I feel so alone. My best friend seems to have gotten in a relationship with his long time crush, and I didn't even find out through him. I heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who supposedly was told to keep quiet by my best friend. It makes me wonder if he was ever going to tell me at all? And then even though I was visibly upset and sad, he didn't even bother to ask me what was wrong. I feel like he doesn't care about me anymore. I feel so alone in a group full of people. (1/2)
(2/2, I feel so alone). Despite that I'm constantly surrounded by people on weekdays, I feel like nobody really cares about me or my feelings. My suicidal thoughts are coming back and I feel like nobody would care if I died, like they would replace me easily enough. And then I've also cut myself off from anyone romantically, deciding that I'm a very bad datemate, doomed to always be alone. I'll supposedly always have my friends, but it seems like I won't even get that. Please tag as Mason!
I think it would be a good idea to talk to your best friend about how you're feeling. He could have a reason why he didn't want to tell you that you're not aware of. Whether it be fear of how you'd react, or something else, there may be a reason. But the only way that you'll find out is by talking directly to him. Let him know, in a calm voice, that it hurt that you found out through others, and ask why he didn't tell you.
As for people not noticing your upset, I'm sorry that you're going through that. From what I've noticed, a lot of people don't realise that those around them are upset, or if they do, they feel as though they don't have the right words to say. Whenever things like this happened in my friend group, I'd approach them. I used to write them a letter and leave it for them to read, so they'd know what's going on and how I felt. Each time, they didn't even realise that they'd treated me in that way, and were really apologetic and made an effort to stop themselves from doing upsetting things, or be more supportive where needed. So I encourage you to give that a go too. Remember to not make the letter blaming; just informing them how you've been feeling, and how you feel under-supported. It could lead to better understanding, and more support.
I promise you that people would care so much if you were to leave. I don't even know you, and it would break my heart. There are people who love you in this world, lovely. It doesn't feel like it right now, but if you talk to them about what's going on, it may help them to understand better, and lead to you getting that support. You are loved. You are loved by family, by friends, by strangers that you smile at in the street. You are loved. And in time, you'll find someone who is right for you, and you right for them. Don't cut yourself off from those opportunities, lovely. They're there to bring you happiness and good memories, and at the very least, a lesson. Let people in, and don't cut yourself off.
I also think it would be a really good idea to get professional support through this. Having additional support through these feelings could really help you to find ways to cope with what's going on, including these suicidal thoughts and feelings of loneliness. I really encourage you to either speak to your school counsellor or your doctor. Let them know how you're feeling. They’ll be able to look at the different ways to help you, and give you support through all of this so that you can start working towards that feeling again.
