Missing You
I miss my best friend.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately. I mean, I guess I have a lot of time now. I help people out and try to remain happy for everyone, but…well, I still feel the longing for someone to be able to talk to.
Sure, there are those who I see again, or who go about as I do, guarding the people they love, but it’s not the same. It’s not the same as having that person you’re most connected to by your side, fighting together, facing the world head on with no regrets. It’s not the same, not sharing secrets with someone and trusting them not to tell, for those long and painful talks over the years of pasts and presents, for the dreams of the future rambled in the late hours, of how life would be good, of how happiness would be found.
There is no shoulder for me to cry on. There is no one for me to connect with. I haven’t laughed in ages, but I’ve cried so many nights. I can see him moving through life without me, and it’s good. He has new friends, some of the old have filled in my spot, I’ve been replaced by people who can show him good things in life, but how can I not want to be a part of it? How can I detach myself from him, be done with him, and move on? I can’t. My heart’s too invested, no matter how many times it’s cut from my chest, no matter the fights we had or conflicts we faced, no matter the agony I feel of watching him forgetting me, I can’t let go.
Though I wish to move on, my heart hurts too much to walk into the light. But maybe that’s what I must do. Maybe this must end. Maybe I have to leave him forever this time, just as he doesn’t look back. Maybe it’s time to finally be forgotten and fade into the light.
Tears never feel right as a ghost, but they still taste like salt. For once, I wouldn’t mind Armin throwing spice drops through me, just to taste the smoke and ash again. Or just to have a friend.