#martyrrdean

[alwaysnatz]

Tag game: give us five random things about yourself & pass it on to ten of your followers. REPOST. DON’T REBLOG.

I was tagged by jensenintensified (thank you!)

I've been wearing a bikini top instead of a bra under my shirt all day because it was the first thing I grabbed out of my bra drawer this morning.

I put on fake nails a few hours ago but they're so annoying and I want them off but the glue is so damn strong you could build a building with it.

I have never had a job, not for lack of trying, which is really really bad because I'm old and I'm in university and it stresses me out.

My favorite thing to do right now is freeze pepsi and then mix vodka into it (yuuuummmmmm).

My friend introduced me to her cousin and 10 minutes after meeting me he says "What's wrong with her, why does her face look so mad like that?" so the next person who says that to me is getting punched in the face :)

*bonus just because* I've been suffering from extreme wanderlust for such a long time now. I wanna go places and meet people and do things! Yay adventure! (I would be the most disruptive Hobbit ever)

I'm tagging:

till-the-world-drops, martyrrdean, keasby-nights, team-free-will-kaz2y5, hugitoutwinchesters

[kendaspntwd]

martyrrdean said: omg did you make the kareena gif? :’)

Wait !!! you know Kareena ?

[danneels-ackles]

hi. :) can you help me with kmplayer? i have kmplayer downloaded but when i play a video there i can't see the visuals i am only hearing the audio. :/

Hmm I really have no idea. I don't always use KM Player, and it always works for me...

[solvskrift]

martyrrdean replied to your post “grean51 replied to your post “is it too much to ask for dean to just...”

the day brings dean ghost of the memories of happy days, the novel brings him peace. (also let's talk about how dean's life is basically a bukowsky novel) Dean grounded by peace, flowers, happy thoughts and books and memories of his mother, dEAN

oh look i found the rest and i wish i hadn't ahaHA why are you even talking to me about dean and his mama don't you know that that is a v dangerous thing to do ig et very emotoinaal abou t it okay no s top

also wow embarrassing i have never actually read a bukowski novel but i've been meaning to for the longest time whoops (but i do know his style and subject matter and basically yes hello dean winchester's life wowow)

martyrrdean replied to your post “grean51 replied to your post “is it too much to ask for dean to just...”

i'm so emotional about dean/happiness otp it's getting embarrassing

sometimes it's difficult bc i just can't decide like is my otp deanbenny? dean x dicks?? dean x everybody?????????

nah man

it's dean x happiness

[solvskrift]

martyrrdean replied to your post “grean51 replied to your post “is it too much to ask for dean to just...”

but anna, imagine on a cloudy day when sunbeams are just barely seeping through the clouds, dean sits in the garden with a bukowsky novel, the rustling of the pages reminding him of how his mother used to turn the pages of the fairy tales at nights, how tender, how caring....

okay i think the rest of this got cut off but lol this is life destroying enough in itself just leave me here friends okay bye ;n;;;

[solvskrift]

grean51 replied to your post “is it too much to ask for dean to just spend an entire episode looking...”

Here I am hoping to get him out of some of his clothes LOL

ALWAYS AN ACCEPTABLE DIRECTION TO TAKE IT LBR

martyrrdean replied to your post “is it too much to ask for dean to just spend an entire episode looking...”

and he would make a pillow fortress in his bed and snuggle and may be marathon his fav tv shows and soap operas while nursing a big mug of coffee uwu

oh no suuuuuush ;u; why would you even say this

if it were up to me this would basically be the whole show. dean lying in bed all day watching all his shows and having movie marathons. dean buying bags and bags of his favorite kinds of candy and eating it in one sitting and getting gloriously sick but not regretting it one bit. dean waking up early on purpose to see what all the fuss is about and finding he really enjoys sitting outside in the chilly air as the sun comes up. dean buying a book to read for pleasure because he hasn't done that since he was sixteen. dean getting lots of hugs and loving touches. dean driving ten hours just to dork around at a larping event. dean being told he's smart. dean being shown he's a good person. dean learning what it is he really wants.

dean realizing he's worth the whole goddamn world.

[saferincages]

this might sound dramatic but i just instantly start crying when i see you tagging ur dean posts with "you are boundless in beauty with fright in your face" and also "tender is your default" wow, i wonder how you came up with them :))

it's not dramatic bb, I understand, my life where it comes to him is mostly:

"you are boundless in beauty with fright in your face" comes from the song "That's Okay" by The Hush Sound:

you were a child who was made of glass,you carried a black heart passed down from your dad,if somebody loved you, they'd tell you by now,we all turn away when you're down.you want to go back to where you felt safe,to hear your brother's laughter, see your mother's faceyour childhood home is just powder-white bones, and you'll never find your way back[...]you are broken and callow, cautious and safeyou are boundless in beauty with fright in your face (x)

It was on a Dean!mix I saw, probably back in 2010 or so (just before I joined Tumblr) and it became really indelible to me. even though he'd already been with me for years and I had my own little headcanon songs for him, that one somehow outshone everything else, even in the simple beauty of its melody.

The "tender is your default" tag comes from meta or something on my old blog (idk if it's under the "dean feelings" tag or the "you matter" tag or what because of course now I can't find its origin!). tbh I've lost the thread of a lot of my more poetic thoughts and concrete interpretations about him (I had ridiculously epic tag spirals on my old blog and I haven't really been doing that since I left there?), because it was an overflow of emotion that I felt like I needed to suppress, like it was becoming a joke or everyone was sick of hearing my gushing purple prose incoherence about my love for him and my thoughts on his subtext and human divinity and whatever else, and I didn't want to do that, I didn't want to burn it out when it's such an important part of me. so I've stopped myself from doing that anymore, BUT he is no less meaningful to me, even if I talk about it less he is always my precious angel character of light and bravery, "you are boundless in beauty with fright in your face" will ALWAYS be my go-to tag/lyric/expression of his existence, and I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND AM RLY WEEPY ABOUT HOW MANY AMAZING THINGS I SAW POSTED FOR HIS BIRTHDAY. ;___;