#maptoourescape

[highasfvcck]

"You're nothing without me."

heart broken meme. || memes || ACEPTING || @maptoourescape

“ You’re nothing without me?! ” The brunette directly exclaimed after that thought drifted through his mind. A soft chuckle of both malice and pride left his pierced lips as the instictive need to defend himself rushed trough his body. Growing bigger and bigger by the second, like it always did when hearing something that didn’t quite please him. - But why was he even defending himself this time? For who or what? There was noone there but him. 

Did it really came that point that he felt the need to even fool himself with that cocky attitude? That attitude that made it all seem as if he was ok, as if he was so independent, so good, so strong, so perfect? Obviously him of all people should know that himself but acceptance was something he was struggling with lately, in each and every form possible.That being the reason why mumbling out the following words.. “ And what if that is exactly what I want to feel? Nothing.. “

[hiiighasfvck-blog]

Taking a swift (and hopefully courage inducing) tequila shot himself as well then, the light brunette approaches his brother to where the raven haired man was throwing compliments in his direction from the couch only moments earlier, simply crawling atop of him, his mouth wordlessly finding Bill’s. Locking his twin in a smooth kiss, he lets such linger for a few moments, before parting, offering a low hummed. “Hi...”

          There’s something about playing Candy Crush that is addictive, that much is well known already --- even after a few years after first coming out and provoking the big fever, it’s still a fun thing to do and to spend your time with when there’s nothing better to do. And to play it while drunk, that makes it even better because the cute little candy pieces are shinier and yummier than normal. Because he’s so captivated, then, the singer only notices his twin drawing near and near when it’s already too late --- that is, when Tom is all but atop him. And nobody save him, please. Lips still afire after that first taste, still holding the phone but seemingly having forgotten about it, he wraps tattooed arms around his brother’s neck and wiggles a bit under him.

“Where did you come from...”

[deathbykaulitz-blog]

“So fucking stunning…” mumbles Tom – more to himself than anyone else really; Bill needn’t hearing such for Tom already knows his twin wholeheartedly agrees with his feelings about the Italian scenery surrounding them – after following his brother inside of the house in order to grab a quick drink while the rest of their crew remains hanging out by the pool, catching the last seconds of the breathtaking, sun setting behind the vineyards scene. “I really want a getaway house here. A little one… I’m not sure how rational the thought is, but damn…” he speaks a bit louder then when they reach the fridge.

•B̵̡I̴͠L̢͏L̢Y̢͜ — He immediately agrees, even without words --- which is nothing new to them, anyway. The only bad thing about this new vacay spot is the heat, but well. It tends to happen during summer, doesn’t it? Nothing that a plunge into the pool won’t resolve, which is exactly what Bill plans to do soon. For the time being, he follows the twin inside and peeks over his shoulder at the fridge as well, reaching over to fetch one of those very tempting, cold beers.

“ We really should, I love it here! Best people, best food, best sights. “

[highasfvcck]

               He awoke to the sounds of dining. Low hummed murmurs mixed in with the noises of platter against platter, cutlery reflecting from tables in the brightest specters of the dim lights. At first it was hard to focus on anything in particular - as though the sight he was granted was limited, as though he’d reached the end of a map in a game for which he couldn’t unlock additional footage because of lack in development. The more some hardly definable seconds passed by though, the clearer the images became. A thousand things suddenly started flowing through his head then, all at the same time, and it almost felt like he was just a fragmented part of something bigger. Like he was just a tiny chunk of a giant network weaving together information. As though he was a mere projection of his own brain.                It was a vague sort of dejavu, at first. Then he remembered going to bed that same evening. He knew he was in a time and place he was at before, recently. Yes – obviously, this already happened. What’s more, he was sitting right there, mere five feet away from himself at a neighboring table, swallowing down that same roasted asparagus he was devouring only a few hours prior. Of course. It was all just a dream.                The confusion instantly disappeared and was replaced with a knowing warmth in his belly, as though he’d be finally hit with the realization of what he was here to achieve. In the response of this revelation, his head quite instinctively turned to the side. He knew someone else was there and could see him, the two of them being the only two intertwined entities in this already played out scenario. His co-speaker might have spawned on the chair facing his own just now, or could’ve sat there for an eternity – that much he didn’t know. But it was sort of funny to see your own self looking back, eyes equally confused and determined, both at the same time. “Why do you think we brought us back here?” Tom simply asked his double image, turning back to his real life self where he asked his mother to pass him some more water.

-  

                      “ Why do you think we brought us back here?” The words seemed to echo trough the air. That particular question was hounting his mind the entire time when realizing it was himself that he was facing, was that why that question got asked? Was it even a question? Was it more like a loud thought?

 As if the reflection of himself wasn’t confusing enough already,  he now had to deal with the question that was asked. The question that hounted his mind the entire time already. - Still, trying hard to find the answer to it. 

“ Why? Well..” He answered with a soft sigh, looking back into the others identicals eyes. Never did he realize before how empty they look, were they always like that? Shaking that thought off he just tried to go back with the conversation he had with himself. “ Maybe we left some things unsaid? Things that actually needed to be spoken about but we keep on hiding?”  Using the term we on purpose, also not fully wanted to blame ‘himself’ of not being true about his so called feels. 

[hiiighasfvck-blog]

“If it’s too hot being like this, you can tell me.” Although the winter was just around the corner, LA nights were still nothing near frisky, and so snuggling up behind his twin might have come as an inconvenience to the younger man in the radiating-body-heat department. Tom couldn’t help it though. There must’ve been something weird in the air that night – or maybe not at all, because what’s weird about being in love anyway – because the brunette felt like he hadn’t been properly close to his brother in weeks, even though the hatchet of dispute was buried weeks ago already, and they’ve been growing close to how they were before ever since. There wasn’t really anything that should make Tom feel like he wasn’t close enough to Bill – if anything, with each passing day their bond grew stronger now – yet somehow he felt the need to hold him super close tonight. Closer than on all the other nights before. As though he drew a blank on the month that had passed and had to somehow catch up with the affection. Hugging his twin from behind where they lay under a cover, he then nuzzles against the now freshly dyed raven hair, sighing lightly in a sort of relief.

          He was half-asleep, truth be told. In that blissful zone between wide awake and deep asleep, just letting his mind run freely and create non-sense at will. Revisiting memories, planning future projects, reviewing the to-do list for the day after. Therefore, when the twin-cling came, Bill reacted firstly with a sort of snore-purr-growl-sigh, all of it mixed together into one single meaning: that, yes, he very much welcomed the contact. As it was, the younger twin always preferred warmth to cold, and, with his tendency to have cold feet almost all the time, there would be no way he’d refuse it --- that he would ever refuse snuggles, period. Yawning and bringing a hand up to rub at his eyes, as mean for force himself a bit more awake, he then tangled their legs together and leaned further back into the touch, smiling still drowsily as he glanced over his shoulder.

“ It’s not morning, right...? “ And by morning, yes, he meant to ask if it’s already some 2pm and if it was time for them to go and be productive already.

[hiiighasfvck-blog]

when @maptoourescape really likes your choker.

[deathbykaulitz-blog]

Chugging down on his maybe third gin-tonic of the afternoon, Tom sits sprawled out on an armchair in the living room, leaving his fourth glassful - one that was supposedly to be taken in a more gradual manner - on the table nearby. Slipping eventually in a half-sitting half-lying position, he retrieves his cigarette from the ashtray and puts it between his lips, readjusting to the curve of the backrest. Grabbing the guitar he brought along from his room in order to just jam some, he plays a chord and then two to see if it remains in tune, only to adjust the pegs slightly, tuning the instrument completely by ear, to his liking. After doing such then, he just sits. And smokes. And plays.

•B̵̡I̴͠L̢͏L̢Y̢͜ — It is the second time in a week’s time or such that he returns home with bags filled with new adds for his wardrobe(s) and dresser(s) and, quite frankly, if he could do so every single day, Bill Kaulitz would be a very happy snowflake. Humming as he walks within, he closes the door with a bump of his hip and the final poke of his foot, before grinning at the welcome his Pumba has just come to made for him. He brings the chubby sausage along, then, and guides his steps for the living room, where he finds his twin --- seemingly entertained with his guitar, as much as he is away from the rest of the world.

“ I’m home. “

[deathbykaulitz-blog]

Landing in Cali again equaled in a change of climate that was quite bizarre. It wasn’t really that the heat was more prominent in the states than it was in Europe, but Tom just felt like the air shifted differently upon the land of the free in comparison to how it did back in good old Berlin. Not better. Not worse. Just different. Something that added to that feeling of momentary alienation was probably also the fact that he has not been back in a longer period of time than usual – longer than anyone anticipated, really. But such was quickly washed away by a sensation that was rather familiar and comfortable instead. For a bizarre moment, it almost felt like when they flew in first, and started their lives all over again. And in a way, that was also the case. It took some driving around before they arrived back in their place, and then some more until all their baggage was delivered with a slight delay because of the traffic. Tom almost forgot how LA was in this regard – ecstatic at best. Everything else about the trip was… so relaxed though. The twin’s flight. Their drive home. The unpacking and rearranging. All that came along with half moving in again after not really having moved out. It was all… okay. Too okay, almost. Something which occasionally crossed Tom’s mind – things being way too good to be real – but he then consciously shrugged off. Though the brothers didn’t really have any encounters that one would label as all too close or way over brotherly in the past hours, breathing after having that one conversation was just so much easier. The comfortability is still going strong when the evening is creeping in and they’re just finishing their order in, and so Tom remembers there’s something that’s been on his mind, and was quite literally also rolling around his drawers for some weeks now. It’s out of context for the conversation they were just having a minute ago, but he blurts it out anyway. “I have something for you, by the way.” Standing up, he makes his way towards one of the still unpacked suitcases that were stacked together on the side of the living room, and returns promptly with a turquoise box – maybe some seven inches in width, and one in height. Returning back to his spot, he then sits and reaches for the last piece of pizza he was finishing, pushing the box in his twin’s direction as he munches on. “I’ve had it for a while, bought it soon upon we returned from the doctor. I just never felt like it was the right moment…” he explains as his sibling explores the insides. “If you’re ever out and about. And forget your meds. Should come in handy. You can pop pills inside. And look fashionable as fuck while at it.”

•B̵̡I̴͠L̢͏L̢Y̢͜ — That is ever a magical sentence, that someone has something for him. Quite frankly, Bill is one of those persons easily captivated by materialistic offerings and, therefore, quite easily to manipulate that way --- and the worst part is, he’s the first to admit so and is not quite concerned with changing it any time soon. If it feels good to be pampered, why not? Yes, buy him things, buy him all the things! Expensive ones are better, evidently, but reserves an earnest smile and a special place in his heart even for the smallest of them --- for they are palpable proof that someone took a few minutes out of their time for the sake of thinking of him, or wondering about him and what might bring him joy. Therefore, when Tom announces the surprise, he’s quick to forget whatever it was they were just chattering about while doing laundry, and perks up in curiosity.

          Once the catches sight of the Tiffany & Co. signature box, brown eyes promptly widen in excitement, and it only grows into real awe once he finds out what’s inside the box. At first, even, he’s not sure what it is supposed to be --- taking it for an original pendent, only. But, finding the little note, and upon some exploration that reveals to him the art and magic to pop the cute thing open, his face lights up with a smile even brighter and wider. Carefully holding it, he leans closer to place a big kiss on his twin’s nearest cheek.

“ Aw, I love it! Thank you! “