or have become more used to) our new living/working situations, we may continue to grow in Him, in total reliance on Him (in dark and in joyful times), giving Him all thanks and praise. Truly, I pray that we can really understand and act upon the fact that HE is the one who gives us the power to live a life laid down for Him, that HE gives us the power to be holy, to be sober, to love, to worship, to endure when we believe otherwise.

"His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence." 2 Peter 1:3 (I remember this verse from James Martin)

Finally, thanks Isabelle, for your previous post; very crucial reminder. A song I've been playing/sometimes singing a lot to get me through the is Jesus, Lover of My Soul by Hillsong United; “worship you, My Lord, until the very end." You might dislike Hillsong‘s style or other things - whatever the case, find what helps you worship and praise!

#manna sd

"For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” -Galatians 5:13-14

Happy belated Fourth of July, everyone! As I was restless on the plane back to the US from Beijing, I decided to do a daily devo and was at the end of Galatians. Anyway, not much to say here, other than that for me, it's easy to forget what the word "freedom" can and might truly mean. Many times, I am cynical of the way "freedom" is packaged in media, portrayed, ridiculed, satirized, and the way I often take my freedom as very much for granted. But thank God, for what we've began to learn from Gospel Worldview! In GWV freedom, there is hope and joy, selflessness and love.

#manna sd #freedom

A bit of God's work in China

Somehow, I've been able to access the tumblr page today in China! (which previously hasn't worked, even with the Princeton VPN to jump over the firewall). Also, this is my first post - the others in my name on the tumblr were posted by others (thanks for the shout-outs, though!)

I've been very encouraged, in all honesty, by all the posts that I've read, which you've posted; it's been a very unexpected blessing in my day as I type this from my grandparents' former apartment, where I lived until I came to the US.

Today, my cousin (my age) was baptized in her parent's apartment by Pastor Zhu (~age 45), who was good friends with my grandmother and served at the Catholic church close to where my grandparents lived. This pastor was an integral shepherd in my family, caring for my grandmother in her sickness, baptizing my mother, my father (later on), and some of my other cousins as well. 4 years ago, he was sent out from Hohhot (the capital of Inner Mongolia) to the countryside to serve two churches; at that time, when I had last visited China, he seemed to be weary and burdened by this challenge, in being "sent down" (in the Mainland, the non-underground church is influenced somewhat by the gov't).

But this time, his countenance was cheerful, and I felt the spirit of joy and rejoice in the Lord near his presence. He told stories of evangelism in the Chinese countryside, preaching to and baptizing around 30-40 people every year for the past few years and spending time serving two little churches in small villages. In the countryside, he had greater liberty to evangelize within the church and the homes of others, and rejoiced truly at the salvation of every person. Today he traveled several hours, going out of his way, to come into the capital just to baptize my cousin. He spoke of the hope of unity of the Protestant and Catholic churches, of boldness of the underground churches in Inner Mongolia, and of life for Christ and him crucified as foremost.

My granduncle, not yet a believer and also usually very frank and straightforward in his remarks, praised the baptism ceremony, as well as the steadfast faith of Pastor Zhu and of my aunt. I literally never thought I'd see the day he would say these things.

When I first came to China, I got the sickest I've been since before college, and even after feeling better, felt so distracted and unable to focus on my daily devotionals, prayers, etc. At times I felt a sense of hopelessness and defeat walking around, seeing so many faces who did not know the gospel, and I had no boldness or true conviction of faith to speak or do otherwise. But today, in one baptism, in one pastor, in one remark, I see hope, and I believe that He is continuously working powerfully behind the scenes of that which is seen. Thank you Jesus.

#manna sd #China

"In solitary confinement, we could not pray as before. We were unimaginably hungry; we had been drugged until we acted like idiots. We were as weak as skeletons. The Lord's Prayer was much too long for us - we could not concentrate enough to say it. My only prayer repeated again and again was, 'Jesus, I love You.' And then, one glorious day I got the answer from Jesus: 'You love me? Now I will show you how I love you.' At once, I felt a flame in my heart, which burned like the coronal streamers of the sun. The disciples on the way to Emmaus said that their hearts burned when Jesus spoke to them. So it was with me. I knew the love of the One who gave His life on the cross for us all."

Richard Wurmbrand, a pastor of the Underground Church in Romania in the 1940s and 1950s, who founded Voice of the Martyrs, as he went through several years of mental and physical torture under the Communists.

Truly, He intercedes for us when we cannot pray, when we are distracted by the flesh and by the Enemy, when we do not seemingly feel, in our emotions, the joy of the Spirit.

#manna sd