#maowthoughts

[mookamaow]

Life is bright when you learn how to see 🫀🌟

[mookamaow]

Crack open these bones

If I need seven years to be new again

Renew again

Rip open these bones

Stretch and spread, I won’t resist

Set aloose my soul

Awash in nervous visceral bliss

The risks I take for you

Yes, please [I’d do it again]

Crack me open

[mookamaow]

Sometimes when I journal, I leave out the feeling details. Sometimes, and I like this, I tell the upward spin on things lol. I look for perspectives that feel reflective and encouraging. I’m doing that out of love. But what I notice is that, this is lowkey not PRESENCE. This approach to the writing centers •future me•. I understand my intention but if, instead, I concern myself w honoring the moment, this might set the scene and be more literal instead of abstract lol. I like abstraction and… I want to see myself with this new way of doing it, maybe I can find a new practice.

I want more honesty from myself. Tell the trut!

[mookamaow]

I want to celebrate my accomplishments. Next time I talk to you, I want a list of wins. I can’t be wrong to wish amends, where there’s currently none at all. I want to be proud, proud prouder. Loud loud n louder in your mind— ngl I want you frozen in awe. I know you want it too. Fingers spread, my face against yours. How would it feel to breath in skin to skin. I wanna win. I’m good enough. I’m great too. Let the record show. Earworms and gallery opens and screenings and countless Os— celebrate me. Come to my show! I whipped it out to feed you, my number one fan. So u worship me too.

[mookamaow]

Not to be annoying but it’s been a real struggle understanding if I should twerk online or not lol the message I received in life has always been, obviously: don’t do that— great message. But (!!!) I’m actually an adult now 😭 and that was someone else’s rule, regardless of its legitimacy. ultimately, I love to dance. I’ve shared myself dancing online throughout the years because that’s one of the ways I love to express myself. Booty shaking is so fun and freeing and I want to improve how I’m expressing myself w dancing in general, it’s just this style is also “provocative/ sensitive” material lol 🤷🏾‍♀️ lowkey it feels like exposure therapy.

alas, I have to follow my heart and live bold 🤷🏾‍♀️ it’s my job to do whatever I want to do. I live my own principles. I live by my rules, if there must be any at all.

[mookamaow]

Truth is 🤷🏾‍♀️ being able to have amazing sex is a significant motivator in life for me 🤷🏾‍♀️ am I toxic or am I human

[mookamaow]

The Dangers of Having a Hungry Pussy

If you’re holding a gurl who has a very active inner world, you deserve compensation…. The psychological effects of this state are understudied and underreported. Do you listen to her? Do you obey her? Watch out because she can get you in trouble! Like, serious trouble. You can’t listen— or you can but you listen to learn, not to obey.

Fr. A hungry pussy has an agenda so it’s kinda like, that healing journey, that intellectual understanding, that behavioral practice… cute. What’s gonna happen if you’re in a dimly lit room standing beside someone with a deep voice who leans down to speak into your ear? Riiight riiight. She’s an op lowkey. And don’t let you had drank some liquor— ur doneski lol.

I am finding balance between hedonistic pleasure and having good sense. That’s why I’ve removed myself from society for 5yrs, damn near. She attempts to make me misbehave 😞 she attempts to get in my mind and bring my guards down. She attempts to blast me with chemicals that make me go 😵🥰😩😨🫨😝🤤🫠. lol I felt traumatized by these cravings loooool but fr, that’s why I’m an artist. I’ve grown a lot— we’ve grown together and now, we have a better relationship. A deeper understanding.

I feel her drooling but I can’t feed you, just cause you’re hungry— I have to serve you the best! The absolute best and nothing less… curating a menu of this caliber takes time! I’ve left her starving in anticipation for a feast, so I take myself seriously: I must meet the mark of perfection. Exquisite ecstasy lol I wanna eat so good and be drunk off satiation, satisfaction. Not sure if it’s the best way to handle a hungry pussy but wtf man, I’m doing my best 🙇🏾‍♀️ din’t nobody give me a manual! I’m learning.

I Have a Hungry Pussy and I’m proud!

[mookamaow]

For me, in life right now, it’s not about being agreeable. The desperate pleasures of people pleasing are long gone and she is dead. She is the dead me and I love her but I can’t deny: reaching this point of no fuckles given…… it actually feels really good. And it hurt for a while, grappling with the idea of “not caring” as someone who cared so deeply and toxically as my way of caring. I thought I was noble but I was fearful and controlling.

Finding balance now as a grown woman in my way… to live freely… there’s an element of newness. This is actually a new beginning, the one that I’ve been craving and that, all along, I built with imagination. No moment, scribbled journal entry, bubble bath or tearful voicenote has been for nought. I wanted life to be fun again. And in order to exist joyfully, I gave up that rule: the idea that I had to be “nice” in order to be liked or loved. Behaving in a manner that would most likely support this outcome— the gag is, I’m extremely lovable 🤣🤣🤷🏾‍♀️🤭 I don’t HAVE to do anything. This has completely blanked the page: the new story of ~love~. The one where MY BEING LOVED is not up for grabs or debate. The love story where my starting point is the infinite oneness. I’m not hungry for your love in a foundational sense— I’m already full. So let’s be bountiful together, let’s share!

That’s always been my dream but, I admit: some of my ideas, I don’t necessarily have the experience to exact as I envisioned. Core wounds that taught me fearfulness and control didn’t bear the fruit of reciprocal love, only hateful, destructive confirmations of illusion, pain and suffering. I look back and see that I wasn’t walking in the principles of my genuine beliefs— this is called embodiment. Embodiment is something that requires great self respect and self worth. Being agreeable is not more valuable than being honest in my true self.

I’m now turning theory into practice. And it feels different but yeah, it feels really good too.