#marco calderoni

[polar-stars]

Old friends 💬 …and perhaps a chance for new friends? 💭

[cannedpeachess]

Combat moves that would one-shot the Italians:

• Orlok - hug (obviously)

*please note: use wisely, would be lethal*

• Gil - high-kick (wouldn’t even have to hurt him with it, he’d just be too impressed/turned on to move for a while)

*see also: ask about gun specs (audhd info dump = automatic forfeit)

• Dante - bite (incapacitated by sheer disgust)

*see also: generalized schoolyard-tier bullying

*see also also: summon army of birds

• Nicola - dangle Dante before pool of lava (would drop everything to go save him like the Italian Bolt that he was always meant to be)

• Roberto: bird-blanket (would forget big mad and fall asleep)

*see also: trigger villainous monologue

• Yang: brandish the cross/star of David/aum/khanda/etc.

*see also: dowse in holy water

*see also also: trap in salt circle/tie up with red string

• Marco - threaten to drag that shit out all day (would fold ‘cause no amount of money could make him care enough)

• Oliver - show him taxes Gil filed on his own (aneurysm)

*see also: paper cut (kryptonite)

*see also also: steal his glasses (bitch move)

• Leo - take away Giulia’s cooking (would waste away within minutes)

*see also: continuous infantilization (would throw tantrum and require grounding)

*see also also: call him a poopyhead (would drown in a pool of his own tears)

*see also also also: swap gunpowder gun with water gun (would gladly water fight instead)

• Luca - swarm with mosquitos (still allergic to most waters)

[fruitpunchnoice]

[cannedpeachess]

[cannedpeachess]

poor Marco walking into his office every morning finding a wellness check already there waiting for him like: