RJ low: Tell, why are we here again?
Nicky: It was supposed to be a fun night out, remember?
RJ sarcastic: Right, fun...well I tried...
RJ drifts away in his thoughts. All three look over the skyline of San My and after a while, he starts to talk.
“I can do so many things alone and nobody knows me better than I do, besides her. I can laugh at myself, betray and lie. I can do this very well, every one of us is capable of doing this. But there is a point where we all fail. You can’t kiss yourself and I will tell you why - you do need another pair of lips on yours to have this feeling of peace inside, to feel complete. You know what I’m talking about. I’m broken, you guys. There is nothing and I feel this numb darkness.
I’m talking about the dark void she left. Diosa took the light of my life with her. I tried to fill up this emptiness and darkness inside with something. But I can only try to kill off that feeling temporary with sleep, hot shower, punching the bag, alcohol and now you can add even sex on that list... he continues sarcastically. In between, it keeps coming back to me. I try so hard to nip that pain in the bud. But what do I feel? My heart is shattered in countless pieces and it does feel unbearable. There is no escape, I’m trying! Trust me you don’t want to feel that way.
You have to live in this moment and don’t take anything for granted. It felt so natural that they have been a part of my life and now there is nothing. I mean I was grateful but I think I was expecting we would grow old together and I took that for granted. From the moment she entered my life she changed me, she gave me peace and tonight I just proved to myself that I lost myself and my self-control. It shows that I’m not worthy to be loved by her but there is one thing I’m relieved that she won’t find out... he sighs.
Manny: And what is that?
RJ: She will never experience the pain I would have caused. She would have left me. I’m disgusted by myself. There is no future without them in it and my present time is not pleasant, either.
Manny soothing: Aren’t you a bit too hard on yourself, brother?
RJ stares straight ahead helplessly: What I’ve done tonight, right after the mother of my kids is six feet under together with them? No, I’m not hard enough. I deserve to be alone.
Manny soft: Look, you wouldn’t have done this if she would be alive, RJ! You’re not like that, none of us is. There is no need to feel guilty and you don’t deserve this.
RJ: Yeah, she’s my wife I do feel guilty. Nicky is also not like that..., right?
Nicky hisses: Go to hell, RJ. I’m not married and who knows if I will get married, ever. Maybe I’m doomed, too. I thought Sophie would be my final destination.
RJ daring: As if Sophie could heal your broken heart. Deep inside you know the truth, Nicky. Be happy that she left you, she set you actually free, you should thank her. She did you a favor. You prefer to suffer and you just don’t want to face it, it’s that simple. Admit to yourself that you’re wrong. You need to let it go. Whatever happened between you and Max you need to forgive yourself and start over as long as you can. You feel guilty and still, you take Max’s love for granted. No wonder why she hated you all those years, now it’s your chance to make it up to her. Take that chance, before you get really doomed.
Nicky defending: You are wrong, I felt content with Sophia, safe. I don’t take Max for granted but she was so unpredictable until her accident! Everything between us is just a huge mess. I don’t know how to solve this. Seriously, don’t go there, cuz.
RJ calm: Are you listening to yourself? Content? What does that mean? Fix it soon before it’s too late. If you don’t I’m telling you this right now you will never find peace in someone else. Keep running away but it will come back to you like a boomerang, Nicky. Whatever stops you to be with her get over it. Look at me Nicky, I’m broken and I cannot be fixed. I can’t get her back, it’s done it’s over. It's final, do you understand me?
Manny thoughtful: Damm, I love Ava but she is giving me currently a hard time. I’m sure we will get over it but no one told us life would be easy. Life sucks at times and all that we can do is face it like a man and get over it but sometimes it’s not that easy. RJ you know it, everyone one of us knows.
RJ soft: Whatever you’re facing Manny, I’m sure this is just a phase.
Nicky: I understand, RJ what you are trying to say here. We all have our own demons to fight... but I guess this thing is called “Fucking Life”, guys.
RJ pissed: Fuck life, I don’t give a damm right now there is nothing left for me.
Nicky snickers: Who’s lying now? You do give a damm, RJ otherwise you wouldn’t jump on that guilt trip of yours.
All three sink in their own world for a while, facing their fears of what the future holds for them.
RJ whispers: Is this my life now? Only pain? After Diosa, Alex, and Christina?
Nicky: At some point, you need to take that ring off - it gives a wrong impression.
RJ sharp: Fuck you, Nicky!
Nicky teases: I see, but didn’t you say you aren’t worth her love?
Manny: Nicky you’re for real a dick, was that really necessary?
RJ dark: You are right.
Nicky serious: Man, I was joking.
RJ wistful: That’s all that I have, and all she left. A piece of metal she used to wear. She promised to love me till death do us part. This is our symbol that she existed and used to be mine. Her ring is on my side table next to my bed.
Nicky: I’m sorry I didn’t mean to...
RJ sad: I know, Nicky... I know what you mean, it’s okay...
The dark-blue skyline over San My makes you feel calm and peaceful. Some of the stars shine brighter tonight. Still, their destiny lurks in the darkness behind a corner like a fucking wrecking ball, waiting to strike again and again. Amongst the unpredictable chaos right there within a construction called “Life” there was a soothing universal knowledge. Whatever happens, will happen and it will pass by for sure. Tomorrow will come, it will force you to continue. Once you have a deep scar visible on your skin, can you make it invisible again? No, you can’t but you can learn to live with it. When life gives you lemons it’s up to you what kind of juice you will create. At the end of the day, you have no other option but to deal with it and move on with your life.
